雙語·老實人 第十六章　兩個旅客遇到兩個姑娘、兩只猴子和叫作大耳朵的野蠻人

Chapter 16 What Happened to Our Two Travelers with Two Girls, Two Monkeys, and the Savages, Called Oreillons

Candide and his valet had already passed the frontiers before it was known that the German Jesuit was dead. The wary Cacambo had taken care to fll his wallet with bread, chocolate, some ham, some fruit, and a few bottles of wine.They penetrated with their Andalusian horses into a strange country, where they could discover no beaten path.At length a beautiful meadow, intersected with purling rills, opened to their view.Cacambo proposed to his master to take some nourishment, and he set him an example.

“How can you desire me to feast upon ham, when I have killed the Baron's son and am doomed never more to see the beautiful Cunegund?What will it avail me to prolong a wretched life that must be spent far from her in remorse and despair?And then what will the journal of Trevoux say?”was Candide's reply.

While he was making these refections he still continued eating. The sun was now on the point of setting when the ears of our two wanderers were assailed with cries which seemed to be uttered by a female voice.They could not tell whether these were cries of grief or of joy；however, they instantly started up, full of that inquietude and apprehension which a strange place naturally inspires.The cries proceeded from two young women who were tripping disrobed along the mead, while two monkeys followed close at their heels biting at their limbs.Candide was touched with compassion；he had learned to shoot while he was among the Bulgarians, and he could hit a flbert in a hedge without touching a leaf.Accordingly he took up his double-barrelled Spanish gun, pulled the trigger, and laid the two monkeys lifeless on the ground.

“God be praised, my dear Cacambo, I have rescued two poor girls from a most perilous situation；if I have committed a sin in killing an Inquisitor and a Jesuit, I have made ample amends by saving the lives of these two distressed damsels. Who knows but they may be young ladies of a good family, and that the assistance I have been so happy to give them may procure us great advantage in this country?”

He was about to continue when he felt himself struck speechless at seeing the two girls embracing the dead bodies of the monkeys in the tenderest manner, bathing their wounds with their tears, and rending the air with the most doleful lamentations.

“Really，”said he to Cacambo，“I should not have expected to see such a prodigious share of good nature.”

“Master，”replied the knowing valet，“you have made a precious piece of work of it；do you know that you have killed the lovers of these two ladies?”

“Their lovers！Cacambo, you are jesting！It cannot be！I can never believe it.”

“Dear sir，”replied Cacambo，“you are surprised at everything. Why should you think it so strange that there should be a country where monkeys insinuate themselves into the good graces of the ladies?They are the fourth part of a man as I am the fourth part of a Spaniard.”

“Alas！”replied Candide，“I remember to have heard my master Pangloss say that such accidents as these frequently came to pass in former times, and that these commixtures are productive of centaurs, fauns, and satyrs；and that many of the ancients had seen such monsters；but I looked upon the whole as fabulous.”

“Now you are convinced，”said Cacambo，“that it is very true, and you see what use is made of those creatures by persons who have not had a proper education；all I am afraid of is that these same ladies may play us some ugly trick.”

These judicious reflections operated so far on Candide as to make him quit the meadow and strike into a thicket. There he and Cacambo supped, and after heartily cursing the Grand Inquisitor, the Governor of Buenos Ayres, and the Baron, they fell asleep on the ground.When they awoke they were surprised to fnd that they could not move；the reason was that the Oreillons who inhabit that country, and to whom the ladies had given information of these two strangers, had bound them with cords made of the bark of trees.They saw themselves surrounded by ffty naked Oreillons armed with bows and arrows, clubs, and hatchets of fint；some were making a fire under a large cauldron；and others were preparing spits, crying out one and all，“A Jesuit！A Jesuit！We shall be revenged；we shall have excellent cheer；let us eat this Jesuit；let us eat him up.”

“I told you, master，”cried Cacambo, mournfully，“that these two wenches would play us some scurvy trick.”

Candide, seeing the cauldron and the spits, cried out，“I suppose they are going either to boil or roast us. Ah！What would Pangloss say if he were to see how pure nature is formed?Everything is right；it may be so；but I must confess it is something hard to be bereft of dear Miss Cunegund, and to be spitted like a rabbit by these barbarous Oreillons.”

Cacambo, who never lost his presence of mind in distress, said to the disconsolate Candide，“Do not despair；I understand a little of the jargon of these people；I will speak to them.”

“Ay, pray do，”said Candide，“and be sure you make them sensible of the horrid barbarity of boiling and roasting human creatures, and how little of Christianity there is in such practices.”

“Gentlemen，”said Cacambo，“you think perhaps you are going to feast upon a Jesuit；if so, it is mighty well；nothing can be more agreeable to justice than thus to treat your enemies. Indeed the law of nature teaches us to kill our neighbor, and accordingly we find this practiced all over the world；and if we do not indulge ourselves in eating human fesh, it is because we have much better fare；but for your parts, who have not such resources as we, it is certainly much better judged to feast upon your enemies than to throw their bodies to the fowls of the air；and thus lose all the fruits of your victory.But surely, gentlemen, you would not choose to eat your friends.You imagine you are going to roast a Jesuit, whereas my master is your friend, your defender, and you are going to spit the very man who has been destroying your enemies；as to myself, I am your countryman；this gentleman is my master, and so far from being a Jesuit, give me leave to tell you he has very lately killed one of that order, whose spoils he now wears, and which have probably occasioned your mistake.To convince you of the truth of what I say, take the habit he has on and carry it to the frst barrier of the Jesuits'kingdom, and inquire whether my master did not kill one of their offcers.There will be little or no time lost by this, and you may still reserve our bodies in your power to feast on if you should fnd what we have told you to be false.But, on the contrary, if you fnd it to be true, I am persuaded you are too well acquainted with the principles of the laws of society, humanity, and justice, not to use us courteously, and suffer us to depart unhurt.”

This speech appeared very reasonable to the Oreillons；they deputed two of their people with all expedition to inquire into the truth of this affair, who acquitted themselves of their commission like men of sense, and soon returned with good tidings for our distressed adventurers. Upon this they were loosed, and those who were so lately going to roast and boil them now showed them all sorts of civilities, offered them girls, gave them refreshments, and reconducted them to the confnes of their country, crying before them all the way, in token of joy，“He is no Jesuit！He is no Jesuit！”

Candide could not help admiring the cause of his deliverance.“What men！What manners！”cried he.“If I had not fortunately run my sword up to the hilt in the body of Miss Cunegund's brother, I should have certainly been eaten alive. But, after all, pure nature is an excellent thing；since these people, instead of eating me, showed me a thousand civilities as soon as they knew was not a Jesuit.”

第十六章　兩個旅客遇到兩個姑娘、兩只猴子和叫作大耳朵的野蠻人

老實人和他的當(dāng)差出了關(guān)塞，那邊營里還沒人知道德國神父的死。細心的加剛菩辦事周到，把行囊裝滿了面包、巧克力、火腿、水果，還有幾升酒。他們騎著兩匹安達魯齊馬，進入連路都沒有的陌生地方。后來發(fā)現(xiàn)一片青蔥的草原，中間夾著幾條小溪。兩位旅客先讓牲口在草地上大嚼一頓。加剛菩向主人提議吃東西，他自己以身作則，先吃起來了。

老實人說道：“我殺了男爵大人的兒子，又一世見不到美人兒居內(nèi)貢，教我怎么吃得下火腿呢？和她離得這么遠，又是悔恨，又是絕望，這樣悲慘的日子，過下去還有什么意思？德雷甫的《見聞錄》[32]又要怎樣說我呢？”

他這么說著照舊吃個不停。太陽下山了。兩位迷路的人聽見幾聲輕微的呼叫，好像是女人的聲音。他們辨不出是痛苦的叫喊，還是快樂的叫喊。一個人在陌生地方不免提心吊膽；他們倆便急忙站起。叫喊的原來是兩個赤身露體的姑娘，在草原上奔跑，身子非常輕靈；兩只猴子緊跟在后面，咬她們的屁股。老實人看了大為不忍。他在保加利亞軍中學(xué)會了放槍，能夠在樹林中打下一顆榛子，決不碰到兩旁的葉子。他便拿起他的西班牙雙膛槍，一連兩響，把兩只猴子打死了，說道：“親愛的加剛菩，我真要感謝上帝，居然救了兩個可憐的姑娘的命。殺掉一個大法官和一個耶穌會士，固然罪孽不輕；這一來也可以將功贖罪了。或許她們是大人家的女兒，可能使我們在本地得到不少方便呢?！?/p>

他還想往下說，不料兩個姑娘不勝憐愛地抱著兩只猴子，放聲大慟，四下里只聽見一片凄慘的哭聲。老實人頓時張口結(jié)舌，愣住了。

終于他對加剛菩道：“想不到有這樣好心腸的人?！?/p>

加剛菩答道：“大爺，你做的好事；你把這兩位小姐的情人打死了?！?/p>

“她們的情人！怎么可能？加剛菩，你這是說笑話吧？教我怎么能相信呢？”

加剛菩回答說：“大爺，你老是這個脾氣，對什么事都大驚小怪。有些地方，猴子會博得女人歡心，有什么稀奇！它們也是四分之一的人，正如我是四分之一的西班牙人?！?/p>

老實人接著道：“不錯，老師邦葛羅斯講過，這一類的事從前就有，雜交的結(jié)果，生下那些半羊半人的怪物；古時幾位名人還親眼見過，但我一向以為是無稽之談?！?/p>

加剛菩道：“現(xiàn)在你該相信了吧！你瞧，沒有教育的人會做出什么事來。我只怕這兩個女的搗亂，暗算我們?！?/p>

這番中肯的議論使老實人離開草原，躲到一個樹林里去。他和加剛菩吃了晚飯；兩人把葡萄牙異教裁判所的大法官，布韋諾斯·愛累斯的總督，森特—登—脫龍克男爵，咒罵了一頓，躺在蘚苔上睡著了。一早醒來，他們覺得動彈不得了；原來當(dāng)?shù)氐木用翊蠖薣33]，聽了兩個女子的密告，夜里跑來用樹皮把他們捆綁了。周圍有五十來個大耳人，拿著箭、棍、石斧之類；有的燒著一大鍋水；有的在端整烤炙用的鐵串；他們一齊喊著：“捉到了一個耶穌會士！捉到了一個耶穌會士！我們好報仇了，我們有好東西吃了；大家來吃耶穌會士呀，大家來吃耶穌會士呀！”

加剛菩愁眉苦臉，嚷道：“親愛的大爺，我不是早告訴你嗎？那兩個女的要算計我們的。”

老實人瞧見鍋子和鐵串，叫道：“我們不是被燒烤，就得被白煮。啊！要是邦葛羅斯看到人的本性如此這般，不知又有什么話說！一切皆善！好，就算一切皆善，可是我不能不認為，失去了居內(nèi)貢小姐，又被大耳人活烤，總是太殘忍了?！?/p>

加剛菩老是不慌不忙，對發(fā)愁的老實人道：“我懂得一些他們的土話，讓我來跟他們說吧。”

老實人道：“千萬告訴他們，吃人是多么不人道，而且不大合乎基督的道理?！?/p>

加剛菩開言道：“諸位，你們今天打算吃一個耶穌會士，是不是？好極了，對付敵人理當(dāng)如此。天賦的權(quán)利就是教我們殺害同胞，全世界的人都是這么辦的。我們沒有運用吃人的權(quán)利，只因為我們有旁的好菜可吃；但你們不像我們有辦法。把勝利的果實扔給烏鴉享受，當(dāng)然不如自己把敵人吃下肚去?？墒侵T位，你們決不吃你們的朋友的。你們以為要燒烤的是一個耶穌會士，其實他是保護你們的人，你們要吃的是你們敵人的敵人。至于我，我是生在你們這里的；這位先生是我的東家，非但不是耶穌會士，還殺了一個耶穌會士，他穿的便是從死人身上剝下來的衣服，所以引起了你們的誤會。為了證明我的話，你們不妨拿他穿的袍子送往神父們的邊境，打聽一下我的主人是不是殺了一個耶穌會軍官。那要不了多少時間；倘若我是扯謊，你們照舊可以吃我們。但要是我并無虛言，那么你們對于公法、風(fēng)俗、法律的原則，認識太清楚了，我想你們決不會不饒赦我們的?！?/p>

大耳人覺得這話入情入理，派了兩位有聲望的人士做代表，立即出發(fā)去調(diào)查真假；兩位代表多才多智，不辱使命，很快就回來報告好消息。大耳人解了兩個俘虜?shù)目`，對他們禮貌周到，供給他們冷飲、婦女，把他們送出國境，歡呼道：“他們不是耶穌會士！他們不是耶穌會士！”

老實人對于被釋放的事贊不絕口。他道：“嗬！了不起的民族！了不起的人！了不起的風(fēng)俗！我幸而把居內(nèi)貢小姐的哥哥一劍刺死，要不然決無僥幸，一定給吃掉的了?？墒牵挼谜f回來，人的本性畢竟是善的，這些人非但不吃我，一知道我不是耶穌會士，還把我奉承得無微不至。”