環(huán)球英語—1003:Five Love Languages: Kind Words

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Welcome to Spotlight. I'm Adam Navis.
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And I'm Marina Santee. Spotlight uses a special English method of broadcasting. It is easier for people to understand, no matter where in the world they live.
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Keith* and Allison* are married. Keith works in an office. And Allison is trying to be a writer. For years, Keith rarely thought about Allison's writing. He never asked her about it. And he never read anything that she wrote. This made Allison feel sad. In fact, she stopped writing.
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Years later Allison decided to try writing again. But, she did not feel like her writing was very good. One day she asked Keith to read something of hers. Keith read it. He loved it! And he told Allison how proud he was of her. He told her that she should try to sell her writing to a magazine.
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Fourteen years later, Allison writes for a living. She even wrote her own book that many people have read. Just a few kind words from her husband encouraged her. Keith finally spoke Allison's love language.
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According to Dr. Gary Chapman, people speak different love languages. For many years, Dr. Chapman has studied how people communicate love to each other. And he has found that all people do not feel and receive love in the same way. He believes that to really express love to others, you must know their love language. It is important to know how they most feel love.
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In his book, The Five Love Languages, Dr. Chapman identifies five different ways to show love. These are the five [5] love languages, according to Dr. Chapman.
Kind words of affirmation
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch
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Today's Spotlight starts a series on the five love languages. Today we will discuss the first love language.
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A long time ago Solomon was the king of Israel. He was a very wise king. Once he said, "The tongue has the power of life and death." That is, the words we say to other people have a lot of power. You can use words to make a person happy. Or, you can use words to make a person feel sad. Solomon even went as far as saying that words can kill! That is why the first love language is so important.
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Words of affirmation are kind words. They come in many different forms. You could give someone a compliment. For example you could say, "You look very beautiful today" or "You did a wonderful job."
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Or, you could encourage someone. Many people lack courage in particular areas of their lives. Encouraging words can give people the courage to try new things. In the story at the beginning, Keith gave his wife Allison encouraging words. Because of his encouraging words, Allison was able to continue her writing.
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Words of affirmation are always said in a kind, loving way. Saying, "I love you" [flat, disinterested] is different than saying, "Yes, I LOVE you!" [enthusiastically] Sometimes it is the way we say words, not just the words themselves!
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And using kind words also means dealing with past wrongs. If someone hurt you in the past, forgive them. It is not kind to always talk about someone's past mistakes. An unforgiving heart makes it difficult for two people to communicate well.
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And finally use words that kindly request and do not demand. Love should be a choice. When we ask people to do things for us, it should be their choice to do them. They should not feel pressure to do them. And they should not feel fear either. Making demands of others does not give people much choice.
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In his book Dr. Chapman tells stories of people using words of affirmation. This story is about a wife who speaks kind words to her husband.
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One day Anna* came into Dr. Chapman's office. She was feeling very discouraged. She said, "Dr. Chapman, I have got a problem. I cannot get my husband, Bob, to help me paint our bedroom. I have been asking him and asking him for nine months. I have tried everything I know. And I just cannot get him to paint that room!" Anna continued, "Last Saturday was a good example. It was a good day for him to paint. But he did not!"
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Dr. Chapman had heard this story before. Many married people come to him for help. So, he had a good idea for Anna. He said, "Anna, are you sure that your husband knows that you want him to paint the room?" Anna said yes. Then Dr. Chapman asked, "Anna, does your husband ever do other things for you, like clean or pay the bills?" Anna said yes. Then Dr. Chapman said something strange. He said, "I have two ideas for you Anna. One, do not ever talk about painting the room again. And two, the next time your husband does something helpful, give him a compliment. Use kind words to tell him 'thank you'."
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Anna did not believe that this would help. But, she followed Dr. Chapman's orders. Anna began complimenting her husband Bob. She said things like "Thank you Bob for paying the bills. I hear that some husband do not do that. So, I am really thankful that you do." Or she would say, "Bob, I really appreciate that you washed the car today. It looks great."
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Three weeks later Anna returned to Dr. Chapman's office. She said, "Dr. Chapman, it worked! My husband painted the bedroom and I did not even have to ask him again!"
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Dr. Chapman knew that compliments can make people feel happy. Compliments make people feel wanted and needed. Bob knew that his wife wanted the room painted. But, he did not feel like Anna was thankful for his work. After Anna began to compliment his work, then he wanted to paint the room. It was Bob's choice. He did not feel pressured. He painted the room for her out of love.
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Dr. Chapman understood that Bob feels most respected and loved when Anna speaks kind words to him. Dr. Chapman knew that Bob's main love language is words of affirmation. And now Anna understands that too. Bob and Anna's communication has improved.
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Dr. Chapman warns that people should not use kind words to get what they want. Love is not just about getting your own way. But Dr. Chapman does say that when people receive love through affirming words, then they are more likely to act on that love. That is, they are more likely to return love, just like Bob did when he painted the room for his wife.
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There are many people who need to hear words of affirmation. Do you know anyone who may "speak" this love language? If not, listen to the next program on the five love languages. We will describe the second, quality time.
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The writer of today's program was Rebekah Schipper. The producer was Michio Ozaki. Computer users can find more Spotlight programs on our website at w w w dot radio dot english dot net. This program is called, "Five Love Languages: Kind Words."
*These names have been changed to protect privacy.