In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Many husbands only want his wife to stay at home, and do house works or do some shopping. They only want their wife to be a housewife, but not a manager of a company.
東方教育點評：基本切題。有些地方表達(dá)思想不夠清楚，文字勉強(qiáng)連貫；語言錯誤相當(dāng)多，其中有一些是嚴(yán)重錯誤。具體問題剖析：
?。?）論證不夠深入，缺少事例，缺少說服力。
（2）文字缺連貫、且顯累贅，如第二段可以把各句再改得簡練一點并且有適當(dāng)?shù)霓D(zhuǎn)承詞。
（3）語言錯誤相當(dāng)多，如"For an example"，"Some women are not secrtary in the office, instead, they become manager of a company."應(yīng)改為"Some women are on longer secretaries in the office, instead, they become managers of the companies."（單復(fù)數(shù)）
例4．（11分段）
Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. More and more women go to work to earn money instead of keeping the house or looking after the children. Women have entered many fields of society including scientific field. As we know, many women sports teams have won the world's champions such as Chinese women's Volleyball Team.
With the changes in their social role, women's position in the family has been improved as well. Husbands are not the masters of wives in many places. Husbands and wives are equal now. They join together to overcome difficulties and share happiness.
In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Also in some places. Women are considered being "thing" belong to men. They have little chance to find jobs. They don't get equal pay for equal job. This is a problem must be solved not only by society but also by women themselves.
東方教育點評：切題。表達(dá)思想清楚，文字連貫，用詞比較準(zhǔn)確，但有少量語言錯誤，如"Also in some places. Women are considered being "thing" belong to men"，應(yīng)改為"Also in some places，women are considered being the "things"that belong to men"
例5．（14分段）
Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. In Many countries, more and more women are acting as workers, farmers, scientists and even leaders. We can say that almost all jobs which men can do are done perfectly by women. Women are no longer looked down upon by society.
With the changes in their social role, women's position in the family has been improved as well. Husband and wife are now equal in the family. They cope with problems of daily life together, and share happiness with each ther. Also, you can hardly find out that in today's families, women are being busy with dinners, whereas men comfortably sitting in armchairs, reading newspapers.
In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. A number of men still jealously guard their rights, and regard women as incapable creature. Few women are allowed to attend important international meetings dominated by men. That's really the problems we should solve immediately.
專家點評：切題。論證充分，有說服力，論證手段豐富（舉例、正反）表達(dá)思想清楚，語言流暢，詞匯豐富，連貫性好。用詞準(zhǔn)確，僅有個別小錯誤。
