伍迪單口相聲精選 第20期:紐約大學(xué)N.Y.U.
很久以前我曾就讀于紐約大學(xué)，它位于格林尼治村，在那里當(dāng)我大一的時(shí)候我開始……我墜入了情網(wǎng)。
But I did not marry the first girl that I fell in lovewith, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and Iwas an agnostic, y'know.
不過我沒有和我愛上的第一個(gè)女孩結(jié)婚，因?yàn)槟菚r(shí)我們之間產(chǎn)生了巨大的信仰沖突：她是個(gè)無神論者，而我是不可知論者。
We didn't know which religion not to bring the children up in.
我們不知道在未來孩子的成長(zhǎng)過程中，不應(yīng)該讓他們接受哪一種信仰。
And I bummed around for a long time, and I met my wife, and we got married against myparents' wishes, we were married in Long Island, in New York, we were married by a reformedrabbi in Long Island, a very reformed rabbi, a nazi.
我東游西蕩了很長(zhǎng)一段時(shí)間，后來遇到了我妻子，我們違背我父母的意愿而結(jié)了婚，我們?cè)诩~約長(zhǎng)島結(jié)婚，婚禮由長(zhǎng)島的一位改革派的拉比主持，極度的改革派拉比，他是納粹。
It was a very nice affair, y'know, really good, and right after the wedding, my wife startedturning weird. She went to Hunter College, and she got into the philosophy department atHunter, and she started dressing with black clothes and no make-up, and leotards, y'know, andshe pierced her ears one day with a conductors punch, y'know.
那是段很美好的戀情，真的很好，不過婚禮一結(jié)束后，我妻子就開始變得怪怪的。她去上了亨特學(xué)院【1】，在亨特她入的是哲學(xué)系。她開始身著黑色衣服，不再化妝，穿緊身連衣褲。有一天她甚至用乘務(wù)員用的打孔機(jī)給自己穿了耳洞。
And she used to involve me in deep philosophical arguments, and then prove I didn't exist,y'know...infuriating.
她還把我拖入很深刻的哲學(xué)論題中，然后再證明我這人不存在，很讓人惱火。
And I had to let her go, was what happened, and I had to tell my parents about it.
既然到了這一步，我只能讓她離開了。我必須向我父母匯報(bào)這事。
And my parents are what you used to call 'old world'.
我父母是你們說的“舊大陸”【2】的那種人。
My parents come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the old world.
我父母來自于布魯克林，那里就是“舊大陸”的中心。
They're very stable down-to-earth people, who don't approve of divorce.
他們都是一成不變的踏踏實(shí)實(shí)的人，他們不贊成離婚。
Their values in life are God and carpeting.
他們一生的價(jià)值觀就是上帝和地毯。
I came home on a Sunday, this was a long time ago, my father's watching television Sundaynight, he's watching Ed Sullivan Show, on television, he's watching the Indiana Home for theCriminally Insane Glee Club on the Ed Sullivan Show.
我在一個(gè)周日回到家里，那已是很久以前的事了。我父親看著周日晚上的電視節(jié)目，他正在看電視里的“愛德·沙利文秀”，他正在看節(jié)目里放著的“印第安納精神病罪犯合唱團(tuán)之家”。
And my mother is in the corner, knitting a chicken, y'know.
我母親坐在角落里，正編織著一只雞。
And I'd said that I would have to get a divorce, my mother put down her knitting, and she gotup, and she went over to the furnace, and she opened the door, and she got in. Took it ratherbadly, I felt.
我說我打算離婚。我母親放下手中的織物，站起身走向爐子。她打開爐門，鉆了進(jìn)去?？磥硭龑?shí)在接受不了這事。
【1】紐約城市大學(xué)屬下的一所高級(jí)學(xué)院，位于曼哈頓上東區(qū)。
【2】相對(duì)于“新大陸(New World)”，即美洲和澳洲大陸(特別是美洲)，“舊大陸”一般是指哥倫布時(shí)代之前的歐亞及非洲大陸。
