自考英語綜合一 上冊(cè) lesson11
Text
The Joker(II)
the stories went on even while the coffin was being lowered into the grave.
People held handkerchiefs to their eyes,
but their tears were tears of laughter,not sadness.
Afterwards,there was a funeral breakfast,not sadness.
It was attended by twelve of Henry's closest friends.
Henry Ground had asked his brother,Colin,to read out his will.
Henry had been in debt all his life,hadn't he?
What could he possibly have to leave in a will?
Colin cleared his throat,"Ahem!If you are ready,ladies and gentlemen."
Everyone settled down and waitedc silently.
Colin opened that will,and began to read it out in a singsong voice.
I,Henry Ground,being of sound mind...
last will and testament...do hereby bequeath..."
The legal phrases came out slowly one after another,
and the audience grew impatient to get to the important part.
It came soon enough.When Colin announced that Henry Ground,though knownas a good-for-nothing
had invested his money very wisely,
and was in fact worth at least three-quarters of a million,everyone gasped.
But who was going to get it?Eyes narrowed and throats went dry.
"You are all such dear friends of mine,
"Colin went on reading out Henry Ground's words in a flat tone,which,
if they weren't so interested,would have sent everyone to sleep,"
that I cannot decide which of you to leave my money to."
Colin paused.In the silence,you could have heard a pin drop.He went on,
"So,dear friends,I have set you a little competition.
Each of you in turn must tell the funniest joke he or she can think of,
and the one who gets the most laughter will get all my money.
Colin will be the judge of the best joke."
"So,ladies and gentlemen,"said Colin,putting the will down on the table,"
it's up to you now.
Who will go first?May I suggest that you go in alphabetical order of surnames
The first person stood up and told a very funny joke about an Englishman
who fell in love with his umbrella.
When he finished,he was in tears of laughter,
for he always laughed at his own jokes.
The rest of the group remained dead silent.
You could tell from their faces and their eyes that they found the joke funny,
but not one of them was going to laugh,and give him the chance to win the competition
The second told a story about a three-legged pig,
which was so good that,some years later,a film company made a cartoon of it
When she sat down,the others buried their faces in their handkerchiefs,
coughed,pretended to sneeze,
dropped pencils under the table--anything to cover up their laughter.
And so it went on,joke after joke,the sort of jokes that make your sides ache
And nobody dared to laugh.
Well,by the time the last joke had been told,
every one of the twelve was sitting perfectly still,
desperately holding in the laughter which was bursting to get out.
Silence.Painful silence.
Suddenly,Colin sneezed.A perfectly ordinary sneeze.
Then he took out a large red handkerchief and blew his nose.Bbbrrrrrrrppp.
That was enough.
In no time,everyone was doubled up,tears streaming from their eyes,
their shoulders rising and falling as wave after wave of laughter swept the crowd
Of course,they were not just laughing at the sneeze,nor even at the twelve jokes
No,they were laughing at themselves as they realized that Henry Ground
had led them into his last,and the funniest,practical joke,
setting their need to laugh against their desire for money.
When,at long last,the laughter died down,Colin cleared his throat once more.
"I have been practising that sneeze for a week or more."he said.
"Henry's idea,of course,"he added,unnecessarily;
all twelve guests realized they had been set up beautifully.
"My friends,"the last paragraph of the will began,
"forgive me,but I couldn't resist playing one last little joke on you.
It's good to know that your love of laughter finally overcame your love of money
Colin paused,letting the meaning of the words sink in.
Then he read out the final part of the late Henry Ground's last will and testament
"My friends,thank you for letting me have the last laugh.
As for the money:because I love you all,
my fortune will be divided equally among you.
Enjoy your share,and think of me whenever you hear laughter."
The group fell shilent.For the first time that day,
there was a feeling of sadness in the air.
