GRE作文 ETS官方Issue主題范文(五)

The writer discusses the concepts of students' potential and educators' responsibilities in only the most general terms.

The two-sentence conclusion simply repeats earlier discussion and does not sufficiently tie together and comment upon the earlier discussion.  To earn a score of 4, this essay would need to provide specific reasons and examples that more adequately develop its main points.

Also, the phrasing is often vague ("giving all that they can" and "path of success"), and the syntax is at times poorly controlled ("young people of today will expect to be challenged, rather than avoiding it.")  Still, the problems are not severe or frequent.  For all of these reasons, this essay received a 3.

SAMPLE-5 (score 2)

There are many school violences in each school.  Those are big problems to our govenment and social.  School violences effect the studying of students.  This is very serious, even some students are nervious to go school.  In fact, the government must give students a clean place to study.  Teachers should help students know it is a duty to study.  So, everyone should face those big problems.

Do we know what are students' ideas?  Do the educators try to know?  Most educators hope the govenment can give students more and help them more.  These are people's hope.  But it is so unfortunate that students can't have a good place to study.  Also, teachers have to teach the students.  Not that students can know what to study by themself.  In the compus, there are many guys sell the drugs and acohol to younger students.  Why those guys can go into the school?  That is also the main problem.

When we were little, we didn't know what is correct and what is wrong.  So we lose ourself easily.  At the same time, we need much care from parents and teachers.  So our teachers and parents play the important roles and they own must do better.  Because some students learn some bad habits from their teachers and parents.

If we want to resolve all the problems, we must face the problems and find out the reasons, then try to resolve them.  We also must care all students.  If we can help them, tring to do our best.  Then, the problems will become less and less.                      

COMMENTARY

This is a seriously flawed response to the topic.  The writer begins by discussing school violence and the need for a good place to study, parental and teacher influence, and resolution of school problems.  The issue of who should determine the curriculum, teachers or students, is implied but not addressed directly.  In fact, teacher-directed learning seems to be a small point in a series of concerns related to school violence.  The development of a position on the issue is unfocused and disorganized.  Even the example, drug selling, relates to school violence and not to curricular responsibility.

Language errors are numerous.  Problems with correct use of tense, diction, word order, sentence structure, and subject-verb agreement also interfere with meaning.  Had the writer not included references to teachers helping students know what to study, the essay would probably have received a score of 1 instead of a 2.

SAMPLE-6 (score 1)

Today some educators place much emphasis on what students want,there is a conflict about what is the educator's duty for what  educatee should get.

Normally, the college or university in our country ,students just study what they are tought,it is the professor's duty to dermine what should appear in the classroom.Nowday china has taken the polices of opening reforming,every thing chang vastly.Students can't get the job position from goverment authority but must look for the work chance by themself ,so students have taken great care to what they learn int the college and what kind of knowlege does the job market need.If our high education institute ignore this chang and keep the tranditional teaching method,it will seem as wast student's time and money and the colleges will lost