我的人生已逝
Nevertheless,my life is over.
然而,我的人生已經逝去。
What a little thing! I knew the philosophers had spoken; I repeated their musical phrases about the mortal span—yet never till now believed them. And this is all? A man’s life can be so brief and so vain? Idly would I persuade myself that life, in the true sense, is only now beginning; that the time of sweat and fear was not life at all, and that is now only depends upon my will to lead a worthy existence. That may be a sort ofconsolation, but it does not obscure the truth that I shall never again see possibilities and promises opening before me. I have “retired,” and for me as truly as for the retired trades man, life is over. I can look back upon its completed course, and what a little thing! I am tempted to laugh; I hold myself within the limit of a smile.
生命是多么的渺小!我知道哲學家們說過的話。我反復品讀他們關于生命如歌但又苦短的語句。但是,時至今日,我才相信他們的話。這就是一切嗎? 一個人的生命怎么就如此的短暫,如此的空虛?我徒然說服自己:真正意義上的生活才剛剛開始;汗水和恐懼相隨的日子根本不是生活,是否讓生活變得有意義依然取決于我的選擇。也許這只是一種自我安慰,但是,它不能把這樣一個事實弄得含糊不清,那就是:機會和前途之門將不會再向我敞開?,F(xiàn)在,我已經“退居二線”,對于一個退休商人來說,人生已經逝去早已成為一個不可否認的事實。我可以回顧已走完的那些人生旅程,它是多么的渺小啊!我忍不住想要大笑起來,可是我控制了自己,只是微微一笑而已。
And that is best, to smile not in scorn, but in all for bearance, without too much self-compassion. After all, that dreadful aspect of the thing never really took hold of me; I could put it by without much effort. Life is done-and what matter? Whether it has been, in sum, painful or enjoyable, even now I cannot say-a fact which in itself should prevent me from taking the loss too seriously. What does it matter? Destiny with the hidden face decreed that I should come into being, play my little part, and pass again into silence; is mine either to approve or to rebel? Let me be grateful that I have suffered no intolerablewrong, no terrible woe of flesh or spirit, such as other-alas! Alas! — have found in their lot. Is it not much to have accomplished so large a part of the mortal journey with so much ease? If I find myself astonished at its brevity and small significance, why, that is my own fault; the voices of those gone before had sufficiently warned me. Better to see the truth now, and accept it, than to fall into dread surprise on some day of weakness, and foolishly to cry against fate. I will be glad rather than sorry, and think of the thing no more.
微笑,一方面帶著一定的忍耐而不是輕視,另一方面又不能過分地自憐,也許這樣就是最好的吧!畢竟,我從來沒有真正陷入最糟糕的處境里,我尚且還可以輕松地擺脫它。生命完結了——那又怎么樣?總體來講,它究竟是苦還是樂,甚至到現(xiàn)在,我也不能確定。是不是事實本身就不需要我這般患得患失呢?那有什么關系呢?命運本來就不會顯現(xiàn)它真實的面目的,它召喚著我的降生,要我扮演著那小小的人生角色,然后,一切又重歸沉寂。對此,我到底是順從還是叛逆呢?我心存感激,感激自己沒有像別人那樣遭遇無法忍受的冤屈,還有那肉體或心靈上慘痛的創(chuàng)傷——唉!我在他們的身上看到的那些冤屈和創(chuàng)傷!或許人生大部分旅程都安寧地走過了,難道我還不該知足嗎?假使我驚訝于生命的短促和空虛,那這錯誤就是我自己親手制造的呀!先逝的人們已經向我們敲響了警鐘:最好現(xiàn)在就看清事實并且接受它,不然,以后的日子一定會陷入恐慌,軟弱得束手無策,只能愚蠢地呼天搶地,哀怨連連。我寧愿高興,而不顧悔恨,我也將不愿再胡思亂想。