社交課堂：12步克服羞澀和社交焦慮癥
害羞和社交焦慮癥通常都是杏仁核過度興奮造成的現(xiàn)象，而杏仁核則是一種根據(jù)環(huán)境接收刺激的大腦組織。害羞或有社交焦慮癥的人，杏仁核一般都非常敏感——這一方面跟基因有關(guān)，另一方面則歸因于他們的成長經(jīng)歷。
Shy or socially anxious individuals perceive unknown situations as highly threatening.
在害羞或社交焦慮的人看來，未知環(huán)境都是非常危險的。
This feeling of being “threatened” would be beneficial if you were being chased by a lion; causing your mind to focus solely on what is critical to save your life. However, your mind “going blank” at a dinner party or when your boss walks in your office is not very beneficial.
當你被一頭獅子追捕時，這種警惕感會十分有利，能讓你一門心思想方設(shè)法逃命。但是，在宴會上或老板走進你辦公室時，如果你的大腦還是會“一片空白”，那就不好了。
So with that, let’s discuss 12 ways to overcome shyness and social anxiety.
所以，我們來看看下面這12個克服害羞和社交焦慮癥的方法吧。
12 Steps to Overcoming Shyness and Social Anxiety
12步克服羞澀和社交焦慮癥：
1. Reality Check
認清事實
Step number one is to recognize what is taking place chemically in your brain when you’re feeling anxious or shy.
第一步就是要弄清楚當你感到緊張或害羞時，大腦會發(fā)生怎樣的化學變化。
You are not abnormal; your brain is just “unusually” sensitive to new stimuli, causing you to proceed with extreme caution – usually “unnecessary caution.” Just knowing this will help you rationalize what’s going on and will help relax you in future situations.
你沒有“不正常”：只不過你的大腦對新刺激“格外”敏感罷了，以至于你表現(xiàn)得特別謹慎——一般都是些“不必要的謹慎”。認識到這一點有助于你理性面對正在發(fā)生的事情，進而在以后環(huán)境中做到自如放松。
No need to become shy or anxious, just tell yourself that it’s just some chemicals and cells reacting based on a perceived threat that’s not really there – no need to panic (ignore the racing heart and sweaty palms) – just calm down and proceed intelligently.
沒必要害羞或焦慮，你只要告訴自己：這些不過是假想危險引發(fā)的化學與細胞反應罷了。也沒必要驚慌，別去管那加速的心跳和冒汗的手心，嘗試鎮(zhèn)靜下來并機智應對。
2. Don’t Ponder on Negative Thoughts
不要陷入消極思維
When you give a presentation – there’s always three presentations involved: There’s the presentation you planned on giving, there’s the presentation you actually gave, and then there’s the presentation you wish you gave.
如果你要作報告，那么報告無非就三種形式：你正在發(fā)布的報告、你已經(jīng)發(fā)布的報告，以及你打算發(fā)布的報告。
When you focus on what you could have done better, when you focus on the negative, you create a cycle of negativity. After you leave a meeting, or a dinner party, or a social gathering, don’t ponder on how you could have been “better.” Don’t think, “Why did I say that?”
當你一味想著本可以做得更好時，當你只看到消極方面時，你就會形成消極循環(huán)模式。所以，會議、派對或集會結(jié)束后，請不要糾結(jié)自己本可以表現(xiàn)得“更出色”，也不要懊惱“剛才我干嘛要那樣說?”。
Everyone says something foolish from time-to-time, however, focusing on negativity will lead you to believe that you are a person who says the wrong things at social gatherings; that belief will manifest itself every time. Recognize that everyone says something foolish from time-to-time; don’t ponder, move on.
每個人難免都會說些蠢話，如果你只看到消極面，漸漸就會真的以為自己在社交時只會說錯話;而且，這種想法每次都會應驗。請記住：每個人偶爾都會說些蠢話。所以，不要糾結(jié)，該干啥就干啥去吧。
3. No Pressure
不要有壓力
Don’t feel pressure to be interesting, entertaining, or talkative. Just be your normal-natural self. It’s the pressure to be like someone else that enhances social anxiety and shyness.
不要為了表現(xiàn)得風趣、討人喜歡或健談而感到緊張不安。做回你平常的樣子就行。模仿別人的壓力會加劇社交焦慮感和羞澀。
You have survived participating in conversations your entire life. Your next conversation in a group is just one more conversation – you are not required to be the life of the party. Just be yourself and speak your mind when you have something to say – and if you don’t have anything to say – no pressure; “chill out” and have fun.
你這輩子一直就是在與人談話中成長過來的。接下來在小組中的發(fā)言實質(zhì)上也是談話而已——你又不一定非得成為派對的活躍分子啊。你只要做好自己，有話就說、無話則沉默;不要緊張，放松點吧。
4. Don’t Assume
別去假想
Don’t assume that peopleare judging you. Most people are primarily concerned about themselves and how they come across; they don’t have time to be consumed by your behavior. Remember this, if you don’t remember anything else in this article: Everyone is awkward at times!
別去假想其他人怎么看你。多數(shù)人通常只會考慮自身和自己的遭遇，沒人有時間來關(guān)心你如何如何。要是這篇文章沒能給你留下什么印象，那么請記住這句話：有時每個人都很難相處!
When having conversations, every single person at one time or another does or says something that’s a little awkward. Don’t feel that awkward situations or strange silences are your fault alone. Don’t take credit for all the negatives in a conversation. Awkward things will happen, there will be silences, that’s okay; it’s perfectly normal, don’t think it’s not and keep on being yourself – your best self.
交談時，每個人間或都會說出難堪的話來。不要一廂情愿地以為是你造成了這種尷尬的處境或別扭的沉默。不要把談話的失敗全都怪罪到自己身上。尷尬時常發(fā)生，沉默也總是出現(xiàn)，沒什么大不了的;這很正常，不要少見多怪——做好你自己就行啦。
5. Don’t Panic – Pause
不要慌張——稍作停頓
There’s no need to panic in social situations. If someone asks you a question, just pause. Think about the question and then answer it appropriately. Most socially anxious or shy individuals react to questions. They feel the need to answer a question immediately, as soon as the final word leaves the mouth of the other person; they feel obligated to start speaking – not necessary.
社交場合無需慌張。要是有人向你發(fā)問，那就先停頓一下，想清楚后再恰當回答對方。大部分社交焦慮或害羞的人總是立刻回答問題。他們覺得只要對方話剛說完，就該作出回答;他們認為談話是一種“義務(wù)”——其實完全沒必要這樣。
You never want to react to a question; you always want to respond, after you pause.
你不需要立即回應提問，你只需在停頓之后回答提問。
When you do this, you will sound more thoughtful, more insightful, and you will have given more deliberate thought to what you’re about to say. You will appear to have “executive presence.”
當你這樣做時，你聽上去會更有想法和見解，你的想法會顯得更成熟、更具執(zhí)行力。
The need to respond right away shows that a person isn’t comfortable with silence. It’s usually the least “powerful” person in a conversation who doesn’t want there to be silence, but silence is okay. It shows that you are comfortable in your skin.
立即回應則顯得一個人不習慣沉默。通常，談話中最沒有氣場的人也最不習慣沉默，其實沉默也沒什么。它說明你能夠做到悠然自若。
So learn to pause, never panic! Gather your thoughts, avoid saying “um” and answer like the intelligent person that you are.
所以，學會停頓，不要慌張!整理好思緒，改掉“嗯啊”，像機智的人那樣去回答問題吧。
6. Body Language
肢體語言
Your physiology will determine your psychology.
你的生理能決定你的心理。
Avoid having the body language of someone who is shy and/or timid. Don’t haunch over and try not to be seen.
不要染上害羞或膽怯的人的肢體語言。不要縮手縮腳躲起來。
Stand tall, shoulders back. People will believe the body language you portray more than the words you say! If you look timid, people will believe you are timid and will treat you like a timid person.
請挺直腰板。你的肢體語言遠比口頭言談更有信服力!如果你看上去就很羞怯，人們也會這么認為，接著就會把你當作羞怯的人對待。
To be seen as a leader, walk like a president. Take up space — like you’re a king. Put your feet on the desk, make large hand gestures, stand tall. If you possess the body language of a leader, people will begin to treat you like a leader. They will assume that if you handle yourself like a king, if you dress like a king, you must have good reason for doing so. People will believe the image you portray!
請像領(lǐng)導一樣出場，如總統(tǒng)一般大步流星。像國王那樣壓住氣場——把腳擱在桌上、采用大氣的手勢、抬頭挺胸。如果你擁有領(lǐng)導的肢體語言，人們就會像對待領(lǐng)導那樣對你。他們會覺得，要是你穿得像個國王、舉止也像國王，那你肯定有兩下子。你所樹立的形象可以贏得人們的信任!
7. Be The First To Initiate
成為第一個主動的人
Don’t wait for others to introduce you; you should initiate the introduction. I recently saw U.S. President Barack H. Obama on television; he was walking into a voting location to cast his ballot for the 2012 U.S. Presidential Election. I watched to see how his demeanor differed from others.
不要等別人來介紹你，你應該先主動介紹自己。最近我在電視上看到美國總統(tǒng)巴拉克•奧巴馬：他向投票點走去，競選2012年的美國總統(tǒng)。我一直留意他的言行究竟如何與眾不同。
Here’s what stood out: he walked confidently with a smile on his face, and he took time to introduce himself to the individuals in the room. That’s all, and it made him appear to be very presidential, very confident in himself.
這個與眾不同就是：他面帶微笑地自信地走過去，然后開始向房間里的所有人介紹自己。就憑這樣，已經(jīng)使他顯得非常有總統(tǒng)范兒、對自己非常有信心了。
He could have walked in there with his head held down, assuming everyone knew who he was, like the socially anxious. But instead, he owned his space, he initiated contact and looked very powerful in the process.
本來他也可以低著頭走過去，心里猜測別人怎么看他，一副社交焦慮的樣子;但是，他壓住了氣場、主動開始了交流，整個過程都顯得很有震懾力。
8. Move Slow
放慢動作
One “sure fire” way to appear socially anxious is to make lots of sudden movements. Consider the lion, the lion only moves when it is necessary, all of its movements are deliberate. The lion appears confident; the lion is confident.
顯得社交焦慮的一個“致命”方法就是一下子做太多動作。想想獅子吧，只會在必要時出動，而且每次出動都很慎重。獅子不僅看上去很自信，也確實很有信心。
Now imagine the chipmunk, chipmunks are constantly “looking over their shoulder,” they make lots of sudden movements, always on the watch – always appearing to be supremely nervous and on guard against attackers.
再想想花栗鼠——總是東張西望、動來動去、張望不停，看上去似乎非常緊張，總在防備襲擊者一樣。
Slow, deliberate movements will not only make you appear more confident, it will actually contribute to your personal confidence bank…so avoid “chipmunk like” behavior.
緩慢而慎重的動作不僅使你看上去更自信，實際上也能真正提高你的自信力。所以，千萬不要有花栗鼠一樣的行為啊!
9. Take Up Space
壓住氣場
You must learn to take up space; powerful people take up lots of space. Don’t hold your arms in towards your body – open them up. If you’re in a meeting, spread your things out, use body language that makes you appear larger than life. Anxious people shrink; confident people expand and shine.
你必須學會壓住氣場;有氣度的人都很有氣場。不要兩臂交叉抱胸，放下來吧。如果你在開會，那就多分散自己的物品，用肢體語言來提高自己的形象。焦慮的人畏首畏尾;自信的人張揚而耀眼。
As you practice taking up space – you will appear more confident and in control.
你在練習氣場時，會變得越來越自信，也越來越有掌控力。
10. The Secret to Success
成功秘訣
If you are a socially anxious or shy person, you are probably very familiar with that heart thumping feeling you get when speaking in front of a crowd. The heart thumping feeling that causes you to get flustered and forget what you’re about to say. If this is you, I’ve written these next few lines with you in mind – because I want to document for you how you can easily succeed when this happens next time.
如果你是一個社交焦慮或害羞的人，可能會很熟悉那種當眾演講時心跳加劇的感覺，這種感覺使你心慌意亂，甚至忘了要說什么。如果你就是這樣的人，那下面的內(nèi)容就是為你而寫的——因為我想向你證明，下次再遇到類似情況，你可以輕易取得成功。
As you know, when you practice your presentation in a room by yourself, you’re not nervous; you’re confident and poised. However, when you get in front of a group of strangers, or even your peers – the element of: possibly saying the wrong thing, or embarrassing yourself causes your body to become uptight and your heart to race.
你也知道，當一個人在房間里練習演說時，你不僅不緊張，甚至還沉著自信?？墒牵坏┠阏镜揭蝗耗吧?、甚至同行人面前時，不經(jīng)意說錯話或出丑就能讓你身體僵硬、心跳加快。
The key to solving this dilemma is in how you practice. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but perfect practice will make you darn good. When I say perfect practice, I’m talking about recreating the situation exactly as it will be when it’s time for you to present. If your heart will be racing when it’s time for you to present, and it will. It’s important that your heart is racing when you’re practicing, this way you will be accustomed to the feeling and be able to handle it confidently and appropriately.
解決這一窘境的關(guān)鍵就要看你是怎么練習的了。練習不一定總能達成目標，但“無懈可擊的練習”卻可以讓你表現(xiàn)出眾。所謂“無懈可擊的練習”，是指完全按照將要面對的情境進行準備。要是作報告時你會心跳加速，那么練習時也會。練習時心跳加速也很有意義，因為這樣你就能習慣這種緊張感，慢慢知道如何自信而恰當?shù)貞獙α恕?/p>
So before you practice that next big speech, run up a flight of stairs a few times, or walk up a flight of stairs; do a few dozen push-ups. Anything to get your heart racing, then practice your speech. Repeat this until you can confidently and calmly present, even when your heart is racing.
所以在準備下次重要演講前，請嘗試多爬幾趟樓梯或做些俯臥撐，讓自己心跳加速起來，然后再練習演講。不斷重復，直到你能自信而鎮(zhèn)定地把報告做好——哪怕當時心里仍在砰砰跳。
In time, your heart will race less and less – because you will know that there’s nothing to fear, but fear itself.
最后，你會漸漸不再心跳加速——因為你發(fā)現(xiàn)除了害怕本身，真的沒什么好害怕的。
11. Prepare in Advance, But Don’t Practice
提前準備，但不必練習
Preparation is important. If you’re going to an event where you have to be social, it won’t hurt to brush up on the current events in the world: politically, socially, as well as in the entertainment industry (if appropriate for the event).
準備很重要。如果在接下來的活動中你必須與人打交道，那不妨了解下當今政治、社會或娛樂界的時事話題吧。(如果跟活動有關(guān)的話)
Be prepared…so you can contribute to the conversation. You want to prepare, but you don’t want to practice. If you practice you will sound rehearsed and unnatural, so brush up and add a little something special to the conversation.
事先做好準備，這樣你才能有話可講。你需要提前準備，但不必提前練習，不然聽上去會跟念經(jīng)一樣不自然。了解時事，再在談話時穿插點花絮邊料就行了。
12. Realize There is Nothing to Fear
記?。簺]什么好害怕的
In social situations, realize that there’s nothing to fear. What’s the worst thing that could happen? Perhaps you should make a list of the worst things that could happen, so that you can see that they’re not that bad.
在社交環(huán)境中時，請告訴自己：沒什么好害怕的。最壞又能糟糕到哪兒去呢?或許你可以把最壞的情況全都列出來，然后你就會發(fā)現(xiàn)，一切并沒有那么糟糕!
Calm down, take your time, be yourself, there is nothing to fear.
請保持鎮(zhèn)定，放輕松，做好你自己就行。沒什么好害怕的。
Bonus: Practice Socializing
另外：社交也需要練習。
Practice, practice, practice!
一定要練習、練習、再練習!
Early I talked about U.S. President Barack H. Obama and how he appeared so confident walking into the voting location. He was able to appear confident because he practices being confident everywhere he goes.
前面我提到美國總統(tǒng)巴拉克•奧巴馬，講他走到投票點時表現(xiàn)得多么自信。他之所以看上去那么自信，其實也是因為他一直在練習變得自信而已。
You should practice being confident, practice talking to strangers in the grocery line, at work, and where ever you go.
你也應該練習提高信心，不論是買菜派對、工作還是在任何其他地方，你都可以嘗試跟陌生人交談。
Practice, practice, practice!
一定要練習、練習、再練習!
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