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簡(jiǎn)愛(ài)CHAPTER XIV

所屬教程:簡(jiǎn)愛(ài)

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CHAPTER XIV 
 

FOR several subsequent days I saw little of Mr. Rochester. In the mornings he seemed much engaged with business, and, in the afternoon, gentlemen from Millcote or the neighbourhood called, and sometimes stayed to dine with him. When his sprain was well enough to admit of horse exercise, he rode out a good deal; probably to return these visits, as he generally did not come back till late at night.
During this interval, even Adele was seldom sent for to his presence, and all my acquaintance with him was confined to an occasional rencontre in the hall, on the stairs, or in the gallery, when he would sometimes pass me haughtily and coldly, just acknowledging my presence by a distant nod or a cool glance, and sometimes bow and smile with gentlemanlike affability. His changes of mood did not offend me, because I saw that I had nothing to do with their alternation; the ebb and flow depended on causes quite disconnected with me.

One day he had had company to dinner, and had sent for my portfolio; in order, doubtless, to exhibit its contents: the gentlemen went away early, to attend a public meeting at Millcote, as Mrs. Fairfax informed me; but the night being wet and inclement, Mr. Rochester did not accompany them. Soon after they were gone he rang the bell: a message came that I and Adele were to go downstairs. I brushed Adele's hair and made her neat, and having ascertained that I was myself in my usual Quaker trim, where there was nothing to retouch- all being too close and plain, braided locks included, to admit of disarrangement- we descended, Adele wondering whether the petit coffre was at length come; for, owing to some mistake, its arrival had hitherto been delayed. She was gratified: there it stood, a little carton, on the table when we entered the dining-room. She appeared to know it by instinct.

'Ma boite! ma boite!' exclaimed she, running towards it.

'Yes, there is your "boite" at last: take it into a corner, you genuine daughter of Paris, and amuse yourself with disembowelling it,'  said the deep and rather sarcastic voice of Mr. Rochester, proceeding from the depths of an immense easy-chair at the fireside.

'And mind,' he continued, 'don't bother me with any details of the anatomical process, or any notice of the condition of the entrails: let your operation be conducted in silence: tiens-toi tranquille, enfant; comprends-tu?'

Adele seemed scarcely to need the warning; she had already retired to a sofa with her treasure, and was busy untying the cord which secured the lid. Having removed this impediment, and lifted certain silvery envelopes of tissue paper, she merely exclaimed- 'Oh ciel! Que c'est beau!' and then remained absorbed in ecstatic contemplation.

'Is Miss Eyre there?' now demanded the master, half rising from his seat to look round to the door, near which I still stood.

'Ah! well, come forward; be seated here.' He drew a chair near his own. 'I am not fond of the prattle of children,' he continued;

'for, old bachelor as I am, I have no pleasant associations connected with their lisp. It would be intolerable to me to pass a whole evening tete-a-tete with a brat. Don't draw that chair farther off, Miss Eyre; sit down exactly where I placed it- if you please, that is. Confound these civilities! I continually forget them. Nor do I particularly affect simple-minded old ladies. By the bye, I must have mine in mind; it won't do to neglect her; she is a Fairfax, or wed to one; and blood is said to be thicker than water.'

He rang, and despatched an invitation to Mrs. Fairfax, who soon arrived, knitting-basket in hand.

'Good evening, madam; I sent to you for a charitable purpose. I have forbidden Adele to talk to me about her presents, and she is bursting with repletion; have the goodness to serve her as auditress and interlocutrice; it will be one of the most benevolent acts you ever performed.'

Adele, indeed, no sooner saw Mrs. Fairfax, than she summoned her to her sofa, and there quickly filled her lap with the porcelain, the ivory, the waxen contents of her 'boite'; pouring out, meantime, explanations and raptures in such broken English as she was mistress of.

'Now I have performed the part of a good host,' pursued Mr. Rochester, 'put my guests into the way of amusing each other, I ought to be at liberty to attend to my own pleasure. Miss Eyre, draw your chair still a little farther forward: you are yet too far back; I cannot see you without disturbing my position in this comfortable chair, which I have no mind to do.'

I did as I was bid, though I would much rather have remained somewhat in the shade; but Mr. Rochester had such a direct way of giving orders, it seemed a matter of course to obey him promptly.

We were, as I have said, in the dining-room: the lustre, which had been lit for dinner, filled the room with a festal breadth of light; the large fire was all red and clear; the purple  curtains hung rich and ample before the lofty window and loftier arch; everything was still, save the subdued chat of Adele (she dared not speak loud), and, filling up each pause, the beating of winter rain against the panes.

Mr. Rochester, as he sat in his damask-covered chair, looked different to what I had seen him look before; not quite so stern- much less gloomy. There was a smile on his lips, and his eyes sparkled, whether with wine or not, I am not sure; but I think it very probable.

He was, in short, in his after dinner mood; more expanded and genial, and also more self-indulgent than the frigid and rigid temper of the morning; still he looked preciously grim, cushioning his massive head against the swelling back of his chair, and receiving the light of the fire on his granite-hewn features, and in his great, dark eyes; for he had great, dark eyes, and very fine eyes, too- not without a certain change in their depths sometimes, which, if it was not softness, reminded you, at least, of that feeling.

He had been looking two minutes at the fire, and I had been looking the same length of time at him, when, turning suddenly, he caught my gaze fastened on his physiognomy.

'You examine me, Miss Eyre,' said he: 'do you think me handsome?'

I should, if I had deliberated, have replied to this question by something conventionally vague and polite; but the answer somehow slipped from my tongue before I was aware- 'No, sir.'

'Ah! By my word! there is something singular about you,' said he: 'you have the air of a little nonnette; quaint, quiet, grave, and simple, as you sit with your hands before you, and your eyes generally bent on the carpet (except, by the bye, when they are directed piercingly to my face; as just now, for instance); and when one asks you a question, or makes a remark to which you are obliged to reply, you rap out a round rejoinder, which, if not blunt, is at least brusque. What do you mean by it?'

'Sir, I was too plain; I beg your pardon. I ought to have replied that it was not easy to give an impromptu answer to a question about appearances; that tastes mostly differ; and that beauty is of little consequence, or something of that sort.'

'You ought to have replied no such thing. Beauty of little consequence, indeed! And so, under pretence of softening the previous outrage, of stroking and soothing me into placidity, you stick a sly penknife under my ear! Go on: what fault do you find with me, pray? I suppose I have all my limbs and all my features like any other man?'

'Mr. Rochester, allow me to disown my first answer: I intended no pointed repartee: it was only a blunder.'

'Just so: I think so: and you shall be answerable for it. Criticise me: does my forehead not please you?'

He lifted up the sable waves of hair which lay horizontally over his brow, and showed a solid enough mass of intellectual organs, but an abrupt deficiency where the suave sign of benevolence should have risen.

'Now, ma'am, am I a fool?'

'Far from it, sir. You would, perhaps, think me rude if I inquired in return whether you are a philanthropist?'

'There again! Another stick of the penknife, when she pretended to pat my head: and that is because I said I did not like the society of children and old women (low be it spoken!). No, young lady, I am not a general philanthropist; but I bear a conscience'; and he pointed to the prominences which are said to indicate that faculty, and which, fortunately for him, were sufficiently conspicuous; giving, indeed, a marked breadth to the upper part of his head: 'and, besides, I once had a kind of rude tenderness of heart. When I was as old as you, I was a feeling fellow enough; partial to the unfledged, unfostered, and unlucky; but Fortune has knocked me about since: she has even kneaded me with her knuckles, and now I flatter myself I am hard and tough as an India-rubber ball; pervious, though, through a chink or two still, and with one sentient point in the middle of the lump. Yes: does that leave hope for me?'

'Hope of what, sir?'

'Of my final re-transformation from India-rubber back to flesh?'

'Decidedly he has had too much wine,' I thought; and I did not know what answer to make to his queer question: how could I tell whether he was capable of being re-transformed?

'You looked very much puzzled, Miss Eyre; and though you are not pretty any more than I am handsome, yet a puzzled air becomes you; besides, it is convenient, for it keeps those searching eyes of yours away from my physiognomy, and busies them with the worsted flowers of the rug; so puzzle on. Young lady, I am disposed to be gregarious and communicative tonight.'

With this announcement he rose from his chair, and stood, leaning his arm on the marble mantelpiece: in that attitude his shape was seen plainly as well as his face; his unusual breadth of chest, disproportionate almost to his length of limb. I am sure most people would have thought him an ugly man; yet there was so much unconscious pride in his port; so much ease in his demeanour; such a look of complete indifference to his own external appearance; so haughty a reliance on the power of other qualities, intrinsic or adventitious, to atone for the lack of mere personal attractiveness, that, in looking at him, one inevitably shared the indifference, and, even in a blind, imperfect sense, put faith in the confidence.

'I am disposed to be gregarious and communicative tonight,' he repeated, 'and that is why I sent for you: the fire and the chandelier were not sufficient company for me; nor would Pilot have been, for none of these can talk. Adele is a degree better, but still far below the mark; Mrs. Fairfax ditto; you, I am persuaded, can suit me if you will: you puzzled me the first evening I invited you down here.

I have almost forgotten you since: other ideas have driven yours from my head; but to-night I am resolved to be at ease; to dismiss what importunes, and recall what pleases. It would please me now to draw you out- to learn more of you- therefore speak.'

Instead of speaking, I smiled; and not a very complacent or submissive smile either.

'Speak,' he urged.

'What about, sir?'

'Whatever you like. I leave both the choice of subject and the manner of treating it entirely to yourself.'

Accordingly I sat and said nothing: 'If he expects me to talk for the mere sake of talking and showing off, he will find he has addressed himself to the wrong person,' I thought.

'You are dumb, Miss Eyre.'

I was dumb still. He bent his head a little towards me, and with a single hasty glance seemed to dive into my eyes.

'Stubborn?' he said, 'and annoyed. Ah! it is consistent. I put my request in an absurd, almost insolent form. Miss Eyre, I beg your pardon. The fact is, once for all, I don't wish to treat you like an inferior: that is' (correcting himself), 'I claim only such superiority as must result from twenty years' difference in age and a century's advance in experience. This is legitimate, et j'y tiens, as Adele would say; and it is by virtue of this superiority, and this alone, that I desire you to have the goodness to talk to me a little now, and divert my thoughts, which are galled with dwelling on one point- cankering as a rusty nail.'

He had deigned an explanation, almost an apology, and I did not feel insensible to his condescension, and would not seem so.

'I am willing to amuse you, if I can, sir- quite willing; but I cannot introduce a topic, because how do I know what will interest you? Ask me questions, and I will do my best to answer them.'

'Then, in the first place, do you agree with   me that I have a right to be a little masterful, abrupt, perhaps exacting, sometimes, on the grounds I stated, namely, that I am old enough to be your father, and that I have battled through a varied experience with many men of many nations, and roamed over half the globe, while you have lived quietly with one set of people in one house?'

'Do as you please, sir.'

'That is no answer; or rather it is a very irritating, because a very evasive one. Reply clearly.'

'I don't think, sir, you have a right to command me, merely because you are older than I, or because you have seen more of the world than I have; your claim to superiority depends on the use you have made of your time and experience.'

'Humph! Promptly spoken. But I won't allow that, seeing that it would never suit my case, as I have made an indifferent, not to say a bad, use of both advantages. Leaving superiority out of the question, then, you must still agree to receive my orders now and then, without being piqued or hurt by the tone of command. Will you?'

I smiled: I thought to myself Mr. Rochester is peculiar- he seems to forget that he pays me L30 per annum for receiving his orders.

'The smile is very well,' said he, catching instantly the passing expression; 'but speak too.'

'I was thinking, sir, that very few masters would trouble themselves to inquire whether or not their paid subordinates were piqued and hurt by their orders.'

'Paid subordinates! What! you are my paid subordinate, are you?

Oh yes, I had forgotten the salary! Well then, on that mercenary ground, will you agree to let me hector a little?'

'No, sir, not on that ground; but, on the ground that you did forget it, and that you care whether or not a dependant is comfortable in his dependency, I agree heartily.'

'And will you consent to dispense with a great many conventional forms and phrases, without thinking that the omission arises from insolence?'

'I am sure, sir, I should never mistake informality for insolence: one I rather like, the other nothing free-born would submit to, even for a salary.'

'Humbug! Most things free-born will submit to anything for a salary; therefore, keep to yourself, and don't venture on generalities of which you are intensely ignorant. However, I mentally shake hands with you for your answer, despite its inaccuracy; and as much for the manner in which it was said, as for the substance of the speech; the manner was frank and sincere; one does not often see such a manner: no, on the contrary, affectation, or coldness, or stupid, coarse-minded misapprehension of one's meaning are the usual rewards of candour. Not three in three thousand raw school-girl-governesses would have answered me as you have just done. But I don't mean to flatter you: if you are cast in a different mould to the majority, it is no merit of yours: Nature did it. And then, after all, I go too fast in my conclusions: for what I yet know, you may be no better than the rest; you may have intolerable defects to counterbalance your few good points.'

'And so may you,' I thought. My eye met his as the idea crossed my mind: he seemed to read the glance, answering as if its import had been spoken as well as imagined-

'Yes, yes, you are right,' said he; 'I have plenty of faults of my own: I know it, and I don't wish to palliate them, I assure you.

God wot I need not be too severe about others; I have a past existence, a series of deeds, a colour of life to contemplate within my own breast, which might well call my sneers and censures from my neighbours to myself. I started, or rather (for like other defaulters, I like to lay half the blame on ill fortune and adverse circumstances) was thrust on to a wrong tack at the age of one-and-twenty, and have never recovered the right course since: but I might have been very different; I might have been as good as you- wiser- almost as stainless. I envy you your peace of mind, your clean conscience, your unpolluted memory. Little girl, a memory without blot or contamination must be an exquisite treasure- an inexhaustible source of pure refreshment: is it not?'

'How was your memory when you were eighteen, sir?'

'All right then; limpid, salubrious: no gush of bilge water had turned it to fetid puddle. I was your equal at eighteen- quite your equal. Nature meant me to be, on the whole, a good man, Miss Eyre; one of the better kind, and you see I am not so. You would say you don't see it; at least I flatter myself I read as much in your eye (beware, by the bye, what you express with that organ; I am quick at interpreting its language). Then take my word for it,- I am not a villain: you are not to suppose that- not to attribute to me any such bad eminence; but, owing, I verily believe, rather to circumstances than to my natural bent, I am a trite commonplace sinner, hackneyed in all the poor petty dissipations with which the rich and worthless try to put on life. Do you wonder that I avow this to you? Know, that in the course of your future life you will often find yourself elected the involuntary confidant of your acquaintances' secrets: people will instinctively find out, as I have done, that it is not your forte to tell of yourself, but to listen while others talk of themselves; they will feel, too, that you listen with no malevolent scorn of their indiscretion, but with a kind of innate sympathy; not the less comforting and encouraging because it is very unobtrusive in its manifestations.'

'How do you know?- how can you guess all this, sir?'

'I know it well; therefore I proceed almost as freely as if I were writing my thoughts in a diary. You would say, I should have been superior to circumstances; so I should- so I should; but you see I was not. When fate wronged me, I had not the wisdom to remain cool: I turned desperate; then I degenerated. Now, when any vicious simpleton excites my disgust by his paltry ribaldry, I cannot flatter myself that I am better than he: I am forced to confess that he and I are on a level. I wish I had stood firm- God knows I do!

Dread remorse when you are tempted to err, Miss Eyre; remorse is the poison of life.'

'Repentance is said to be its cure, sir.'

'It is not its cure. Reformation may be its cure; and I could reform- I have strength yet for that- if- but where is the use of thinking of it, hampered, burdened, cursed as I am? Besides, since happiness is irrevocably denied me, I have a right to get pleasure out of life: and I will get it, cost what it may.'

'Then you will degenerate still more, sir.'

'Possibly: yet why should I, if I can get sweet, fresh pleasure? And I may get it as sweet and fresh as the wild honey the bee gathers on the moor.'

'It will sting- it will taste bitter, sir.'

'How do you know?- you never tried it. How very serious- how very solemn you look: and you are as ignorant of the matter as this cameo head' (taking one from the mantelpiece). 'You have no right to preach to me, you neophyte, that have not passed the porch of life, and are absolutely unacquainted with its mysteries.'

'I only remind you of your own words, sir: you said error brought remorse, and you pronounced remorse the poison of existence.'

'And who talks of error now? I scarcely think the notion that flittered across my brain was an error. I believe it was an inspiration rather than a temptation: it was very genial, very soothing- I know that. Here it comes again! It is no devil, I assure you; or if it be, it has put on the robes of an angel of light. I think I must admit so fair a guest when it asks entrance to my heart.'

'Distrust it, sir; it is not a true angel.'

'Once more, how do you know? By what instinct do you pretend to distinguish between a fallen seraph of the abyss and a messenger from the eternal throne- between a guide and a seducer?'

'I judged by your countenance, sir, which was troubled when you said the suggestion had returned upon you. I feel sure it will work you more misery if you listen to it.'

'Not at all- it bears the most gracious message in the world: for the rest, you are not my conscience-keeper, so don't make yourself uneasy. Here, come in, bonny wanderer!'

He said this as if he spoke to a vision, viewless to any eye but his own; then, folding his arms, which he had half extended, on his chest, he seemed to enclose in their embrace the invisible being.

'Now,' he continued, again addressing me, 'I have received the pilgrim- a disguised deity, as I verily believe. Already it has done me good: my heart was a sort of charnel; it will now be a shrine.'

'To speak truth, sir, I don't understand you at all: I cannot keep up the conversation, because it has got out of my depth. Only one thing, I know: you said you were not as good as you should like to be, and that you regretted your own imperfection;- one thing I can comprehend: you intimated that to have a sullied memory was a perpetual bane. It seems to me, that if you tried hard, you would in time find it possible to become what you yourself would approve; and that if from this day you began with resolution to correct your thoughts and actions, you would in a few years have laid up a new and stainless store of recollections, to which you might revert with pleasure.'

'Justly thought; rightly said, Miss Eyre; and, at this moment, I am paving hell with energy.'

'Sir?'

'I am laying down good intentions, which I believe durable as flint. Certainly, my associates and pursuits shall be other than they have been.'

'And better?'

'And better- so much better as pure ore is than foul dross. You seem to doubt me; I don't doubt myself: I know what my aim is, what my motives are; and at this moment I pass a law, unalterable as that of the Medes and Persians, that both are right.'

'They cannot be, sir, if they require a new statute to legalise them.'

'They are, Miss Eyre, though they absolutely require a new statute: unheard-of combinations or circumstances demand unheard-of rules.'

'That sounds a dangerous maxim, sir; because one can see at once that it is liable to abuse.'

'Sententious sage! so it is: but I swear by my household gods not to abuse it.'

'You are human and fallible.'

'I am: so are you- what then?'

'The human and fallible should not arrogate a power with which the divine and perfect alone can be safely intrusted.'

'What power?'

'That of saying of any strange, unsanctioned line of action,- "Let it be right."'

'"Let it be right"- the very words: you have pronounced them.'

'May it be right then,' I said, as I rose, deeming it useless to continue a discourse which was all darkness to me; and, besides, sensible that the character of my interlocutor was beyond my penetration; at least, beyond its present reach; and feeling the uncertainty, the vague sense of insecurity, which accompanies a conviction of ignorance.

'Where are you going?'

'To put Adele to bed: it is past her bedtime.'

'You are afraid of me, because I talk like a Sphynx.'

'Your language is enigmatical, sir: but though I am bewildered, I am certainly not afraid.'

'You are afraid- your self-love dreads a blunder.'

'In that sense I do feel apprehensive- I have no wish to talk nonsense.'

'If you did, it would be in such a grave, quiet manner, I should mistake it for sense. Do you never laugh, Miss Eyre? Don't trouble yourself to answer- I see you laugh rarely; but you can laugh very merrily: believe me, you are not naturally austere, any more than I am naturally vicious. The Lowood constraint still clings to you somewhat; controlling your features, muffling your voice, and restricting your limbs; and you fear in the presence of a man and a brother- or father, or master, or what you will- to smile too gaily, speak too freely, or move too quickly: but, in time, I think you will learn to be natural with me, as I find it impossible to be conventional with you; and then your looks and movements will have more vivacity and variety than they dare offer now. I see at intervals the glance of a curious sort of bird through the close-set bars of a cage: a vivid, restless, resolute captive is there; were it but free, it would soar cloud-high. You are still bent on going?'

'It has struck nine, sir.'

'Never mind,- wait a minute: Adele is not ready to go to bed yet.

My position, Miss Eyre, with my back to the fire, and my face to the room, favours observation. While talking to you, I have also occasionally watched Adele (I have my own  reasons for thinking her a curious study,- reasons that I may, nay, that I shall, impart to you some day). She pulled out of her box, about ten minutes ago, a little pink silk frock; rapture lit her face as she unfolded it; coquetry runs in her blood, blends with her brains, and seasons the marrow of her bones. "Il faut que je l'essaie!" cried she, "et a l'instant meme!" and she rushed out of the room. She is now with Sophie, undergoing a robing process: in a few minutes she will re-enter; and I know what I shall see,- a miniature of Celine Varens, as she used to appear on the boards at the rising of-. But never mind that. However, my tenderest feelings are about to receive a shock: such is my presentiment; stay now, to see whether it will be realised.'

Ere long, Adele's little foot was heard tripping across the hall.

She entered, transformed as her guardian had predicted. A dress of rose-coloured satin, very short, and as full in the skirt as it could be gathered, replaced the brown frock she had previously worn; a wreath of rosebuds circled her forehead; her feet were dressed in silk stockings and small white satin sandals.

'Est-ce que ma robe va bien?' cried she, bounding forwards; 'et mes souliers? et mes bas? Tenez, je crois que je vais danser!'

And spreading out her dress, she chasseed across the room; till, having reached Mr. Rochester, she wheeled lightly round before him on tip-toe, then dropped on one knee at his feet, exclaiming- 'Monsieur, je vous remercie mille fois de votre bonte; then rising, she added, 'C'est comme cela que maman faisait, n'est-ce pas, monsieur?'

'Pre-cise-ly!' was the answer; 'and, "comme cella," she charmed my English gold out of my British breeches' pocket. I have been green, too, Miss Eyre- ay, grass green: not a more vernal tint freshens you now than once freshened me. My Spring is gone, however, but it has left me that French floweret on my hands, which, in some moods, I would fain be rid of. Not valuing now the root whence it sprang; having found that it was of a sort which nothing but gold dust could manure, I have but half a liking to the blossom, especially when it looks so artificial as just now. I keep it and rear it rather on the Roman Catholic principle of expiating numerous sins, great or small, by one good work. I'll explain all this some day. Good-night.'
 
 

第十四章
 


后來(lái)的幾天我很少見(jiàn)到羅切斯特先生。早上他似乎忙于事務(wù),下午接待從米爾科特或附近來(lái)造訪(fǎng)的紳士,有時(shí)他們留下來(lái)與他共進(jìn)晚餐。他的傷勢(shì)好轉(zhuǎn)到可以騎馬時(shí),便經(jīng)常騎馬外出,也許是回訪(fǎng),往往到深夜才回來(lái)。

在這期間,連阿黛勒也很少給叫到他跟前。我同他的接觸,只限于在大廳里、樓梯上,或走廊上偶然相遇。他有時(shí)高傲冷漠地從我身邊走過(guò),遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)地點(diǎn)一下頭或冷冷地瞥一眼,承認(rèn)了我的存在,而有時(shí)卻很有紳士風(fēng)度,和藹可親地鞠躬和微笑。他情緒的反復(fù)并沒(méi)有使我生氣,因?yàn)槲颐靼走@種變化與我無(wú)關(guān),他情緒的起伏完全是由于同我不相干的原因。

一天有客來(lái)吃飯,他派人來(lái)取我的畫(huà)夾,無(wú)疑是要向人家出示里面的畫(huà)。紳士們走得很早,費(fèi)爾法克斯太太告訴我,他們要到米爾科特去參加一個(gè)公眾大會(huì)。但那天晚上有雨,天氣惡劣、羅切斯特先生沒(méi)有去作陪。他們走后不久,他便打鈴,傳話(huà)來(lái)讓我和阿黛勒下樓去。我梳理了阿黛勒的頭發(fā),把她打扮得整整齊齊,我自己穿上了平時(shí)的貴格會(huì)服裝,知道確實(shí)已經(jīng)沒(méi)有再修飾的余地了——一切都那么貼身而又樸實(shí),包括編了辮子的頭發(fā)在內(nèi),絲毫不見(jiàn)凌亂的痕跡——我們便下樓去了。阿黛勒正疑惑著,不知她的petit coffre終于到了沒(méi)有。因?yàn)槟承┎铄e(cuò),它直到現(xiàn)在還遲遲未來(lái)。我們走進(jìn)餐室,只見(jiàn)桌上放著一個(gè)小箱子。阿黛勒非常高興,她似乎憑直覺(jué)就知道了。

“Ma boite ! Ma boite!”她大嚷著朝它奔過(guò)去。

“是的,你的‘boite’終于到了,把它拿到一個(gè)角落去,你這位地道的巴黎女兒,你就去掏你盒子里的東西玩兒吧。”羅切斯特先生用深沉而頗有些譏諷的口吻說(shuō),那聲音是從火爐旁巨大的安樂(lè)椅深處發(fā)出來(lái)的。“記住,”他繼續(xù)說(shuō),“別用解剖過(guò)程的細(xì)枝末節(jié)問(wèn)題,或者內(nèi)臟情況的通報(bào)來(lái)打攪我,你就靜靜地去動(dòng)手術(shù)吧——tiens toi tranquille,enfant;comprends tu?”

阿黛勒似乎并不需要提醒,她已經(jīng)帶著她的寶貝退到了一張沙發(fā)上,這會(huì)兒正忙著解開(kāi)系住蓋子的繩子。她清除了這個(gè)障礙,揭起銀色包裝薄紙,光一個(gè)勁兒地大嚷著。

“Oh! ciel! Que c'est beau!”隨后便沉浸在興奮的沉思中。

“愛(ài)小姐在嗎?”此刻這位主人發(fā)問(wèn)了。他從座位上欠起身子,回過(guò)頭來(lái)看看門(mén)口,我仍站在門(mén)旁。

“啊!好吧,到前面來(lái),坐在這兒吧。”他把一張椅子拉到自己椅子的旁邊。“我不大喜歡聽(tīng)孩子咿咿呀呀,”他繼續(xù)說(shuō),“因?yàn)橄裎疫@樣的老單身漢,他們的喃喃細(xì)語(yǔ),不會(huì)讓我引起愉快的聯(lián)想。同一個(gè)娃娃面對(duì)面消磨整個(gè)晚上,讓我實(shí)在受不了。別把椅子拉得那么開(kāi),愛(ài)小姐。就在我擺著的地方坐下來(lái)——當(dāng)然,要是你樂(lè)意。讓那些禮節(jié)見(jiàn)鬼去吧!我老是把它們忘掉。我也不特別喜愛(ài)頭腦簡(jiǎn)單的老婦人。話(huà)得說(shuō)回來(lái),我得想著點(diǎn)我的那位,她可是怠慢不得。她是費(fèi)爾法克斯家族的,或是嫁給了家族中的一位。據(jù)說(shuō)血濃于水。”

他打鈴派人去請(qǐng)費(fèi)爾法克斯太太,很快她就到了,手里提著編織籃。

“晚上好,夫人,我請(qǐng)你來(lái)做件好事。我己不允許阿黛勒跟我談禮品的事,她肚子里有好多話(huà)要說(shuō),你做做好事聽(tīng)她講講,并跟她談?wù)?,那你就功德無(wú)量了。”

說(shuō)真的,阿黛勒一見(jiàn)到費(fèi)爾法克斯太太,便把她叫到沙發(fā)旁,很快在她的膝頭擺滿(mǎn)了她‘boite’中的瓷器、象牙和蠟制品,同時(shí)用她所能掌握的瞥腳英語(yǔ),不住地加以解釋?zhuān)嬖V她自己有多開(kāi)心。

“哈,我已扮演了一個(gè)好主人的角色,”羅切斯特先生繼續(xù)說(shuō),“使我的客人們各得其所,彼此都有樂(lè)趣。我應(yīng)當(dāng)有權(quán)關(guān)心一下自己的樂(lè)趣了。愛(ài)小姐,把你的椅子再往前拉一點(diǎn),你坐得太靠后了,我在這把舒舒服服的椅子上,不改變一下位置就看不見(jiàn)你,而我又不想動(dòng)。”

我照他的吩咐做了,盡管我寧愿仍舊呆在陰影里。但羅切斯特先生卻是那么直來(lái)直去地下命令,似乎立刻服從他是理所當(dāng)然的。

我已作了交代,我們?cè)诓褪依?。為晚餐而點(diǎn)上的枝形吊燈,使整個(gè)房間如節(jié)日般大放光明,熊熊爐火通紅透亮,高大的窗子和更高大的拱門(mén)前懸掛著華貴而寬敞的紫色帷幔。除了阿黛勒壓著嗓門(mén)的交談(她不敢高聲說(shuō)話(huà)),以及談話(huà)停頓間隙響起了敲窗的冷雨,一切都寂靜無(wú)聲。

羅切斯特先生坐在錦緞面椅子上,顯得同我以前看到的大不相同,不那么嚴(yán)厲,更不那么陰沉。他嘴上浮著笑容,眼睛閃閃發(fā)光,是不是因?yàn)楹攘司频木壒?,我不敢肯定,不過(guò)很可能如此??傊?,他正在飯后的興頭上,更加健談,更加親切,比之早上冷淡僵硬的脾性,顯得更為放縱。不過(guò)他看上去依然十分嚴(yán)厲。他那碩大的腦袋靠在椅子隆起的靠背上,爐火的光照在他猶如花崗巖鐫刻出來(lái)的面容上,照進(jìn)他又大又黑的眸子里——因?yàn)樗兄?一雙烏黑的大眼睛,而且很漂亮,有時(shí)在眼睛深處也并非沒(méi)有某種變化,如果那不是柔情,至少也會(huì)使你想起這種感情來(lái)。

他凝視著爐火已經(jīng)有兩分鐘了,而我用同樣的時(shí)間在打量著他。突然他回過(guò)頭來(lái),瞧見(jiàn)我正盯著他的臉看著。

“你在仔細(xì)看我,愛(ài)小姐,”他說(shuō),“你認(rèn)為我長(zhǎng)得漂亮嗎?”

要是我仔細(xì)考慮的話(huà),我本應(yīng)當(dāng)對(duì)這個(gè)問(wèn)題作出習(xí)慣上含糊、禮貌的回答,但不知怎地我還沒(méi)意識(shí)到就己經(jīng)沖口而出:“不,先生。”

“??!我敢打賭,你這人有點(diǎn)兒特別,”他說(shuō),“你的神態(tài)像個(gè)小nonnette,怪僻、文靜、嚴(yán)肅、單純。你坐著的時(shí)候把手放在面前,眼睛總是低垂著看地毯(順便說(shuō)一句,除了穿心透肺似地掃向我臉龐的時(shí)候,譬如像剛才那樣),別人問(wèn)你一個(gè)問(wèn)題,或者發(fā)表一番你必須回答的看法時(shí),你會(huì)突然直言不諱地回答,不是生硬,就是唐突。你的話(huà)是什么意思?”

“先生,怪我太直率了,請(qǐng)你原諒。我本應(yīng)當(dāng)說(shuō),像容貌這樣的問(wèn)題,不是輕易可以當(dāng)場(chǎng)回答的;應(yīng)當(dāng)說(shuō)人的審美趣味各有不同;應(yīng)當(dāng)說(shuō)漂亮并不重要,或者諸如此類(lèi)的話(huà)。”

“你本來(lái)就不應(yīng)當(dāng)這樣來(lái)回答。漂亮并不重要,確實(shí)如此!原來(lái)你是假裝要緩和一下剛才的無(wú)禮態(tài)度,撫慰我使我心平氣和,而實(shí)際上你是在我耳朵下面狡猾地捅了一刀。講下去,請(qǐng)問(wèn)你發(fā)現(xiàn)我有什么缺點(diǎn)?我想我像別人一樣有鼻子有眼睛的。”

“羅切斯特先生,請(qǐng)?jiān)试S我收回我第一個(gè)回答。我并無(wú)妙語(yǔ)傷人的意思,只不過(guò)是失言而已。”

“就是這么回事,我想是這樣。而你要對(duì)此負(fù)責(zé)。你就挑我的毛病吧,我的前額使你不愉快嗎?”

他抓起了橫貼在額前的波浪似的黑發(fā),露出一大塊堅(jiān)實(shí)的智力器官,但是卻缺乏那種本該有的仁慈敦厚的跡象。

“好吧,小姐,我是個(gè)傻瓜嗎?”

“絕對(duì)不是這樣,先生。要是我反過(guò)來(lái)問(wèn)你是不是一個(gè)慈善家,你也會(huì)認(rèn)為我粗暴無(wú)禮嗎?”

“你又來(lái)了!又捅了我一刀,一面還假裝拍拍我的頭。那是因?yàn)槲以f(shuō)我不喜歡同孩子和老人在一起(輕聲點(diǎn)兒!)。不,年輕小姐,我不是一個(gè)一般意義上的慈善家,不過(guò)我有一顆良心。”于是他指了指據(jù)說(shuō)是表示良心的突出的地方。幸虧對(duì)他來(lái)說(shuō),那地方很顯眼,使他腦袋的上半部有著引人注目的寬度。“此外,我曾有過(guò)一種原始的柔情。在我同你一樣年紀(jì)的時(shí)候,我是一個(gè)富有同情心的人,偏愛(ài)羽毛未豐、無(wú)人養(yǎng)育和不幸的人,但是命運(yùn)卻一直打擊我,甚至用指關(guān)節(jié)揉面似地揉我,現(xiàn)在我慶幸自己像一個(gè)印度皮球那樣堅(jiān)韌了,不過(guò)通過(guò)一兩處空隙還能滲透到里面。在這一塊東西的中心,還有一個(gè)敏感點(diǎn)。是的,那使我還能有希望嗎?”

“希望什么,先生?”

“希望我最終從印度皮球再次轉(zhuǎn)變?yōu)檠庵|嗎?”

“他肯定是酒喝多了,”我想。我不知道該如何來(lái)回答這個(gè)奇怪的問(wèn)題。我怎么知道他是不是可能被轉(zhuǎn)變過(guò)來(lái)呢?

“你看來(lái)大惑不解,愛(ài)小姐,而你雖然并不漂亮,就像我并不英俊一樣,但那種迷惑的神情卻同你十分相稱(chēng)。此外,這樣倒也好,可以把你那種搜尋的目光,從我的臉上轉(zhuǎn)移到別處去,忙著去看毛毯上的花朵。那你就迷惑下去吧。年輕小姐,今兒晚上我愛(ài)湊熱鬧,也很健談。”

宣布完畢,他便從椅子上立起來(lái)。他佇立著,胳膊倚在大理石壁爐架上。這種姿勢(shì)使他的體形像面容一樣可以看得一清二楚。他的胸部出奇地寬闊,同他四肢的長(zhǎng)度不成比例。我敢肯定,大多數(shù)人都認(rèn)為他是個(gè)丑陋的男人,但是他舉止中卻無(wú)意識(shí)地流露出那么明顯的傲慢,在行為方面又那么從容自如,對(duì)自已的外表顯得那么毫不在乎,又是那么高傲地依賴(lài)其他內(nèi)在或外來(lái)的特質(zhì)的力量,來(lái)彌補(bǔ)自身魅力的缺乏。因此,你一瞧著他,就會(huì)不由自主地被他的漠然態(tài)度所感染,甚至盲目片面地對(duì)他的自信表示信服。

“今天晚上我愛(ài)湊熱鬧,也健談,”他重復(fù)了這句話(huà)。”這就是我要請(qǐng)你來(lái)的原因。爐火和吊燈還不足陪伴我,派洛特也不行,因?yàn)樗鼈兌疾粫?huì)說(shuō)話(huà)。阿黛勒稍微好一些,但還是遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)低于標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。費(fèi)爾法克斯太太同樣如此。而你,我相信是合我意的,要是你愿意。第一天晚上我邀請(qǐng)你下樓到這里來(lái)的時(shí)候,你就使我迷惑不解。從那時(shí)候起,我已幾乎把你忘了。腦子里盡想著其他事情,顧不上你。不過(guò)今天晚上我決定安閑自在些,忘掉糾纏不休的念頭,回憶回憶愉快的事兒?,F(xiàn)在我樂(lè)于把你的情況掏出來(lái),進(jìn)一步了解你,所以你就說(shuō)吧 ”

我沒(méi)有說(shuō)話(huà),卻代之以微笑,既不特別得意,也不順從。

“說(shuō)吧,”他催促著。

“說(shuō)什么呢,先生。”

“愛(ài)說(shuō)什么就說(shuō)什么,說(shuō)的內(nèi)容和方式,全由你自己選擇吧。”

結(jié)果我還是端坐著,什么也沒(méi)有說(shuō)。“要是他希望我為說(shuō)而說(shuō),炫耀一番,那他會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)他找錯(cuò)了人啦,”我想。

“你一聲不吭,愛(ài)小姐。”

我依然一聲不吭。他向我微微低下頭來(lái),匆匆地投過(guò)來(lái)一瞥,似乎要探究我的眼睛。

“固執(zhí)?”他說(shuō),“而且生氣了。噢,這是一致的。我提出要求的方式,荒謬而近乎蠻橫。愛(ài)小姐,請(qǐng)你原諒。實(shí)際上,我永遠(yuǎn)不想把你當(dāng)作下人看待。那就是(糾正我自己),我有比你強(qiáng)的地方,但那只不過(guò)是年齡上大二十歲,經(jīng)歷上相差一個(gè)世紀(jì)的必然結(jié)果。這是合理的,就像阿黛勒會(huì)說(shuō)的那樣,et j' y tiens。而憑借這種優(yōu)勢(shì),也僅僅如此而已,我想請(qǐng)你跟我談一會(huì)兒,轉(zhuǎn)移一下我的思想苦苦糾纏在一點(diǎn)上,像一根生銹的釘子那樣正在腐蝕著。”

他己降格作了解釋。近乎道歉。我對(duì)他的屈尊俯就并沒(méi)有無(wú)動(dòng)于衷,也不想顯得如此。

“先生,只要我能夠,我是樂(lè)意為你解悶的,十分樂(lè)意。不過(guò)我不能隨便談個(gè)話(huà)題,因?yàn)槲以趺粗滥銓?duì)什么感興趣呢?你提問(wèn)吧,我盡力回答。”

“那么首先一個(gè)問(wèn)題是,你同不同意,基于我所陳述的理由,我有權(quán)在某些時(shí)候稍微專(zhuān)橫、唐突或者嚴(yán)厲些呢?我的理由是,按我的年紀(jì)。我可以做你的父親,而且有著多變的人生閱歷,同很多國(guó)家的很多人打過(guò)交道。漂泊了半個(gè)地球。而你卻是太太平平地跟同一類(lèi)人生活在同一幢房子里。”

“你愛(ài)怎樣就怎樣吧,先生。”

“你并沒(méi)有回答我的問(wèn)題?;蚴钦f(shuō),你回答很氣人,因?yàn)楹湓~——回答得明確些。”

“先生,我并不認(rèn)為你有權(quán)支使我,僅僅因?yàn)槟隳昙o(jì)比我大些,或者比我閱歷豐富——你所說(shuō)的優(yōu)越感取決于你對(duì)時(shí)間和經(jīng)歷的利用。”

“哼!答得倒快。但我不承認(rèn),我認(rèn)為與我的情況絕不相符,因?yàn)閷?duì)兩者的有利條件,我毫無(wú)興趣。更不必說(shuō)沒(méi)有充分利用了。那么我們暫且不談這優(yōu)越性問(wèn)題吧,但你必須偶偶爾聽(tīng)候我吩咐,而不因?yàn)槊畹目谖敲嫔鷼饣騻?,好嗎?rdquo;

我微微一笑。我暗自思忖道,“羅切斯特先生也真奇怪——他好像忘了,付我三十鎊年薪是讓我聽(tīng)他吩咐的。”

“笑得好,”他立即抓住了轉(zhuǎn)瞬即逝表情說(shuō),“不過(guò)還得開(kāi)口講話(huà)。”

“先生,我在想,很少有主人會(huì)費(fèi)心去問(wèn)他們雇傭的下屬,會(huì)不會(huì)因?yàn)楸环愿蓝鷼夂蛡摹?rdquo;

“雇傭的下屬!什么,你是我雇傭的下屬是不是,哦,是的,我把薪俸的事兒給忘了?好吧,那么出于雇傭觀點(diǎn),你肯讓我耍點(diǎn)兒威風(fēng)嗎?”

“不,先生,不是出于那個(gè)理由。但出于你忘掉了雇傭觀點(diǎn),卻關(guān)心你的下屬處于從屬地位心情是否愉快,我是完全肯的。”

“你會(huì)同意我省去很多陳規(guī)舊矩,而不認(rèn)為這出自于蠻橫嗎?”

“我肯定同意,先生。我決不會(huì)把不拘禮節(jié)錯(cuò)當(dāng)蠻橫無(wú)理。一個(gè)是我比較喜歡的,而另一個(gè)是任何一位自由人都不會(huì)屈從的,即使是為了賺取薪金。”

“胡扯!為了薪金,大多數(shù)自由人對(duì)什么都會(huì)屈服,因此,只說(shuō)你自己吧,不要妄談普遍現(xiàn)象,你對(duì)此一無(wú)所知。盡管你的回答并不確切,但因?yàn)樗以谛睦锿阄帐盅院?,同樣還因?yàn)槟慊卮鸬膬?nèi)容和回答的態(tài)度。這種態(tài)度坦率誠(chéng)懇、并不常見(jiàn)。不,恰恰相反,矯揉造作或者冷漠無(wú)情,或者對(duì)你的意思愚蠢而粗俗地加以誤解,常常是坦率正直所得到的報(bào)答。三千個(gè)初出校門(mén)的女學(xué)生式家庭教師中,像你剛才那么回答我的不到三個(gè),不過(guò)我無(wú)意恭維你,要說(shuō)你是從跟大多數(shù)人不同的模子里澆制出來(lái)的,這不是你的功勞,而是造化的圣績(jī)。再說(shuō)我的結(jié)論畢竟下得過(guò)于匆忙。就我所知,你也未必勝過(guò)其他人。也許有難以容忍的缺點(diǎn),抵銷(xiāo)你不多的長(zhǎng)處。”

“可能你也一樣,”我想,這想法掠過(guò)腦際時(shí),他的目光與我的相遇了。他似乎已揣度出我眼神的含意,便作了回答,仿佛那含意不僅存在于想象之中,而且己經(jīng)說(shuō)出口了。

“對(duì),對(duì),你說(shuō)得對(duì),”他說(shuō),“我自己也有很多過(guò)失,我知道。我向你擔(dān)保,我不想掩飾,上帝知道,我不必對(duì)別人太苛刻。我要反省往昔的經(jīng)歷、一連串行為和一種生活方式,因此會(huì)招來(lái)鄰居的譏諷和責(zé)備。我開(kāi)始,或者不如說(shuō)(因?yàn)橄衿渌羞^(guò)失的人一樣,我總愛(ài)把一半的罪責(zé)推給厄運(yùn)和逆境)在我二十一歲時(shí)我被拋入歧途,而且從此之后,再也沒(méi)有回到正道上。要不然我也許會(huì)大不相同,也許會(huì)像你一樣好——更聰明些——幾乎一樣潔白無(wú)瑕。我羨慕你平靜的心境,清白的良心、純潔的記憶,小姑娘,沒(méi)有污點(diǎn)未經(jīng)感染的記憶必定是一大珍寶,是身心愉快的永不枯竭的源泉,是不是?”

“你十八歲時(shí)的記憶怎么樣,先生?”

“那時(shí)很好,無(wú)憂(yōu)無(wú)慮,十分健康。沒(méi)有滾滾污水把它變成臭水潭。十八歲時(shí)我同你不相上下——完全加此??偟恼f(shuō)來(lái),大自然有意讓我做個(gè)好人,愛(ài)小姐,較好的一類(lèi)人中的一個(gè),而你看到了,現(xiàn)在我卻變了樣,你會(huì)說(shuō),你并沒(méi)有看到。至少我自以為從你的眼睛里看到了這層意思(順便提一句,你要注意那個(gè)器官流露出來(lái)的感情,我可是很善于察言觀色的),那么相信我的話(huà)——我不是一個(gè)惡棍。你不要那么猜想——不要把這些惡名加給我。不過(guò)我確實(shí)相信,由于環(huán)境而不是天性的緣故,我成了一個(gè)普普通通的罪人,表現(xiàn)在種種可憐的小小放蕩上,富裕而無(wú)用的人都想以這種放蕩來(lái)點(diǎn)綴人生,我向你坦露自己的心跡,你覺(jué)得奇怪嗎?你要知道,在你未來(lái)的人生道路上,你常常會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)不由自主地被當(dāng)作知己,去傾聽(tīng)你熟人的隱秘。人們像我那樣憑直覺(jué)就能感到,你的高明之處不在于談?wù)撃阕约?,而在于傾聽(tīng)別人談?wù)撍麄冏约?,他們也?huì)感到,你聽(tīng)的時(shí)候,并沒(méi)有因?yàn)閯e人行為不端而露出不懷好意的蔑視,而是懷著一種發(fā)自?xún)?nèi)心的同情。這種同情給人以撫慰和鼓舞、因?yàn)樗遣粍?dòng)聲色地流露出來(lái)的。”

“你怎么知道的?——這種種情況,你怎么猜到的呢,先生?”

“我知道得清清楚楚,因此我談起來(lái)無(wú)拘無(wú)束,幾乎就像把我的思想寫(xiě)在日記中一樣,你會(huì)說(shuō),我本應(yīng)當(dāng)戰(zhàn)勝環(huán)境,確實(shí)應(yīng)當(dāng)這樣——確實(shí)應(yīng)當(dāng)這樣。不過(guò)你看到了,我沒(méi)有戰(zhàn)勝環(huán)境。當(dāng)命運(yùn)虧待了我時(shí),我沒(méi)有明智地保持冷靜,我開(kāi)始絕望,隨后墜落了,現(xiàn)在要是一個(gè)可惡的傻瓜用卑俗的下流話(huà)激起我的厭惡,我并不以為我的表現(xiàn)會(huì)比他好些,我不得不承認(rèn)我與他彼此彼此而已。我真希望當(dāng)初自己能不為所動(dòng)——上帝知道我是這么希望的。愛(ài)小姐,當(dāng)你受到誘惑要做錯(cuò)事的時(shí)候,你要視悔恨為畏途,悔恨是生活的毒藥。”

“據(jù)說(shuō)懺悔是治療的良藥,生先。”

“懺悔治不了它、悔改也許可以療救。而我能悔改——我有力量這么做——如果——不過(guò)既然我已經(jīng)負(fù)荷沉重、步履艱難該受詛咒了,現(xiàn)在想這管什么用呢?既然我已被無(wú)可挽回地剝奪了幸福,那我就有權(quán)利從生活中獲得快樂(lè)。我一定要得到它,不管代價(jià)有多大。”

“那你會(huì)進(jìn)一步沉淪的,先生。”

“可能如此。不過(guò)要是我能獲得新鮮甜蜜的歡樂(lè),為什么我必定要沉淪呢?也許我所得到的,同蜜蜂在沼澤地上釀成的野蜂蜜一樣甜蜜,一樣新鮮。”

“它會(huì)螯人的——而且有苦味,先生。”

“你怎么知道?——你從來(lái)沒(méi)有試過(guò)。多嚴(yán)肅!——你看上去多一本正經(jīng)呀,而你對(duì)這種事情一無(wú)所知,跟這個(gè)浮雕頭像一模一樣(從壁爐上取了一個(gè))!你無(wú)權(quán)對(duì)我說(shuō)教,你這位新教士,你還沒(méi)有步入生活之門(mén),對(duì)內(nèi)中的奧秘毫不知情。”

“我不過(guò)是提醒一下你自己的話(huà),先生。你說(shuō)錯(cuò)誤帶來(lái)悔恨,而你又說(shuō)悔恨是生活的毒藥。”

“現(xiàn)在誰(shuí)說(shuō)起錯(cuò)誤啦?我并不以為,剛才閃過(guò)我腦際的想法是個(gè)錯(cuò)誤。我相信這是一種靈感,而不是一種誘惑,它非常親切,非常令人欣慰——這我清楚。瞧,它又現(xiàn)形了。我敢肯定,它不是魔鬼,或者要真是的話(huà),它披著光明天使的外衣。我認(rèn)為這樣一位美麗的賓客要求進(jìn)入我心扉的時(shí)候,我應(yīng)當(dāng)允許她進(jìn)來(lái)。”

“別相信它,先生。它不是一個(gè)真正的天使。”

“再說(shuō)一遍,你怎么知道的呢?你憑什么直覺(jué),就裝作能區(qū)別一位墜入深淵的天使和一個(gè)來(lái)自永恒王座的使者——區(qū)別一位向?qū)Ш鸵粋€(gè)勾引者?”

“我是根據(jù)你說(shuō)產(chǎn)生這種聯(lián)想的時(shí)候你臉上不安的表情來(lái)判斷的。我敢肯定,要是你聽(tīng)信了它,那它一定會(huì)給你造成更大的不幸。”

“絕對(duì)不會(huì)——它帶著世上最好的信息,至于別的,你又不是我良心的監(jiān)護(hù)人,因此別感到不安。來(lái)吧,進(jìn)來(lái)吧,美麗的流浪者!”

他仿佛在對(duì)著一個(gè)除了他自己別人什么看不見(jiàn)的幻影說(shuō)話(huà),隨后他把伸出了一半的胳膊,收起來(lái)放在胸部,似乎要把看不見(jiàn)的人摟在懷里。

“現(xiàn)在,”他繼續(xù)說(shuō),再次轉(zhuǎn)向了我,“我已經(jīng)接待了這位流浪者——喬裝打扮的神,我完全相信。它已經(jīng)為我做了好事。我的心原本是一個(gè)停骸所,現(xiàn)在會(huì)成為一個(gè)神龕。”

“說(shuō)實(shí)話(huà),先生,我一點(diǎn)也聽(tīng)不懂你的話(huà)。你的談話(huà)我跟不上,因?yàn)橐呀?jīng)越出了我所能理解的深度。我只知道一點(diǎn),你曾說(shuō)你并不像自己所希望的那樣好,你對(duì)自己的缺陷感到遺憾——有一件事我是理解的,那就是你說(shuō)的,玷污了的記憶是一個(gè)永久的禍根。我似乎覺(jué)得,只要你全力以赴,到時(shí)候你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)有可能成為自己所向往的人,而要是你現(xiàn)在就下決心開(kāi)始糾正你的思想和行動(dòng),不出幾年,你就可以建立一個(gè)一塵不染的新記憶倉(cāng)庫(kù),你也許會(huì)很樂(lè)意地去回味。”

“想得合理,說(shuō)得也對(duì),愛(ài)小姐,而這會(huì)兒我是使勁在給地獄鋪路。”

“先生?”

“我正在用良好的意圖鋪路,我相信它像燧石一般耐磨。當(dāng)然,今后我所交往的人和追求的東西與以往的不同了。”

“比以往更好?”

“是更好——就像純粹的礦石比污穢的渣滓要好得多一樣。你似乎對(duì)我表示懷疑,我倒不懷疑自己。我明白自己的目的是什么,動(dòng)機(jī)是什么。此刻我要通過(guò)一項(xiàng)目的和動(dòng)機(jī)都是正通八達(dá)確的法律,它像瑪代人和波斯人的法律那樣不可更改。”

“先生,它們需要一個(gè)新的法規(guī)將它合法化,否則就不能成立。”

“愛(ài)小姐,盡管完全需要一個(gè)新法規(guī),但它們能成立;沒(méi)有先例的復(fù)雜狀況需要沒(méi)有先例的法則。”

“這聽(tīng)起來(lái)是個(gè)危險(xiǎn)的格言,先生,因?yàn)橐谎劬涂梢钥闯鰜?lái),容易造成濫用。”

“善用格言的圣人!就是這么回事,但我以家神的名義發(fā)誓,決不濫用。”

“你是凡人,所以難免出錯(cuò)。”

“我是凡人,你也一樣——那又怎么樣?”

“凡人難免出錯(cuò),不應(yīng)當(dāng)冒用放心地托付給神明和完人的權(quán)力。”

“什么權(quán)力?”

“對(duì)奇怪而未經(jīng)準(zhǔn)許的行動(dòng)就說(shuō),‘算它對(duì)吧。’”

“‘算它對(duì)吧’——就是這幾個(gè)字,你已經(jīng)說(shuō)出來(lái)了。”

“那就說(shuō)‘愿它對(duì)吧,’我說(shuō)著站起來(lái),覺(jué)得已沒(méi)有必要再繼續(xù)這番自己感到糊里糊涂的談話(huà)。此外,我也意識(shí)到,對(duì)方的性格是無(wú)法摸透的,至少目前是這樣,我還感到?jīng)]有把握,有一種朦朧的不安全感,同時(shí)還確信自己很無(wú)知。”

“你上哪兒去?”

“阿黛勒睡覺(jué),已經(jīng)過(guò)了她上床的時(shí)間了。”

“你害怕我,因?yàn)槲医徽勂饋?lái)像斯芬克斯。”

“你的語(yǔ)言不可捉模,先生。不過(guò)盡管我迷惑不解,但我根本不怕。”

“你是害怕的——你的自愛(ài)心理使你害怕出大錯(cuò)。”

“要是那樣說(shuō),我的確有些擔(dān)憂(yōu)——我不想胡說(shuō)八道。”

“你即使胡說(shuō)八道,也會(huì)是一付板著面孔,不動(dòng)聲色的神態(tài),我還會(huì)誤以為說(shuō)得很在理呢。你從來(lái)沒(méi)有笑過(guò)嗎,愛(ài)小姐?你不必費(fèi)心來(lái)回答了——我知道你難得一笑,可是你可以笑得很歡。請(qǐng)相信我,你不是生來(lái)嚴(yán)肅的,就像我不是生來(lái)可惡的。羅沃德的束縛,至今仍在你身上留下某些印跡,控制著你的神態(tài),壓抑著你的嗓音,捆綁著你的手腳,所以你害怕在一個(gè)男人,一位兄長(zhǎng)——或者父親、或者主人,隨你怎么說(shuō)——面前開(kāi)懷大笑,害怕說(shuō)話(huà)太隨便,害怕動(dòng)作太迅速,不過(guò)到時(shí)候,我想你會(huì)學(xué)著同我自然一些的,就像覺(jué)得要我按照陋習(xí)來(lái)對(duì)待你是不可能的,到那時(shí),你的神態(tài)和動(dòng)作會(huì)比現(xiàn)在所敢于流露的更富有生氣、更多姿多彩。我透過(guò)木條緊固的鳥(niǎo)籠,不時(shí)觀察著一只頗念新奇的鳥(niǎo),籠子里是一個(gè)活躍、不安、不屈不撓的囚徒,一旦獲得自由,它一定會(huì)高飛云端。你還是執(zhí)意要走?”

“己經(jīng)過(guò)了九點(diǎn),先生。”

“沒(méi)有關(guān)系——等一會(huì)兒吧,阿黛勒還沒(méi)有準(zhǔn)備好上床呢,愛(ài)小姐,我背靠爐火,面對(duì)房間,有利于觀察,跟你說(shuō)話(huà)的時(shí)候,我也不時(shí)注意著她(我有自己的理由把她當(dāng)作奇特的研究對(duì)象,這理由我某一天可以,不,我會(huì)講給你聽(tīng)的),大約十分鐘之前,她從箱子里取出一件粉紅色絲綢小上衣,打開(kāi)的時(shí)候臉上充滿(mǎn)了喜悅,媚俗之氣流動(dòng)在她的血液里,融化在她的腦髓里,沉淀在她的骨髓里。‘Il faut que je I'essaie!’她嚷道,‘et aIinstant meme!于是她沖出了房間?,F(xiàn)在她跟索菲婭在一起,正忙著試裝呢。不要幾分鐘,她會(huì)再次進(jìn)來(lái),我知道我會(huì)看到什么——塞莉納.瓦倫的縮影,當(dāng)年帷幕開(kāi)啟,她出現(xiàn)在舞臺(tái)上時(shí)的模樣,不過(guò),不去管它啦。然而,我的最溫柔的感情將為之震動(dòng),這就是我的預(yù)感,呆著別走,看看是不是會(huì)兌現(xiàn)。”

不久,我就聽(tīng)見(jiàn)阿黛勒的小腳輕快地走過(guò)客廳,她進(jìn)來(lái)了,正如她的保護(hù)人所預(yù)見(jiàn)的那樣,已判若兩人。一套玫瑰色緞子衣服代替了原先的棕色上衣,這衣服很短,裙擺大得不能再大。她的額頭上戴著一個(gè)玫瑰花蕾的花環(huán),腳上穿著絲襪和白緞子小涼鞋。

“Est ce que ma robe va bien?”她跳跳蹦蹦跑到前面叫道“et mes souliers? et mes bas? Tenez, je crois que je vais danser!”

她展開(kāi)裙子,用快滑步舞姿穿過(guò)房間,到了羅切斯特先生的跟前,踮著腳在他面前輕盈地轉(zhuǎn)了一圈,隨后一個(gè)膝頭著地,蹲在他腳邊,嚷著:

“Monsieur, je vous remercie mille fois de votre bonte,”隨后她立起來(lái)補(bǔ)充了一句:“C'est comme cela que maman faisait, n'est ce pas,Monsieur?”

“確——實(shí)——像”他答道,“而且‘commecela’,她把我迷住了,從我英國(guó)褲袋里騙走了我英國(guó)的錢(qián)。我也很稚嫩,愛(ài)小姐——唉,青草一般稚嫩,一度使我生氣勃勃的青春色彩并不淡于如今的你。不過(guò)我的春天已經(jīng)逝去,但它在我手中留下了一小朵法國(guó)小花,在某些心境中,我真想把它擺脫。我并不珍重生出它的根來(lái),還發(fā)現(xiàn)它需要用金土來(lái)培植,于是我對(duì)這朵花三心二意了,特別是像現(xiàn)在這樣它看上去多么矯揉造作。我收留它,養(yǎng)育它,多半是按照羅馬天主教教義,用做一件好事來(lái)贖無(wú)數(shù)大大小小的罪孽。改天再給你解釋這一切,晚安。”

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