GRE作文 ETS官方Issue主題范文(一)

 
3
The technological tools we as a society have developed are not in themselves positive or negative, they are just that, tools.  The uses, however, are definitely a different story. Computers, I believe at one time, were developed to save us time.  Do our work more quickly for us so that we could have more leisure time to spend doing those things we enjoy.  We have found now, especially those of us that are parents, that all of the leisure time we have gained is either spent watching our children learn things on the computer or creating our own unique something on the family computer.  For one thing, it has become a very fun item, the computers have become more than just work related technological tools.  The amount of human interaction is limited, because people in general are spending much of their leisure time doing solo on the computer.  In the past, it was common for the new young exectutive to get a membership to the exercise club as a perk, where he could socialize with the upper crust.  Now the new young exec. gets a car phone or a portable fax, so that he can work from whereever he is, usually doing that solo trip to somewhere.  Given these as examples, I would tend to agree with the statement that lonliness has increased as a direct result.
 
 
評價
This response is limited in both its analysis of the issue and its control of language.
 
The writer clearly expresses the idea that "the technological tools we as a society have developed are not in themselves positive or negative."  However, the essay provides only limited support for the position; the two examples are loosely connected and undeveloped.
 
At times the organization of the essay makes for confusing reading.  For example, the relevance of the "young executive" example is not clear because there is no transition from the preceding example of the computer.  The conclusion, one sentence long, simply restates the claim made in the topic.
 
The awkward sentences are evidence of a limited fluency.
 Greater use of compound sentences could help eliminate structural problems and facilitate the communication of ideas (e.g., sentences 3 and 4 could be combined).

 
For all of these reasons, the essay received a score of 3.
 
 
2、Computers of all shapes and sizes, p.c.'s, laptops, faxes, phones,  the list never ends.  All considered by our society as great technological advances. Not many would argue that the development of these tools has not advanced our world in some ways. However they certainly seem to be making our world one in which contact with our fellow man is less and less necessary. Though some may be more comfortable not having to engage in direct contact, it is questionable whether this is beneficial to society as a whole. The very least result could in fact be a very lonely world, but it may result in more significant problems.
 
評價
This response is seriously flawed.  The analysis of the issue is extremely limited, and there are serious problems in sentence structure.  The writer's position, never clearly stated, seems to be that as a result of technological developments, "contact with our fellow man is less and less necessary."  However, the implications of this statement (and others) are never explored or developed.  Furthermore, the list of technological advancements does not support or clarify the writer's already tenuously held position.  Each new sentence could serve as a springboard to a thoughtful analysis but instead takes the response further from the apparent premise.
 
While the essay exhibits a lack of sentence variety and contains some grammatical errors, the language is for the most part controlled.  This response did not receive a score of 2 because of a language problem, but because reasoning, analysis, and development are extremely thin and insubstantial.
 
1、  This statement is stating. The more advance in tecnology that society becomes, the more we depend on technology to live our everyday lives.  Society as a whole will out do daily tasks and depend more on machines and computers to accomplish those tasks for them. For example; I was told that the younger generations use caclators in classes on a everday level. We counld'nt do that. We had to resolve a problem on our own. Because caculators are being used, math  problems are being adjusted around the caculators. If I didnt know how to use a caculator today then I most likely woulnd't know how to attempt to tackle the math of today.  Computers of today  are another example. Writing a essay took a lot of thought and hard work  in past. Today, I can type some words in the computer and that computer will spell, make grammer correction, and dictate a right form to use in my essay. In the past we had to all these things on our own. I'm not putting down modern technology totally. I just want to state that if we take away people's ability to think then we will slowly loose our ability to function with out modern technology.
 
評價
This response is fundamentally deficient because it does not discuss the issue.  Instead, it briefly discusses the drawbacks of specific types of technology (e.g., calculators and computers) in terms of the effect they have on an individual's ability to function without them.
 
Furthermore, the essay lacks control of the basic elements of academic writing.  Awkward and imprecise phrasing often interferes with meaning (e.g., "Society as a whole will out do daily tasks???").