散文佳作108篇 第48期:愛(ài)夢(mèng)想的羞怯女孩 A Shy Dreamer

愛(ài)夢(mèng)想的羞怯女孩

A Shy Dreamer

在美

Zai Mei

我們宿舍里沒(méi)有穿衣鏡，飯廳門(mén)口倒是有一面。每當(dāng)我穿上一件漂亮的新連衣裙，我就禁不住暗暗地想往鏡子里瞧瞧自己。但總是在要去瞧的時(shí)候就感到特別不自在而踉蹌離去——總是在關(guān)鍵時(shí)刻打了退堂鼓。

Our bedroom has no full-length mirror. There is one at the canteen entrance. I always cherish asecret desire to take a peep before it at myself in a beautiful new dress. However, each timewhen it comes to the fulfillment, I get seized with such an uneasiness that I literally staggeraway—backing out at the critical moment.

我就是這么羞怯，簡(jiǎn)直羞怯得不可救藥!

Shy I am, so helplessly!

我從小就對(duì)自己沒(méi)有信心，這是問(wèn)題的根子。這種情緒使我受到一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)表?yè)P(yáng)都會(huì)難為情，使我怎么也說(shuō)不出一個(gè)“不”字，也使我不敢向父母多要一分錢(qián)。此外，這種缺乏的情況也影響了我對(duì)鋼琴的熱愛(ài)。

At the root of it is my difference by which I have been enslaved since childhood. It embarrassesme at the mildest flattery, crushes my utmost efforts to say "no", and prevents me fromasking my parents for one cent more than necessary. Among other things, diffidence haswormed it way into my love piano.

那是我14歲的時(shí)候，有一具星期天的早晨，我被一陣唱贊美詩(shī)的歌聲喚醒。我循著這上帝的召喚來(lái)到附近的一所教堂，一進(jìn)教堂我就被那鋼琴的樂(lè)音吸引住了，簡(jiǎn)直不能自拔。可是我父母哪兒買(mǎi)得起鋼琴呀。更糟糕的是，據(jù)說(shuō)鋼琴家都有音樂(lè)細(xì)胞，是遺傳的;我想我父親是工程師，母親是技術(shù)員，哪會(huì)遺傳什么音樂(lè)細(xì)胞呀。可是好多天我腦子里盡想這些，我是在夢(mèng)想了。

At the age of 14, one Sunday morning, I was woken up by a resounding hymn. Tracing that callof God into a neighbouring church, I found myself inexorably attracted by the melody of apiano—something beyond the means of my parents. To make it worse, people say a pianist issupposed to have music in the blood, but I believe I had none from my engineer father andtechnician mother. For days on end, I kept thinking of nothing else. I had a dream.

我不是做發(fā)財(cái)?shù)膲?mèng)。為了發(fā)財(cái)我的幾個(gè)好朋友都下海了，當(dāng)了個(gè)體商販。她們手指上戴的金戒指脖子上戴的精美項(xiàng)鏈有時(shí)也讓我看得眼花繚亂，但是透過(guò)這些東西我仿佛看見(jiàn)她們也有難言之隱，使我對(duì)這種發(fā)財(cái)狂望而生畏退避三舍。失望之余，我孤獨(dú)自處，被缺乏自信的情緒沉重地籠罩著，什么也干不了，只好轉(zhuǎn)向夢(mèng)想求得安慰，求得勇氣來(lái)好高騖遠(yuǎn)地希冀那得不到的東西。我深信我要想買(mǎi)得起昂貴物品(對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，那就是鋼琴)，首先必須在學(xué)業(yè)上求上進(jìn)，力求學(xué)歷盡量高些。

It wasn't a dream after gold, which enticed some of my close friends to engage in business asa self-employed trader or a street pedlar. I was sometimes dazzled by their gold rings orelegant necklaces behind which, however, I seemed to catch sight of skeletons in theircupboards and was frightened away from the craze for fortune. Out of despair, I retreatedinto seclusion, diffidence weighing heavy on me. I could do nothing but turn to my dream forcomfort, for courage to aim high and wish for the impossible. I was convinced that before Icould afford anything expensive(to me, it was a piano), I should climb up the academic ladderas high as possible.

這以后的九個(gè)年頭，為了保持求學(xué)(尤其是英語(yǔ)學(xué)習(xí))的高昂斗志，我壓抑著對(duì)音樂(lè)的朦朧向往。我的這番努力取得了豐碩成果，我在家鄉(xiāng)讀完了中學(xué)和大學(xué)，都很順利。我還考上了首都北京的一家名牌大學(xué)讀第二學(xué)位。當(dāng)我接到通知書(shū)時(shí)我真感動(dòng)得熱淚盈眶了。我懂英語(yǔ)，我知道這就是我的本錢(qián)，我可以和有鋼琴的人進(jìn)行互助，我教他英語(yǔ)他讓我鋼琴。

For the next nine years I carefully smothered my hazy aspiration for music to keep aflame myquest for learning, especially in English studies. My efforts were so rewarding that I wentsuccessfully through high school and college in my hometown. When I received the admissionnotice for a second degree course at a prestigious university in Beijing, the national capital,tears welled up in my eyes. I knew my command of English was my asset, for I might make adeal with a pianist who would give me across to his piano in exchange for English lessons.

這個(gè)愿望實(shí)現(xiàn)了!

And that has come true!

時(shí)至今日，每當(dāng)我手指觸及雪白的琴鍵，準(zhǔn)備彈一曲時(shí)，仍然感到羞怯。我深知自己音樂(lè)天賦有限，但我這個(gè)愛(ài)夢(mèng)想的羞怯女孩卻找到了一條成功之路，那就是竭盡一切努力夢(mèng)想成真。

To this day whenever I lay my fingers on the snowwhite keyboard, ready for a melody, I stillfeel shy. I am quite aware of my limited music talent, but as a shy dreamer I have found myway to success—making every effort to turn a dream into reality.

(喬萍、瞿淑蓉、宋洪瑋 編著)