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簡愛CHAPTER VII

所屬教程:簡愛

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CHAPTER VII 
 

MY first quarter at Lowood seemed an age; and not the golden age either; it comprised an irksome struggle with difficulties in habituating myself to new rules and unwonted tasks. The fear of failure in these points harassed me worse than the physical hardships of my lot; though these were no trifles.
During January, February, and part of March, the deep snows, and, after their melting, the almost impassable roads, prevented our stirring beyond the garden walls, except to go to church; but within these limits we had to pass an hour every day in the open air. Our clothing was insufficient to protect us from the severe cold: we had no boots, the snow got into our shoes and melted there: our ungloved hands became numbed and covered with chilblains, as were our feet: I remember well the distracting irritation I endured from this cause every evening, when my feet inflamed; and the torture of thrusting the swelled, raw, and stiff toes into my shoes in the morning. Then the scanty supply of food was distressing: with the keen appetites of growing children, we had scarcely sufficient to keep alive a delicate invalid. From this deficiency of nourishment resulted an abuse, which pressed hardly on the younger pupils: whenever the famished great girls had an opportunity, they would coax or menace the little ones out of their portion. Many a time I have shared between two claimants the precious morsel of brown bread distributed at teatime; and after relinquishing to a third half the contents of my mug of coffee, I have swallowed the remainder with an accompaniment of secret tears, forced from me by the exigency of hunger.

Sundays were dreary days in that wintry season. We had to walk two miles to Brocklebridge Church, where our patron officiated. We set out cold, we arrived at church colder: during the morning service we became almost paralysed. It was too far to return to dinner, and an allowance of cold meat and bread, in the same penurious proportion observed in our ordinary meals, was served round between the services.

At the close of the afternoon service we returned by an exposed and hilly road, where the bitter winter wind, blowing over a range of snowy summits to the north, almost flayed the skin from our faces.

I can remember Miss Temple walking lightly and rapidly along our drooping line, her plaid cloak, which the frosty wind fluttered, gathered close about her, and encouraging us, by precept and example, to keep up our spirits, and march forward, as she said, 'like stalwart soldiers.' The other teachers, poor things, were generally themselves too much dejected to attempt the task of cheering others.

How we longed for the light and heat of a blazing fire when we got back! But, to the little ones at least, this was denied: each hearth in the schoolroom was immediately surrounded by a double row of great girls, and behind them the younger children crouched in groups, wrapping their starved arms in their pinafores.

A little solace came at tea-time, in the shape of a double ration of bread- a whole, instead of a half, slice- with the delicious addition of a thin scrape of butter: it was the hebdomadal treat to which we all looked forward from Sabbath to Sabbath. I generally contrived to reserve a moiety of this bounteous repast for myself; but the remainder I was invariably obliged to part with.

The Sunday evening was spent in repeating, by heart, the Church Catechism, and the fifth, sixth, and seventh chapters of St. Matthew; and in listening to a long sermon, read by Miss Miller, whose irrepressible yawns attested her weariness. A frequent interlude of these performances was the enactment of the part of Eutychus by some half-dozen of little girls, who, overpowered with sleep, would fall down, if not out of the third loft, yet off the fourth form, and be taken up half dead. The remedy was, to thrust them forward into the centre of the schoolroom, and oblige them to stand there till the sermon was finished. Sometimes their feet failed them, and they sank together in a heap; they were then propped up with the monitors' high stools.

I have not yet alluded to the visits of Mr. Brocklehurst; and indeed that gentleman was from home during the greater part of the first month after my arrival; perhaps prolonging his stay with his friend the archdeacon: his absence was a relief to me. I need not say that I had my own reasons for dreading his coming: but come he did at last.

One afternoon (I had then been three weeks at Lowood), as I was sitting with a slate in my hand, puzzling over a sum in long division, my eyes, raised in abstraction to the window, caught sight of a figure just passing: I recognised almost instinctively that gaunt outline; and when, two minutes after, all the school, teachers included, rose en masse, it was not  necessary for me to look up in order to ascertain whose entrance they thus greeted. A long stride measured the schoolroom, and presently beside Miss Temple, who herself had risen, stood the same black column which had frowned on me so ominously from the hearthrug of Gateshead. I now glanced sideways at this piece of architecture. Yes, I was right: it was Mr. Brocklehurst, buttoned up in a surtout, and looking longer, narrower, and more rigid than ever.

I had my own reasons for being dismayed at this apparition; too well I remembered the perfidious hints given by Mrs. Reed about my disposition, etc.; the promise pledged by Mr. Brocklehurst to apprise Miss Temple and the teachers of my vicious nature. All along I had been dreading the fulfilment of this promise,- I had been looking out daily for the 'Coming Man,' whose information respecting my past life and conversation was to brand me as a bad child for ever: now there he was.

He stood at Miss Temple's side; he was speaking low in her ear: I did not doubt he was making disclosures of my villainy; and I watched her eye with painful anxiety, expecting every moment to see its dark orb turn on me a glance of repugnance and contempt. I listened too; and as I happened to be seated quite at the top of the room, I caught most of what he said: its import relieved me from immediate apprehension.

'I suppose, Miss Temple, the thread I bought at Lowton will do; it struck me that it would be just of the quality for the calico chemises, and I sorted the needles to match. You may tell Miss Smith that I forgot to make a memorandum of the darning needles, but she shall have some papers sent in next week; and she is not, on any account, to give out more than one at a time to each pupil: if they have more, they are apt to be careless and lose them. And, O ma'am! I wish the woollen stockings were better looked to!- when I was here last, I went into the kitchen-garden and examined the clothes drying on the line; there was a quantity of black hose in a very bad state of repair: from the size of the holes in them I was sure they had not been well mended from time to time.' He paused.

'Your directions shall be attended to, sir,' said Miss Temple. 'And, ma'am,' he continued, 'the laundress tells me some of the girls have two clean tuckers in the week: it is too much; the rules limit them to one.'

'I think I can explain that circumstance, sir. Agnes and Catherine Johnstone were invited to take tea with some friends at Lowton last Thursday, and I gave them leave to put on clean tuckers for the occasion.'

Mr. Brocklehurst nodded.

'Well, for once it may pass; but please not to let the circumstance occur too often. And there is another thing which surprised me; I find, in settling accounts with the housekeeper, that a lunch, consisting of bread and cheese, has twice been served out to the girls during the past fortnight. How is this? I looked over the regulations, and I find no such meal as lunch mentioned. Who introduced this innovation? and by what authority?'

'I must be responsible for the circumstance, sir,' replied Miss Temple: 'the breakfast was so ill prepared that the pupils could not possibly eat it; and I dared not allow them to remain fasting till dinner-time.'

'Madam, allow me an instant. You are aware that my plan in bringing up these girls is, not to accustom them to habits of luxury and indulgence, but to render them hardy, patient, self-denying. Should any little accidental disappointment of the appetite occur, such as the spoiling of a meal, the under or the over dressing of a dish, the incident ought not to be neutralised by replacing with something more delicate the comfort lost, thus pampering the body and obviating the aim of this institution; it ought to be improved to the spiritual edification of the pupils, by encouraging them to evince fortitude under the temporary privation. A brief address on those occasions would not be mistimed, wherein a judicious instructor would take the opportunity of referring to the sufferings of the primitive Christians; to the torments of martyrs; to the exhortations of our blessed Lord Himself, calling upon His disciples to take up their cross and follow Him; to His warnings that man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God; to His divine consolations, "If ye suffer hunger or thirst for My sake, happy are ye." Oh, madam, when you put bread and cheese, instead of burnt porridge, into these children's mouths, you may indeed feed their vile bodies, but you little think how you starve their immortal souls!'

Mr. Brocklehurst again paused- perhaps overcome by his feelings. Miss Temple had looked down when he first began to speak to her; but she now gazed straight before her, and her face, naturally pale as marble, appeared to be assuming also the coldness and fixity of that material; especially her mouth, closed as if it would have required a sculptor's chisel to open it, and her brow settled gradually into petrified severity.

Meantime, Mr. Brocklehurst, standing on the hearth with his hands behind his back, majestically surveyed the whole school. Suddenly his eye gave a blink, as if it had met something that either dazzled or shocked its pupil; turning, he said in more rapid accents than he had hitherto used-

'Miss Temple, Miss Temple, what- what is that girl with curled hair? Red hair, ma'am, curled- curled all over?' And extending his cane he pointed to the awful object, his hand shaking as he did so.

'It is Julia Severn,' replied Miss Temple, very quietly.

'Julia Severn, ma'am! And why has she, or any other, curled hair? Why, in defiance of every precept and principle of this house, does she conform to the world so openly- here in an evangelical, charitable establishment- as to wear her hair one mass of curls?'

'Julia's hair curls naturally,' returned Miss Temple, still more quietly.

'Naturally! Yes, but we are not to conform to nature; I wish these girls to be the children of Grace: and why that abundance? I have again and again intimated that I desire the hair to be arranged closely, modestly, plainly. Miss Temple, that girl's hair must be cut off entirely; I will send a barber tomorrow: and I see others who have far too much of the excrescence- that tall girl, tell her to turn round. Tell all the first form to rise up and direct their faces to the wall.'

Miss Temple passed her handkerchief over her lips, as if to smooth away the involuntary smile that curled them; she gave the order, however, and when the first class could take in what was required of them, they obeyed. Leaning a little back on my bench, I could see the looks and grimaces with which they commented on this manoeuvre: it was a pity Mr. Brocklehurst could not see them too; he would perhaps have felt that, whatever he might do with the outside of the cup and platter, the inside was further beyond his interference than he imagined.

He scrutinised the reverse of these living medals some five minutes, then pronounced sentence. These words fell like the knell of doom-

'All those top-knots must be cut off.'

Miss Temple seemed to remonstrate.

'Madam,' he pursued, 'I have a Master to serve whose kingdom is not of this world: my mission is to mortify in these girls the lusts of the flesh; to teach them to clothe themselves with shame-facedness and sobriety, not with braided hair and costly apparel; and each of the young persons before us has a string of hair twisted in plaits which vanity itself might have woven; these, I repeat, must be cut off; think of the time wasted, of-' Mr. Brocklehurst was here interrupted: three other visitors, ladies, now entered the room. They ought to have come a little sooner to have heard his lecture on dress, for they were splendidly attired in velvet, silk, and furs. The two younger of the trio (fine girls of sixteen and seventeen) had grey beaver hats, then in fashion, shaded with ostrich plumes, and from under the brim of this graceful head-dress fell a profusion of light tresses, elaborately curled; the elder lady was enveloped in a costly velvet shawl, trimmed with ermine, and she wore a false front of French curls.

These ladies were deferentially received by Miss Temple, as Mrs. and the Misses Brocklehurst, and conducted to seats of honour at the top of the room. It seems they had come in the carriage with their reverend relative, and had been conducting a rummaging scrutiny of the room upstairs, while he transacted business with the housekeeper, questioned the laundress, and lectured the superintendent. They now proceeded to address divers remarks and reproofs to Miss Smith, who was charged with the care of the linen and the inspection of the dormitories: but I had no time to listen to what they said; other matters called off and enchained my attention.

Hitherto, while gathering up the discourse of Mr. Brocklehurst and Miss Temple, I had not, at the same time, neglected precautions to secure my personal safety; which I thought would be effected, if I could only elude observation. To this end, I had sat well back on the form, and while seeming to be busy with my sum, had held my slate in such a manner as to conceal my face: I might have escaped notice, had not my treacherous slate somehow happened to slip from my hand, and falling with an obtrusive crash, directly drawn every eye upon me; I knew it was all over now, and, as I stooped to pick up the two fragments of slate, I rallied my forces for the worst. It came.

'A careless girl!' said Mr. Brocklehurst, and immediately after- 'It is the new pupil, I perceive.' And before I could draw breath, 'I must not forget I have a word to say respecting her.' Then aloud: how loud it seemed to me! 'Let the child who broke her slate come forward!'

Of my own accord I could not have stirred; I was paralysed: but the two great girls who sat on each side of me, set me on my legs and pushed me towards the dread judge, and then Miss Temple gently assisted me to his very feet, and I caught her whispered counsel-

'Don't be afraid, Jane, I saw it was an accident; you shall not be punished.'The kind whisper went to my heart like a dagger.

'Another minute, and she will despise me for a hypocrite,' thought I; and an impulse of fury against Reed, Brocklehurst, and Co. bounded in my pulses at the conviction. I was no Helen Burns.

'Fetch that stool,' said Mr. Brocklehurst, pointing to a very high one from which a monitor had just risen: it was brought. 'Place the child upon it.'

And I was placed there, by whom I don't know: I was in no condition to note particulars; I was only aware that they had hoisted me up to the height of Mr. Brocklehurst's nose, that he was within a yard of me, and that a spread of shot orange and purple silk pelisses and a cloud of silvery plumage extended and waved below me.

Mr. Brocklehurst hemmed.

'Ladies,' said he, turning to his family, 'Miss Temple, teachers, and children, you all see this girl?'

Of course they did; for I felt their eyes directed like burning-glasses against my scorched skin.

'You see she is yet young; you observe she possesses the ordinary form of childhood; God has graciously given her the shape that He has given to all of us; no signal deformity points her out as a marked character. Who would think that the Evil One had already found a servant and agent in her? Yet such, I grieve to say, is the case.'

A pause- in which I began to steady the palsy of my nerves, and to feel that the Rubicon was passed; and that the trial, no longer to be shirked, must be firmly sustained.

'My dear children,' pursued the black marble clergyman, with pathos, 'this is a sad, a melancholy occasion; for it becomes my duty to warn you, that this girl, who might be one of God's own lambs, is a little castaway: not a member of the true flock, but evidently an interloper and an alien. You must be on your guard against her; you must shun her example; if necessary, avoid her company, exclude her from your sports, and shut her out from your converse. Teachers, you must watch her: keep your eyes on her movements, weigh well her words, scrutinise her actions, punish her body to save her soul: if, indeed, such salvation be possible, for (my tongue falters while I tell it) this girl, this child, the native of a Christian land, worse than many a little heathen who says its prayers to Brahma and kneels before Juggernaut- this girl is- a liar!'

Now came a pause of ten minutes, during which I, by this time in perfect possession of my wits, observed all the female Brocklehursts produce their pocket-handkerchiefs and apply them to their optics, while the elderly lady swayed herself to and fro, and the two younger ones whispered, 'How shocking!'

Mr. Brocklehurst resumed.

'This I learned from her benefactress; from the pious and charitable lady who adopted her in her orphan state, reared her as her own daughter, and whose kindness, whose generosity the unhappy girl repaid by an ingratitude so bad, so dreadful, that at last her excellent patroness was obliged to separate her from her own young ones, fearful lest her vicious example should contaminate their purity: she has sent her here to be healed, even as the Jews of old sent their diseased to the troubled pool of Bethesda; and, teachers, superintendent, I beg of you not to allow the waters to stagnate round her.'

With this sublime conclusion, Mr. Brocklehurst adjusted the top button of his surtout, muttered something to his family, who rose, bowed to Miss Temple, and then all the great people sailed in state from the room. Turning at the door, my judge said- 'Let her stand half an hour longer on that stool, and let no one speak to her during the remainder of the day.'

There was I, then, mounted aloft; I, who had said I could not bear the shame of standing on my natural feet in the middle of the room, was now exposed to general view on a pedestal of infamy. What my sensations were, no language can describe; but just as they all rose, stifling my breath and constricting my throat, a girl came up and passed me: in passing, she lifted her eyes. What a strange light inspired them! What an extraordinary sensation that ray sent through me! How the new feeling bore me up! It was as if a martyr, a hero, had passed a slave or victim, and imparted strength in the transit. I mastered the rising hysteria, lifted up my head, and took a firm stand on the stool. Helen Burns asked some slight questions about her work of Miss Smith, was chidden for the triviality of the inquiry, returned to her place, and smiled at me as she again went by. What a smile! I remember it now, and I know that it was the effluence of fine intellect, of true courage; it lit up her marked lineaments, her thin face, her sunken grey eye, like a reflection from the aspect of an angel. Yet at that moment Helen Burns wore on her arm 'the untidy badge;' scarcely an hour ago I had heard her condemned by Miss Scatcherd to a dinner of bread and water on the morrow because she had blotted an exercise in copying it out. Such is the imperfect nature of man! such spots are there on the disc of the clearest planet; and eyes like Miss Scatcherd's can only see those minute defects, and are blind to the full brightness of the orb. 
 
 

第七章
 

 
 
在羅沃德度過的一個(gè)季度,仿佛是一個(gè)時(shí)代,而且并不是黃金時(shí)代。我得經(jīng)歷一場惱人的搏斗,來克服困難,適應(yīng)新的規(guī)矩和不熟悉的工作。我擔(dān)心這方面出錯(cuò)。為此所受的折磨,甚過于我命里注定肉體上要承受的艱苦,雖說艱苦也并不是小事。

在一月、二月和三月的部分日子里,由于厚厚的積雪,以及化雪后道路幾乎不通,我們的活動(dòng)除了去教堂,便被困在花園的圍墻之內(nèi)了。但就在這個(gè)牢籠內(nèi),每天仍得在戶外度過一小時(shí)。我們的衣服不足以御寒。大家沒有靴子,雪灌進(jìn)了鞋子,并在里面融化。我們沒有手套,手都凍僵了,像腳上一樣,長滿了凍瘡。每晚我的雙腳紅腫,早上又得把腫脹、疼痛和僵硬的腳趾伸進(jìn)鞋子,一時(shí)痛癢難熬,至今記憶猶新。食品供應(yīng)不足也令人沮喪,這些孩子都正是長身體的年紀(jì),胃口很好,而吃的東西卻難以養(yǎng)活一個(gè)虛弱的病人。營養(yǎng)缺乏帶來了不良習(xí)氣,這可苦了年紀(jì)較小的學(xué)生。饑腸轆轆的大齡女生一有機(jī)會(huì),便連哄帶嚇,從幼小學(xué)生的份里弄到點(diǎn)吃的。有很多回,我在吃茶點(diǎn)時(shí)把那一口寶貴的黑面包分給兩位討食者,而把半杯咖啡給了第三位,自己便狼吞虎唱地把剩下的吃掉,一面因?yàn)轲I得發(fā)慌而暗暗落淚。

冬季的星期日沉悶乏味。我們得走上兩里路,到保護(hù)人所主持的布羅克布里奇教堂去。出發(fā)的時(shí)候很冷,到達(dá)的時(shí)刻就更冷了。早禱時(shí)我們幾乎都已凍僵,這兒離校太遠(yuǎn),不能回去用飯,兩次禱告之間便吃一份冷肉和面包,份量也跟平時(shí)的飯食一樣,少得可憐。

下午的禱告結(jié)束以后,我們沿著一條無遮無攔的山路回校。刺骨的寒風(fēng),吹過大雪覆蓋的山峰,刮向北邊來,幾乎要從我們的臉上刮去一層皮。

我至今仍然記得,坦普爾小姐輕快地走在我們萎靡不振的隊(duì)伍旁邊,寒風(fēng)吹得她的花呢斗篷緊貼在身上。她一面訓(xùn)導(dǎo),一面以身作則,鼓勵(lì)我們振作精神,照她所說的,“像不屈不撓的戰(zhàn)士”那樣奮勇前進(jìn)。可憐的其他教師,大都自己也十分頹喪,更不想為別人鼓勁了。

回校以后,我們多么渴望熊熊爐火發(fā)出的光和熱!但至少對(duì)年幼學(xué)生來說,并沒有這福份。教室里的每個(gè)壁爐立刻被兩排大姑娘圍住,小一點(diǎn)的孩子只好成群蹲在她們身后,用圍涎裹著凍僵了的胳膊。

吃茶點(diǎn)時(shí),我們才得到些許安慰,發(fā)給了雙份面包——一整片而不是半片——附加薄薄一層可口的黃油,這是一周一次的享受,一個(gè)安息日復(fù)一個(gè)安息日,大家都翹首企盼著。通常我只能把這美餐的一部分留給自己,其余的便總是不得不分給別人。

星期天晚上我們要背誦教堂的教義問答和《馬太福音》的第五、六、七章,還要聽米勒小姐冗長的講道,她禁不住哈欠連天,證明她也倦了。在這些表演中間,經(jīng)常有一個(gè)插曲,六、七個(gè)小姑娘總要扮演猶推古的角色,她們因?yàn)槔Ь氩豢?,雖然不是從三樓上而是從第四排長凳上摔下來,扶起來時(shí)也已經(jīng)半死了。補(bǔ)救辦法是把她們硬塞到教室的中間,迫使她們一直站著,直至講道結(jié)束。有時(shí)她們的雙腳不聽使喚,癱下來縮作一團(tuán),于是便不得不用班長的高凳把她們支撐起來。

我還沒有提到布羅克赫斯特先生的造訪,其實(shí)這位先生在我抵達(dá)后第一個(gè)月的大部分日子里,都不在家,也許他在朋友副主教那里多逗留了些時(shí)間。他不在倒使我松了口氣,不必說我自有怕他來的理由,但他終究還是來了。

一天下午(那時(shí)我到羅沃德已經(jīng)三星期了),我手里拿了塊寫字板坐著,正為長除法中的一個(gè)總數(shù)發(fā)窘,眼睛呆呆地望著窗外,看到有一個(gè)人影閃過。我?guī)缀醣灸艿卣J(rèn)出了這瘦瘦的輪廓。因此兩分鐘后,整個(gè)學(xué)校的人,包括教師在內(nèi)都全體起立時(shí),我沒有必要抬起頭來后過究竟,便知道他們?cè)谟诱l進(jìn)屋了。這人大步流星走進(jìn)教室。眨眼之間,在早已起立的坦普爾小姐身邊,便豎起了同一根黑色大柱,就是這根柱子曾在蓋茨黑德的壁爐地毯上不祥地對(duì)我皺過眉。這時(shí)我側(cè)目瞟了一眼這個(gè)建筑物。對(duì),我沒有看錯(cuò),就是那個(gè)布羅克赫斯特先生,穿著緊身長外衣,扣緊了鈕扣,看上去越發(fā)修長、狹窄和刻板了。

見到這個(gè)幽靈,我有理由感到喪氣。我記得清清楚楚,里德太太曾惡意地暗示過我的品行等等,布羅克赫斯特先生曾答應(yīng)把我的惡劣本性告訴坦普爾小姐和教師們。我一直害怕這一諾言會(huì)得到實(shí)現(xiàn)——每天都提防著這個(gè)“行將到來的人”。他的談話和對(duì)我往事的透露,會(huì)使我一輩子落下個(gè)壞孩子的惡名,而現(xiàn)在他終于來了。他站在坦普爾小姐身旁,跟她在小聲耳語。毫無疑問他在說我壞話,我急切而痛苦地注視著她的目光,無時(shí)無刻不期待著她烏黑的眸子轉(zhuǎn)向我,投來厭惡與蔑視的一瞥。我也細(xì)聽著,因?yàn)榕銮勺谧羁糠孔宇^上的地方,所以他說的話,一大半都聽得見。談話的內(nèi)容消除了我眼前的憂慮。

“坦普爾小姐,我想在洛頓買的線是管用的,質(zhì)地正適合做白布襯衣用,我還挑選了同它相配的針。請(qǐng)你告訴史密斯小姐,我忘掉了買織補(bǔ)針的事。不過下星期我會(huì)派人送些紙來,給每個(gè)學(xué)生的一次不得超過一張,給多了,她們?nèi)菀状种Υ笕~,把它們弄丟了。啊,小姐!但愿你們的羊毛襪子能照看得好些!上次我來這里的時(shí)候到菜園子里轉(zhuǎn)了一下,仔細(xì)瞧了瞧晾在繩子上的衣服,看見有不少黑色長襪都該補(bǔ)了,從破洞的大小來看,肯定一次次都沒有好好修補(bǔ)。”

他頓了一下。

“你的指示一定執(zhí)行,先生,”坦普爾小姐說。

“還有,小姐,”他繼續(xù)說下去,“洗衣女工告訴我,有些姑娘一周用兩塊清潔的領(lǐng)布。這太多了,按規(guī)定,限制在一塊。”

“我想這件事我可以解釋一下,先生。上星期四,艾格妮絲和凱瑟琳.約翰斯通應(yīng)朋友邀請(qǐng),上洛頓去用茶點(diǎn),我允許她們?cè)谶@種場合戴上干凈的領(lǐng)布。”

布羅克赫斯特先生點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭。

“好吧,這一次就算了,但是請(qǐng)不要讓這種情況經(jīng)常發(fā)生。還有另一件事也叫我吃驚,我跟管家結(jié)帳,發(fā)現(xiàn)上兩個(gè)星期,兩次給姑娘們供應(yīng)了點(diǎn)心,吃了面包奶酪,這是怎么回事?我查了一下規(guī)定,沒有發(fā)現(xiàn)里面提到過點(diǎn)心之類的飯食。是誰搞的改革?又得到了誰的批準(zhǔn)?”

“我必須對(duì)這一情況負(fù)責(zé),先生,”坦普爾小姐回答說。“早飯燒得很糟糕,學(xué)生們都咽不下去。我不敢讓她們一直餓看肚子到吃中飯。”

“小姐,請(qǐng)?jiān)试S我說上片刻——你該清楚,我培養(yǎng)這些姑娘,不是打算讓她們養(yǎng)成嬌奢縱欲的習(xí)慣,而是使她們刻苦耐勞,善于忍耐,嚴(yán)于克己,要是偶爾有不合胃口的小事發(fā)生,譬如一頓飯燒壞了,一個(gè)菜作料加少了或者加多了,不應(yīng)當(dāng)用更可口的東西代替失去的享樂,來加以補(bǔ)救。那樣只會(huì)嬌縱肉體,偏離這所學(xué)校的辦學(xué)目的。這件事應(yīng)當(dāng)用來在精神上開導(dǎo)學(xué)生,鼓勵(lì)她們?cè)跁簳r(shí)困難情況下,發(fā)揚(yáng)堅(jiān)韌不拔的精神。在這種場合,該不失時(shí)宜地發(fā)表一個(gè)簡短的講話。一位有識(shí)見的導(dǎo)師會(huì)抓住機(jī)會(huì),說一下早期基督徒所受的苦難;說一下殉道者經(jīng)受的折磨;說一下我們神圣的基督本人的規(guī)勸,召喚使徒們背起十字架跟他走;說一下他給予的警告:人活著不是單靠食物,乃是靠上帝口里所說出的一切話;說一下他神圣的安慰‘饑渴慕義的人有福了。’啊,小姐,當(dāng)你不是把燒焦的粥,而是把面包和奶酪放進(jìn)孩子們嘴里的時(shí)候,你也許是在喂她們邪惡的肉體,而你卻沒有想到,你在使她們不朽的靈魂挨餓!”

布羅克赫斯特先生又頓了一下,也許是感情太沖動(dòng)的緣故。他開始講話時(shí),坦普爾小姐一直低著頭,但這會(huì)兒眼睛卻直視前方。她生來白得像大理石的臉,似乎透出了大理石所特有的冷漠與堅(jiān)定,尤其是她的嘴巴緊閉著,仿佛只有用雕刻家的鑿子才能把它打開,眉宇間漸漸地蒙上了一種凝固了似的嚴(yán)厲神色。

與此同時(shí),布羅克赫斯特先生倒背著雙手站在爐子跟前,威風(fēng)凜凜地審視著全校。突然他眼睛眨了一下,好像碰上了什么耀眼刺目的東西,轉(zhuǎn)過身來,用比剛才更急促的語調(diào)說:

“坦普爾小姐,坦普爾小姐,那個(gè),那個(gè)卷發(fā)姑娘是怎么回事?紅頭發(fā),小姐,怎么卷過了,滿頭都是卷發(fā)?”他用鞭子指著那可怕的東西,他的手抖動(dòng)著。

“那是朱莉婭.塞弗恩,”坦普爾小姐平靜地回答。

“朱利婭.塞弗恩,小姐!為什么她,或是別人,燙起卷發(fā)來了?她竟然在我們這個(gè)福音派慈善機(jī)構(gòu)里,無視學(xué)校的訓(xùn)戒和原則,公開媚俗,燙了一頭卷發(fā),這是為什么?”

“朱莉婭的頭發(fā)天生就是卷的,”坦普爾小姐更加平靜地回答。

“天生!不錯(cuò),但我們不能遷就天性。我希望這些姑娘是受上帝恩惠的孩子,再說何必要留那么多頭發(fā)?我一再表示我希望頭發(fā)要剪短,要樸實(shí),要簡單。坦普爾小姐,那個(gè)姑娘的頭發(fā)必須統(tǒng)統(tǒng)剪掉,明天我會(huì)派個(gè)理發(fā)匠來。我看見其他人頭上的那個(gè)累贅物也太多了——那個(gè)高個(gè)子姑娘,叫她轉(zhuǎn)過身來。叫第一班全體起立,轉(zhuǎn)過臉去朝墻站著。”

坦普爾小姐用手帕揩了一下嘴唇,仿佛要抹去嘴角上情不自禁的笑容。不過她還是下了命令。第一班學(xué)生弄明白對(duì)她們的要求之后,也都服從了。我坐在長凳上,身子微微后仰,可以看得見大家擠眉弄眼,做出各種表情,對(duì)這種調(diào)遣表示了不滿??上Р剂_克赫斯特先生沒有能看到,要不然他也許會(huì)感受到,他縱然可以擺布杯盤的外表,但其內(nèi)部,卻遠(yuǎn)非他所想的那樣可以隨意干涉了。

他把這些活獎(jiǎng)?wù)碌谋趁婕?xì)細(xì)打量了大約五分鐘,隨后宣布了判決,他的話如喪鐘般響了起來:

“頭上的頂髻都得剪掉。”

坦普爾小姐似乎在抗辯。

“小姐”他進(jìn)而說,“我要為主效勞,他的王國并不是這個(gè)世界。我的使命是節(jié)制這些姑娘的肉欲,教導(dǎo)她們衣著要謙卑克制,不梳辮子,不穿貴重衣服。而我們面前的每個(gè)年輕人,出于虛榮都把一束束頭發(fā)編成了辮子。我再說一遍,這些頭發(fā)必須剪掉,想一想為此而浪費(fèi)的時(shí)間,想……”

布羅克赫斯特先生說到這兒被打斷了。另外三位來訪者,都是女的,此刻進(jìn)了房間。他們來得再早一點(diǎn)就好了,趕得上聆聽他關(guān)于服飾的高論。她們穿著華麗,一身絲絨、綢緞和毛皮。二位中的兩位年輕的(十六、七歲的漂亮姑娘)戴著當(dāng)時(shí)十分時(shí)鰭一笑。多好的微笑!我至今還記得,而且知道,這是睿智和真正的勇氣的流露,它像天使臉上的反光一樣,照亮了她富有特征的面容、瘦削的臉龐和深陷的灰眼睛。然而就在那一刻,海倫.彭斯的胳膊上還佩戴著“不整潔標(biāo)記”;不到一小時(shí)之前我聽見斯卡查德小姐罰她明天中飯只吃面包和清水,就因?yàn)樗诔瓕懥?xí)題時(shí)弄臟了練習(xí)簿。人的天性就是這樣的不完美!即使是最明亮的行星也有這類黑斑,而斯卡查德小姐這樣的眼睛只能看到細(xì)微的缺陷,卻對(duì)星球的萬丈光芒視而不見。

“好粗心的姑娘!”布羅克赫斯特先生說,隨后立刻又說,“是個(gè)新來的學(xué)生,我看出來了,”我還沒喘過氣來,他又說下去,“我可別忘了,有句關(guān)于她的話要說,”隨后大著嗓門說。在我聽來,那聲音有多響??!“讓那個(gè)打破寫字板的孩子到前面來!”

我自己已經(jīng)無法動(dòng)彈了,我癱了下來??墒亲谖覂蛇叺膬蓚€(gè)大姑娘,扶我站了起來,把我推向那位可怖的法官。隨后坦普爾小姐輕輕地?cái)v著我來到他的腳跟前,我聽見她小聲地勸導(dǎo)我:

“別怕,簡,我知道這不是故意的,你不會(huì)受罰。”

這善意的耳語像匕首一樣直刺我心扉。

“再過一分鐘,她就會(huì)把我當(dāng)作偽君子而瞧不起我了,”我想。一想到這點(diǎn),心中便激起了一腔怒火,沖著里德太太和布羅克赫斯特一伙們,我可不是海倫.彭斯。

“把那條凳子拿來,”布羅克赫斯特先生指著一條很高的凳子說一位班長剛從那兒站起來。凳子給端來了。

“把這孩子放上去。”

我被抱到了凳子上,是誰抱的,我并不知道,我已經(jīng)不可能去注意細(xì)枝末節(jié)了。我只知道他們把我擺到了跟布羅克赫斯特先生鼻子一般高的地方;知道他離我只有一碼遠(yuǎn);知道在我下面,一片桔黃色和紫色的閃緞飾皮外衣和濃霧般銀色的羽毛在擴(kuò)展,在飄拂。

布羅克赫斯特先生清了清嗓子。

“女士們,”他說著轉(zhuǎn)向他的家人,“坦普爾小姐,教師們和孩子們,你們都看到了這個(gè)女孩子了吧?”

她們當(dāng)然是看到了。我覺到她們的眼睛像凸透鏡那樣對(duì)準(zhǔn)了我燒灼的皮膚。

“你們瞧,她還很小。你們看到了,她的外貌與一般孩子沒有什么兩樣,上帝仁慈地把賜與我們大家的外形,一樣賜給了她,沒有什么明顯的殘疾表明她是個(gè)特殊人物。誰能想到魔鬼已經(jīng)在她身上找到了一個(gè)奴仆和代理人呢?而我痛心地說,這就是事實(shí)。”

他又停頓了一下。在這間隙,我開始讓自己緊張的神經(jīng)穩(wěn)定下來,并覺得魯比孔河已經(jīng)渡過,既然審判已無法回避,那就只得硬著頭去忍受了。

“我的可愛的孩子們,”這位黑大理石般的牧師悲切地繼續(xù)說下去,“這是一個(gè)悲哀而令人憂傷的場合,因?yàn)槲矣胸?zé)任告誡大家,這個(gè)本可以成為上帝自己羔羊的女孩子,是個(gè)小小的被遺棄者,不屬于真正的羊群中的一員,而顯然是一個(gè)闖入者,一個(gè)異己。你們必須提防她,不要學(xué)她樣子。必要的話避免與她作伴,不要同她一起游戲,不要與她交談。教師們,你們必須看住她,注意她的行蹤,掂量她的話語,監(jiān)視她的行動(dòng),懲罰她的肉體以拯救她的靈魂,如果有可能挽救的話,因?yàn)椋ㄎ覍?shí)在說不出口),這個(gè)姑娘,這個(gè)孩子,基督國土上的本地子民,比很多向梵天祈禱,向訖里什那神像跪拜的小異教徒還壞,這個(gè)女孩子是一個(gè)——說謊者!”

這時(shí)開始了十分鐘的停頓。而此時(shí)我己經(jīng)鎮(zhèn)定自若,看到布羅克赫斯特家的三個(gè)女人都拿出了手帕,揩了揩眼鏡,年長的一位身子前后搖晃著,年輕的兩位耳語著說:“多可怕!”

布羅克赫斯特先生繼續(xù)說。

“我是從她的恩人,一位廉誠慈善的太太那兒知道的。她成了孤兒的時(shí)候,是這位太太收養(yǎng)了她,把她作為親生女兒來養(yǎng)育。這位不幸的姑娘竟以忘恩負(fù)義來報(bào)答她的善良和慷慨。這種行為那么惡劣,那么可怕,那位出色的恩主終于不得不把她同自己幼小的孩子們分開,生怕她的壞樣子會(huì)沾污他們的純潔。她被送到這里來治療,就像古時(shí)的猶太人把病人送往畢士大攪動(dòng)著的池水中一樣。教師們,校長們,我請(qǐng)求你們不要讓她周圍成為一潭死水。”

說了這樣精彩的結(jié)語以后,布羅克赫斯特先生整了一下長大衣最上頭的一個(gè)鈕扣,同他的家屬嘀咕了幾句,后者站起來,向坦普爾小姐鞠了一躬。隨后所有的大人物都堂而皇之地走出了房間。在門邊拐彎時(shí),我的這位法官說:

“讓她在那條凳子上再站半個(gè)小時(shí),在今天的其余時(shí)間里,不要同她說話。”

于是我就這么高高地站著。而我曾說過,我不能忍受雙腳站立于房間正中的恥辱,但此刻我卻站在恥辱臺(tái)上示眾。我的感觸非語言所能形容。但是正當(dāng)全體起立,使我呼吸困難,喉頭緊縮的時(shí)候,一位姑娘走上前來,從我身邊經(jīng)過。她在走過時(shí)抬起了眼睛。那雙眼睛閃著多么奇怪的光芒!那道光芒使我渾身充滿了一種多么異乎尋常的感覺!這種新感覺給予我多大的支持!仿佛一位殉道者、一個(gè)英雄走過一個(gè)奴隸或者犧牲者的身邊,剎那之間把力量也傳給了他。我控制住了正待發(fā)作的歇斯底里,抬起頭來,堅(jiān)定地站在凳子上。海倫.彭斯問了史密斯小姐某個(gè)關(guān)于她作業(yè)的小問題,因?yàn)閱栴}瑣碎而被申斥了一通。她回到自己的位置上去時(shí),再次走過我,對(duì)我微微一笑。多好的微笑!我至今還記得,而且知道,這是睿智和真正的勇氣的流露,它像天使臉上的反光一樣,照亮了她富有特征的面容、瘦削的臉龐和深陷的灰眼睛。然而就在那一刻,海倫.彭斯的胳膊上還佩戴著“不整潔標(biāo)記”;不到一小時(shí)之前我聽見斯卡查德小姐罰她明天中飯只吃面包和清水,就因?yàn)樗诔瓕懥?xí)題時(shí)弄臟了練習(xí)簿。人的天性就是這樣的不完美!即使是最明亮的行星也有這類黑斑,而斯卡查德小姐這樣的眼睛只能看到細(xì)微的缺陷,卻對(duì)星球的萬丈光芒視而不見。
 

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