艾倫脫口秀19 蝸牛和妻子

Oh,I have a little story that I wanna tell you today.

今天跟大家講個小故事

It's excitng and then it gets scaryand then there is a twist,but at the end,there is a message.

又刺激又恐怖 還有個意想不到的結局 我是為了傳達一個信息給大家

And I don't want to give too much away,but at the very end,there is a dance.

我不想提前透露太多 最后的最后 還有我們的每期一舞

Alright,I know.I've given too much away already,alright.So the other day i was leaving for work,

好了 我好像已經透露太多了 有天我正準備去上班

and I was walking to my car,and it was raining a little bie.And it was...it was like a mist.

我走去取車 下著小雨 霧蒙蒙的

like a drizzle,like a...a mizzle.And I was rushing to my car,trying to hold my umbrella.

毛毛雨 好吧 蒙蒙雨 我就飛奔去我的車 一邊跑一邊要把傘拿穩(wěn)

It was under my chin,while I was trying to get my keys out,'cause I didn't wanna get my hair wet,

我把傘夾在下巴下 手在拿車鑰匙 因為我不想把頭發(fā)打濕

'cause if this gets wet,I can't return it.and...so I was hungry and i was annoyed.

要知道濕了 可是很難還原的 當時又餓 又煩躁

because whenever it rains in LA, there is traffic,no one knows how to drive.

因為在洛杉磯一下雨就堵車 所有人都好像不會開車了

I mean there could be a teardrop in the road,

即使是淚滴在馬路上

and everything comes to a standstill anyway,so I was aobut to take another step,

大家也因此一動不動 總之 當時我正準備向前走

and all of a sudden, I looked down and guess what I saw.

當時 我往下一看 你們猜我看到了什么

Guess,nope.Guess,nope.Wrong,nope,nope.

猜猜 不是 猜猜 不是 錯了 不是不是

It was a snail so I looked down,Anyone? No ,snail.

是只蝸牛 我往下一看 有人猜對沒 是蝸牛

Anyway,so it was like an inch away from me.

當時這只蝸牛離我大概一英尺的樣子

I almost stepped on that snail.And that's the scary part.

我差點踩到它了 這就是我之前說的恐怖的地方

And then literally,it stopped me in my tracks.There I was a Hollywood glamour queen in a big rush to get home.

真的 它就擋在路中間 一個好萊塢萬人迷皇后匆匆要回家

And there's a creature just trying to cross the parking lot.

一個生物也在努力穿越停車場

And it was going like,you know,at a ...snail's pace,and yes,which i totally get now.

當然 是以它的蝸牛速度 我現(xiàn)在終于明白蝸牛有多慢了

And as silly as it sounds,It was the perfect reminder that we all need to slow down.

盡管聽起來很慢 這只蝸牛是在提醒我們生活需要減速

It was a slimy disgusting reminder.

盡管是提醒滑滑的看起來有點惡心

But still,we are always in a rush,going from home to work and work to dinner and dinner to disco tax.

但 我們確實 一直都是匆匆忙忙的 從家里 到辦公室 從辦公室到餐桌 從餐廳到夜店 一個不少

And me,being in a rush,almost ended this poor snail's life.

而我這個匆匆忙忙的人 差點就踩死了這只可憐的蝸牛

I mean,he was probably trying to get home to his snail family.

搞不好她也是在回家的路上

And his snail kids are waiting at the door,when is daddy coming home?

蝸牛寶寶都在等他 爸爸什么時候回來

When is daddy coming home?

爸爸什么時候回來

And the snail wife is probably in the kitchen,making some type of risotto,which to me is very bland.

而蝸牛太太可能在廚房忙 準備意大利燴飯 瑞然我覺得那很沒味

But that's what she wants to make.Let her make it.

但“她”很喜歡 讓“她”去把

Anyway,every night she is trying to make something special.

總之 她費盡心思想讓每個夜晚都特別一點

And at this point ,she wonders why,'cause by the time everybody sits down to eat.

但是 她難過的是 當大家坐下里吃飯的時候

Half the family is texting on their shell phones.Anyway,back to the story.

大多拿著“殼”機發(fā)短信 好了 繼續(xù)講故事

Here comes the twist.So there I was in the parking lot.

意想不到的結局來了 當時我站在停車場

Looking down at the snail.He was scared,he was tucked into his shell,try to protect himself.

低頭看著蝸牛 它好害怕 整個身子都縮進殼里 試圖保護自己

So I bent down slowly to pick him upand to move him to safety.

所以我就彎腰把它撿起來 把它放在安全的地方去

And that's when i realized it was a rock.That's the twist.

然后我就發(fā)現(xiàn) 其實他是塊石頭 大家都想不到

But to focus on that would be getting away from the point,

費了那么多心思 其實是想告訴大家

the point is we need to slow down.We need to see what we are doing affects everything around us.

我們的生活需要減速 需要關注我們所做的事情對周圍的影響

We need to pay attention to all the beauty in the world,Whether it's a snail or a rock.

去發(fā)現(xiàn)世界更多的美好 不管是只蝸牛還是石頭

And this now is the part where I dance.

然后現(xiàn)在就到跳舞時間了