英語(yǔ)GRE作文：點(diǎn)評(píng)一篇GRE 作文習(xí)作

       11.“And this illustrates how culture gap develops, in a much simpler process, of course. From the two reasons above, we can see the importance of encouraging people to study and seeking the meaningful similarities to cultural communications as well as individuals.” 本句中，“culture gap”應(yīng)改成“cultural gap”；“to study and seeking”應(yīng)改成“to study and (to) seek”；“the meaningful similarities to cultural communications as well as individuals”應(yīng)改成“meaningful similarities to promote / facilitate communications between cultures as well as between individuals”。

　　12.“In conclusion, similarities and differences are both equally important and indispensable to our society.” “both”和“equally”存在重復(fù)，應(yīng)刪除“both”。

　　13．“Without differences and varieties, we risk of making a dull world, without diversity and variety.” “risk of doing sth.”用法有誤，應(yīng)改成“risk doing sth.”；此外，在“without diversity and variety”中“variety”屬于重復(fù)，因?yàn)榍懊嬉呀?jīng)有“varieties”一詞了。

　　14.“Without similarities and conformity, we risk ourselves of losing our willingness and ability to communicate efficiently between both individuals and different cultures. ” 句中，“conformity”一詞常帶有貶義色彩，表示“雷同，人云亦云式的順從，因循守舊”等意思，這里改成“shared values”為好。“risk ourselves of losing”應(yīng)改成“risk losing”，反身代詞“ourselves”不必要。“efficiently”（效率高的）應(yīng)改成“effectively”（有效地）；“between both individuals and different cultures”應(yīng)改成“both between individuals and between cultures”。

　　15.“We should therefore get out to make apparent differences and personality on the foundamental basis of sharing and acknowledging the meaningful similarity between we human beings.” 這里，“get out to…”應(yīng)改成“go all out to…”表示“全力以赴做某事”的意思，“make apparent differences and personality”應(yīng)改成“strive for differences and individuality”，“foundamental”拼寫有誤，應(yīng)改成“fundamental”，“similarity”應(yīng)由單數(shù)改為復(fù)數(shù)；“between we human beings”應(yīng)改成“between us human beings”，因?yàn)榻樵~后面是不允許出現(xiàn)代詞的主格的。

10-4: 改后稿

整篇文章經(jīng)過修改、調(diào)整、潤(rùn)色后，全文如下：

Some people maintain that differences and individuality play a crucial role in our society in many　 aspects, whether in human thoughts, individual behavior, or group activities, for, amidst the increasing output in our society of both new high-tech products and elite people and groups, it is extremely necessary to stand out in order not to be obliterated in the sea of overwhelming similarities. On the other hand, there exists an opposite belief that assuming excessive differences from others can result in people’s failure to see meaningful similarities among related things. As far as I am concerned, however, pursuing differences or individuality and seeking similarities among apparently different entities are not necessarily mutually exclusive, and a combination of both can be possibly or necessarily realized if handled properly, which will considerably benefit our society with an appropriate proportion of each of them to maintain a state of balance or equilibrium.