GRE寫作滿分范文五十六

"The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things." 

The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things.  This is something I learned from everyday experiences.  I always found that the things I decorated my life with abundantly, were the things I treasured most.  It could be a memory, a possesion, or just a view.  It's hard to create a whole picture without first looking at the pieces within it.  My whole life of school and studies have brought me to college and have sparked my interest in applying to a graduate program.  Never before did I realize how these little efforts would create this dream.  In my field of dietetics many would be amazed to find that the food we eat could kill us or help us from disease.    

There are many times where I'll be looking at the beautiful view, and I just have to go out and enjoy it.  I do this by walking, gardening, or just lying in the grass.  The feeling of the warm sun makes me dream.  I know I'm not the only one who tends to overlook the basic things, like the tree outside that you used to climb, or the food you eat to give you energy and growth.  We just have to take the time from our busy schedules to stop and smell the roses.  Everyone's life is different, with our own experinces and thoughts to motivate us, and no matter who we are, some of the simplest things can bring great achievements in our lives. 

COMMENTARY 

This is a limited response; it does not adequately analyze the issue.  The essay is primarily concerned with discussing the writer's own personal enjoyment of commonplace things.  As such it never fully engages the topic's central issue -- the quality of the ideas that come from those commonplace things.  Early in the response, the writer makes the following observation: "I always found that the things I decorated my life with abundantly, were the things I treasured most."  This is typical of the simplistic analysis that characterizes this essay.  　  

At the end of the first paragraph, the writer does make some hesitant steps toward a discussion of the ideas that might come from these everyday experiences, mentioning that "in my field of dietetics many would be amazed to find that the food we eat could kill us or help us from disease."  This insight is not adequately developed, however, and, in the second paragraph, the writer returns to a discussion of the idea that one must enjoy the little things in life.  In short, the essay is limited in its development, revealing only a partial understanding of the topic's assertion. 

In general, the essay displays control of standard written English.  There is not much syntactic variety, but neither are there profound errors.  The essay received the score of 3 because its analysis is simplistic and vague, and its development is limited.