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老友記第八季812 The One Where Joey Dates Rachel

所屬教程:老友記第八季

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https://online1.tingclass.net/lesson/shi0529/0000/35/12.mp3
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菲比.干嘛?看看窗邊那個(gè)男人.哇.一個(gè)小矮子耶.還在一個(gè)人自言自語(yǔ).說句老實(shí)話,他的床上工夫一定很差.噢, 我最近怎么搞的啊?我意思是 我見到的男人都好吧, 打比方說那個(gè)男的.通常來(lái)說,我是不會(huì)對(duì)這種男人感興趣的但現(xiàn)在我唯一想做的就是把他的褲子扒光.等一下,你現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)懷孕了四個(gè)月了,對(duì)嗎?是啊.那么這就完全正常了.四個(gè)月左右, 你的荷爾蒙就會(huì)亂來(lái)了.真的嗎? 那你也試過會(huì)這樣?那還用說.肯定啦噢,我還記得, 我懷著三胞胎.在醫(yī)學(xué)術(shù)角度上說 我比你更難受三倍呢.哇, 我終于搞懂啦~~.上個(gè)周末, 我走了很多家商店為的是給圣誕老人抱一抱呢.對(duì)了對(duì)了,我還試著把那個(gè)荷里菲特(重量級(jí)拳王)的硬紙版人像偷回來(lái)呢.是嗎, 噢.你知道嗎, 我明天要去見一下醫(yī)生.我要問一下他這個(gè)問題.或者他可以給我點(diǎn)什么藥丸吃吃.對(duì),對(duì), 你就需要那個(gè),一些好的丸.嘿. 嗨.嘿.我把我們?cè)诼蹇朔评罩行呐牡恼掌没貋?lái)了.噢, 是嗎. 嘿 喬伊要看看我和Mona溜冰的照片嗎?噢, 厄... 平常的話我會(huì)看的不過我的手出了很多汗.那些餅干店老板幫我們拍的照片呢?噢, 對(duì)了, 應(yīng)該是在后面.噢 天啊.他拍的都是我的胸部.我還是來(lái)看看好了?你要拍她的臉才行啊, 羅斯.好了, 好了, 總算有張象樣的合照了.哇, 拍的不錯(cuò)耶.哇, 象明信片一樣哦.你看, 中間的那棵大樹還有那些溜冰的人和雪景 .你知道嗎 每一年我都想要送出明信片但是我一次都沒有實(shí)現(xiàn)不如我們今年一起送出這張吧?一起?你指兩個(gè)人?是啊, 你想想, "節(jié)日快樂-Mona和羅斯."那一定很可愛了 對(duì)嗎?是啊.噢, 我要上班了. 記得要找我哦?噢 肯定啦.- 大家 再見.- 再見.恭喜你了, 你剛結(jié)婚了.我知道, 你能相信嗎?等等, 我不明白一張節(jié)日明信片有什么大不了的?夫婦會(huì)寄出他們的卡.一家人會(huì)寄出他們的卡.但才約會(huì)了幾個(gè)月的戀人是不會(huì)寄出他們的卡的.她有什么毛病嗎?嘿 嘿, 你說的是你老婆啊.賓!噢, 還有接賓放學(xué)的人.噢 老婆 還記得我的上司Doug嗎?當(dāng)然, 你好.你好. 有好消息-- 離婚已經(jīng)辦好.上午我去簽字了.噢, 我不知道你和Carol要離婚呢.真替你難過.難過?我終于把腳從陷阱里拔出來(lái)了.嘿 無(wú)論怎樣,恭喜你們了.是啊, 我們的腳都沒受傷呢.是嗎, 走著瞧.那么, 離婚的事,你們結(jié)婚的事 我們應(yīng)該慶祝一下呢.不如我們明晚出去吃個(gè)飯吧?我想不到明晚有什么事做啊.為什么我會(huì)想不到明晚有什么事做呢?那么就明晚咯.我應(yīng)該六點(diǎn)就可以離開法院了.他們經(jīng)常搞些性騷擾案麻煩我,而我每次都可以一棍把他們打出場(chǎng)外.好了, 那明晚見.我要告訴你,我們和他明晚不會(huì)見面的.我已無(wú)法和他再相處一個(gè)晚上了.你還記得他在我們的婚禮上做了什么嗎?不記得.那是因?yàn)槲覀儧]有請(qǐng)他參加婚禮.因?yàn)樗谖覀冇喕榕蓪?duì)上的所作所為.喔, 我想起了.天啊,他的尿把冰雕融化了,對(duì)嗎?- 嗨.- 嘿.嘿, 我去過相片店了.你看看. 這是我們的卡的成品.你覺得怎樣?呵. 哇, 十分不錯(cuò)呢.上面應(yīng)該寫什么呢, "愛你 羅斯和Mona"?那個(gè)嘛, 我們都還沒有向?qū)Ψ秸f過 就...我想對(duì)其他人說會(huì)沒關(guān)系吧.你想要多少?gòu)?我要100張.100張?我, 喔, 我想我要, 厄...Mona...我-我 不... 我不太想要這..明信片.是嗎, 為什么啊?一起寄出明信片...我還不確定我們是否已經(jīng)到達(dá)那種關(guān)系了.你知道嗎, 我也不是這么想的.你說的對(duì)... 你說的對(duì).,那我可以問你一個(gè)問題嗎?可以啊.我們到達(dá)哪里啦?呵?你知道的啊... 我們?cè)谀睦锪?我們的關(guān)系到哪個(gè)程度了?唔.我想說, 我愛和你一起的時(shí)間, 你知道嗎?我只希望我們的關(guān)系向前一步.我們應(yīng)該好好談?wù)劻?你覺得是嗎?我們還是做明信片吧.什么?明信片啊. 我想我們到達(dá)那個(gè)程度了.那好.但我想我們還是要談?wù)?有必要嗎? 你看...我們不是有明信片了嗎?- 嗨.- 嗨.我要告訴你一下Long醫(yī)師今天不在他被醫(yī)務(wù)所叫去了.Schiff醫(yī)生會(huì)來(lái)看你的.噢,沒關(guān)系.嘿, 我能問你一下嗎?那個(gè)給我抽血的人樣子好看嗎?你知道我說誰(shuí)嗎,碗形的頭發(fā), 手指上很多毛的那個(gè).嗨, 是瑞秋嗎?我是Schiff醫(yī)生.是啊,你就是.你感覺怎么樣?噢,感覺非常非常好.不過已經(jīng)夠受了.來(lái)吧,說說你是哪里人? 你做什么工作的?我是個(gè)醫(yī)生.沒錯(cuò)... 沒錯(cuò).其實(shí), 我想問, 你平常.,會(huì)煮飯嗎? 你會(huì)去溜冰嗎?還是會(huì)經(jīng)常陪你的老婆或女朋友?,厄, 我沒有老婆和女朋友不過我很喜歡溜冰.噢, 我喜歡溜冰.多么不可思議啊?那,你有覺得哪里不舒服嗎?沒有, 我覺得很舒服.放屁時(shí)會(huì)痛嗎?不會(huì)!噢, Schiff醫(yī)生, 你在問什么問題啊?好的 那.你可以躺下來(lái)嗎?那么, 你想我躺下來(lái)嗎?對(duì)不起, 是不是有什么事發(fā)生了?你也感到啦?嗨.噢, 嘿, 怎樣了?見過醫(yī)生好點(diǎn)了嗎?好 我看看, 他們安排給我一個(gè)帥哥醫(yī)生.在檢查途中, 我把小指頭放到他下巴凹位.噢,天啊.你為什么這樣做啊?好了, 你記得我懷孕時(shí)的“四月之癢”?噢, 是哦, 那個(gè)荷理菲特的紙板.噢 天啊 但是你太饑渴了幾乎連我也不放過呢.你就想.嘿, 我要上你的話隨時(shí)都可以.噢 是嗎? 過來(lái)上我試試看.夠了, 你們不要挑逗我了.- 嘿.- 噢, 好嗎.嘿, 羅斯.嘿, 你和Mona還好吧? 你們還沒有分手嗎?噢 很好 很好, 我們的關(guān)系向前跨了一大步.你快要收到我們的節(jié)日賀卡了.你和Mona一起發(fā)賀卡?是啊, 我們只是做個(gè)卡嘛.她還想和我詳談一下~~關(guān)于我們的關(guān)系之類的.哦, 小女人.我知道, 我知道.為什么我們要好好談?wù)劙? 嚇?沒有一個(gè)有自尊的男生會(huì)問一個(gè)女人"我們到那一步了?"厄, 羅斯, 你問過我哦.嘿, 你已經(jīng)本蓋起的書了, 知道了嗎?我又不是個(gè)超能力者(透視).除此外, 我討厭那些詳談. 我很怕這種事的, 真的很怕.,或許我可以做點(diǎn)什么事.你看, 一些可以表示我們向前邁進(jìn)又不用開口說明的事.比如叫她搬去和你住?什-什么... 要小一點(diǎn)好吧.和她合做錄音留言?厄, 要大一點(diǎn).給你公寓的鑰匙給她啊.哇, 喂喂? 我們是比錄音帶要親密.你有說過 "我愛你"嗎? 你可以說 "我愛你."啊對(duì), 我想... 我想我們還沒有到那個(gè)地步.但, 噢! 我可以這樣說 "我愛和你一起的時(shí)間."不, 女人都討厭這種話.就象是被掌摑了一下一樣.噢, 算了吧. 告訴你們, 我... 我還是和她好好談?wù)勊懔?我可以說 "我喜歡我們現(xiàn)在這樣子"希望有個(gè)好結(jié)果吧.你覺得怎樣, 瑞秋?我想,如果這里冷一點(diǎn)的話我就可以隔著衣服看到你的乳頭了.賓.我們今晚出去. 8:00.噢, 厄, 有點(diǎn)事, 我們不去了.莫尼卡要工作.噢 我的前妻沒有工作.除了她那生孩子的“工作”.好吧. 沒關(guān)系. 那么 明天晚上.噢, 厄, 那個(gè)嘛, 明天她也不是很方便.噢? 為什么?因?yàn)樗獏⒓訙?zhǔn)決賽... 是...bocci球的聯(lián)賽.有什么問題嗎, 賓?你老婆..對(duì)我有什么不滿嗎?那, 你... 你真愛亂說話.那為什么我們?nèi)瞬荒芤黄鸪鋈グ?因?yàn)?我們-我們-我們吵架了.莫尼卡和我吵翻了.擁抱我.天啊 天啊, 賓, 我...我也不是完全看不出來(lái)的.那天我看到她看你的眼神...里面一點(diǎn)愛意都沒有.而她看著我的眼神.非常淫蕩.告訴你,那段難受的時(shí)間里 只有掐人才讓我好過一點(diǎn).我可以掐你嗎?唔. 賓, 孩子, 讓我們把這一切忘記吧.我現(xiàn)在有個(gè)計(jì)劃.拿好你的衣服.我們?nèi)ッ撘挛枰箍倳?huì).噢, 不, 不行. 莫尼卡會(huì)氣瘋的.不過,誰(shuí)理會(huì)她那個(gè)賤人呢.Mona,唔, 我想是時(shí)候好好談?wù)勎覀兊年P(guān)系了.沒錯(cuò), 我記得是我說要談的.噢, 我們-我們都...我真的很喜歡你我愛和你在一起,我得到很多很多樂趣.然后...我是想說沒有理由因?yàn)橛袠啡ぞ驼斓暮湍橙嗽谝黄鸢?一定要有點(diǎn)... 一定要有所進(jìn)展啊, 對(duì)嗎?那我們到那一步了?啊! 那是... 那就是問題所在了.而答案就是...去到某個(gè)...有趣的地方了.我知道你在想什么.樂趣對(duì)你來(lái)說很夠了, 就象是, 十年前的事了,但那個(gè)時(shí)候 你已經(jīng)不再年輕了.不是-- 我意思不是說你你看著越來(lái)越年輕了.我想說你變年輕了就象是一眨眼的事你有什么秘訣嗎?對(duì)不起. 那么...我們到底怎樣呢?對(duì)哦 對(duì)哦, 總結(jié)來(lái)說...我們一起很有趣.你看起來(lái)很年輕.是...但那是不夠的.這是我公寓的鑰匙.真的嗎?真的.你不覺得太快了嗎?唔-唔!你給了她一條你公寓的鑰匙?不是一條鑰匙. 是唯一一條鑰匙.我現(xiàn)在是一個(gè)有認(rèn)真戀愛關(guān)系的流浪汗了.嘿... 哦, 羅斯. 和她談得怎么樣?噢 很好. 我要住在街上了.街上哪里?- 嘿.- 嗨.好的, 莫尼卡, 瑞秋.這是我朋友 Roger.- 嗨, Roger.- 嗨, Roger.我倒點(diǎn)東西給你喝吧.你能幫我一下嗎?好啊.恩... 他是來(lái)這里跟你做愛的.什么? 什么?不用謝我.菲比, 不要!沒關(guān)系的.他還是個(gè)處男瑞秋, 我剛剛和他說了幾句我想他要跟你做愛呢.好了,我們兩個(gè)離開讓你們獨(dú)處吧.不~!你們別走, 我不管什么荷爾蒙作用了.我不要隨隨便便和一個(gè)男人做啊.好. 那你自己和Roger說因?yàn)樗е艽笃谕?噢 寶貝. 看看那兩個(gè)艷舞姊妹.我叫他們過來(lái)給你跳貼身舞吧, 嚇?噢 很好, 先生.但那里只有一個(gè)女孩而已.賓...這是什么?是一只手.你把他當(dāng)成是拿可樂的工具了.不是. 這是一個(gè)結(jié)婚戒指. 你一定要把它脫下來(lái).我們現(xiàn)在就去河邊把它丟進(jìn)去!噢, 不, 不, 不.噢, 要, 要, 要, 要.我丟進(jìn)去了以后爽得不得了如果你手動(dòng)作做得對(duì)的話你可以打暈一只海鷗哦.好了. 噢, 我還要一串后備的鑰匙.厄, 很顯然, 我會(huì)無(wú)端端的把它們送出去的.嘿, 羅斯. 在做什么啊?你在換鎖?不是啊.是那個(gè)人在換.我不明白啊. 你給我鑰匙現(xiàn)在你又要換門鎖.唔...祝你好運(yùn), 老兄.我... 我想我們跨出了一大步而你現(xiàn)在,你又向我發(fā)出這種信號(hào).你到底想跟我說什么啊?我想要告訴你的是我給你做了一盤留言錄音.什么?我愛你.噢... 噢!我也愛和你在一起的時(shí)間.嗨, 老婆, 我回來(lái)了.從雞尾酒廠回來(lái)?太可怕了.為了不和Doug去吃晚飯我騙他說我和你分手了然后他帶我去了所有夜總會(huì)和野雞酒吧.然后, 當(dāng)我不給他我的結(jié)婚戒指他用一個(gè)汽水罐扔鳥.過來(lái). 我可以用嘴聞一下.噢,親愛的.你知道最壞的是什么嗎?我看到了沒有了你我將會(huì)過的生活.知道嗎, 那是一個(gè)只有貼身舞的理想世界.答應(yīng)我,永遠(yuǎn)不要離開我我們兩個(gè)一起變老然后一起過完我們的下半生.我答應(yīng)你.嘿, 隨便說一下我們不如一起寄出節(jié)日賀卡吧.噢. 我不知道我們有沒有到那個(gè)程度呢.沒錯(cuò), 嗨. 我想要買一個(gè)比薩.噢, 嘿, 我可以問你一件事嗎?今晚是不是那個(gè)金發(fā)帥哥送貨?非常帥 而且性感的那個(gè)?我一會(huì)再打過來(lái)吧.那是誰(shuí)?只是比薩店.你和比薩店搞上了?我從未和你的朋友搞上過啊.對(duì)不起, 我今天...今天過得太差了.噢,什么事啊?噢 你一定... 一定不想聽這些事的.那我干嘛要問你啊?那好, 那是... 這讓人很尷尬 但是最近, 因?yàn)閼言辛说年P(guān)系我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己... 我該怎么說呢?唔... 性趣很大.正式的說是不是"性沖動(dòng)?"沒錯(cuò).所以, 你知道, 我有著這樣的感覺但不知道該如何處理因?yàn)槲也荒芟肫胀ㄈ艘粯尤ゼs會(huì)沒關(guān)系, 因?yàn)槲也恍枰裁磻賽坳P(guān)系.我只是, 我只是要一晚.只有性, 明白嗎?沒有束縛, 沒有關(guān)系...和一個(gè)我覺得不錯(cuò)的人一起不管他做什么工作.只是要一個(gè)夜晚.但那實(shí)在...太難... 找了?你今天過得怎么樣?很好. 我, 厄, 看到一只很大很大的白鴿.那個(gè), 我明天要早起 現(xiàn)在都差不多7:00了, 所以...沒錯(cuò), 我也要回房間了.好的, 晚安.晚安.我不能這樣做!我沒有叫你做!你是瑞秋!你是喬伊!你是我的好朋友!馬上回去!沒錯(cuò)... 還有, 這是錯(cuò)的又奇怪 而且還 壞得很.非常壞.我甚至不知道你在說什么因?yàn)槲覜]有開口叫你做任何事!我知道!你想做嗎?不想!我也一樣!我只是在考驗(yàn)?zāi)?嘿, 很好, 我們的對(duì)話可以結(jié)束了.我們根本沒有對(duì)話過.沒發(fā)生過.- 晚安.- 晚安.給我回去!嗨.聽著, 對(duì)于Roger的事很抱歉.我處理得太差了我想要補(bǔ)償你一下, 唔,我?guī)Я它c(diǎn)東西來(lái) 你應(yīng)該會(huì)喜歡的.記住 我只是借給你的, 明白嗎?我會(huì)要回去的, 所以.我現(xiàn)在要走了.對(duì)不起. 我以為我可以忍痛割愛, 但我實(shí)在做不到.
812 The One Where Joey Dates Rachel

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are entering carrying groceries and find Phoebe already there standing in front of a huge object that has been gift wrapped.]
Phoebe: Hey! I got you a present!!
Chandler: Oh my goodness! Where did you hide it?
Phoebe: I got it for your wedding and I ordered it weeks ago, and it finally got here!
Chandler: Pheebs you didn’t have to get us anything for our wedding you already sang…
Monica: (interrupting) I love it! It’s huge!! Let’s open it! Open it!! (Monica rips open the paper.)
Phoebe: It’s a Ms. Pac-Man machine!!
Monica: Oh my God!
Phoebe: I didn’t know where to put it so I just left it here for now.
Monica: Oh well, maybe we can put it in the guest bedroom.
Chandler: Oh, okay.
Monica: All right. (He goes to push it and it doesn’t move.)
Chandler: I kinda like it here.
Phoebe: Do you really like it?
Monica: Are you kidding?! I practically spent my entire childhood at the arcade! This is like—Oh my, this is like my second favorite game!
Phoebe: Oh really? What was your first?
Monica: Well I-I really don’t remember the name of it.
Chandler: Well what did it do?
Monica: Well, you just—you put a quarter in and y’know pull-pull some handles and win like a candy bar or something.
Chandler: A vending machine?
Monica: Don’t feel bad for me! I won like every time!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Rachel are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hey! Oh, I’m so glad you guys are here. I’ve been dying to tell someone what happened in the Paleontology department today.
Joey: (To Rachel) Do you think he saw us or can we still sneak out?
Ross: Professor Neuman, the head of the department, so….
Rachel: They made you head of the department!
Ross: No, I get to teach one of his advanced classes! (Pause) Why didn’t I get head of the department? (Goes and gets some coffee.)
Joey: Oh! Hey Rach, listen umm…
Rachel: Yeah.
Joey: I got a big date coming up, do you know a good restaurant?
Rachel: Uh, Paul’s Café. They got great food and it’s really romantic.
Joey: Ooh, great! Thanks!
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, and then afterwards you can take her to the Four Seasons for drinks. Or you go downtown and listen to some jazz. Or dancing—Oh! Take her dancing!
Joey: You sure are naming a lot of ways to postpone sex, I’ll tell ya…
Rachel: Ooh, I miss dating. Gettin’ all dressed up and going to a fancy restaurant. I’m not gonna be able to do that for so long, and it’s so much fun! I mean not that sitting at home worrying about giving birth to a sixteen pound baby is not fun.
Joey: Hey, y’know what?
Rachel: Huh?
Joey: Why don’t I take you out?
Rachel: What?! Joey, you don’t want to go on a date with a pregnant lady.
Joey: Yes I do! And we’re gonna go out, we’re gonna have a good time, and take your mind off of child birth and c-sections and-and giant baby heads stretching out…
Rachel: (interrupting) Okay! I’ll go with ya! I’ll go! I’ll go with ya.
Joey: I’ll be fun.
Rachel: All right?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is watching Phoebe play Ms. Pac-Man.]
Phoebe: No. No! Yes! Ahh. Oh, would you look at that Monica? I just knocked off all of your top scores, how sad.
Monica: Okay, I’m next. (Phoebe starts another game.) Don’t! Don’t start another game! I said I’m next! Phoebe!
Phoebe: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you over all the winning.
Monica: Chandler! Phoebe’s hogging the game!
Chandler: Who cares? It’s a stupid game.
Monica: You only think it’s stupid because you suck at it.
Chandler: I don’t suck. It’s sucks. You suck.
Phoebe: Wait okay, if this game is gonna cause problems between the two of you, then maybe I should just keep it.
Monica: No! No-no! I love it! It is a great present! In fact, why don’t you go home and wait for the thank you card?
Chandler: Why do you want to play this game so bad?
Phoebe: Yeah! It’s not like it spits out a Clark bar after every game.
Monica: Okay. Phoebe that’s it. Come on, get out—out of the chair. Get out! (She goes to move Phoebe, but Phoebe goes limp and Monica can’t move her.) Oh come…Phoebe!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date with Joey as there is a knock on the door.]
Rachel: Joey? Could you get that? (There is no answer and she goes and opens the door to Joey.) What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room?
Joey: No, I’m picking you up for our date. These are for you. (Hands her some flowers.)
Rachel: Ohh, Lilies. Joey, they’re my favorite. Thank you.
Joey: And, a brownie! (Hands her a bag with the brownie in it.) Well, half a brownie. Actually, it’s just bag. It’s been a long walk from the flower shop and I was startin’ to feel faint so…
Rachel: Oh man! This is so great! I actually feel like I’m going on a real date! Although, I have a hint of morning sickness, and I’m wearing underwear that goes up to about…(She snaps the waistband on her underwear that is just slightly below her breasts)…there.
Joey: Hey come on now, this is a real date. Uh, so…nice place you got here. Foosball, huh? Pizza box. Oh, a subscription to Playboy, my kind of woman.
Rachel: Yeah, actually that’s my roommate’s.
Joey: I would like to meet him. He sounds like a stand up guy.
Rachel: Ah yes, but he’s very protective of me so you’d better watch yourself.
Joey: Ah… Hey, so this roommate of yours…is he good looking?
Rachel: Hm-mmm.
Joey: Oh yeah, it must be tough to keep your hands of him, huh?
Rachel: (laughs) Yeah, but I’m pretty sure he’s gay.
Joey: No-no-no-no, he’s not! No! Why are you trying to ruin the game? Come on!
[Scene: N.Y.U, Ross is teaching a class.]
Ross: …which brings us back of course to Greely’s theory of dominance. (The bell rings.) Okay, that-that’s all for today. Oh, uh does anyone know where the Freeman building is?
Student: Yeah, it’s the new building on Avenue A.
Ross: What?! That-that’s all the way cross town, I’m supposed to teach a graduate seminar there in ten minutes.
Student: Ooh, dude. That’s not gonna happen.
(Ross grabs his things and runs to the door only to be blocked by his exiting students.)
Ross: Move it! Move it! Move it!! Hey!!! I’m the teacher!!
[Scene: The Freeman Building, Ross is entering his new class completely out of breath.]
Ross: Hello. (He throws his jacket towards the coat rack and misses.) I’m sorry I’m a little late. Ah—(Checks his watch)—Whoa! A lot late. Let me start by uh, by introducing myself, I am Professor Geller. (The bell rings.) So to sum up, I’m Professor Geller. Good job today.
[Scene: A Restaurant, a waitress is taking Joey and Rachel’s dinner order.]
Rachel: Now the filet mignon, what comes with that?
Waitress: There’s a side of steamed vegetables.
Rachel: Emmm. Now, instead of the vegetables, is there anyway I can substitute the three-pound lobster?
Joey: Y’know what? Bring her both, and I’ll have the same. (The waitress leaves.)
Rachel: Wow! This is shaping up to be a pretty good date—Oh, I almost forgot. I didn’t pay you the rent check.
Joey: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa, no roommate stuff. Okay? We’re on a date.
Rachel: Okay. Wow! So I get to see what Joey Tribbiani is like on a date. So do you have any moves?
Joey: No! No. Umm, just myself and if they don’t like me for—(Laughs.) I’m sorry I couldn’t even get through that.
Rachel: I knew it! I knew it. Come on tell me your moves.
Joey: Oh alright. Umm, well, okay, I usually start by having a bottle of wine sent to my table from a fan.
Rachel: Oh my God. And that works?!
Joey: Well it does when you combine it with, "This is so embarrassing, I just want to have a normal life!"
Rachel: Oh, you poor little famous man.
Joey: Oh okay, how about this one. I was gonna wait until the end of the night to kiss you, but you’re so beautiful…I don’t think I can.
Rachel: (looks interested) Oh my God! Wow! That was fantastic, I almost leaned in. I really almost did!
Joey: Alright, so…so tell me one of your moves.
Rachel: Alright. So where’d you grow up?
Joey: That’s your move? Boy Rach, you’re lucky you’re hot.
Rachel: Come on, just answer the question!
Joey: (exasperated) Queens.
Rachel: And so were-were you close to your parents?
Joey: Yeah, with my mom. Yeah, not so much with my dad.
Rachel: Why not?
Joey: I don’t know. I guess there’s just always been this distance y’know—I mean we both try to pretend it’s not there, but it is.
Rachel: (sympathetic) Oh. (Starts rubbing his wrist with her fingers.) It’s gotta be rough.
Joey: Yeah, it is. It’s really tough. Y’know sometimes I think—Wow!! Nice move!
Rachel: Huh?
Joey: "Where’d you grow up," it’s so simple!
Rachel: Thank you! And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the rest room.
Joey: Yeah.
(Rachel gets up and heads for the rest room.)
Rachel: And now you’re watching me walk away.
Joey: Yes I am! Again so simple!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is entering to find Chandler playing Ms. Pac-Man.]
Monica: Hey.
Chandler: You are not going to believe what I did today!
Monica: Well it clearly wasn’t showering or shaving.
Chandler: I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule at it! They should change the name of it to Ms. Chandler. (Pause) Although I-I hope they don’t.
Monica: Wait a minute, you stayed home all day and played Ms. Pac-Man while I went off to work like some kind of chump?!
Chandler: Uh-huh, and I got all the top ten scores, I erased Phoebe off the board! High five! (Holds up his hand to give Monica a high five, only he can’t straighten his fingers.)
Monica: What is the matter with your hand?
Chandler: Well I’ve been playing it for like eight hours, it’ll loosen up. Come on, check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, they’re dirty words.
Monica: Chandler, why would you do that?
Chandler: Because it’s awesome.
Monica: You think this is clever?
Chandler: Well y’know, they only give you three letters, so after A-S-S it is a bit of a challenge.
Monica: Hey wait a minute, this one isn’t dirty.
Chandler: It is when you put it together with that one.
Monica: Ah, well if you don’t clear this off, you won’t be getting one of those from me. But Ben’s coming over here tomorrow to play this game, this can’t be there.
Chandler: Come on, he won’t even know what they mean.
Monica: Chandler! He’s seven; he’s not stupid.
Chandler: Have you talked to him lately?
Monica: All right, look I’m just gonna unplug it.
Chandler: No-no-no, if you unplug it, I’ll have nothing to show for my day! It would be like I was at work. (She unplugs it.) No! (And plugs it back in.) Hey look at that! Look at that, it’s still there! This thing must have some kind of primitive ROM (Read Only Memory, it’s a memory chip.) Chip in it or something!
Monica: Honey you-you got to beat your scores!
Chandler: With the claw?!
Monica: All right fine. Fine, I’ll do it. I’ve just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger.
Chandler: (smiles) Pull my finger—(Looks at his hand)—My hand is messed up.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Rachel are returning from their date.]
Rachel: I am not gonna answer that!
Joey: Oh come on! Just pick one! Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross if you had to, if you had to, who would you punch?
Rachel: No one! They are my friends, I wouldn’t punch any of them.
Joey: Chandler?
Rachel: Yeah, but I don’t know why. Look at me, I’m having such a wonderful time!
Joey: Me too! Hey Rach, can I just say I think this is the best date I ever had!
Rachel: I know!
Joey: I never laughed so hard—Did you see the wine come out of my nose?
Rachel: Joey, I think everyone saw the wine come out of your nose.
Joey: I gotta say, I never knew I could enjoy the non-sex part of the date so much.
Rachel: Well that is because you have never been on a date with me before.
Joey: Huh. Huh.
Rachel: All right, now don’t judge me. I normally wait until my date leaves, but you live here. I’m ripping into this swan.
Joey: Ah! Okay, well then you don’t judge me. I’m gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before. (They both do as they planned.)
Rachel: So tell me, what are Joey Tribbiani’s end of the night moves?
Joey: Ah, well, if I want the girl to kiss me, first thing I do is make my lips look irresistible.
Rachel: How do you do that?
Joey: Now you can’t tell anyone, but uh…I put on shiny lip balm.
Rachel: Oh my God!
Joey: Yeah, like a moth to a flame, I’m telling ya. Okay all right, so now you go.
Rachel: No, I don’t want to tell you.
Joey: Why not?
Rachel: Because it’s embarrassing.
Joey: More embarrassing than shiny raspberry lip balm?! (Rachel just looks at him.) I didn’t say raspberry before did I? All right just-just tell me Rach, just tell me!
Rachel: (laughs) Okay. All right, stand up. (They do so.) Well, when we’re at the door, I lightly press my lips against his, and then move into his body just for a second, and then I make this sound, "Hmmm." Okay, I know it doesn’t sound like anything, but I swear it works.
Joey: (stunned and turned on) Yeah. Why—Yeah, that would work for ya…
Rachel: All right, I gotta go to bed. Honey, I had such a wonderful time.
Joey: Oh. (She kisses him.) Yeah. (She goes into her room.) Me to. (He then starts to freak out.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Rachel about his class location predicament.]
Rachel: …you were 50 minutes late to the class, what did you crawl there?!
Ross: No, I ran. It was really far, and when did people stop understanding the phrase, "Get the hell out of my way!"
Rachel: Well, why didn’t you just take a cab?
Ross: Ugh, between the traffic that time of day and all the one-way streets it’ll take me twice as long. Besides, I teach the class three times a week, who am I? Rockefeller?
Rachel: Well you’re not gonna be able to keep doing this.
Ross: Well I have too. Okay? If I don’t, they’ll take the class away from me. And…I already put it in my family newsletter.
Rachel: You what?
Ross: You’ve seen it, the Geller Yeller.
Rachel: Right. Wow!
Ross: Besides, I-I think I figured out a much faster route, I’m sure I can make it this time. I just…I just can’t be afraid to get a little bit…h(huán)it by cars. (He goes to the bathroom as Joey enters.)
Joey: Hey!
Rachel: Hi! Hey, remember how last night we were talking about that movie Cujo?
Joey: Oh yeah, I still can’t believe you haven’t seen Cujo. What is wrong with you?
Rachel: Relax! It’s not like it’s Citizen Kane!
Joey: Have you ever tried to sit through Citizen Kane?
Rachel: Yeah I know it’s really boring, but it’s like a big deal. Anyway, I was thinking about renting Cujo sometime.
Joey: Oh yeah? All right, let’s do it tonight.
Rachel: Well don’t you have that big date tonight?
Joey: Oh right!
Rachel: Hey Joey, can I ask you something?
Joey: Yeah.
Rachel: After our date last night, did you feel a little weird?
Joey: Oh my God! You did too? It totally freaked me out, what was that?!
Rachel: I don’t know! (Pause) I’m-I’m kinda thinking it-it was the lobster…
Joey: Oh yeah-yeah, the lobster.
Rachel: Yeah, I mean I was up sick all night.
Joey: Yeah me too, all night.
Rachel: Really?! How come we didn’t cross paths?
Joey: Yeah well that’s because uh…I stayed in my room. Yeah, you don’t want to look in my hamper.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is trying to erase Chandler’s dirty words while he looks on.]
Monica: Okay, I got that. I’ll escape over there. I’ll come back over here. All right, come on Ms. Pac-Man. It’s got—Right—(She dies.) Well, you’re just a little bitch, aren’t you?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey, you guys. Listen, I’m sorry that I was hogging the game before—(Sees the top ten list)—Oh my God! Your friends have some unfortunate initials!
Monica: They’re all Chandler.
Phoebe: Chandler sucks! He couldn’t have gotten this good!
Chandler: I did. (Looks at his still deformed hand) But it came at a price.
Monica: But Ben is coming over tonight and he can’t see this.
Chandler: Oh come on, by age seven kids have already seen orgies. (They both look at him.) Was it just me?!
[Scene: N.Y.U, Ross’s new class, he is entering out of breath.]
Ross: Yeah!!!! Yes, I made it! I’m on time! (Grabs a bottle of water from a student, takes a drink, and splashes some on his face like the marathon runners do.) Okay, why don’t we all uh, (Exhales loudly) open our books to page 23. Where… (Exhales again) Where you will see…a uh…a bunch of uh…red spots. Okay, (Closes his book.) umm, why don’t, why don’t you all start to read, while I—(Passes out and collapses.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey is on his hot date and they’re not speaking right now.]
Joey's Date: Hey. Are you all right? You seem a little distracted.
Joey: No-no! I’m fine. It’s just… Hey, can I ask you something? Have you ever looked at someone that you’ve known for a while and then suddenly…suddenly see them a different way?
Joey's Date: You mean like from behind?
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, that…that’s exactly it. You’re right. Yeah.
Joey's Date: Ew, y’know what? One time I saw this guy from behind and he seemed like a totally normal guy and then he turned around and it was Stephan Baldwin!
Joey: (deadpan) Ooh! Yeah. So yeah, so you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Joey's Date: Totally! Wow! (Pause) Would you excuse me for a sec?
Joey: Oh yeah, sure. (She gets up, walks towards the bathroom, and Joey watches her go.) Ehhh.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, now it’s Phoebe’s turn to erase Chandler from the board.]
Monica: Oh my God Phoebe, you’re on fire!
Phoebe: I know!
Chandler: One more score to go! You can do it! (Touches her shoulder.)
Phoebe: Don’t touch me!!
Monica: Don’t touch her!!
Chandler: All right! Go left! Go left! Go right!! Go right!!
Phoebe: I can’t!! I can’t!! (She dies.) Noooooooo!!!!!!! You son of a bitch!!!!!
(At this point a stream of obscenities burst forth from Phoebe’s mouth just in time for Ben and Ross to enter and hear most of it, and in slow motion Ross tries to shield his innocent son from Phoebe’s vulgarity.)
Ross: Phoebe!!
Phoebe: Oh hi Ben—No!! Don’t look at the machine! (Covers the screen.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is watching Cujo while Joey returns from his date scaring Rachel.]
Rachel: Oh God! Thank God you’re home! I’m watching Cujo.
Joey: (incredulous) Alone?!
Rachel: Yes! But what is wrong with this dog?!
Joey: Hey, did you get to the part where they’re trapped in the car and Cujo’s throwin’ himself at the windshield?
Rachel: No! No! Seriously, what’s wrong with the dog?! Wait a minute, what are you doing home so early? What happened to your date?
Joey: Oh uh, it didn’t work out.
Rachel: Oh. Do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me?
Joey: Oh uh, okay. Yeah.
Rachel: Y’know, I never thought I’d say this about a movie, but I really hope this dog dies. (Joey brings over a stool at sits on it next to Rachel who’s in the big chair.) What are you doing over there? Come sit here, you protect me.
Joey: Oh sure, yeah, why not? (Sits on the arm of the chair.)
Rachel: Okay. (Pushes play.) Okay, that’s him! That’s him! That’s Cujo! That’s Cujo!
Joey: All right, I know! I know. Yeah, it’ll be okay.
Rachel: Oh my God….What’s he gonna do now? I can’t watch! (Drags Joey closer to her and cowers into his chest.) Oh. Seriously, how can you watch this? Aren’t you scared?
Joey: Terrified. (But for a totally different reason.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: N.Y.U, Ross’s new class, this time he’s actually about to do a lecture.]
Ross: So is everybody here? I got here a little early myself. Let us begin. Now, the hydrosaurids have been unearthed in two main locations. (He moves to the map and we see why he made it to class on time, he’s wearing in-line skates and hasn’t taken them off.) Here. (Points to the map, somewhere in the Middle East, then spins on the skates and points to the map.) Here. (China.) Now as for the hydrosaurs…
(He tries to move in front of the class, only goes out of control and rolls into the hall, catching himself on the doorway with his pointer. He then pulls himself back into the room with the pointer, only he jams one end of it between the door frame and the door and breaks the pointer in half.)
End
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