考研英語作文考場范文批改及點評(5)

In the far-reaching picture, a (an)emperor is served with coffee by a eunuch who is holding a tray on his head and saying”Your majesty，coffee time, please.”The picture wants to convey the communication between Chinese and Western cultures.More than 100 years ago, when China was still in the Qing dynasty, the government carried out the “closing door” (closed door)policy which meant cutting down any kind of communication with foreigners. As a consequence, the power of the country had been falling down gradually and less than half of (加the)land was controlled by foreign countries. The people’s living conditions were low(hard). Whereas, after 100 years when Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping developed and carried out the “opening up” policy( reform and opening-up policy), the appearance of China began to convert.(語法正確，但為中式思維?？筛臑椋篊hina began to emerge with a new visage in the East.) As we all know, China’s GDP has already ranked the second all over the world, and the living conditions among people are much better than those in Qing dynasty. Obviously, the communication between China(Chinese)and Western culture has changed China forever.Nowadays, many people have already realized that we should take the essence and discard the dregs. I wanna(多用于口語中，在寫作中應(yīng)使用正式的表達方式，改為want to) emphasize that all of us must do as what we say, and the future is bright.

編輯點評

本文立意正確，內(nèi)容切題，結(jié)構(gòu)完整，保持了自己一貫的水平，且與之前“堵車現(xiàn)象”一文相比，語法錯誤少了很多，說明作者是很用心在修改自己的作文。不過，仍需要注意以下問題：1、注意細節(jié)性的語法錯誤，如a(an)emperor，元音開始的單詞前用an。2、文章中的一些表達很好，如we should take the essence and discard the dregs，需注意的是保持句子的連貫性，使整個篇章讀起來順暢自然。3、文章依然存有少許漢式思維的句子，應(yīng)在此方面加強。因此，建議作者在以后的考研英語寫作練習中，注意每篇文章寫好后反復(fù)練習，不僅使文章中的句子有亮點，而且努力達到文章從開始到結(jié)尾都保持高水準，這樣文章才會流暢自然。加油，祝你考研成功!!!

參考分數(shù)：15分(滿分20分)