伍迪單口相聲精選 第14期:布魯克林Brooklyn

I never used to go to the beach, 'cause I comefrom Brooklyn, we only had Coney Island,which was an awful beach, though there wasrumours during the war, that enemysubmarines, German subs came into thebathing area at Coney Island, and they weredestroyed by the pollution.

我從來都沒去過海灘，因?yàn)槲襾碜圆剪斂肆謪^(qū)，我們只有科尼島，那里的海灘很可怕，在戰(zhàn)爭時期有謠傳說敵人的潛艇、德國人的潛艇到過科尼島的浴場區(qū)，他們被污染物消滅了。

And the only time I bathed was with Mrs. Allen, I guess, my wife, the dread Mrs. Allen.

我想我唯一一次的海灘浴是和艾倫夫人一起，我太太、強(qiáng)悍的艾倫夫人。

Honeymooning, I was fabulous, you would have adored me.

我們在度蜜月，我非常棒，你們一定會喜歡我的。

I was on waterskis, stripped to the waist, skiing fast across the top of the surf, my hair back,I oiled my muscle.

我在滑水，上身赤裸，在水面上疾速地滑過。我的頭發(fā)朝后揚(yáng)起，我給肌肉抹了油。

It was really...holding on with one hand, waterskiing, very great, my wife was in the boat aheadof me, rowing frantically.

這真的很??用一只手抓著繩子滑水，非常棒。我太太在我前面的船上，玩著命地劃水。

I got a very bad burn, really, I was thinking, when I was a kid, I was ashamed of having redhair, 'cause I lived in a tough section, I lived in a sub-basement walk-down, under street level,janitor-style.

我被嚴(yán)重曬傷，真的。我想起來在我小時候，我很為自己的紅頭發(fā)難為情，因?yàn)槲易〉牡胤街鴮?shí)不太平。我在地下室之下的沒有升降設(shè)備的地方住過【1】，當(dāng)然低于街面，就是看門人住的那種。

The janitor, that had the apartment during the depression, had some stocks, the marketcrashed, and he was wiped out, he tried to kill himself by jumping out the window and UP untostreet level.

看門人，大蕭條期間的那幢公寓的看門人有些股票，股市崩盤后他變得一貧如洗，他想了結(jié)自己，從窗子里跳了出去，結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)得往上爬才夠得著街面。

I was the sensitive kid, poet.

我是個敏感的孩子，像個詩人。

There were tough kids in my class, there was a kid in my class named Floyd.

我班級里有幾個很野的孩子，我班上有個名叫弗勞埃德小孩。

Floyd used to sit in the dumb row in school, y'know. Vegetable mentality, y'know.

弗勞埃德曾在學(xué)校的笨蛋專席上坐過，有頭無腦。

I made friends with him years later when we got older, I removed a thorn from his paw.

過了幾年稍大一點(diǎn)的時候，我們成了朋友，因?yàn)槲規(guī)退麖乃ψ永锇纬鲞^一根刺。

Once, I was on my way for my violin lesson when I was a kid, and I'm walking past the poolroom, and Floyd and all of his friends are out, y'know, they're swiping hubcaps, in Brooklyn,from moving cars, which is really amazing. And I walk past him, and he yells out to me, "Hey,Red!".

在我小時候，有一次在我去上小提琴課的路上，我走過臺球房，弗勞埃德和他的朋友都在那兒，他們追著布魯克林大街上移動的汽車，想偷車子的輪轂蓋，這真的很有想法。我路過他的身邊，他沖我喊道：“嘿，紅毛!”

I was a cocky kid. Put down my violin. I go up to him.

我是個高傲的孩子。我放下小提琴，朝他走了過去。

I said "My name is not Red. If you want me, call me by my regular name, It's Master HeywoodAllen".

我說：“我的名字不叫‘紅毛’。如果你想招呼我，就叫我正規(guī)的名字，我是‘海伍德·艾倫大師’【2】。”

I spent that winter in a wheelchair. A team of doctors laboured to remove a violin.

那年冬天我整個是在輪椅上度過的，一隊醫(yī)生忙活著從我身體里拔除小提琴。

Lucky it wasn't a cello. I'm not a fighter. I have bad reflexes, and I can't fight.

所幸的是那不是把大提琴。我不喜歡打架。我的反應(yīng)很遲鈍，所以我打不了架。

I was once run over by a car with a flat tire, being pushed by two guys.

我有一次被一輛癟了胎的車子輾過，而且是兩個人推著走的。

【1】“walk-down”，打趣“walk-up”，后者指的是沒有電梯的建筑物。

【2】伍迪·艾倫在他十七歲的時候，的確曾改名叫“海伍德·艾倫”。