散文佳作108篇 第48期:愛夢想的羞怯女孩 A Shy Dreamer

愛夢想的羞怯女孩

A Shy Dreamer

在美

Zai Mei

我們宿舍里沒有穿衣鏡，飯廳門口倒是有一面。每當我穿上一件漂亮的新連衣裙，我就禁不住暗暗地想往鏡子里瞧瞧自己。但總是在要去瞧的時候就感到特別不自在而踉蹌離去——總是在關(guān)鍵時刻打了退堂鼓。

Our bedroom has no full-length mirror. There is one at the canteen entrance. I always cherish asecret desire to take a peep before it at myself in a beautiful new dress. However, each timewhen it comes to the fulfillment, I get seized with such an uneasiness that I literally staggeraway—backing out at the critical moment.

我就是這么羞怯，簡直羞怯得不可救藥!

Shy I am, so helplessly!

我從小就對自己沒有信心，這是問題的根子。這種情緒使我受到一點點表揚都會難為情，使我怎么也說不出一個“不”字，也使我不敢向父母多要一分錢。此外，這種缺乏的情況也影響了我對鋼琴的熱愛。

At the root of it is my difference by which I have been enslaved since childhood. It embarrassesme at the mildest flattery, crushes my utmost efforts to say "no", and prevents me fromasking my parents for one cent more than necessary. Among other things, diffidence haswormed it way into my love piano.

那是我14歲的時候，有一具星期天的早晨，我被一陣唱贊美詩的歌聲喚醒。我循著這上帝的召喚來到附近的一所教堂，一進教堂我就被那鋼琴的樂音吸引住了，簡直不能自拔。可是我父母哪兒買得起鋼琴呀。更糟糕的是，據(jù)說鋼琴家都有音樂細胞，是遺傳的;我想我父親是工程師，母親是技術(shù)員，哪會遺傳什么音樂細胞呀?？墒呛枚嗵煳夷X子里盡想這些，我是在夢想了。

At the age of 14, one Sunday morning, I was woken up by a resounding hymn. Tracing that callof God into a neighbouring church, I found myself inexorably attracted by the melody of apiano—something beyond the means of my parents. To make it worse, people say a pianist issupposed to have music in the blood, but I believe I had none from my engineer father andtechnician mother. For days on end, I kept thinking of nothing else. I had a dream.

我不是做發(fā)財?shù)膲?。為了發(fā)財我的幾個好朋友都下海了，當了個體商販。她們手指上戴的金戒指脖子上戴的精美項鏈有時也讓我看得眼花繚亂，但是透過這些東西我仿佛看見她們也有難言之隱，使我對這種發(fā)財狂望而生畏退避三舍。失望之余，我孤獨自處，被缺乏自信的情緒沉重地籠罩著，什么也干不了，只好轉(zhuǎn)向夢想求得安慰，求得勇氣來好高騖遠地希冀那得不到的東西。我深信我要想買得起昂貴物品(對我來說，那就是鋼琴)，首先必須在學(xué)業(yè)上求上進，力求學(xué)歷盡量高些。

It wasn't a dream after gold, which enticed some of my close friends to engage in business asa self-employed trader or a street pedlar. I was sometimes dazzled by their gold rings orelegant necklaces behind which, however, I seemed to catch sight of skeletons in theircupboards and was frightened away from the craze for fortune. Out of despair, I retreatedinto seclusion, diffidence weighing heavy on me. I could do nothing but turn to my dream forcomfort, for courage to aim high and wish for the impossible. I was convinced that before Icould afford anything expensive(to me, it was a piano), I should climb up the academic ladderas high as possible.

這以后的九個年頭，為了保持求學(xué)(尤其是英語學(xué)習(xí))的高昂斗志，我壓抑著對音樂的朦朧向往。我的這番努力取得了豐碩成果，我在家鄉(xiāng)讀完了中學(xué)和大學(xué)，都很順利。我還考上了首都北京的一家名牌大學(xué)讀第二學(xué)位。當我接到通知書時我真感動得熱淚盈眶了。我懂英語，我知道這就是我的本錢，我可以和有鋼琴的人進行互助，我教他英語他讓我鋼琴。

For the next nine years I carefully smothered my hazy aspiration for music to keep aflame myquest for learning, especially in English studies. My efforts were so rewarding that I wentsuccessfully through high school and college in my hometown. When I received the admissionnotice for a second degree course at a prestigious university in Beijing, the national capital,tears welled up in my eyes. I knew my command of English was my asset, for I might make adeal with a pianist who would give me across to his piano in exchange for English lessons.

這個愿望實現(xiàn)了!

And that has come true!

時至今日，每當我手指觸及雪白的琴鍵，準備彈一曲時，仍然感到羞怯。我深知自己音樂天賦有限，但我這個愛夢想的羞怯女孩卻找到了一條成功之路，那就是竭盡一切努力夢想成真。

To this day whenever I lay my fingers on the snowwhite keyboard, ready for a melody, I stillfeel shy. I am quite aware of my limited music talent, but as a shy dreamer I have found myway to success—making every effort to turn a dream into reality.

(喬萍、瞿淑蓉、宋洪瑋 編著)