他其實(shí)沒(méi)那么喜歡你 第29期:不想要"類(lèi)似約會(huì)"

Here's Why This One is Hard, by Liz

這就是這件事難以辦到的原因，莉茲

I hate talking about my feelings. I hate talking aboutmy "relationship."

我討厭談?wù)撐业母星?。我討厭談我?ldquo;戀情”。

I know I'm a chick and chicks are supposed to be allemotional, but I'm not. I don't like it one bit.

我知道我是個(gè)姑娘，姑娘應(yīng)該會(huì)感情用事，但我不是，我一點(diǎn)兒都不喜歡這樣。

I particularly don't like asking a guy where therelationship is going or how he feels about me. Ew.

我尤其不喜歡問(wèn)男人我們的感情進(jìn)展的怎么樣，或是他對(duì)我怎么看。惡...

It should be natural and easy and obvious.

它應(yīng)該自然，簡(jiǎn)單明了。

So I guess if I have to start thinking and planning and devising all sorts of ways to find outwhat kind of situation I'm in, I'm probably not in that good a situation. Shit.

所以我猜如果我必須開(kāi)始考慮，計(jì)劃和設(shè)想各種方式來(lái)求證自己所處的境地，我可能就不會(huì)處于一個(gè)好的境況了。該死的。

But wait. Starting a new relationship is terrifying.

但是等等，開(kāi)展一段新戀情太恐怖了。

We are all old enough to have experienced or witnessed the triage of broken romance.

我們都年長(zhǎng)到足以經(jīng)歷或見(jiàn)證過(guò)破碎戀情的分流。

We know that if there has been a beginning to a relationship, there has been, if we are still outthere dating, always an end to the relationship.

我們知道如果開(kāi)始了一段戀情，假使繼續(xù)發(fā)展的話，遲早會(huì)結(jié)束的。

And the endings always suck.

而且結(jié)束往往很爛。

So of course people, women included, will create all sorts of tricks and diversions anddistractions to try to not notice that we might in fact be getting into a relationship.

所以人們，包括女人，會(huì)制造各種假象、娛樂(lè)和消遣來(lái)試著不去注意自己可能陷入戀情的事實(shí)。

That just seems like a very crafty and understandable aspect to human nature.

那貌似是人性狡猾和可以理解的一方面。

So what if in the beginning or awhile into it, it's a little vague?

所以如果一開(kāi)始或者一段時(shí)間后喜歡上了呢，會(huì)有一些模糊么?

Who wants to be that crazy girl who needs to know exactly what is going on the minute shemeets a guy?

誰(shuí)會(huì)愿意跟一個(gè)才剛見(jiàn)面就想了解確切進(jìn)展的瘋女孩兒在一起呢?

You want to be the cool girl—the girl who knows how to hang out and not be all demanding.

你想做一個(gè)酷女孩兒——知道怎么玩兒，要求不高。

That's who I always wanted to be. That's who I always was.

這就是我一直以來(lái)想要成為的人。我也的確是這樣的。

The thing about that cool girl is that she still gets her feelings hurt.

問(wèn)題在于這個(gè)酷女孩兒依舊受到了感情傷害。

She still has reactions to how she's being treated.

她依然對(duì)自己遭受的對(duì)待有反應(yīng)。

She still hopes he'll call, wonders when she'll get to see him again, and if he's excited aboutbeing with her.

她依然希望他會(huì)給她打電話，好奇什么時(shí)候能再見(jiàn)面，他跟她在一起會(huì)不會(huì)感到興奮。

I hate that.

我討厭那樣。

Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I've gotten older.

也許只有我是這樣的，因?yàn)殡S著年長(zhǎng)我優(yōu)先考慮的事改變了。

But now I don't want to be “sort of dating” someone.

但是現(xiàn)在我不想再“類(lèi)似的約會(huì)”某人了。

I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone.

我也不想和某人“類(lèi)似玩兒”。

I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved.

我不想花費(fèi)大量的精力來(lái)壓抑我的感情來(lái)表現(xiàn)的不相關(guān)。

I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they'vealready demonstrated to me that they're trustworthy and honorable—and into me.

我想?yún)⑴c進(jìn)去。我想跟我知道自己會(huì)再見(jiàn)面的人睡覺(jué)，因?yàn)樗麄円呀?jīng)向我證明了他們值得信賴(lài)，可敬而又喜歡我。

Sure, in the beginning you have to be somewhat cautious about how much you give away.

當(dāng)然，在開(kāi)始時(shí)你必須稍微謹(jǐn)慎于自己付出了多少。

But that caution shouldn't be to make them feel more comfortable; it should be because youknow that you are ultimately a delicate, valuable creature who should be careful anddiscerning about who gets your affection.

但是為了讓他們感覺(jué)舒適這種謹(jǐn)慎是不應(yīng)該存在的;存在是因?yàn)槟阒雷约菏滓且粋€(gè)雅致的，有價(jià)值的生物，應(yīng)該小心考慮接受你感情的人。

That's what I'm doing now. And it's not going so badly.

那就是我正在做的事。而且進(jìn)展的并不壞。