CHAPTER XIII
MR. ROCHESTER, it seems, by the surgeon's orders, went to bed early that night; nor did he rise soon next morning. When he did come down, it was to attend to business: his agent and some of his tenants were arrived, and waiting to speak with him.
Adele and I had now to vacate the library: it would be in daily requisition as a reception-room for callers. A fire was lit in an apartment upstairs, and there I carried our books, and arranged it for the future schoolroom. I discerned in the course of the morning that Thornfield Hall was a changed place: no longer silent as a church, it echoed every hour or two to a knock at the door, or a clang of the bell: steps, too, often traversed the hall, and new voices spoke in different keys below; a rill from the outer world was flowing through it; it had a master: for my part, I liked it better.
Adele was not easy to teach that day; she could not apply: she kept running to the door and looking over the banisters to see if she could get a glimpse of Mr. Rochester; then she coined pretexts to go downstairs, in order, as I shrewdly suspected, to visit the library, where I knew she was not wanted; then, when I got a little angry, and made her sit still, she continued to talk incessantly of her 'ami, Monsieur Edouard Fairfax de Rochester,' as she dubbed him (I had not before heard his prenomens), and to conjecture what presents he had brought her: for it appears he had intimated the night before, that when his luggage came from Millcote, there would be found amongst it a little box in whose contents she had an interest.
'Et cela doit signifier,' said she, 'qu'il y aura la dedans un cadeau pour moi, et peut-etre pour vous aussi, mademoiselle.
Monsieur a parle de vous: il m'a demande le nom de ma gouvernante, et si elle n'etait pas une petite personne, assez mince et un peu pale. J'ai dit qu'oui: car c'est vrai, n'est-ce pas, mademoiselle?'
I and my pupil dined as usual in Mrs. Fairfax's parlour; the afternoon was wild and snowy, and we passed it in the schoolroom. At dark I allowed Adele to put away books and work, and to run downstairs; for, from the comparative silence below, and from the cessation of appeals to the door-bell, I conjectured that Mr. Rochester was now at liberty. Left alone, I walked to the window; but nothing was to be seen thence: twilight and snowflakes together thickened the air, and hid the very shrubs on the lawn. I let down the curtain and went back to the fireside.
In the clear embers I was tracing a view, not unlike a picture I remembered to have seen of the castle of Heidelberg, on the Rhine, when Mrs. Fairfax came in, breaking up by her entrance the fiery mosaic I had been piecing together, and scattering too some heavy unwelcome thoughts that were beginning to throng on my solitude.
'Mr. Rochester would be glad if you and your pupil would take tea with him in the drawing-room this evening,' said she: 'he has been so much engaged all day that he could not ask to see you before.'
'When is his tea-time?' I inquired.
'Oh, at six o'clock: he keeps early hours in the country. You had better change your frock now; I will go with you and fasten it. Here is a candle.'
'Is it necessary to change my frock?'
'Yes, you had better: I always dress for the evening when Mr. Rochester is here.'
This additional ceremony seemed somewhat stately; however, I repaired to my room, and, with Mrs. Fairfax's aid, replaced my black stuff dress by one of black silk; the best and the only additional one I had, except one of light grey, which, in my Lowood notions of the toilette, I thought too fine to be worn, except on first-rate occasions.
'You want a brooch,' said Mrs. Fairfax. I had a single little pearl ornament which Miss Temple gave me as a parting keepsake: I put it on, and then we went downstairs. Unused as I was to strangers, it was rather a trial to appear thus formally summoned in Mr. Rochester's presence. I let Mrs. Fairfax precede me into the dining-room, and kept in her shade as we crossed that apartment; and, passing the arch, whose curtain was now dropped, entered the elegant recess beyond.
Two wax candles stood lighted on the table, and two on the mantelpiece; basking in the light and heat of a superb fire, lay Pilot- Adele knelt near him. Half reclined on a couch appeared Mr. Rochester, his foot supported by the cushion; he was looking at Adele and the dog: the fire shone full on his face. I knew my traveller with his broad and jetty eyebrows; his square forehead, made squarer by the horizontal sweep of his black hair. I recognised his decisive nose, more remarkable for character than beauty; his full nostrils, denoting, I thought, choler; his grim mouth, chin, and jaw- yes, all three were very grim, and no mistake. His shape, now divested of cloak, I perceived harmonised in squareness with his physiognomy: I suppose it was a good figure in the athletic sense of the term- broad chested and thin flanked, though neither tall nor graceful.
Mr. Rochester must have been aware of the entrance of Mrs. Fairfax and myself; but it appeared he was not in the mood to notice us, for he never lifted his head as we approached.
'Here is Miss Eyre, sir,' said Mrs. Fairfax, in her quiet way. He bowed, still not taking his eyes from the group of the dog and child.
'Let Miss Eyre be seated,' said he: and there was something in the forced stiff bow, in the impatient yet formal tone, which seemed further to express, 'What the deuce is it to me whether Miss Eyre be there or not? At this moment I am not disposed to accost her.'
I sat down quite disembarrassed. A reception of finished politeness would probably have confused me: I could not have returned or repaid it by answering grace and elegance on my part; but harsh caprice laid me under no obligation; on the contrary, a decent quiescence, under the freak of manner, gave me the advantage. Besides, the eccentricity of the proceeding was piquant: I felt interested to see how he would go on.
He went on as a statue would, that is, he neither spoke nor moved. Mrs. Fairfax seemed to think it necessary that some one should be amiable, and she began to talk. Kindly, as usual- and, as usual, rather trite- she condoled with him on the pressure of business he had had all day; on the annoyance it must have been to him with that painful sprain: then she commended his patience and perseverance in going through with it.
'Madam, I should like some tea,' was the sole rejoinder she got.
She hastened to ring the bell; and when the tray came, she proceeded to arrange the cups, spoons, etc., with assiduous celerity. I and Adele went to the table; but the master did not leave his couch.
'Will you hand Mr. Rochester's cup?' said Mrs. Fairfax to me;
'Adele might perhaps spill it.'
I did as requested. As he took the cup from my hand, Adele, thinking the moment propitious for making a request in my favour, cried out-
'N'est-ce pas, monsieur, qu'il y a un cadeau pour Mademoiselle Eyre dans votre petit coffre?'
'Who talks of cadeaux?' said he gruffly. 'Did you expect a present, Miss Eyre? Are you fond of presents?' and he searched my face with eyes that I saw were dark, irate, and piercing.
'I hardly know, sir; I have little experience of them: they are generally thought pleasant things.'
'Generally thought? But what do you think?'
'I should be obliged to take time, sir, before I could give you an answer worthy of your acceptance: a present has many faces to it, has it not? and one should consider all, before pronouncing an opinion as to its nature.'
'Miss Eyre, you are not so unsophisticated as Adele: she demands a "cadeau," clamorously, the moment she sees me: you beat about the bush.'
'Because I have less confidence in my deserts than Adele has: she can prefer the claim of old acquaintance, and the right too of custom; for she says you have always been in the habit of giving her playthings; but if I had to make out a case I should be puzzled, since I am a stranger, and have done nothing to entitle me to an acknowledgment.'
'Oh, don't fall back on over-modesty! I have examined Adele, and find you have taken great pains with her: she is not bright, she has no talents; yet in a short time she has made much improvement.'
'Sir, you have now given me my "cadeau"; I am obliged to you: it is the meed teachers most covet-praise of their pupils' progress.'
'Humph!' said Mr. Rochester, and he took his tea in silence.
'Come to the fire,' said the master, when the tray was taken away, and Mrs. Fairfax had settled into a corner with her knitting; while Adele was leading me by the hand round the room, showing me the beautiful books and ornaments on the consoles and chiffonnieres.
We obeyed, as in duty bound; Adele wanted to take a seat on my knee, but she was ordered to amuse herself with Pilot.
'You have been resident in my house three months?'
'Yes, sir.'
'And you came from-?'
'Ah! a charitable concern. How long were you there?'
'Eight years.'
'Eight years! you must be tenacious of life. I thought half the time in such a place would have done up any constitution! No wonder you have rather the look of another world. I marvelled where you had got that sort of face. When you came on me in Hay Lane last night, I thought unaccountably of fairy tales, and had half a mind to demand whether you had bewitched my horse: I am not sure yet. Who are your parents?'
'I have none.'
'Nor ever had, I suppose: do you remember them?'
'No.'
'I thought not. And so you were waiting for your people when you sat on that stile?'
'For whom, sir?'
'For the men in green: it was a proper moonlight evening for them. Did I break through one of your rings, that you spread that damned ice on the causeway?'
I shook my head. 'The men in green all forsook England a hundred years ago,' said I, speaking as seriously as he had done. 'And not even in Hay Lane, or the fields about it, could you find a trace of them. I don't think either summer or harvest, or winter moon, will ever shine on their revels more.'
Mrs. Fairfax had dropped her knitting, and, with raised eyebrows, seemed wondering what sort of talk this was.
'Well,' resumed Mr. Rochester, 'if you disown parents, you must have some sort of kinsfolk: uncles and aunts?'
'No; none that I ever saw.'
'And your home?'
'I have none.'
'Where do your brothers and sisters live?'
'I have no brothers or sisters.'
'Who recommended you to come here?'
'I advertised, and Mrs. Fairfax answered my advertisement.'
'Yes,' said the good lady, who now knew what ground we were upon, 'and I am daily thankful for the choice Providence led me to make.
Miss Eyre has been an invaluable companion to me, and a kind and careful teacher to Adele.'
'Don't trouble yourself to give her a character,' returned Mr. Rochester: 'eulogiums will not bias me; I shall judge for myself.
She began by felling my horse.'
'Sir?' said Mrs. Fairfax.
'I have to thank her for this sprain.'
The widow looked bewildered.
'Miss Eyre, have you ever lived in a town?'
'No, sir.'
'Have you seen much society?'
'None but the pupils and teachers of Lowood, and now the inmates of Thornfield.'
'Have you read much?'
'Only such books as came in my way; and they have not been numerous or very learned.'
'You have lived the life of a nun: no doubt you are well drilled in religious forms;- Brocklehurst, who I understand directs Lowood, is a parson, is he not?'
'Yes, sir.'
'And you girls probably worshipped him, as a convent full of religieuses would worship their director.'
'Oh, no.'
'You are very cool! No! What! a novice not worship her priest! That sounds blasphemous.'
'I disliked Mr. Brocklehurst; and I was not alone in the feeling.
He is a harsh man; at once pompous and meddling; he cut off our hair; and for economy's sake bought us bad needles and thread, with which we could hardly sew.'
'That was very false economy,' remarked Mrs. Fairfax, who now again caught the drift of the dialogue.
'And was that the head and front of his offending?' demanded Mr. Rochester.
'He starved us when he had the sole superintendence of the provision department, before the committee was appointed; and he bored us with long lectures once a week, and with evening readings from books of his own inditing, about sudden deaths and judgments, which made us afraid to go to bed.'
'What age were you when you went to Lowood?'
'About ten.'
'And you stayed there eight years: you are now, then, eighteen?' I assented.
'Arithmetic, you see, is useful; without its aid, I should hardly have been able to guess your age. It is a point difficult to fix where the features and countenance are so much at variance as in your case. And now what did you learn at Lowood? Can you play?'
'A little.'
'Of course: that is the established answer. Go into the library- I mean, if you please.- (Excuse my tone of command; I am used to say, "Do this," and it is done: I cannot alter my customary habits for one new inmate.)- Go, then, into the library; take a candle with you; leave the door open; sit down to the piano, and play a tune.'
I departed, obeying his directions.
'Enough!' he called out in a few minutes. 'You play a little, I see; like any other English school-girl; perhaps rather better than some, but not well.'
I closed the piano and returned. Mr. Rochester continued- 'Adele showed me some sketches this morning, which she said were yours. I don't know whether they were entirely of your doing; probably a master aided you?'
'No, indeed!' I interjected.
'Ah! that pricks pride. Well, fetch me your portfolio, if you can vouch for its contents being original; but don't pass your word unless you are certain: I can recognise patchwork.'
'Then I will say nothing, and you shall judge for yourself, sir.' I brought the portfolio from the library.
'Approach the table,' said he; and I wheeled it to his couch. Adele and Mrs. Fairfax drew near to see the pictures.
'No crowding,' said Mr. Rochester: 'take the drawings from my hand as I finish with them; but don't push your faces up to mine.'
He deliberately scrutinised each sketch and painting. Three he laid aside; the others, when he had examined them, he swept from him.
'Take them off to the other table, Mrs. Fairfax,' said he, 'and look at them with Adele;- you' (glancing at me) 'resume your seat, and answer my questions. I perceive those pictures were done by one hand: was that hand yours?'
'Yes.'
'And when did you find time to do them? They have taken much time, and some thought.'
'I did them in the last two vacations I spent at Lowood, when I had no other occupation.'
'Where did you get your copies?'
'Out of my head.'
'That head I see now on your shoulders?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Has it other furniture of the same kind within?'
'I should think it may have: I should hope- better.'
He spread the pictures before him, and again surveyed them alternately.
While he is so occupied, I will tell you, reader, what they are: and first, I must premise that they are nothing wonderful. The subjects had, indeed, risen vividly on my mind. As I saw them with the spiritual eye, before I attempted to embody them, they were striking; but my hand would not second my fancy, and in each case it had wrought out but a pale portrait of the thing I had conceived.
These pictures were in water-colours. The first represented clouds low and livid, rolling over a swollen sea: all the distance was in eclipse; so, too, was the foreground; or rather, the nearest billows, for there was no land. One gleam of light lifted into relief a half-submerged mast, on which sat a cormorant, dark and large, with wings flecked with foam; its beak held a gold bracelet set with gems, that I had touched with as brilliant tints as my palette could yield, and as glittering distinctness as my pencil could impart.
Sinking below the bird and mast, a drowned corpse glanced through the green water; a fair arm was the only limb clearly visible, whence the bracelet had been washed or torn.
The second picture contained for foreground only the dim peak of a hill, with grass and some leaves slanting as if by a breeze.
Beyond and above spread an expanse of sky, dark blue as at twilight: rising into the sky was a woman's shape to the bust, portrayed in tints as dusk and soft as I could combine. The dim forehead was crowned with a star; the lineaments below were seen as through the suffusion of vapour; the eyes shone dark and wild; the hair streamed shadowy, like a beamless cloud torn by storm or by electric travail.
On the neck lay a pale reflection like moonlight; the same faint lustre touched the train of thin clouds from which rose and bowed this vision of the Evening Star.
The third showed the pinnacle of an iceberg piercing a polar winter sky: a muster of northern lights reared their dim lances, close serried, along the horizon. Throwing these into distance, rose, in the foreground, a head,- a colossal head, inclined towards the iceberg, and resting against it. Two thin hands, joined under the forehead, and supporting it, drew up before the lower features a sable veil; a brow quite bloodless, white as bone, and an eye hollow and fixed, blank of meaning but for the glassiness of despair, alone were visible. Above the temples, amidst wreathed turban folds of black drapery, vague in its character and consistency as cloud, gleamed a ring of white flame, gemmed with sparkles of a more lurid tinge.
This pale crescent was 'the likeness of a kingly crown'; what it diademed was 'the shape which shape had none.'
'Were you happy when you painted these pictures?' asked Mr. Rochester presently.
'I was absorbed, sir: yes, and I was happy. To paint them, in short, was to enjoy one of the keenest pleasures I have ever known.'
'That is not saying much. Your pleasures, by your own account, have been few; but I daresay you did exist in a kind of artist's dreamland while you blent and arranged these strange tints. Did you sit at them long each day?'
'I had nothing else to do, because it was the vacation, and I sat at them from morning till noon, and from noon till night: the length of the midsummer days favoured my inclination to apply.'
'And you felt self-satisfied with the result of your ardent labours?'
'Far from it. I was tormented by the contrast between my idea and my handiwork: in each case I had imagined something which I was quite powerless to realise.'
'Not quite: you have secured the shadow of your thought; but no more, probably. You had not enough of the artist's skill and science to give it full being: yet the drawings are, for a school-girl, peculiar. As to the thoughts, they are elfish. These eyes in the Evening Star you must have seen in a dream. How could you make them look so clear, and yet not at all brilliant? for the planet above quells their rays. And what meaning is that in their solemn depth? And who taught you to paint wind? There is a high gale in that sky, and on this hill-top. Where did you see Latmos? For that is Latmos. There! put the drawings away!'
I had scarce tied the strings of the portfolio, when, looking at his watch, he said abruptly-
'It is nine o'clock: what are you about, Miss Eyre, to let Adele sit up so long? Take her to bed!'
Adele went to kiss him before quitting the room: he endured the caress, but scarcely seemed to relish it more than Pilot would have done, nor so much.
'I wish you all good-night, now,' said he, making a movement of the hand towards the door, in token that he was tired of our company, and wished to dismiss us. Mrs. Fairfax folded up her knitting: I took my portfolio: we curtseyed to him, received a frigid bow in return, and so withdrew.
'You said Mr. Rochester was not strikingly peculiar, Mrs. Fairfax,' I observed, when I rejoined her in her room, after putting Adele to bed.
'Well, is he?'
'I think so: he is very changeful and abrupt.'
'True: no doubt he may appear so to a stranger, but I am so accustomed to his manner, I never think of it; and then, if he has peculiarities of temper, allowance should be made.'
'Why?'
'Partly because it is his nature- and we can none of us help our nature; and partly because he has painful thoughts, no doubt, to harass him, and make his spirits unequal.'
'What about?'
'Family troubles, for one thing.'
'But he has no family.'
'Not now, but he has had- or, at least, relatives. He lost his elder brother a few years since.'
'His elder brother?'
'Yes. The present Mr. Rochester has not been very long in possession of the property; only about nine years.'
'Nine years is a tolerable time. Was he so very fond of his brother as to be still inconsolable for his loss?'
'Why, no- perhaps not. I believe there were some misunderstandings between them. Mr. Rowland Rochester was not quite just to Mr. Edward; and perhaps he prejudiced his father against him. The old gentleman was fond of money, and anxious to keep the family estate together. He did not like to diminish the property by division, and yet he was anxious that Mr. Edward should have wealth, too, to keep up the consequence of the name; and, soon after he was of age, some steps were taken that were not quite fair, and made a great deal of mischief. Old Mr. Rochester and Mr. Rowland combined to bring Mr. Edward into what he considered a painful position, for the sake of making his fortune: what the precise nature of that position was I never clearly knew, but his spirit could not brook what he had to suffer in it. He is not very forgiving: he broke with his family, and now for many years he has led an unsettled kind of life. I don't think he has ever been resident at Thornfield for a fortnight together, since the death of his brother without a will left him master of the estate; and, indeed, no wonder he shuns the old place.'
'Why should he shun it?'
'Perhaps he thinks it gloomy.'
The answer was evasive. I should have liked something clearer; but Mrs. Fairfax either could not, or would not, give me more explicit information of the origin and nature of Mr. Rochester's trials. She averred they were a mystery to herself, and that what she knew was chiefly from conjecture. It was evident, indeed, that she wished me to drop the subject, which I did accordingly.
第十三章
遵照醫(yī)囑,羅切斯特先生那晚上床很早,第二天早晨也沒有馬上起身。他就是下樓來也是處理事務(wù)的,他的代理人和一些佃戶到了,等著要跟他說話。
阿黛勒和我現(xiàn)在得騰出書房,用作每日來訪者的接待室。樓上的一個房間生起了火,我把書搬到那里,把它辟為未來的讀書室。早上我覺察到桑菲爾德變了樣,不再像教堂那么沉寂,每隔一兩個小時便回響起敲門聲或拉鈴聲,常有腳步聲越過大廳,不同聲調(diào)的陌生話音也在樓下響起,一條潺潺溪流從外面世界流進了府里,因為府上有了個主人。就我來說,倒更喜歡這樣。
那天阿黛勒不大好教。她靜不下心來,不往往門邊跑,從欄桿上往下張望,看看能不能瞧一眼羅切斯特先生。隨后編造出一些借口來,要到樓下去,我一下就猜到是為了到書房去走走,我知道那兒并不需要她。隨后,見我有點兒生氣了,并讓她好好兒坐著,她就不斷嘮叨起她的"Ami,Monsieur Edouard Fairfax deRochester",她就這么稱呼他(而我以前從末聽到過他的教名),還想象著他給她帶來了什么禮物。因為他似乎在前天晚上提起過,他的行李從米爾科特運到后,內(nèi)中會有一個小匣子,匣子里的東西她很感興趣。
"Et cela doit signifier,"她說"qu'il y aura la dedans un cadeau pour moi, et peut etre pour vous aussi Mademoiselle. Monsienr a parle de vous: il m'a demande le nom de ma "坐到火爐邊來,"這位主人說。這時托盤己經(jīng)端走,費爾法克斯太太躲進角落忙著編織,阿黛勒拉住我的手在房間里打轉(zhuǎn),把她放在架子和柜子上的漂亮的書籍和飾品拿給我看,我們義不容辭地服從了。阿黛勒想坐在我膝頭上,卻被吩咐去逗派洛特玩了÷午風(fēng)雪交加,我們呆在讀書室 里。天黑時我允許阿黛勒放下書和作業(yè),奔到樓下去,因為下面已比較安靜,門鈴聲也已消 停,想必羅切斯特先生此刻有空了。房間里只剩下了我一個人,我便走到窗子跟前,但那兒 什么也看不見。暮色和雪片使空氣混混沌沌,連草坪上的灌木也看不清楚了。我放下窗簾, 回到了火爐邊。
在明亮的余燼中,我仿佛看到了一種景象,頗似我記得曾見過的萊茵河上海德堡城堡的風(fēng)景畫。這時費爾法克斯太太闖了進來,打碎了我還在拼湊的火紅鑲嵌畫,也驅(qū)散了我孤寂中開始凝聚起來的沉悶而不受歡迎的念頭。
"羅切斯特先生請你和你的學(xué)生,今晚一起同他在休息室里用茶點,"她說,"他忙了一天。沒能早點見你。"
"他什么時候用茶點?"我問。
"呃,六點鐘。在鄉(xiāng)下他總是早起早睡,現(xiàn)在你最好把外衣?lián)Q掉,我陪你去,幫你扣上扣子。拿著這支蠟燭。"
"有必要換外衣嗎?"
"是的,最好還是換一下。羅切斯特先生在這里的時候,我總是穿上夜禮服的。"
這額外的禮節(jié)似乎有些莊重,不過我還是上自己的房間去了。在費爾法克斯太太的幫助下,把黑色呢衣?lián)Q成了一件黑絲綢衣服,這是除了一套淡灰色衣服外,我最好的,也是唯一一套額外的衣裝。以我的羅沃德服飾觀念而言,我想除了頭等重要的場合,這套服裝是過于講究而不宜穿的。
"你需要一枚飾針,"費爾法克斯太太說。我只有一件珍珠小飾品,是坦普爾小姐作為臨別禮物送給我的,我把它戴上了。隨后我們下了樓梯。我由于怕生,覺得這么一本正經(jīng)被羅切斯特先生召見,實在是活受罪。去餐室時,我讓費爾法克斯太太走在我前面,自己躲在她暗影里,穿過房間,路過此刻放下了窗簾的拱門,進了另一頭高雅精致的內(nèi)室。
兩支蠟燭點在桌上,兩支點在壁爐臺上。派洛特躺著,沐浴在一堆旺火的光和熱之中,阿黛勒跪在它旁邊。羅切斯特先生半倚在睡榻上,腳下墊著坐墊。他正端詳著阿黛勒和狗,爐火映出了他的臉。我知道我見過的這位趕路人有著濃密的寬眉,方正的額頭,上面橫流著的一片黑發(fā),使額頭顯得更加方正。我認得他那堅毅的鼻子,它與其說是因為英俊,倒還不如說顯出了性格而引人注目。他那豐滿的鼻孔,我想,表明他容易發(fā)怒。他那嚴厲的嘴巴、下額和顱骨,是的,三者都很嚴厲,一點都不錯。我發(fā)現(xiàn),他此刻脫去斗篷以后的身材,同他容貌的方正很相配。我想從運動員的角度看,他胸寬腰細,身材很好,盡管既不高大,也不優(yōu)美。
羅切斯特先生準已知道,費爾法克斯太太和我進了門,但他似乎沒有興致來注意我們,我們走近時,他連頭都沒有抬。
"愛小姐來了,先生,"費爾法克斯太太斯斯文文地說。他點了下頭,目光依舊沒有離開狗和孩子。
"讓愛小姐坐下吧,"他說。他僵硬勉強的點頭樣子,不耐煩而又一本正經(jīng)的說話語氣,另有一番意思,似乎進一步表示,"活'見鬼,愛小姐在不在同我有什么關(guān)系?現(xiàn)在我不想同她打招呼。"
我坐了下來,一點也不窘。禮儀十足地接待我,倒反會使我手足無措,因為在我來說,無法報之以溫良恭謙。而粗魯任性可以使我不必拘禮,相反,行為古怪又合乎禮儀的沉默,卻給我?guī)砹朔奖?。此外,這反常接待議程也是夠有意思的,我倒有興趣看看他究竟如何繼續(xù)下去。
他繼續(xù)像一尊塑像般呆著,既不說話,也不動彈。費爾法克斯太太好像認為總需要有人隨和些,于是便先開始說起話來,照例和和氣氣,也照例很陳腐。對他整天緊張?zhí)幚硎聞?wù)而表示同情;對扭傷的痛苦所帶來的煩惱表示慰問;隨后贊揚了他承受這一切的耐心與毅力。
"太太,我想喝茶,"這是她所得到的唯一的回答,她趕緊去打鈴,托盤端上來時,又去張羅杯子,茶匙等,顯得巴結(jié)而麻利。我和阿黛勒走近桌子,而這位主人并沒離開他的睡榻。
"請你把羅切斯特先生的杯子端過去,"費爾法克斯太太對我說,"阿黛勒也許會潑灑出去的。"
我按她的要求做了。他從我手里接過杯子時,阿黛勒也許認為乘機可以為我提出個請求來,她叫道:
"N'est ce pas,Monsieur,qu'il y a un cadeau pour Mademoiselle Eyre,dans votre petit coffre?"
"誰說起過cadeaux?"他生硬地說。"你盼望一份禮物嗎,愛小姐?你喜歡禮物嗎?"他用一雙在我看來陰沉惱怒而富有穿透力的眼睛,搜索著我的面容。
"我說不上來,先生,我對這些東西沒有什么經(jīng)驗,一般認為是討人喜歡的。"
"一般認為:可是你認為呢?"
"我得需要一點時間,先生,才能作出值得你接受的回答。一件禮物可以從多方面去看它,是不是?而人們需要全面考慮,才能發(fā)表關(guān)于禮物性質(zhì)的意見。"
"愛小姐,你不像阿黛勒那么單純,她一見到我就嚷著要'cadeau',而你卻轉(zhuǎn)彎抹角。"
"因為我對自己是否配得禮物,不像阿黛勒那么有信心,她可憑老關(guān)系老習(xí)慣提出要求,因為她說你一貫送她玩具,但如果要我發(fā)表看法的話,我就不知道該怎么說了,因為我是個陌生人,沒有做過什么值得感謝的事情。"
"啊,別以過份謙虛來搪塞!我己經(jīng)檢查過阿黛勒的功課,發(fā)現(xiàn)你為她花了很大力氣,她并不聰明,也沒有什么天份,但在短期內(nèi)取得了很大進步。"
"先生,你已經(jīng)給了我'cadeau',我很感謝你,贊揚學(xué)生的進步,是教師們最向往的酬勞。"
"哼!"羅切斯特先生哼了一聲,默默地喝起茶來。
"坐到火爐邊來,"這位主人說。這時托盤己經(jīng)端走,費爾法克斯太太躲進角落忙著編織,阿黛勒拉住我的手在房間里打轉(zhuǎn),把她放在架子和柜子上的漂亮的書籍和飾品拿給我看,我們義不容辭地服從了。阿黛勒想坐在我膝頭上,卻被吩咐去逗派洛特玩了。
"你在我這里住了三個月了吧?"
"是的,先生。"
"你來自--"
"××郡的羅沃德學(xué)校。"
"噢!一個慈善機構(gòu)。你在那里呆了幾年?"
"八年。"
"八年!你的生命力一定是夠頑強的。我認為在那種地方就是呆上一半時間,也會把身體搞跨!怪不得你那種樣子像是從另外一個世界來的。我很奇怪,你從哪兒得來了那種面孔,昨晚我在海路上碰到你的時候,不由得想到了童話故事,而且真有點想問問你,是不是你迷住了我的馬。不過我現(xiàn)在仍不敢肯定。你父母是誰?"
"我沒有父母。"
"從來沒有過,我猜想,你還記得他們嗎?"
"不記得。"
"我想也記不得了。所以你坐在臺階上等你自己的人來?"
"等誰,先生?"
"等綠衣仙人唄,晚上月光皎潔,正是他們出沒的好時光。是不是我沖破了你們的圈子,你就在路面上撒下了那該死的冰?"
我搖了搖頭。"綠衣仙人幾百年前就離開了英格蘭,"我也像他一樣一本正經(jīng)地說,"就是在海路上或者附近的田野,你也見不到他們的一絲蹤跡。我想夏天、秋夜或者冬季的月亮再也不會照耀他們的狂歡了。"
費爾法克斯太太放下手中的織物,豎起眉毛,似乎對這類談話感到驚異。
"好吧,羅切斯特先生繼續(xù)說,"要是你沒有父母,總應(yīng)該有些親人。譬如叔伯姑嫂等?"
"沒有,就我所知,一個也沒有。"
"那么你家在哪兒?"
"我沒有家。"
"你兄弟姐妹住在哪兒?"
"我沒有兄弟姐妹。"
"誰推薦你到這里來的呢?"
"我自己登廣告,費爾法克斯太太答復(fù)了我。"
"是的,"這位好心的太太說,此刻她才弄明白我們談話的立足點。"我每天感謝主引導(dǎo)我作出了這個選擇。愛小姐對我是個不可多得的伙伴,對阿黛勒是位和氣細心的教師。"
"別忙著給她作鑒定了,"羅切斯特先生回答說,"歌功頌德并不能使我偏聽偏信,我會自己作出判斷。她是以把我的馬弄倒在地開始給我產(chǎn)生印象的。"
"先生?"費爾法克斯太太說。
"我得感謝她使我扭傷了腳。"
這位寡婦一時莫名其妙。
"愛小姐,你在城里住過嗎?"
"沒有,先生。"
"見過很多社交場合嗎?"
"除了羅沃德的學(xué)生和教師,什么也沒有。如今還有桑菲爾德府里的人。"
"你讀過很多書嗎?"
"碰到什么就讀什么,數(shù)量不多,也不高深。"
"你過的是修女的生活,毫無疑問,在宗教禮儀方面你是訓(xùn)練有素的。布羅克赫斯特,我知道是他管轄著羅沃德,他是位牧師,是嗎?"
"是的,先生,"
"你們姑娘們也許都很崇拜他,就像住滿修女的修道院,崇拜她們的院長一樣。"
"啊,沒有。"
"你倒很冷靜!不!一位見習(xí)修女不崇拜她的牧師?那聽起來有些褻瀆神靈。"
"我不喜歡布羅克赫斯特先生,有這種感覺的不只我一個。他是個很嚴酷的人,既自負而又愛管閑事,他剪去了我們的頭發(fā),而為節(jié)省,給我們買了很差的針線,大家差點都沒法兒縫。"
"那是種很虛假的節(jié)省,"費爾法克斯太太議論道,此刻她又聽到了我們的一陣交談。
"而這就是他最大的罪狀?"羅切斯特先生問。
"他還讓我們挨餓,那時他單獨掌管供應(yīng)部,而委員會還沒有成立。他弄得我們很厭煩,一周一次作長篇大論的講道,每晚要我們讀他自己編的書,寫的是關(guān)于暴死呀,報應(yīng)呀,嚇得我們都不敢去睡覺。"
"你去羅沃德的時候幾歲?"
"十歲左右。"
"你在那里待了八年,那你現(xiàn)在是十八歲羅?"
我表示同意。
"你看,數(shù)學(xué)還是有用的。沒有它的幫助,我很難猜出你的年紀。像你這樣五官與表情相差那么大,要確定你的年紀可不容易。好吧,你在羅沃德學(xué)了些什么?會彈鋼琴嗎?"
"會一點。"
"當然,都會這么回答的,到書房去--我的意思是請你到書房去--(請原諒我命令的口氣,我已說慣了'你作這事',于是他就去作了。我無法為一個新來府上的人改變我的老習(xí)慣)--那么,到書房去,帶著你的蠟燭,讓門開著,坐在鋼琴面前,彈一個曲子。"
我聽從他的吩咐走開了。
"行啦!"幾分鐘后他叫道,"你會-點兒,我知道了,像隨便哪一個英國女學(xué)生一樣,也許比有些人強些,但并不好。"
我關(guān)了鋼琴,走了回來。羅切斯特先生繼續(xù)說:
"今天早上阿黛勒把一些速寫給我看了,她說是你畫的,我不知道是不是完全由你一個人畫的,也許某個畫師幫助了你?"
"沒有,說真的!"我沖口叫了起來。
"噢,那傷了你的自尊。好吧,把你的畫夾拿來,要是你能擔保里面的畫是自己創(chuàng)作的。不過你沒有把握就別吭聲,我認得出拼拼湊湊的東西。"
"那我什么也不說,你盡可以自己去判斷,先生。"
我從書房取來了畫夾。
"把桌子移過來,"他說,我把桌子推向他的睡榻,阿黛勒和費爾法克斯太太也都湊近來看畫。
"別擠上來,"羅切斯特先生說,"等我看好了,可以從我手里把畫拿走,但不要把臉都湊上來。"
他審慎地細看了每幅速寫和畫作。把其中三幅放在一旁,其余的看完以后便推開了。"把它們放到別的桌子上去,費爾法克斯太太,"他說,同阿黛勒一起看看這些畫。你呢,"(目光掃視了我一下)"仍舊坐在你位置上,回答我的問題。我看出來這些畫出自一人之手,那是你的手嗎?"
"是的。"
"你什么時候抽時間來畫的?這些畫很費時間,也得動些腦筋。"
"我是在羅沃德度過的最后兩個假期時畫的,那時我沒有別的事情。"
"你什么地方弄來的摹本?"
"從我腦袋里。"
"就是現(xiàn)在我看到的你肩膀上的腦袋嗎?"
"是的,先生。"
"那里面沒有類似的東西嗎?"
"我想也許有。我希望--更好。"
他把這些畫攤在他面前,再次一張張細看著。
趁他看畫的時候,讀者,我要告訴你,那是些什么畫。首先我得事先聲明,它們并沒有什么了不起。畫的題材倒確實活脫脫地浮現(xiàn)在我腦海里。我還沒有想用畫來表現(xiàn)時,它們就已在我心靈的目光下顯得栩栩如生。然而在落筆時,我的手卻不聽我想象的使喚,每次都只能給想象中的東西勾勒出一個蒼白無力的圖象來。
這些都是水彩畫。第一張畫的是,低垂的鉛色云塊,在波濤洶涌的海面上翻滾,遠處的一切黯然無光,畫面的前景也是如此,或者不如說,靠得最近的波濤是這樣,因為畫中沒高陸地。-束微光把半沉的桅桿映照得輪廓分明,桅桿上棲息著一只又黑又大的鸕鶿,翅膀上沾著斑駁的泡沫,嘴里銜著一只鑲嵌了寶石的金手鐲,我給手鐲抹上了調(diào)色板所能調(diào)出的最明亮的色澤,以及我的鉛筆所能勾劃出的閃閃金光。在鳥和桅桿下面的碧波里,隱約可見一具沉溺的尸體,它身上唯一看得清清楚楚的肢體是一只美麗的胳膊,那手鐲就是從這里被水沖走或是給鳥兒啄下來的。
第二張畫的前景只有一座朦朧的山峰,青草和樹葉似乎被微風(fēng)吹歪了。在遠處和上方鋪開了一片薄暮時分深藍色的浩瀚天空。一個女人的半身形體高聳天際,色調(diào)被我盡力點染得柔和與暗淡。模糊的額頭上點綴著一顆星星,下面的臉部仿佛透現(xiàn)在霧氣蒸騰之中。雙目烏黑狂野、炯炯有神。頭發(fā)如陰影一般飄灑,仿佛是被風(fēng)爆和閃電撕下的暗淡無光的云塊。脖子上有一抹宛若月色的淡淡反光,一片片薄云也有著同樣淺色的光澤,云端里升起了低著頭的金星的幻象。
第三幅畫的是一座冰山的尖頂,刺破了北極冬季的天空,一束束北極光舉起了它們毫無光澤、密布在地平線上的長矛。在畫的前景上,一個頭顱赫然入目,冰山退隱到了遠處,一個巨大無比的頭,側(cè)向冰山,枕在上面。頭部底下伸出一雙手,支撐著它,拉起了一塊黑色的面紗。罩住下半部面孔。額頭毫無血色,蒼白如骨。深陷的眼睛凝視著,除了露出絕望的木然神色,別無其他表情。在兩鬢之上,黑色纏頭布的皺裥中,射出了一圈如云霧般變幻莫測的白熾火焰,鑲嵌著紅艷艷的火星,這蒼白的新月是"王冠的寫真",為"無形之形"加冕。
"你創(chuàng)作這些畫時愉快嗎?"羅切斯特先生立刻問。
"我全神貫注,先生。是的,我很愉快??傊?,畫這些畫無異于享受我從來沒有過的最大樂趣。"
"那并不說明什么問題,據(jù)你自己所說,你的樂趣本來就不多。但我猜想,你在調(diào)拌并著上這些奇怪的顏色時,肯定生活在一種藝術(shù)家的夢境之中,你每天費很長時間坐著作這些畫嗎?"
"在假期里我沒有別的事情可做,我坐著從早上畫到中午,從中午畫到晚上。仲夏白晝很長,有利于我專心致志。"
"你對自己飽含熱情的勞動成果表示滿意嗎?"
"很不滿意。我為自己的思想和手藝之間存在的差距而感到煩惱。每次我都想象了一些東西,但卻無力加以表達。"
"不完全如此。你己經(jīng)捕捉到了你思想的影子,但也許僅此而已。你缺乏足夠的藝術(shù)技巧和專門知識,淋漓盡致地把它表達出來。不過對一個女學(xué)生來說,這些畫已經(jīng)非同一般了。至于那些思想,倒是有些妖氣。金星中的眼睛你一定是在夢中看見的,你怎么能夠使它既那么明亮,而又不耀眼呢?因為眼睛上端的行星淹沒了它們的光。而那莊嚴的眼窩又包含著什么意思?是誰教你畫風(fēng)的,天空中和山頂上都刮著大風(fēng)。你在什么地方見到拉特莫斯山的?--因為那確實是拉特莫斯山。嗨,把這些畫拿走!"
我還沒有把畫夾上的繩子扎好,他就看了看表,唐突地說:
"己經(jīng)九點了,愛小姐,你在磨蹭些啥,讓阿黛勒這么老呆著?帶她去睡覺吧。"
阿黛勒走出房間之前過去吻了吻他,他忍受了這種親熱,但似乎并沒比派洛特更欣賞它,甚至還不如派洛特。
"現(xiàn)在,我祝你們大家晚安,"他說,朝門方向做了個手勢,表示他對我們的陪伴已經(jīng)感到厭煩,希望打發(fā)我們走。費爾法克斯太太收起了織物,我拿了畫夾,都向他行了屈膝禮。他生硬地點了點頭,算是回答,這樣我們就退了出去。
"你說過羅切斯特先生并不特別古怪,費爾法克斯太太。"安頓好阿黛勒上床后,我再次到了費爾法克斯太太的房間里時說。
"嗯,他是這樣?"
"我想是這樣,他變幻無常,粗暴無禮。"
"不錯。毫無疑問,在一個陌生人看來,她似乎就是這樣。但我已非常習(xí)慣于他的言談舉止,因此從來不去想它。更何況要是他真的脾氣古怪的話,那也是應(yīng)當寬容的。"
"為什么?"
"一半是因為他生性如此,--而我們都對自己的天性無能為力;一半是因為他肯定有痛苦的念頭在折磨著他,使他的心里不平衡。"
"什么事情?"
"一方面是家庭糾葛。"
"可是他壓根兒沒有家庭。"
"不是說現(xiàn)在,但曾有過--至少是親戚。幾年前他失去了哥哥。"
"他的哥哥?"
"是的,現(xiàn)在這位羅切斯特先生擁有這份財產(chǎn)的時間并不長,只有九年左右。"
"九年時間也不算短了,他那么愛他的哥哥,直到現(xiàn)在還為他的去世而悲傷不已嗎?"
"唉,不--也許不是。我想他們之間有些隔閡。羅蘭特.羅切斯特先生對愛德華先生不很公平,也許就是他弄得他父親對愛德華先生懷有偏見。這位老先生愛錢,急于使家產(chǎn)合在一起,不希望因為分割而縮小。同時又很想讓愛德華先生有自己的一份財產(chǎn),以保持這名字的榮耀。他成年后不久,他們采取了一些不十分合理的辦法,造成了很大麻煩。為了使愛德華先生獲得那份財產(chǎn),老羅切斯特先生和羅蘭特先生一起,使愛德華先生陷入了他自認為痛苦的境地,這種境遇的確切性質(zhì),我從來都不十分清楚,但在精神上他無法忍受不得不忍受的一切。他不愿忍讓,便與家庭決裂。多年來,他一直過著一種漂泊不定的生活。我想打從他哥哥沒有留下遺囑就去世,他自己成了房產(chǎn)的主人后,他從來沒有在桑菲爾德一連住上過二周。說實在,也難怪他要躲避這個老地方。"
"他干嘛要躲避呢?"
"也許他認為這地方太沉悶。"
她的回答閃爍其辭。我本想了解得更透徹些,但費爾法克斯太太興許不能夠,抑或不愿意,向我進一步提供關(guān)于羅切斯特先生痛苦的始末和性質(zhì)。她一口咬定,對她本人來說也是個謎,她所知道的多半是她自己的猜測,說真的,她顯然希望我擱下這個話題,于是我也就不再多問了。