伍迪單口相聲精選 第4期:大師雷納爾多The Great Renaldo

Listen to this. I was watching one night the EdSullivan Show, and Sullivan had on a hypnotistcalled The Great Renaldo.

聽聽這則故事。有天晚上我正在看“愛德·沙利文秀”，沙利文請來個催眠師，人稱雷納爾多大師。

And Renaldo got four guys up of the audience, andhe hypnotized them, and he said to them "You thinkyou are a fire engine".

雷納爾多從觀眾里面挑出四人上臺，對他們實施了催眠，他對他們說：“想象一下你是一輛救火車。”

And I'm home watching and I get drowsy and I fallasleep.

我是在家中看的電視，倦意襲來我就睡著了。

And I wake up an hour later, I turn the set off, and suddenly I am seized with anuncontrollable impulse to dress up in my red flannel underwear.

一小時之后我醒了過來，我關(guān)掉電視。可忽然之間我被某種無法控制的沖動牢牢抓住，即刻穿好一身紅色法蘭絨內(nèi)衣。

Which I do, and I'm looking at myself in the mirror.

穿完后我對著鏡子打量一下自己。

Suddenly the phone rings, I burst out the front door and start running down Fifth Avenue fast,making a sirens noise.

突然電話鈴響起，我一下沖出前門，飛快地跑上第五大街，嘴里還響著警笛。

At Fourteenth Street I hid a guy at an intersection, who was also wearing red flannelunderwear.

在十四街的一個十字路口，我碰到一個家伙也穿著紅色法蘭絨內(nèi)衣。

We decided to work as one truck.

我們決定整合成一輛卡車。

We start running down to the Village. Suddenly two guys in red flannel underwear pass usrunning uptown.

我們開始朝著格林尼治村方向跑去。突然又有兩個身穿紅色法蘭絨內(nèi)衣的家伙從我們身邊經(jīng)過，往城外跑去。

We figured, they must know where the fire is. We turned and followed.

我們合計他們一定知道哪兒著火了，于是我們調(diào)頭跟著他們。

At Eighty-sixth Street a cop flags us down, because there is four guys in red flannel underwearrunning in the street.

到八十六街時有個警察揮舞著旗子將我們攔下來，因為我們四個身著紅色法蘭絨內(nèi)衣在街上瘋跑。

He said, "You'er coming down to headquarters, get into the car."

他說：“你們得跟我去局子里一趟，趕快上車。”

I start giggling hysterically, because this jerk is trying to get a fire engine into a lousy littleChevy.

我開始歇斯底里地咯咯大笑起來，因為這個傻瓜想把救火車塞進(jìn)一輛破雪佛蘭車?yán)铩?/p>

And down at the station there is hundreds of guys in red flannel underwear.

到了警局，那里已經(jīng)聚集著幾百個身穿紅色法蘭絨內(nèi)衣的家伙。

These...I should just add, parenthetically, these stories are true. These things actuallyhappened to me.

這些事，我得說明一下，這些故事都是真事，這些事情的確在我身上發(fā)生過。

I don't make them up. My life is a series of these crises that I came home one night, somemonth ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom, and a moth ate my sports jacket.

我沒有瞎編。我的一生就是一系列這樣的危機(jī)。比如幾個月之前的夜里我回到家里，我打開我臥室里的壁櫥，發(fā)現(xiàn)一只蛀蟲吃掉了我的粗花呢夾克。

He was laying on the floor, nauseous, you know.

它躺在地板上，正犯惡心呢。

It was a yellow and green striped jacket, y'know.

那是一件黃綠條紋的夾克。

The little fat moth laying there, groaning, you know, part of a sleeve hanging out of his mouth.

那只肥肥的小蛀蟲躺在那兒，呻吟著，剩下的一部分袖子掛在它嘴里。

I gave him two plain brown socks. I said, "Eat one now and eat one in a half hour."

我又給了它兩只純褐色的襪子。我說：“現(xiàn)在先服一只，隔半小時再服一只。”