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老友記第三季The One Where Chandler Can Remember Which Sister

所屬教程:老友記第三季

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好,隨便選一張好,記住給大家看好了嗎?好,還給我紅心5這真是太神奇了喬伊,你怎么變出來的?天機(jī)不可泄漏天花板上有人叫門了我們樓上的芳鄰吵得要命他把地毯拆掉現(xiàn)在簡直是雞犬聲相聞干脆請他“輕聲漫步”好了我試過五次了但那家伙魅力無窮我上去大呼小叫最后還跟他賠不是太荒謬了我上去叫他小聲點(diǎn)好,請便祝你好運(yùn)好……如果你們想知道我是怎么變的我就告訴你們你把牌還給我的時(shí)候趁你們不注意…我很快看一眼肉眼是看不到的我剛才辦到了又來一次來,我放慢動作讓你們看,好了沒?我懂了謝謝誰有一條六尺長的繩子末端打了活結(jié)的?親愛的,怎么了?我剛才看到珍妮絲了她在洛克斐勒中心和她丈夫溜冰,看起來好幸福我簡直不忍心拿那個小孩的椒鹽卷餅打他們我記得我跟凱薩琳分手后第一次跟她見面的情形她跟她朋友唐娜走在一塊兒說笑老天,我難過死了但你那天下午和她們兩個上床了對不起,我就是…不計(jì)一切地要講那件事錢德,明天要開派對你就會高興一點(diǎn)了我不會有事的你們不必為我開派對是喬伊的生日派對如果有人應(yīng)該開派對那就非喬伊莫屬我真不敢相信她還在樓上他把關(guān)鍵句完全念砸了你知道,應(yīng)該是…咖啡好了沒有,親愛的?馬上來,卡普蘭先生我不應(yīng)該喝咖啡,老是放屁我知道你一定在想“這么聰明的女孩,有志在服裝界大展鴻圖怎么在這里泡咖啡?被你猜中了別以為我沒注意到你的潛力我有一份和時(shí)裝很有關(guān)系的工作要交給你太棒了過來,甜心太感謝了我要馬上把這些衣架分開不客氣老天,我痛恨我的工作恨死了…我知道,親愛的,我很遺憾我想辭職但我又覺得應(yīng)該挺下去然后我又想…為什么要做這種有損尊嚴(yán)的工作?難道只因?yàn)檫@份工作和我的興趣有一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)關(guān)系嗎?老天,我不知道,瑞秋點(diǎn)菜吧,楊朵湯,詹姆斯豆隨便你點(diǎn)什么都行好了,對不起,我不是…我不介意吃苦但攙扶得了關(guān)節(jié)炎的女裁縫上廁所我要怎樣才能夠…學(xué)會什么叫時(shí)裝?嗨你覺得我的苦難很有趣嗎?對不起,我只是…這不好笑,這就是我的工作相信我,我是過來人我以前是在人體模特兒公司給模特兒的頭分類的我要繼續(xù)跟我朋友聊天你可以繼續(xù)享用你的漢堡還有一件事我在布魯明戴爾百貨公司上班如果你有興趣我有個可能的工作機(jī)會想吃我的腌黃瓜嗎?大家好嘿,甘瑟你要跟樓上吵鬧的鄰居約會?他很迷人他太迷人了但如果你們交往我就更難討厭他了你只得盡力而為喬伊?酒果凍哪里去了?不知道,錢德應(yīng)該要端出去…錢德哈羅看來你心情好多了把舌頭伸出來把衣服脫下來我的天你吃了多少?這是純伏特加做的對,果凍有媽媽的味道我今天碰上了最不可思議的事我在摩妮卡的餐廳吃午飯有個家伙跟我說話他是布魯明戴爾的采購助理…他們的部門要找人我就把我的電話給了他他這個周末要打電話給我?guī)臀野才琶嬖嚹羌一餂]有任何理由地幫你?你根本不認(rèn)識他?對,他叫“馬克”什么的看來馬克什么的不懷好意什么?不然他干嘛莫名其妙地冒出來?日行一善啊嘿,喬伊,男人會不會莫名其妙地對陌生女子好不會,男人只想上床而已謝謝你有沒有跟馬克什么的提起我?我用不著提,我穿著… “我愛羅斯”的廣告牌而且一直搖著鈴喬伊,生日快樂你跟多少個女孩交往?你頭殼壞去了嗎?她們是喬伊的姊妹嗨,喬伊的姊妹你喝的是什么?我喝的是伏特加和小紅莓汁真的?我干掉我丈夫之后就是調(diào)這種酒來喝好,我不知道該怎么跟你說話你在干嘛?把我前任女友的快速撥號刪除不,這是好事我們要快速撥號干嘛?干嘛趕來趕去的?我們?yōu)槭裁床荒苷湎篮脮r(shí)光?你胸部好大嗨嗨我聽說了瑞秋今天遇到的那個叫馬克的家伙很棒,不是嗎?對,是很棒看樣子他是個好人對,他簡直太完美了他走的時(shí)候,我是這么說的…哈米娜,太好了這么說他只是個大好人罷了你真的認(rèn)為這個叫馬克的是不求回報(bào)地幫你?我想我得跟他洗鴛鴦浴不過哪份工作不是這樣你感覺怎么樣?我的公寓已經(jīng)不存在了因?yàn)槿晃液鹊袅四闳ツ睦锪?你拆了禮物之后我們就找不到你了我后來跑到貯藏室而且不只我一個人不要再叫了…怎么了?出了什么事?我跟喬伊的姊妹瞎搞這還不是最糟糕的那最糟糕的是什么?我不記得是哪個姊妹你看到?jīng)]有?別說男人有好人這就是男人你瘋了不成?喬伊?xí)⒘四闼娴臅涯銡⒌盟浪赖哪阋詾槲覜]想到嗎?你怎么會不知道是哪一個?簡直無法置信是吉娜嗎?哪個是吉娜?黑皮膚、蓬蓬頭戴著飛機(jī)耳環(huán)那是迪娜,不是吉娜看到?jīng)]?你們也分不清誰是誰我們可沒有跟哪個胡攪一定是薇若妮卡那個穿紅裙子的女孩我確實(shí)把我的舌頭伸到她的喉嚨里那個是我我喝了酒以后有時(shí)候會變得太熱情對不起沒關(guān)系不要緊我可以跟你私下談?wù)剢?嘿,喬伊過來我們?yōu)槭裁床辉谶@里談?這里有人作證我剛跟我妹妹通完電話哪一個?瑪麗 安杰拉這又是哪一個了?問錢德,他跟人家胡攪她告訴我,你對她說你為她大為傾倒這是實(shí)話?還是你泡我妹妹只是為了忘記珍妮絲?一定是第一個原因真的?那太好了你跟我妹妹坐在樹上對,我在樹上他來電話沒有?馬克來電話沒有?我很遺憾不過周末還沒結(jié)束我的天,那是菲比嗎?看來他們約完會了音樂真甜蜜我的天你好嗎?我很好,我的書完稿了這本書講什么?我不記得了,你想散步嗎?想親愛的瑪麗安杰拉嗨,你好嗎?這是我所寫過最難以啟齒的一封信你是怎么搞的?你寫信甩掉他妹妹喬伊?xí)δ阍趺礃?這時(shí)候你就告訴他我搬到法國去了事實(shí)上,我人會在古巴聽我說你得親自去做這件事至少你知道她叫什么名字你只要到他家去找瑪麗安杰拉不管她是哪一個她到門口來的時(shí)候…請她去散個步,給她留點(diǎn)面子萬一是她來開門而我又開口找她呢?你要去古巴的哪里?你在這里干嘛?等我祖母幫我洗衣服你呢?我來見瑪麗安杰拉你真是男子漢,來聽我說別亂講話因?yàn)樽婺覆恢滥銈兊氖伦詈貌灰撬鷼馑堑诹鶄€在墨索里尼的尸體上吐痰的人瑪麗安杰拉在哪里?她就在那里嘿,錢德我不敢相信馬克沒有打電話來現(xiàn)在是星期天晚上他居然還沒打電話來真叫人失望對,看看你,你實(shí)在太可笑了我真的很遺憾馬克沒有幫到你聽我說,瑞秋我也是一心為你好等一下,為什么你不打電話給馬克?誰規(guī)定你得在這里癡癡地等?你得主動出擊對,但也不能太過分不會的他把家里電話給了她什么?他把家里電話給你打電話到他家嗎?你不介意我打電話吧既然你是一心為我好我是這么說的馬克?嗨,我是瑞秋格林不,你千萬別道歉好,我等他把電話留在辦公室他本來要去拿不過他得幫他侄女做研究拓荒者的報(bào)告聽就知道是編的我的天!明天嗎?這…不,這太好了老天,太感謝你了太好了,再見我可以去面試了你看吧他還要跟我吃午飯,幫我準(zhǔn)備太了不起了如果我了解馬克我想是的…他應(yīng)該就是這種人我得想想明天要穿什么才好高領(lǐng)衫加蓬蓬褲才是專業(yè)人士的穿著是啊好,回頭見沒問題我對你做了什么?我傷害過你嗎?什么?你為什么不打電話給他?真是太謝謝你了現(xiàn)在他要幫她準(zhǔn)備面試這就是開除男朋友的前兆你瘋了不成?有嗎?我瘋了嗎?我失去理智了嗎?那個大好人要跟我女朋友吃飯羅斯,你根本不是重點(diǎn)重點(diǎn)是瑞秋可以有好的前途就算你說得對他對她不懷好意這表示他就能得逞嗎?不會,可是…你不信任她嗎?不要自哀自憐了別像個小孩子你才別像個小孩子這提拉米蘇真好吃是你做的嗎,瑪麗安杰拉?不,是我做的真好吃那……瑪麗安杰拉,你喜歡嗎?當(dāng)然,這是她最愛吃的那……瑪麗安杰拉你還喜歡什么?吃更多奶奶做的提拉米蘇拜托你…把食譜給我,因?yàn)樘贸粤耸堑谝涣鞯氖匙V要跟著我進(jìn)棺材我也會到洗手間去我只是斜視沒什么特別意思照做就是了失陪一下,我得…終于!我還以為我們沒機(jī)會獨(dú)處了聽我說句話好嗎?派對結(jié)束之后我滿腦子都在想著你聽我說我可能操之過急了我剛結(jié)束一段感情我還沒辦法…給任何人承諾那又怎樣?我也一樣老天,瑪麗安杰拉說得對你的嘴唇柔軟極了你不是瑪麗安杰拉?不,我是瑪麗泰瑞絲這真是太糟糕了如果你不是瑪麗安杰拉那誰是?我是老天,這真是太糟糕了不,不要叫喬伊…怎么回事?就是你了,快去藏起來吧沒什么大不了的錢德剛才在親我因?yàn)樗詾槲沂乾旣惏步芾裁?你怎么會把她當(dāng)成瑪麗安杰拉?我不肯定哪一個是瑪麗安杰拉聽我說,對不起我喝得醉醺醺你們的樣子都差不多我說揍他,喬伊對,揍他我們大家應(yīng)該冷靜下來因?yàn)槟銈兊男值懿粫嵛业氖前?我通常會這么做但我萬萬沒想到有一天會揍你你怎么能做這種事?如果你想揍我就動手吧我罪有應(yīng)得但我要你知道我在清醒時(shí)絕不會做傷害你和你家人的事你是我最好的朋友我再也不會做這種事了那又怎么樣?我說揍他對,揍他不,我不會揍錢德不,你不會的他知道他做了一件錯事我相信他是真心道歉了但你還要再跟一個人道歉你得跟瑪麗安杰拉道歉當(dāng)然,沒問題甜心,現(xiàn)在你可以揍他了什么?你怎么來了?我順路到這里來…面試怎么樣?跟我面試的女人很難對付但幸好有馬克指點(diǎn)我我一談起秋季新裝她就滿意得不得了我真為你驕傲聽我說,我…對不起,我這么神經(jīng)又嫉妒…這是因?yàn)槲液芟矚g你所以…我知道嗨嗨,馬克我剛跟喬安娜談過她很喜歡你,你被錄取了真的?我的天恭喜……菲比你的約會怎么樣?你知道……對,我的確清楚你偷聽我們約會偷聽?菲比天花板的瓷磚都快掉下來了對不起但我真的是很喜歡他我想他也很喜歡我也許他只是…跳彈簧床跳得很爽也許彈簧床也被跳得很爽好吧,到此為止他不能這樣對菲比我要狠狠揍這家伙一頓但他個子很高大嗎?我們一起去,來謝謝你們,謝謝別擔(dān)心老天,希望他們痛扁他一頓親愛的,我很遺憾如果這可以給你一點(diǎn)安慰…聽起來他跟你在一起比較開心

The One Where Chandler Can Remember Which Sister

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are there, Joey is demonstrating a card trick.]

Joey: Okay, pick a card, any card. (Monica picks one) All right, now memorize it. Show to everybody. Got it?

Monica: Um-mm.

Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.

(Monica is sarcastically amazed.)

Ross: Real magic does exist.

Rachel: Wow.

Monica: Wow. Joey, (sarcastically) how do you do it?

Joey: I can抰 tell you that, no.

(We hear some knocking coming from the ceiling.)

Ross: Ah, somebody抯 at the door on the ceiling.

Rachel: Noo, that抯 our unbelievably loud upstairs neighbor.

Monica: He took up the carpet, and now you can hear everything.

Phoebe: Why don抰 you go up there and ask him to 憇tep lightly, please??br>
Monica: I have like five times, but the guy is so charming, that I go up there to yell and then I end up apologizing to him.

Phoebe: Ooh, that is silly. (gets up) I抣l go up there, I抣l tell him to keep it down.

Monica: All right, be my guest.

Rachel: Good luck.

(Phoebe exits)

Joey: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna know how I did it, I抣l show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you didn抰 see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. (picks up a card and quickly looks at it) I just did it. (does it again) I just did it, again. Here, I抣l slow it down so that you guys can see it. (looks and the card in slow motion)

All: Oh, I got it.

(We hear Phoebe knock at the door upstairs, and the guy answer it.)

Phoebe: (muffled through the floor) Yeah, look I was with my friend downstairs and we hear everything up here that you do, and I am sick and tired... (I tired but the rest is unintelligible).

Guy: (muffled) Whoa, you are very beautiful.

Phoebe: (muffled) Oh, thank you.


OPENING CREDITS


[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]

Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?

Monica: Honey, what抯 the matter?

Chandler: I just saw Janice.

All: Oh.

Chandler: Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating with her husband, she looked so happy. I almost feel bad for whipping that kid抯 pretzel at them.

Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.

Chandler: Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.

Joey: Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story y'know....

Ross: Hey Chandler, there抯 a party tomorrow, you抣l feel better then.

Chandler: Oh, y'know what, I抦 gonna be okay, you don抰 have to throw a party for me.

Monica: It抯 Joey抯 birthday.

Chandler: Oh, well then, if anybody should have a party it should be him.

(We hear Phoebe抯 muffled voice through the ceiling.)

Monica: Sush!! I cannot believe she is still up there.

(We hear the guy telling a joke, and Phoebe laughing.)

Chandler: Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, it抯 supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh.

[Scene: Fortunata Fashions, Rachel抯 new job.]

Mr. Kaplan: (entering) How抯 that coffee comin,?dear?

Rachel: (jumping up from reading her magazine) Yeah, right away Mr. Kaplan.

Mr. Kaplan: I抦 not supposed to drink coffee, it makes me gassy.

Rachel: I know!

Mr. Kaplan: I抣l bet your thinking, 慦hat抯 an intelligent girl who wants to be in fashion, doing making coffee?? Eh?

Rachel: Op.

Mr. Kaplan: Eh.

Rachel: Oh, you got me.

Mr. Kaplan: Well, don抰 think I haven抰 noticed your potential. Well, I抳e got a project for you that抯 a lot more related to fashion. How does that sound?

Rachel: Oh, that sounds great.

Mr. Kaplan: Come on over here, sweetheart. (they walk over to a storage closet)

Rachel: Oh thank you so much Mr. Kaplan, thank you so much.

Mr. Kaplan: (opening the closet door revealing that it抯 full of tangled up hangers.) I need these hangers separated ASAP. (she is stunned) You抮e welcome.

[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Rachel is talking to Monica about her job.]

Rachel: Oh God, I hate my job, I hate it, I hate my job, I hate it.

Monica: I know honey, I抦 sorry.

Rachel: Oh, I wanna quit, but then I think I should stick it out, then I think why would such a person stay in such a demeaning job, just because it抯 remotely related to the field they抮e interested in.

Monica: (gives her a look) Gee, I don抰 know Rach. Order up!! I got a Yentel soup, a James Beans, and a Howdy hold the Dowdy!

Rachel: Oh honey, come on, I抦 sorry, I didn抰.... I don抰 mind paying my dues, y'know, its just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Mira, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom.

(A guy at the end of the table starts laughing.)

Rachel: (to him) Hi! Is my misery amusing to you?

Guy: I抦 sorry, I wa, I wa, I was just ah.... (starts to laugh again)

Rachel: It抯 not funny, this is actually my job.

Guy: Oh believe me, I-I-I抳e been there. I had to sort mannequin heads at that Mannequins Plus.

Rachel: Oh well then, so I抦 just going to go back to talking to my friend here. And you can go back to enjoying your little hamburger.

Guy: Ah, just one other thing.

Rachel: Yes?!

Guy: I ah, I work at Bloomingdale抯 and I might know of a job possibility if your, if your interested?

Rachel: (looks at Monica) (to him) Do you want my pickle?

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it抯 Joey抯 party.]

Gunther: (to Monica and Phoebe) Hey guys.

Monica: Hey Gunther. Hi. (to Phoebe) I mean you抮e going out on a date with the noisy guy upstairs?

Phoebe: Well, he抯 very charming.

Monica: I know, he抯 too charming, but if you two start going out, then it抯 just gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him.

Phoebe: Well, you抮e just gonna have to try.

Monica: Joey, where are the Jello shots?

Joey: I don抰 know, Chandler is supposed to be passin?慹m around...

(Camera cuts to show Chandler giving a Jello shot to the ceramic dog and holding an empty tray of Jello shots.)

Joey: Chandler!

Chandler: Hello-dillillio!!

Ross: Oh, somebody抯 feeling better.

Monica: (to Chandler) Stick out your tongue.

Chandler: (to Monica) Take off your shirt!

(Chandler sticks out is tongue and it抯 a horrible shade of green.)

Monica: Oh my!!

Joey: Oh my God! How many of these things did you have? These are pure vodka.

Chandler: Yeah, Jello just like Mom used to make.

Rachel: (entering, to Ross) The most unbelievable thing happened to me today.

Ross: Hi!

Rachel: Hi! So I抦 out having lunch at Monica抯 and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdale抯 and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and he抯 gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!

Ross: Wow!

Rachel: I know!

Ross: What, so this guy is helping you for no apparent reason?

Rachel: Uh-huh!

Ross: And he抯, he抯 a total stranger?

Rachel: Yeah! His name is um, Mark something.

Ross: Huh. Sounds like Mark Something wants to have some sex.

Rachel: What!?

Ross: Well, I抦 just saying, I mean why else would he just, y'know, swoop in out of nowhere for no reason.

Rachel: To be nice.

Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?

Joey: No, only for sex.

Ross: Thank you. (to Rachel) So did you ah, did you tell Mark Something about me?

Rachel: I didn抰 have to, because I was wearing my 慖 heart Ross?sandwich board and ringing my bell.

Ross: Uh-huh.

Joey抯 Sisters: (entering) Joey!!! Happy Birthday!! (all 7 of them look almost identical)

Joey: Hey!! Hey-hey-hey!

Chandler: (to Monica) Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?

Monica: How hammered are you? Huh? These, these are Joey抯 sisters.

Chandler: Hi Joey抯 sisters!

Phoebe: (to one of his sisters, Cookie) Hey!

Cookie: Hey. What are we drinkin?over here.

Phoebe: Well, I have ah, vodka and cranberry juice.

Cookie: No kiddin,?that抯 the exact same drink I made myself right after I shot my husband.

Phoebe: Wow. Okay, I don抰 know how to talk to you.

(cut to Chandler)

Sister 1: (to Chandler) What 慶ha doing?

Chandler: Oh, I抦 taking my ex-girlfriend of my speed dialer.

Joey抯 Sisters: Oh!!

Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, it抯 a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why can抰 we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joey抯 sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.

(Cut to Ross and Monica)

Ross: Hi.

Monica: Hi.

Ross: Yeah. So um, I-I heard about this ah, Mark guy that ah, Rachel met today.

Monica: Isn抰 that great?

Ross: Oh yeah! So ah, kinda pretty, pretty good. He sounds like a nice, good guy.

Monica: Oh, he is. And he is so dreamy. I mean, y'know what, when he left I actually used the phrase, 慔ummina-hummina-hummina.?(walks away)

Ross: That抯 excellent.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]

Ross: (to Rachel) So, he抯 just a nice guy. You really think this Mark doesn抰 want anything in exchange for helping him?

Rachel: Well, I assume I抣l have to take showers with him, but y'know, that抯 true of any job.

(Chandler enters hungover and groaning)

Monica: How ya feelin?

Chandler: Well, my apartment isn抰 there anymore, because I drank it.

Phoebe: Where抎 you get too? We lost you after you opened up all the presents.

Ross: Yeah.

Chandler: Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not alone.

All: Woooo hoooo!!!

Chandler: Ow, no 憌oo-hooing,?no 憌oo-hooing.?

Phoebe: Why, what happened?

Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joey抯 sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well, that抯 not the worst part.

Monica: What is the worse part?

Chandler: I can抰 remember which sister.

Ross: (to Rachel) You see what men do! Don抰 tell me men are not nice! (points to Chandler) This is men!!


COMMERCIAL BREAK


[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]

Monica: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, he抯 actually going to kill you dead.

Chandler: Okay! You don抰 think I thought of that?

Phoebe: How can you not know which one?

Rachel: I mean that抯 unbelievable.

Monica: I mean, was it Gina?

Ross: Which one is Gina?

Rachel: Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.

Monica: No, no, no, that抯 Dina.

Chandler: (to Monica) You see you can抰 tell which one is which either, dwha!!

Phoebe: We didn抰 fool around with any of them. Dwha! Dwha!

Chandler: Veronica. Look, it抯 got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.

Monica: That was me.

Chandler: Look, when I抳e been drinking, sometimes I tend to get overly friendly, and I抦 sorry.

Monica: That抯 okay.

Rachel: That抯 all right.

Ross: That抯 okay.

Joey: (angrily entering, to Chandler) Can I talk to you for a second?!

Ross: Hey, Joey.

Rachel: Hey. (they all walk away from Chandler)

Joey: Come on!! (motions for Chandler to come with him)

Chandler: Why can抰 we talk in here? With, with, witnesses.

Joey: I just got off the phone with my sister.

Ross: Ah, which, which one?

Joey: Mary-Angela.

Ross: Mary-Angela.

Joey: Yeah.

Monica: Y'know which one was she again?

Joey: Why don抰 you ask Chandler, 慶ause he抯 the one that fooled around with her. She told me you said you could really fall for her. Now is that true? Or are you just gettin?over Janice by groping my sister.

Chandler: It抯 gotta be the first one.

Joey: Really? That抯 great! You and my sister, sittin?in a tree.

Chandler: Yep, I抦 in a tree.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is writing letters as Rachel enters.]

Rachel: Did he call? Did Mark call?

Monica: No honey, I抦 sorry, but the weekend抯 not over yet.

Rachel: Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs apartment) Oh my God, is that Phoebe?

Monica: I guess they抮e back from their date.

(He starts to play music.)

Rachel: Music. Very nice.

(We hear them start making out upstairs.)

Monica: Oh my God!

Rachel: So, how are you?

Monica: I am good. I finished my book.

(Things start to get really hot upstairs.)

Rachel: Oh yeah, what抯 it about?

Monica: I don抰 remember. Do you wanna take a walk?

Rachel: Yeah, I do. (they both run out)

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is reading a letter that Chandler wrote.]

Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. How抯 it going. This is the hardest letter I抳e ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hell抯 a matter with you? How do you think Joey抯 going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?

Chandler: Well, that抯 the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually I抣l be in Cuba.

Ross: All right, look, look, you抳e got to do this yourself, okay in person. At least you know her name. You just go to the house and you ask for Mary-Angela, okay, when which ever one she is comes to the door, you take her for a walk, you let her down easy.

Chandler: What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary-Angela?

Ross: Where in Cuba?

[Scene: Joey抯 sister抯 house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]

Chandler: (shocked) Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?

Joey: Waiting for my Grandma to finish my laundry. What about you?

Chandler: I抦 here to see Mary-Angela.

Joey: You are so the man! (motions him to come in, and he does) Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, 慶ause my Grandma doesn抰 know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.

Chandler: Where抯 Mary-Angela?

Joey: She抯 right in there. (motions to the living room)

(Chandler walks into the living room, and sees all of Joey抯 sisters, all wearing red.)

Joey抯 Sisters: Hey, Chandler!

[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]

Rachel: I can抰 believe Mark didn抰 call. It抯 Sunday night, and he didn抰 call.

Ross: Bummer.

Rachel: (to Ross) Yeah, right. Look at you, you抮e practically giddy.

Ross: No, I抦 genuinely sorry the Mark thing didn抰 work out. Look, Rach, I want only good things for you.

Monica: Wait a minute, why don抰 you just call Mark. (they both look up in shock) I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him, you抳e got to make stuff happen.

Ross: But, you, you don抰 want to seem too pushy.

Monica: (to Ross) Honey, it抯 not pushy, he gave her his home number.

Ross: (to Rachel, as she gets his number) What, he gave you his home number? As in like, to, to his home?

Rachel: Yeah, and you don抰 mind if I call, because you only want good things for me.

Ross: That抯 right good things, that-that is what I said. (glances at Monica)

Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, it抯 Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, don抰 you apologize. (listens) Yeah, I抣l hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.

Ross: That is so made up!

Rachel: (on phone) Yeah, oh my God, tomorrow! That, no, it抯 perfect. Oh God, thank you soo much. Great! Bye! (hangs up phone) I got the interview!

Monica: Yay!

Ross: There you go.

Rachel: He even offered to meet me for lunch tomorrow to prep me for it.

Monica: Oh, that is amazing!

Ross: Yeah well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, I抎 expect nothing less.

Rachel: I got to figure out what I抦 going to wear.

Ross: High collar and baggy pants say I抦 a pro.

Rachel: Yeah! Right! Okay, I抣l see you guys later. (starts to leave) Woo hoo!

Ross: You go get 慹m. (to Monica) What did I do to you? Did I hurt you in some way?

Monica: What?

Ross: 慦hy don抰 you call him?!? Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!

Monica: Are you crazy?!

Ross: Am I! Am I! Am I out of my mind! Am I losing my senses!! This dreamy guy is taking my girlfriend out for a meal.

Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isn抰 even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if you抮e right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?

Ross: No.

Monica: I mean don抰 you trust her?

Ross: Well, yeah!

Monica: Then get over yourself! Grow up!

Ross: (shyly) You grow up.

[Scene: Joey抯 sister抯 house, they抮e finishing up dinner.]

Chandler: This teramisu is, is excellent. Did you make it Mary-Angela?

Joey抯 Grandmother: No! I did!

Chandler: Well, it抯, it抯 yummy. So Mary-Angela do you like it?

Joey抯 Grandmother: Of course! It抯 her favorite.

Chandler: So um, Mary-Angela, what抯 your second favorite?

Joey抯 Grandmother: More of Grandma抯 teramisu.

Chandler: Would you just please....give me the receipt 慶ause this is great. It抯 top notch.

Joey抯 Grandmother: That dies with me.

Chandler: So will I.

Joey抯 Sister: Excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom.

Chandler: Oh no-no-no I was just squinting. That doesn抰 mean anything.

Joey抯 Sister: (whispering in his ear) Just do it.

Chandler: Will you excuse me I have to um..... (walks to the hall)

[cut to the hall, Joey抯 sister runs up and grabs Chandler抯 butt.]

Chandler: (startled) Hey!

Joey抯 Sister: Finally, I thought we抎 never be alone. Can I just tell you something, I have not stopped thinking about you since the party. (kisses him)

Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and I抦 not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.

Joey抯 Sister: So! Me neither! God, Mary-Angela was right you do have the softest lips.

Chandler: Ahhhh, you抮e not Mary-Angela.

Joey抯 Sister: No, I抦 Mary-Theresa.

Chandler: This is so bad. If-if you抮e not Mary-Angela, then-then who is?

Mary-Angela: (standing behind Chandler) I am!

Chandler: Oh, this is soo bad. (doesn抰 see Mary-Angela)

Mary-Angela: Joey!!!

Chandler: No Joey! No Joey! Don抰 Joey! Joey!

Joey: What抯 goin?on?

Chandler: (pats him on the shoulder) You抮e it! Now run and hide!

Mary-Theresa: It抯 no big deal. Chandler was just kissin?me because he thought I was Mary-Angela.

Joey: What?! How could you do that, how could you think she was Mary-Angela?

Chandler: I wasn抰 sure which one Mary-Angela was. (all of Joey抯 sisters gasp) Look, I抦 sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really similar.

Joey抯 Sister: I say, punch him Joey.

All: Yeah! Punch him!!

Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brother抯 not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?

Joey: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought you抎 be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!

Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, you抮e my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.

Cookie: So what. I say, punch him.

All: Yeah! Punch him! Punch him!

Joey: No! No! No! No, I抦 not going to punch Chandler.

Cookie: I抣l do it.

Joey: No you won抰. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, he抯 sorry. But, (to Chandler) you抳e got one more apology to make, all right, you抳e got to apologize to Mary-Angela.

Chandler: Okay, absolutely!

Joey: All right.

Chandler: You抳e got it. (he starts to look at his sister抯, but he still doesn抰 know which one is Mary-Angela.)

Joey: Cookie, now you can punch him!

Chandler: What?! (Cookie punches him)

[Scene: A lobby, Ross is waiting for Rachel, after her interview.]

Rachel: (getting of the elevator and noticing Ross) Hey!

Ross: Hi!

Rachel: What are you doing here?

Ross: Ah y'know, this building is on my paper route so I... (gives her a flower)

Rachel: Oh.

Ross: Hi. (kisses her)

Rachel: Hi.

Ross: How抎 did it go?

Rachel: Oh well, the woman I interviewed with was pretty tough, but y'know thank God Mark coached me, because once I started talking about the fall line, she got all happy and wouldn抰 shut up.

Ross: I抦 so proud of you.

Rachel: Me too!

Ross: Listen, I抦 ah, I抦 sorry I抳e been so crazy and jealous and, it抯 just that I like you a lot, so...

Rachel: I know.

Ross: Yeah.

Rachel: Yeah.

Mark: Rachel?

Rachel: Yeah. (turns around) Hi Mark!

Mark: Hi. I just talked to Joanna, and she loves you. You got it, you got the job.

Rachel: Oh, I did!

Mark: Yes.

Rachel: (to Ross) Oh my God!! (she turns around and hugs Mark, not Ross)

Ross: Congradu!! (sees her hug Mark) -lations-lations.


CLOSING CREDITS


[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The entire gang is there.]

Monica: So ah, Phoebe, how was your date?

Phoebe: Oh well y'know. (laughs)

Monica: Yeah, I do know.

Phoebe: Ick, you were eavesdropping.

Rachel: Eavesdropping. Pheebs, the ceiling tiles were falling down.

Phoebe: Oh, I抦 sorry. But I really like this guy. And I think he really happens to like me.

(We hear the sound of a bed creaking through the ceiling, and him moaning.)

Ross: Maybe he抯 just jumping on a pogo-stick and really likes it?

(We hear a women start moaning.)

Ross: Maybe the pogo-stick likes it too?

Joey: All right, that抯 it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. (gets up) This guy is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! (stops and turns around and asks Rachel) But, is he a big guy?

Ross: Ah, we抣l all go. (motions to Chandler) Come on. (the guys leave)

Phoebe: Thanks you guys! Thank you.

Chandler: Don抰 worry.

Phoebe: God, I hope they kick his ass!

Rachel: Honey, I抦 sorry.

Monica: Y'know if it抯 any consolation, he really did sound like he was having more fun with you. (Rachel nods in agreement)

(We the guys knock on the door upstairs, and the guy answering it.)

Guy: (muffled) May I help you?

(We hear the guys start to attack him, but the guy manages to calm them down and gets them to agree to what he did. Monica throws up her hands in disgust.)


END

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