生活大爆炸第七季:第11集:要是沒遇到謝爾頓(上)
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Advantage left-side competitor.
左邊選手領(lǐng)先
Wow, you're really good at this.
哇，你游刃有余啊
Well, I have an extremely low center of gravity.
我重心極低
I'm like a pyramid.
就像個金字塔
How you doing over there?
你那兒怎么樣了?
Oh, I hope it's just a sprain.
噢，我希望這只是扭傷
I cannot walk into that E.R. with another video game injury.
我不要又因為電子游戲傷，進(jìn)那個急診室了
Hey, Sheldon, you want to play next?
嘿，謝爾頓，你一會兒玩嗎?
Oh, I would, but I'm on my way out.
哦，我想玩，但我要出門了
Where? Texas.
去哪兒?德克薩斯州
Right now? Why?
現(xiàn)在?為什么?
Is someone sick?
是不是有人病了?
Yes. My sister's uterus came down with a baby.
是的，我姐姐的子宮上長出了個孩子
Oh, she's pregnant? That's great. You're gone an uncle-Uncle Sheldon.
噢，她懷孕了?太棒了，你成舅舅了呢，謝爾頓舅舅
No, I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.
不，我會變成庫珀博士舅舅
How come you never said she was pregnant?
你怎么能從來不提她懷孕的事?
Well, I never told you about my brother's kidney stone.
額，我從沒告訴你我哥哥的腎結(jié)石啊
You want to hear about everything that comes out of my family's genitals?
你難道想知道關(guān)于我家庭成員生殖器的一切事宜嗎?
Well, congrats, and it's nice you're gonna be there for your sister.
好吧，恭喜，很棒呢，你要在那兒照顧你姐姐
Yes. I'm filling in for her husband who's recovering from a horrible motorcycle accident. Lucky duck.
是的，我要填補(bǔ)她丈夫的空缺，他剛從一個嚴(yán)重的機(jī)動車事故中痊愈。幸運(yùn)的家伙
Wow, so, how long will you be gone?
那你要去多久呢?
Well, she's due tomorrow.
嗯，明天她就生了
Although it did take her six years to finish high school, so who knows?
她可是花了六年完成高中學(xué)習(xí)的，所以誰知道呢?
Can I give you a ride to the airport?
要我載你去機(jī)場嗎?
Oh, no, thank you, I don't want to be an inconvenience.
噢不了，謝謝，我不想成為一個累贅
Chop-chop, Leonard. We leave in ten minutes.
快快快，萊納德。我們十分鐘后出發(fā)
All right, here's the deal.
好嘞，萬事俱備
Sheldon is gone, so the tree decorating rules are out the window.
謝爾頓走了，所以圣誕樹裝飾條例全部廢除
Yeah, which means we don't have to use his ridiculous ornament-spacing template.
是的，這意味著我們可以不用這個可笑的裝飾間隔裝置
And I'm happy to report its kickstarter campaign is holding strong at zero dollars.
而且我很開心地宣告它的kickstarter項目，籌集資金維持在零美元呢
Wait, so Star Wars and Star Trek characters can go on the same branch?
等等，這么說《星球大戰(zhàn)》和《星際迷航》的角色可以裝飾在同一根樹枝上了?
I know, it's crazy.
我知道，這很瘋狂
Welcome to the Thunderdome, people!
歡迎來到雷電堡!
I've never done this before. It's kind of fun.
我還從沒干過這個呢，很有意思呢
Yeah, if your mom could see her little Bar Mitzvah boy right now, she'd have a heart attack.
是的，如果你媽現(xiàn)在看到她的受戒猶太小男孩，她會心臟病發(fā)
Good idea, I'll take a picture.
好主意，我來照張相
Honey, I'm a little strapped for cash this year, so for Christmas I was thinking of giving you... this.
親愛的，今年我手頭有點(diǎn)兒緊呢，所以圣誕節(jié)我打算給你……這個
I love it. Okay.
哦我喜歡。好
But it is what you got me last year.
但這也是你去年給我的
Yeah. And last night.
對，還有昨晚
Hello. Hi, Stuart. Oh, good, I'm glad you guys didn't wait for me to start.
嗨。嗨，斯圖爾特。噢，不錯，我很高興你們沒有等我就開始了
Although you said 7:00 and it's-it's 7:00, but that's fine.
雖然你們說了是7點(diǎn)，而且現(xiàn)在，現(xiàn)在是7點(diǎn)，但沒關(guān)系
Oh, it's probably Sheldon.
噢，可能是謝爾頓呢
Hi, Sheldon. Everybody's here, say hi.
嗨，謝爾頓，大家都在呢，打個招呼吧
Hi, Hey, buddy. Hey. Howdy. Hi. Hello.
嗨，哥們你好，嘿，怎么樣？嗨，你好
The second I go out of town you throw a Christmas party without me?
我前腳剛走，你們就趁我不在辦圣誕派對了?
Yeah, kind of.
額，算是吧
That's so thoughtful. You guys are the best.
太貼心了，你們真是美國好朋友
Hey, how's your sister?
嘿，你姐姐怎么樣了?
She went into labour an hour ago.
一小時前就開始陣痛了
That's wonderful. So you're at the hospital?
太好了，那你現(xiàn)在在醫(yī)院咯?
No, she chose to have a home birth... because she wants to live in the Stone Ageand a cave wasn't available.
沒，她選在家里生...因為她想活在石器時代，可這里沒有洞穴
You know, many people believe that home births are better, because
其實，很多人認(rèn)為在家分娩更好，因為
the mother is in a warm, comfortable environment where she can be nurtured by loved ones.
家里的環(huán)境溫暖舒適，還有家人的悉心照料
And turn the bedroom floor into an amniotic Slip 'n Slide.
然后家里的地板變成羊水滑梯
Shelly, come on! Your sister's fully dilated and she wants a nice family picture before there's blood everywhere!
謝仔，快來!你姐姐子宮已經(jīng)完全張開了，她想在鮮血四濺之前來一張溫馨的全家福!
Oh, boy. I picked the wrong day to wear my good robot T-shirt.
哦，天吶，真不該在今天穿這件拉風(fēng)的機(jī)器人T恤
If you were having Sheldon's baby would you really want him in the room?
如果你懷了謝爾頓的孩子，你真希望他在產(chǎn)房里圍觀?
Yeah, if he's in the room when they're making the baby, I'll give you ten dollars.
那啥，如果他們真能共處一室造人，我給你10美元
Hey, I brought over It's a Wonderful Life if you guys want to watch it later.
嗨，我?guī)Я穗娪啊睹篮萌松愤^來，待會一起看啊
Oh, I love that movie. I've never seen it. Me neither.
哦，我超愛那部，從沒看過，我也是
It's great. It's Christmastime and Jimmy Stewart's really depressed and he's gonna jump off a bridge and kill himself...
電影可棒了，那是在圣誕節(jié)，吉米·斯圖爾特萬念俱灰，打算跳橋自殺，結(jié)束自己的生命...
Don't need to see it. Living it.
不必看了，正經(jīng)歷著
But then he gets to see what the world would be like if he'd never been born.
后來他有幸目睹如果自己未曾出生，世界又會如何
Hey, you ever imagine what that would be like?
那你們設(shè)身處地想過嗎?
Not being born?
如果自己沒有來到這個世界?
What do you think?
你認(rèn)為呢?
What do you think?
你認(rèn)為呢?
What do you think?
你認(rèn)為呢?
You make jokes about Sheldon, but if it weren't for him, I don't think any of us would be sitting in this room right now.
你們拿謝爾頓開玩笑，但要不是他，我想此時我們就不會像現(xiàn)在這樣坐在一起
Really? Sheldon not being here is the main reason I'm in this room.
講真的?正是因為謝爾頓不在，我才愿意在這屋里待著
It's true. None of you would know me.
真的啊，不然你們不會認(rèn)識我
You wouldn't know Bernadette.
也不會與伯納黛特相識
You wouldn't be dating Penny. You don't know that I've been going to the Cheesecake Factory for years. I could have picked her up.
你沒機(jī)會和佩妮拍拖，才不是呢，我常年去芝士蛋糕店吃飯，可能就泡上她了
Oh, you weren't joking.
哦，你沒在開玩笑啊
No. Okay, sweetie, let me tell you exactly how that would have gone down.
當(dāng)然。好吧，甜心，讓我來告訴你那樣故事會如何發(fā)展
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna ask her out.
我決定了，我要約她出去
I'm gonna squirt chocolate milk out of my nipples.
我的乳頭要噴出巧克力牛奶
Sorry, I thought we're saying things that are never gonna happen.
抱歉，我還以為我們在討論絕不會發(fā)生的事情呢
Maybe this time he's going to do it.
也許這次他真的會邁出這步
Hope you're thirsty, here it comes. Watch me.
口渴了吧，給你擠奶喝。看著吧
Hey, you guys ready to order or you need a few minutes?
嗨，你們希望現(xiàn)在就點(diǎn)還是再等會?
I, uh, ah, um, I... A few minutes it is.
我，呃，唔，我...那就再等會兒
You didn't ask her out, but that was a lot of sounds.
你沒約她出去，倒是出了不少聲
You guys are making me nervous.
你們這些混蛋讓我很忐忑
Fine, then go talk to her on your own. I will.
好吧，你自己找她說話。我就去
Excuse me. Yeah? Hi, uh, um, I'm Leonard.
不好意思。什么事?你好，唔，我是那個萊納德
Really? You don't sound so sure.
真的嗎?你好像不太確定
No, I am he.
不，我就是他
Uh, any-anyway, um, there's been something I've wanted to ask you for a long time. Um...
呃，不過，唔，有些事很久以前，就想問你了，唔...
What's that? Eh, uh, well, I was wondering... if you're not too busy... um, uh, if,
什么事? 呃，就是，我想知道，如果你有空的話，唔，如果...
if you'd be interested in...telling me where the restroom is?
如果你會告訴我洗手間在哪?
I think you're too late.
恐怕來不及了
Come on, I would not have peed my pants.
拜托，我肯定不會尿褲子的
She nailed it. Sounds about right.
她說的沒錯， 聽起來就是這樣
But, you forget, I did ask you out in real life.
你別忘了，在現(xiàn)實生活中我真的約過你
Which couldn't have happened if you didn't live across the hall from her, which couldn't have happened without Sheldon.
如果你們沒住對門也就不會發(fā)生，還不多虧了謝爾頓
Same goes with you guys.
你倆也一樣
If Leonard wasn't with Penny, she never would have set you up.
如果萊納德沒和佩妮在一起，她也不會撮合你和伯納黛特
Doesn't matter. Bernadette still would've been working at The Cheesecake Factory, and I still would've been working this beefcake factory.
這沒關(guān)系，伯納黛特還是會在芝士蛋糕店工作，我也依舊是寶刀未老的"雞肉"美男
You would've been all over me. Well...
你肯定會將我撲倒。這個嘛...
Hey, Penny, can I take that table?
佩妮，我能接手那桌嗎?
Sure, why? The one in the turtleneck is cute.
當(dāng)然啦，為什么啊?那個高領(lǐng)男是我的菜
Open wide, here comes the happy train.
張大嘴嘴咯,開心小火車要進(jìn)站啦
Mm-hmm, chug-a chug-a, yum, yum.
嗯，狂吃，狂吃，美味，美味啊
Oh. Hang on. You got a... you got a little something. Never mind.
噢。別動。你臉上...沾了點(diǎn)東西，還是算了吧
Oh, man, that is so us.
我的老天，我們還真是這樣的
You know, maybe you and I wouldn't be together, but you wouldn't have done so great yourself.
說起來，也許你我沒有在一起，但你肯定比現(xiàn)在過得糟
Why?Because I know exactly the kind of guy you would've ended up with.
憑什么?因為我清楚的很，你會和哪種男人共度余生
Hey, babe. Hey. Did you remember to pay the rent?
嘿，寶貝。嘿，沒忘交房租吧?
Better. I used the money to buy these magic beans.
比交了更贊，我用那些錢買了這些魔法豆呢
He may be an idiot, but at least he didn't pee himself.
他也許是個傻蛋，但至少他沒尿自己一身啊
Oh, hold on. Aw, babe, I peed myself. Me, too.
莫急，嗷，寶貝，我尿褲子了。我也是啊
The end.
全劇終
Hi, Sheldon. Everything okay?
嗨，謝爾頓，一切都好嗎?
No, it's not. I've seen things. Lady things.
不，一點(diǎn)都不好，我看到了些東西，女人身上的東西
Listen to me. That is not the way they usually look.
聽我說，那不是它們本來的樣子
Doesn't matter.
無所謂
This is no way to make new humans.
這不是在繁衍生息
People coming out of people.
人從人身體里出來
It's some kind of dirty magic show.
這明明是某種惡俗的魔術(shù)節(jié)目
Sheldon Lee Cooper. You get back in this room right now.
謝爾頓·李·庫珀！你現(xiàn)在趕緊滾回這間房
Bring a mop.
帶著拖把
Did you hear that?
你聽到?jīng)]?
A mop. I have two PhDs yet somehow I'm the janitor of my sister's birth canal.
拖把！我堂堂一個雙博士學(xué)位的學(xué)者如今淪為我姐姐產(chǎn)道的清潔工
Hey, Sheldon sent us all an e-mail.
快看，謝爾頓給我們發(fā)了群郵件
"Happy holidays from Texas."
來自德克薩斯的節(jié)日祝福
And there's pictures. Aah! ! Don't open them. Do not open them.
還有圖片呢，我去啊啊，別打開，千萬別打開
Oh, come on. Childbirth is a natural, beautiful...
拜托。生產(chǎn)是一種自然的，美麗的...
Oh, it's like someone sawed a cow in half.
天哪，好像有人把一頭牛鋸成兩半
My father's a gynecologist, I think I can handle it. And, now, I'm gay.
我老爸是個婦科醫(yī)生，我覺得我能挺住，如此這般，好吧，我甘做基佬
You know, I was thinking. Without Sheldon, most of us would have never met, but Penny would still live across from him.
真的，我在想如果沒有謝爾頓，我們大多會是陌路人，但佩妮還是會住在他對面
And with Leonard out of the picture, we all know what that would mean. We do?
這么一來萊納德便出局了，接下來想必各位心知肚明。真的?
Hey, Sheldon. Hello.
是你呢，謝爾頓。你好
Doing laundry?
洗衣服呢?
Of course I'm doing laundry.
我當(dāng)然在洗衣服
Saturday night is laundry night, and I'm in a laundry room, so... I believe your inference is justified.
星期六是洗衣之夜，并且我就在洗衣房里，所以...我確信你的推理很合理
Oh, my inference is justified.
噢，我的推理很合理
Sheldon, you are so funny.
謝爾頓，你太幽默了
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