雙語名著·追風箏的人 The Kite Runner(69)

12歲的阿富汗富家少爺阿米爾與仆人哈桑情同手足。然而，在一場風箏比賽后，發(fā)生了一件悲慘不堪的事，阿米爾為自己的懦弱感到自責和痛苦，逼走了哈桑，不久，自己也跟隨父親逃往美國。

成年后的阿米爾始終無法原諒自己當年對哈桑的背叛。為了贖罪，阿米爾再度踏上暌違二十多年的故鄉(xiāng)，希望能為不幸的好友盡最后一點心力，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)一個驚天謊言，兒時的噩夢再度重演，阿米爾該如何抉擇?

故事如此殘忍而又美麗，作者以溫暖細膩的筆法勾勒人性的本質與救贖，讀來令人蕩氣回腸。

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“But I forgive him, Ali, didn’t you hear?” said Baba.
“Life here is impossible for us now, Agha sahib. We’re leaving.” Ali drew Hassan to him, curled his arm around his son’s shoulder. It was a protective gesture and I knew whom Ali was protecting him from. Ali glanced my way and in his cold, unforgiving look, I saw that Hassan had told him. He had told him everything, about what Assef and his friends had done to him, about the kite, about me. Strangely, I was glad that someone knew me for who I really was; I was tired of pretending.
“I don’t care about the money or the watch,” Baba said, his arms open, palms up. “I don’t understand why you’re doing this... what do you mean ‘impossible’?”
“I’m sorry, Agha sahib, but our bags are already packed. We have made our decision.”
Baba stood up, a sheen of grief across his face. “Ali, haven’t I provided well for you? Haven’t I been good to you and Hassan? You’re the brother I never had, Ali, you know that. Please don’t do this.”
“Don’t make this even more difficult than it already is, Agha sahib,” Ali said. His mouth twitched and, for a moment, I thought I saw a grimace. That was when I understood the depth of the pain I had caused, the blackness of the grief I had brought onto everyone, that not even Ali’s paralyzed face could mask his sorrow. I forced myself to look at Hassan, but his head was downcast, his shoulders slumped, his finger twirling a loose string on the hem of his shirt.
Baba was pleading now. “At least tell me why. I need to know!”
Ali didn’t tell Baba, just as he didn’t protest when Hassan confessed to the stealing. I’ll never really know why, but I could imagine the two of them in that dim little hut, weeping, Hassan pleading him not to give me away. But I couldn’t imagine the restraint it must have taken Ali to keep that promise.
“Will you drive us to the bus station?”
“I forbid you to do this!” Baba bellowed. “Do you hear me? I forbid you!”
“Respectfully, you can’t forbid me anything, Agha sahib,” Ali said. “We don’t work for you anymore.”
“Where will you go?” Baba asked. His voice was breaking.
“Hazarajat.”
“To your cousin?”
“Yes. Will you take us to the bus station, Agha sahib?”
Then I saw Baba do something I had never seen him do before: He cried. It scared me a little, seeing a grown man sob. Fathers weren’t supposed to cry. “Please,” Baba was saying, but Ali had already turned to the door, Hassan trailing him. I’ll never forget the way Baba said that, the pain in his plea, the fear.
IN KABUL, it rarely rained in the summer. Blue skies stood tall and far, the sun like a branding iron searing the back of your neck. Creeks where Hassan and I skipped stones all spring turned dry, and rickshaws stirred dust when they sputtered by. People went to mosques for their ten raka’ts of noontime prayer and then retreated to whatever shade they could find to nap in, waiting for the cool of early evening. Summer meant long school days sweating in tightly packed, poorly ventilated classrooms learning to recite ayats from the Koran, struggling with those tongue-twisting, exotic Arabic words. It meant catching flies in your palm while the mullah droned on and a hot breeze brought with it the smell of shit from the outhouse across the schoolyard, churning dust around the lone rickety basketball hoop.

“可是我原諒他了，阿里，你沒聽到嗎?”爸爸說。
“我們不可能在這里過日子了，老爺。我們要走了?！卑⒗锇压＠缴砼裕毂郗h(huán)住他兒子的肩膀。這是個保護的動作，我知道阿里對哈桑的保護是在抵御什么人的傷害。阿里朝我瞟來，帶著冷冷的、不可諒解的眼神，我明白哈桑告訴他了。他把一切都告訴他了，關于阿塞夫和他的朋友對他所做的事情，關于那只風箏，關于我。奇怪的是，我很高興終于有人識破我的真面目，我裝得太累了。
“我不在乎那些錢或者那個手表。”爸爸說，他手掌朝上，張開雙臂，“我不知道你為什么這樣做……你說‘不可能’是什么意思?”
“很抱歉，老爺?？墒俏覀兊男欣钜呀?jīng)收拾好了，我們已經(jīng)決定了?！?br />爸爸站起身來，悲傷的神情溢于言表:“阿里，我給你的還不夠多嗎?我對你和哈桑不好嗎?我沒有兄弟，你就是我的兄弟，阿里，你知道的。請別這樣做?！?br />“我們已經(jīng)很為難了，別讓事情變得更難，老爺?！卑⒗镎f。他嘴巴抽搐，我看見了他痛楚的表情，正是那個時候，我才明白自己引起的痛苦有多深，才明白我給大家?guī)淼谋瘋卸酀?，才明白甚至連阿里那張麻痹的臉也無法掩飾他的哀愁。我強迫自己看看哈桑，但他低著頭，肩膀松垮，手指纏繞著襯衫下擺一根松開的線。
現(xiàn)在爸爸哀求著:“告訴我為什么，我得知道!”
阿里沒有告訴爸爸，一如哈桑承認偷竊，沒有絲毫抗辯。我永遠不會知道那究竟是為什么，但我能夠想像，他們兩個在那間昏暗的斗室里面，抹淚哭泣，哈桑求他別揭發(fā)我。但我想像不出，是什么樣的自制力才會讓阿里緘口不言。
“你可以送我們去汽車站嗎?”
“我不許你這么做!”爸爸大喊，“你聽到了嗎?我不許你這么做!”
“尊敬的老爺，你不能禁止我任何事情了，”阿里說，“我們不再為你工作了。”
“你們要去哪兒?”爸爸問，他的聲音顫抖著。
“哈扎拉賈特?！?br />“去你表親家?”
“是的，你可以送我們去汽車站嗎，老爺?”
接著我看到爸爸做了我之前從未見過的事情：號啕大哭。見到大人哭泣，我被嚇了一跳。我從未想到爸爸也會哭?！扒笄竽?。”爸爸說?？墒前⒗镆呀?jīng)走到門口，哈桑跟在他后面。我永遠不會忘記爸爸說出那話的神情，那哀求中透露的痛苦，還有恐懼。
喀布爾的夏天罕得下雨，天空一碧如洗，陽光像烙鐵般灼痛后頸。整個春天我和哈桑在溪流打水漂，到得夏天它們也干涸了。黃包車嗒嗒走過，揚起陣陣灰塵。午間祈禱時分，人們到清真寺去行十次“晌禮”，跟著隨便找個蔭涼的地方躲進去，等待傍晚的涼意。夏天意味著漫長的學校生活，坐在密不透風的擁擠教室里面，渾身大汗地學著背誦《可蘭經(jīng)》的經(jīng)文，和那些饒舌而奇怪的阿拉伯單詞作斗爭；夏天意味著聽毛拉念念有詞，用手掌拍死蒼蠅；意味著一陣和風吹過，帶來操場那邊廁所的糞便氣味，在那形影相吊的歪斜籃球架旁邊吹起塵霧。