你有沒有意識到4個禮拜之后,我們就結(jié)婚了?四個禮拜呀,寶貝.四個禮拜!你有沒有意識到你的嗓門越來越大?還有好多事情要做!你的誓言寫好了嗎?我想我可以買."Pat,我想買一份誓言. "你知道我對這種事沒有幽默感.-好吧,你寫好了嗎?-沒有,不過我知道我該寫什么.你有沒有碰巧知道我該寫什么?你現(xiàn)在就做吧.沒什么難的.只要把你的心里話說出來.瞧她的勁頭.她肯定愛我更勝于我愛她!我是怎么啦?哦哦,不要開始這么想." Monica,沒有什么話--"沒有什么話!沒有比這難的!你以前曾做過.你的誓言說了什么?對Carol我承諾對她至死不渝.她沒有做這樣的承諾.我真可憐. Monica知道她的.你們該看看她在那里寫呀寫呀寫呀!發(fā)生什么緊急事了?你們必須幫我寫誓言.到現(xiàn)在我只有這些畫.我喜歡你這穿婚紗的畫.-謝謝.-除了你的胸部看起來有點小.那是我的眼睛!-這才是我的胸部.-哦,不錯.為什么不從簡單點的開始?" Monica,我一遇到你就愛上了你. "我做不到.各位,這位是Chandler.你好,我是Ross的妹妹.好呀.好吧,好吧.也許你可以這樣開始:" Chandler,當(dāng)我們還只是朋友的時候...我心里就想進一步發(fā)展. "好吧, 假設(shè)發(fā)生了原子彈毀滅地球事件,我是地球上最后一個男人.你會和我出去嗎?我們允許在誓言上撒謊嗎?那就不說感受,說一些......他教過你, 或者--你教過他的事.誰都知道敏感區(qū)有1,2,3......4,5,6,還有7個.有7個?-那個也是?-恐怕是非常重要的.我把它看倒了.要知道,有時候那里很管用.好的,我們從1號位置開始......2號, 1-2-3號......3號, 再來個5號......4號, 3號再到2號......2號, 4,5,6號.4,5,6號, 4號, 2號......2號, 4號到7號位置......5號到7號, 6號到7號......7號, 7號......7號,7號,7號,......7號!要不就比如:" Monica,當(dāng)我回首過去一起的時光.... "-然后?-我寫不完全部的話呀.你想象你們過去一起的日子.哦,瞧雙胞胎!真不公平! 我還一個沒有,他們怎么能有兩個?-你會有一個孩子的.-是嗎,什么時候?當(dāng)我們40歲了,如果我們都沒結(jié)婚...-我們就一起有個孩子如何?-為什么我要到那個時候才結(jié)婚?我只是假設(shè).那好,假設(shè)一下,為什么我要到那個時候才結(jié)婚?不是的,不是的.是什么問題?我不適合結(jié)婚嗎?怎么啦?老天,我的降落傘只是個背包!我今天就要結(jié)婚啦!你認為他知道我在這里嗎?干得不錯哈.等等,等等,等等.瞧, Monica---沒有用的.-這樣就有用了.你真是太棒了! 我愛你.什么?我說你太棒了,就再沒說什么了.-你說你愛我!-不我沒有.-是的,你有.-不我沒有!-你愛我!-不我沒有!停下來! 停下來!知道嗎?我在考慮,如果我在這里拆包怎么樣?那你的東西就都在這邊了.那么....那么如果都在這邊又怎樣?那你就得跑過來跑過去了.這沒意義呀.好吧.如果我們住在一起,你就明白我的意思了嗎?你希望這是個驚喜.我的天呀!Chandler......在我的一生中......我從沒想過我會如此幸運......與我最好的朋友墜入--墜入-- 這就是為什么女孩子做不到!好吧,好吧,好吧! 我來說.我曾以為--等等,我辦得到的!我曾以為...在那里和如何對你表白是很重要的.然后我意識到真正重要的是你--你令我感到無比的快樂如果你愿意的話...我希望用我的一生讓你有和我一樣的感受.Monica?你愿意嫁給我嗎?我愿意.我們能進來吧?我們在外面快急死了!進來吧! 進來吧!-我們訂婚了!-是呀!-嘿.-你們干嗎去了?我們幫Chandler寫誓言去了.他把我們趕出來了.Joey老是出些不適合的點子." Monica,我愛你漂亮的臀部" 怎么會不適合?Monica怎么樣?她有漂亮的臀部實在是幸運,所以她不會寫東西.四個禮拜后,他們就要結(jié)婚了!希望他們的婚姻美滿.九成的婚姻以離婚告終.那才不是真的.你是對的. 你的妻子怎么樣?我不敢相信...-他們在一起有三年了.-有那么長?所以看起來沒那么長,是因為他們對我們隱瞞著.嘿,是我. 我進來了.我今天工作的很累.-我弄了些雞肉,你要吃嗎?-不了,謝謝,再見.你還好吧?真對不起,他一直不離開.老是問我想不想要寫雞肉.雞肉?我可以吃些雞肉呀.嘿,Joey!能給我三塊雞肉,涼拌卷心菜,豆子和可樂嗎?哦!無糖可樂.-他們?yōu)槭裁床桓嬖V我們呢?-就是呀,我們表現(xiàn)的很冷靜.你? 還有你?你不能說出去. 還沒人知道.怎么會? 什么時候?-在倫敦發(fā)生的.-在倫敦?!我們不想鬧得很大.可這是件大事呀!-我得告訴其他人.-不行,不行!-你不能這樣.-求你了!我們還不想告訴他們.所以請你保證不要說出去呀.好的!我等不及和你在一起了.我告訴Rachel我要去洗幾個小時衣服.洗衣服? 那是我的新昵稱嗎?你知道你的昵稱是什么,大...先生--瞧Monica和Chandler在那邊.嘿,你們好呀,嘿Chandler和Monica!哦,我的天呀!-Chandler和Monica!-哦,我的天呀!-噢,我的眼睛! 我的眼睛!-Phoebe! Phoebe!-沒事的! 沒事的!-才不是呢! 他們正在做呢!我知道! 我知道!-你知道?-是的!還有Joey, 但是Ross不知道,所以不要再尖叫啦!-嘿,怎么啦?-噢,嗨!怎么啦? 怎么啦?我們對你要得到這個房子感到高興!-事實上,它看起來不錯.-它看起來很不錯!過來這邊! 來呀!那么他們不知道Rachel知道咯?對,但是誰知道誰不知道已經(jīng)沒關(guān)系了.我們都差不多知道了.我們可以告訴他們我們知道了.謊言和秘密已經(jīng)結(jié)束了.或者我們不告訴他們我們知道,享受一下我們的樂趣.我們最好趕緊走,要不趕不上電影了.-再見.-再見.再見, Chandler. 我一直想著你.你看到那些勾引了嗎?事實上,我看到了.現(xiàn)在你相信她被我吸引了吧?天呀!天呀,她知道我們的事了!-Phoebe知道我們的事了!-我沒告訴他們.他們? 都有誰?Phoebe和Joey.Joey!還有Rachel.他們讓我答應(yīng)不說出去的.他們以為他們很機靈,想整我們!他們不知道我們知道他們知道了.-那么....-對呀!搗亂者成為被搗亂者!天呀,他希望我過去,摸他的二頭肌!你開玩笑吧?我不敢相信他這樣對Mo--Joey?他們知道我們知道了嗎?-不住掉.-Joey!-他們知道你們知道了.-我就知道!真不敢相信他們兩個!他們以為他們可以整我們?整我們?他們不知道我們知道他們知道我們知道.(-_-!)Joey, 你不能說任何事情.我想也不行.她想我噴洗衣液在她身上!她是裝的!她才不會撤退呢.她都成這個樣子了.他沒有撤退.他去拿洗衣液了.你們搞定了沒有?Phoebe越快搞定Chandler,整件事越快結(jié)束.-我喜歡.-好吧.那好,讓他看你的胸罩.他對胸罩沒有抵抗力.哇哦!你是怎么做到的?你都沒碰到扣子.都不是第一次了.你繼續(xù)勾引她,直到她崩潰為止.好棒,等一下.-你在打掃這里?-當(dāng)然.噢,你就要離開嗎?除非和你一起離開,愛人.瞧,這是我的胸罩.它看起來很棒.好吧,到這來.我真高興我們可以一起做愛.你會的. 我身體很柔韌.-我要吻你了.-除非我先吻你.那我們現(xiàn)在就只有先接吻啦.來吧.我們的初吻.-好吧,好吧,好吧,你贏了!-哈!-我不能和你做愛.-為什么不?-因為我愛著Monica.-你什么?愛她! 沒錯, 我愛她!我愛她!我愛你, Monica.我也愛你, Chandler.我只是以為你們在做而已,我不知道你們在戀愛.好啦,結(jié)束啦.誰都知道了.-等一下,Ross還沒有.-我們希望沒人告訴.不.你們在干什么?從我妹妹那里滾開!朋友要是結(jié)婚,就會有變化了.你認為會有什么不同嗎?怎么會沒有?他們會有小孩...然后和有小孩的夫婦在一起.然后有可能離開城市...住在沃爾沃汽車代理商附近.會有變化的.我不希望他們住在沃爾沃汽車代理商附近.會沒事的, Joe.對不起,我只是喜歡他們原來的樣子.那個裸體的小家伙是誰?那個裸體的小家伙應(yīng)該是我.瞧那個小東西呀.是呀.是呀,好吧,那是我的小弟弟.我們能不能成熟點?-這些人是誰?-我不知道.噢,那是那時候的姥姥.-哇哦.-讓我看看."我和我的伙伴在Java Joe家. "Monica, 你看起來很象你姥姥.她那是多大呀?我看看, 1939.恩, 大概24, 25.都是一幫年輕的伙伴.瞧,瞧,瞧!我有Monica裸體的照片.讓我看看.不,那應(yīng)該還是我.-嘿,你們好呀.-怎么啦?我們還在說...你們就要結(jié)婚了,還有這該有多好.是呀,你們可以買輛沃爾沃.如果你們真的想的話.你們真好.-好了,我們都寫完誓言了.-我們能看看嗎?現(xiàn)在我還不能知道他的,他也不能知道我的.噢,那段寫的真好.很搞笑呀! 不錯!Monica,你能嫁給我嗎?什么意思?我不明白.噢,懂啦!-伙計,這個真的很搞笑!-Chandler!別擔(dān)心,我們會讓你的更搞笑的.好了,你們怎么認為?-伙計...-我從來不知道愛情是這樣的.-你們喜歡嗎?-伙計,當(dāng)然!你是怎么寫出來的?我抄了Monica的,然后把名字換了.-你不能這樣做呀!-如果他先念就可以啦!
721 The One With The Vows
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is at the kitchen table and Chandler is in the living room.]
Monica: Do you realize that four weeks from today we’re getting married? Four weeks baby!! Four weeks!!!
Chandler: Do you realize you get louder each week?
Monica: There’s still so much to do. Have you written your vows yet?
Chandler: I figured I’d buy those. Pat, I’d like to buy a vow. (Laughs)
Monica: Sweetie, you know I have no sense of humor when it comes to the wedding.
Chandler: Right. So uh, have you written yours yet?
Monica: No! But I know exactly what I’m going to say.
Chandler: Do you happen to know what I’m going to say?
Monica: (handing him a pad of paper and a pen) Let’s just do it right now. Okay? It won’t be hard. Just say what’s in your heart. (She goes back, sits down, and starts feverishly writing.)
Chandler: (watching in her) (in his head) Look at her go! She must love me more than I love her! What’s wrong with me? Ooh, don’t open that door.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is getting help writing his vows from Joey and Ross.]
Chandler: (writing) Monica, there are no words… (To Joey and Ross) There are no words! This should not be this hard!
Joey: All right, uh… (To Ross) Oh hey, you’ve done this before Ross, well what did you say when you made up your vows?
Ross: Well with Carol, I promised never to love another woman until the day I die. She made no such promise.
Chandler: I’m so pathetic! Monica knows what she wants to say! You should’ve seen her. Writing, writing, writing!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica has hit a writer’s block as Rachel and Phoebe enter.]
Rachel: Monica what?
Phoebe: What?!
Rachel: What is the emergency?!
Monica: You have to help me! I’m supposed to be writing my vows and all I have is this! (Shows them what she’s been working on.)
Rachel: Well, I like the pretty little drawing of you in the wedding dress.
Monica: Thank you.
Phoebe: Yeah, except your breasts look kinda small. (Points.)
Monica: Those are my eyes! Those are my breasts. (Points.)
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah! (Monica glares at her.)
[Cut to the guys.]
Ross: Well, why don’t you just start with something simple. Like umm, Monica from the moment I met you, I knew I loved you.
Chandler: Yeah, I’m not sure I can do that.
[Flashback to when Chandler was introduced to Monica in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
Ross: ...everyone, this is Chandler!
Fat Monica: Hi, I'm Ross's little sister.
Chandler: (seeing her) Okay.
[Cut to the girls.]
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Umm, maybe you can start with, "Chandler, even though we were friends; there was a part of me that always knew I wanted more."
[Flashback to The One With The Jellyfish, Chandler and Monica are lying on the beach.]
Chandler: All right, there’s a nuclear holocaust, I’m the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?
Monica: Ennnh.
[Cut back to the girls.]
Monica: Ooh, are we allowed to lie in the vows?!
Phoebe: Well maybe you don’t talk about your feelings back then. Maybe you just say something about y’know all the things that he’s taught you. Like… (They all try to think about one example and don’t succeed.) Or all the things you taught him.
[Flashback to The One With Phoebe's Uterus, Monica is teaching Chandler how to turn a woman on. They're in Monica and Rachel's apartment and Monica has just drawn a diagram of a woman.]
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out there’s more than three), five, six, and seven!
Chandler: (shocked) There are seven?! (Points to one) That’s one?
Monica: It’s kind of an important one!
Chandler: Oh, y’know-y’know what, I was looking at it upside down.
Rachel: Well, y’know, sometimes that helps. (She realises what that could’ve meant.)
Monica: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7 …7..…7…7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7…(mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.)
[Cut to the guys.]
Joey: Oh, I got it! How about saying something like, "Monica…
Chandler: (writing) Monica…
Joey: "…when I look back over our time together…"
Chandler: (writes what Joey said and waits for him to go on) Yeah?
Joey: Well, I can’t do everything! Look back over your time together.
[This starts a series of flashbacks beginning with Monica and Chandler in the waiting room in The One With the Birth.]
Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.
Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?
Chandler: You'll get one.
Monica: Oh yeah? When?
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: No, no, no.
Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.
Monica: Well?
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
[Cut to Ross leaping into Chandler’s Hotel room in London in The One With Ross’s Wedding.]
Ross: (Screaming) I’m getting married today!! Ahh, whoo-hoo!!(He runs back out the door.)
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
[Cut to Chandler opening the door to his and Joey’s apartment to reveal Monica standing there with a turkey on her head in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
Chandler: Nice try.
Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)
Chandler: Look, Monica…
Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)
Chandler: This is not going to work.
Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)
Chandler: You are so great! I love you!
(Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.)
Monica: What?
Chandler: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!
Monica: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!
Chandler: No I didn't!
Monica: Yes, you did!
Chandler: No I didn't!
Monica: You love me!
Chandler: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
(Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.)
[Cut to Chandler trying to hint to Monica that he wanted to move in with her in The One After Vegas.]
Chandler: Y’know I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?
Monica: Then all your stuff would be here.
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Monica: Then you’d be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesn’t make any sense.
Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what I’m saying?
[Cut to Chandler entering his and Monica’s apartment alight with a thousand candles in The One With The Proposal.]
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
(He turns to look at Joey who smiles slyly and closes the door leaving them alone.)
Chandler: Oh my God.
(Monica gets down on one knee.)
Monica: Chandler… In all my life… I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to…fall in love with my best…my best… There’s a reason why girls don’t do this!
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Oh God, I thought… (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: Yes.
(The crowd goes wild as he puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as an engaged couple.)
Joey: (yelling through the door) Can we come it yet?! We’re dying out here!
Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) We’re engaged!!!
(Everyone screams and has a group hug.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch as Joey and Ross enter.]
Joey: Hey!
Ross: Hey!
Rachel: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: Hey, what have you guys been up to?
Ross: Oh, we were helping Chandler write his vows, but he kicked us out because Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions.
Joey: How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass," inappropriate?
Ross: How’s Monica coming along with her vows?
Phoebe: Well let’s just say its she’s lucky she has a sweet ass, ‘cause she’s not so good at the writing.
Ross: I can’t believe in four weeks they’re gonna be married!
Phoebe: Well let’s just hope it works. Y’know nine out of ten marriages end in divorce?
Ross: Phoebe that’s not true.
Phoebe: Yeah, you’re right. How’s the Mrs.?
Rachel: I can’t believe they’ve been together for three years.
Joey: (shocked) Has it been that long?!
Ross: Believe me, it seems like less because they hid it from us for so long.
[Flashback to Joey interrupting a bath Monica and Chandler are sharing in The One With All The Kissing. Monica dives underwater as Joey opens the door.]
(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!
(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)
Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
Joey: Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?
Chandler: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.
Joey: Okay.
(Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
Chandler: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.
Monica: Chicken? I could eat some chicken.
Chandler: Hey Joe!
(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke—(Yelps in pain as Monica grabs him underwater)—Diet Coke.
(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)
[Cut back to Central Perk.]
Rachel: I don’t know why they didn’t just tell us.
Joey: I know! I mean it’s not like we weren’t cool about it.
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monica’s bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
Joey: (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?!
Monica: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows!
Joey: How?! When?!
Chandler: It happened in London.
Joey: IN LONDON!!!
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
(They both grab him and stop him.)
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!
Monica: Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell.
(Joey thinks it over.)
Joey: All right! Man, this is unbelievable!
[Cut to Rachel listening to a phone conversation between Chandler and Monica in The One With All the Resolutions.]
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Chandler: (on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.)
Monica: (on phone) Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big…
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
[Cut to Phoebe in Ross’s new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what they’re about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.]
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Rachel: What?!
Phoebe: (screaming) Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!!
Rachel: Oh my God!
Phoebe: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!
Rachel: OH MY GOD!!!
Phoebe: OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!
Rachel: Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!!
Phoebe: NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!!
Rachel: I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW!
Phoebe: YOU KNOW?!!!
Rachel: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!
Ross: (entering) What's going on?
Phoebe and Rachel: Ohhh!!!
Rachel: (trying to divert his attention from the window by jumping up and down) HI!! Hi!
Ross: What?! What?!
Rachel: Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment!
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Phoebe: (Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and Rachel.)
(Ross starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group hug.)
[Cut to later in that episode in Central Perk, a meeting with Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey where they discuss Chandler and Monica.]
Phoebe: Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?
Joey: Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!
Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own
[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandler’s, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]
Rachel: All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.
Monica: Bye!
All: Bye!
Phoebe: Bye Chandler! (She walks up to him.) (Quietly.) I miss you already. (She pinches his butt.)
Chandler: (after they've left) Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!!
Monica: Actually, I did!
Chandler: Okay, so now do you believe that she's attracted to me?
Monica: Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us!
[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebe’s knowledge.]
Chandler: Phoebe knows about us!
Joey: Well I didn't tell them!
Monica: Them?! Who's them?
Joey: Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.
Monica: Joey!
Joey: And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!
Monica: Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that they know! So…
Chandler: Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!
[Cut to later in that episode. Phoebe is telling Rachel in Monica and Chandler’s that Chandler wants to make a date with Phoebe.]
Phoebe: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!
Rachel: Are you kidding?!
Phoebe: No!
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to Mon—Whoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?
Joey: No.
Rachel: Joey!
Joey: They know you know.
Rachel: Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two!
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
Joey: I couldn't even if I wanted too.
[Cut to later in that episode. Chandler is in his bathroom with Monica, and he’s panicking on how far Phoebe is pushing him.]
Chandler: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her!
Monica: She's bluffing!
Chandler: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little mimic of her dance.)
[Cut to the hallway where Phoebe is conferring with Rachel.]
Phoebe: He's not backing down. He went to get lotion.
Joey: (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?!
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Joey: Ooh!
Rachel: Okay!
Joey: I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.)
Phoebe: Joey! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didn’t rip off any buttons.
Joey: It's not my first time.
[Cut to the bathroom.]
Monica: You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!
Chandler: Okay, give me a second! (Pause) Did you clean up in here?
Monica: Of course.
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.]
Chandler: Oh, you're-you're going?
Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.
Chandler: (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very happy were gonna have all the sex.
Phoebe: You should be. I'm very bendy. (Pause) I'm gonna kiss you now.
Chandler: Not if I kiss you first.
(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)
Phoebe: Ooh.
Chandler: Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.
Phoebe: Here it comes. Our first kiss.
(They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Phoebe away.)
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!
Phoebe: And why not?!
Chandler: Because I'm in love with Monica!!
Phoebe: You're-you're what?!
(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)
Chandler: Love her! That's right, I…LOVE…HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.
Monica: I love you too Chandler. (They kiss.)
Phoebe: I just—I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love!
Joey: So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows!
Monica: Well actually, Ross doesn't.
Chandler: Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.
[Cut to later in that episode. Ross is showing his boss his new place and notices something in the window.]
Ross: (He notices something through the window.) No! No! Wh… What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Joey and Ross are talking.]
Phoebe: Y’know, you’re friend’s getting married, it’s gotta change things.
Rachel: You really think it would be that different?
Phoebe: How could it not be? I mean pretty soon they’re gonna be having kids, and then they’re just gonna be hanging out with other couples who have kids. And then maybe they’re gonna have to leave the city to be near a Volvo dealership.
Rachel: Well, things change.
Joey: I don’t want them to move to a Volvo dealership!
Ross: It’ll be okay Joe.
Joey: I’m sorry, I just…I like things the way they are.
[Flashback to the gang in Central Perk in The One Where Nana Dies Twice, they’re all going through an old photo album.]
Rachel: Hey, who's this little naked guy?
Ross: That little naked guy would be me.
Rachel: Aww, look at the little thing.
Ross: Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now?
Chandler: Who are those people?
Ross: Got me.
Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.
Rachel: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there?
Monica: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25?
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)
Joey: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked!
Ross: (looking) Nono, that would be me again.
[Cut back to Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Monica: Hey, you guys!
Phoebe: Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: What’s going on?
Rachel: Well, we were just talkin’ about you guys gettin’ married and how great it is.
Joey: Yeah, you can get a Volvo. If that’s what you really want.
Monica: Oh that’s so sweet.
Chandler: So we both finished our vows.
Phoebe: Oh!
Joey: Hey!
Rachel: Oh, can we read them?
Monica: Yeah, I don’t hear Chandler’s and he doesn’t hear mine.
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay.
(They spilt into their sexes and the girls read Monica’s and the guys read Chandler’s. The girls gasp and groan and the guys laugh hysterically.
Phoebe: (To Monica) Oh, that’s beautiful.
Joey: (To Chandler) (laughing) Funny one! That’s good!
Rachel: (To Monica) Monica, will-will you marry me?
(Ross laughs.)
Joey: What? I don’t get it.
(Ross points to the explanation and he gets it.)
Ross: (To Chandler) Oh man, this is hilarious.
Monica: Chandler!!
Chandler: Don’t worry honey, we’ll make yours funnier.
Ending Credits
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Joey are reading Chandler’s new vows.]
Chandler: Okay, what do you guys think?
Ross: (quietly) Dude!
Joey: (starting to cry) I have never known love like this.
Chandler: You really like it?
Ross: Dude! How-how did you write this?
Chandler: I stole Monica’s and changed the name.
Ross: You can’t do that!
Joey: If he goes first he can!
End