雙語譯林·小婦人 第三十三章　喬的日記 JO'S JOURNAL

第三十三章　喬的日記

紐約，十一月

親愛的媽咪和貝絲：

要給你們寫整整一本書，有大堆的話要說，盡管我不是在歐洲大陸游歷的時(shí)髦女郎。那天，等看不到爸爸那親切的臉龐時(shí)，我感到有點(diǎn)傷感，要不是一個(gè)愛爾蘭婦女帶著四個(gè)小孩，一路上哭哭鬧鬧，分散了注意力，我可能會掉下淚來。每當(dāng)孩子們張嘴哭鬧時(shí)，我就在座位上扔姜餅糖自娛自樂。

不久太陽出來了，我把這看成是好兆頭，心情也好起來了，盡情地享受起旅途的快樂。

柯克太太很親切地歡迎我，有賓至如歸的感覺，盡管這個(gè)大房子里滿是陌生人。她讓我住在閣樓的起居室里，小小的，很可愛，頂樓就這么一間，有一個(gè)爐子，向陽的窗下還有一張可愛的桌子。只要我喜歡，隨時(shí)可以坐在這里寫東西的。窗外景色很美，對面有個(gè)教堂塔樓，我立刻就喜歡上了我的書房，覺得爬再多的樓梯也心甘情愿。我要教書做針線的育兒室是個(gè)舒適的房間，在柯克太太的起居室邊上。那兩個(gè)小女孩挺漂亮的——我覺得她們被寵壞了。但她們聽我講了《七只壞豬》的故事后，就喜歡上了我，我不懷疑自己能成為模范的家庭女教師。

我可以在大桌子上用餐，但寧愿跟孩子們一起吃，至少目前喜歡這樣，因?yàn)槲腋械胶π?，盡管沒人會相信。

“噢，乖乖，別太拘束，就像在自己家一樣。”柯克太太母親似的說，“我從早忙到晚，要管這么一個(gè)家，你是可以想象的。但如果我知道孩子們跟你在一起安全，這顆懸著的心就放下了。這個(gè)家所有的房間都對你開放，我盡可能把你房間給整得舒適些。如果要交朋友，這房子里有一些人不錯(cuò)。晚上不用工作。有什么問題盡管跟我講，盡量使自己快活。喝茶的鈴響了，我得趕快去換帽子。”她匆匆離開了，丟下我在新窩里打理自己。

我很快就下樓去，看到了令我欣喜的一幕。高大的房子有長長的樓梯，我站在第三段的平臺上，等著一個(gè)小女傭吃力地上來。只見后面來了個(gè)男士，從她手里接過那沉甸甸的煤炭桶，一直拎到上面放在附近的一扇門邊，走開時(shí)，還友善地點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭，帶著外國口音說：“這樣好一點(diǎn)。這稚嫩的肩膀經(jīng)不起這樣的重負(fù)。”

他是不是好人？我喜歡這樣的事情，就像爸爸說的“于細(xì)微處見品質(zhì)”。那天晚上我把此事跟柯太太說了，她笑著說：“肯定是巴爾教授，他總是干這種事。”

柯太太告訴我，他是柏林人，博學(xué)、善良，但窮得叮當(dāng)響，靠講課養(yǎng)活自己和兩個(gè)父母雙亡的小外甥。他姐姐嫁給了美國人，根據(jù)其遺愿，兩個(gè)孩子得在美國受教育。故事并不浪漫，但我很感興趣，我很高興聽說柯太太把起居室借給他幾個(gè)學(xué)生使用?？蛷d和育兒室之間有一扇玻璃門，我要偷偷地看看他，然后告訴你們他的長相。他都快到四十歲了，所以這沒什么壞處的，媽咪。

晚茶后，把兩個(gè)小女孩哄上床，再動手整大針線籃。整個(gè)晚上我都靜靜地在和這個(gè)新朋友對話。我要給你們寫日記形式的信，每周一封。晚安，余話明天再聊。

星期二，傍晚

今天上午的課上得很活躍，孩子們吵得像是《堂吉訶德》的桑丘，一度我真想統(tǒng)統(tǒng)推搡教訓(xùn)一遍。鬼使神差，我突然靈機(jī)一動，就讓她們學(xué)體操。她們不停做著體操動作，直到最后高高興興地坐下來，而且一直保持安靜。午飯后，女傭帶她們出去散步，我開始了我的針線活，像小保姆梅貝爾一樣心甘情愿。我正在慶幸自己學(xué)過鎖漂亮的扣眼，突然聽到起居室的門打開又關(guān)上，接著聽到有人哼哼，“Kennst du das Land[1]”，像大黃蜂在嗡嗡發(fā)聲。我掀起玻璃門上窗簾的一角，偷看著。我知道這樣做是極不合適的，但擋不住這個(gè)誘惑。巴爾教授在那里整理他的書，我好好地打量著他。標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的德國人——矮胖身材，亂蓬蓬的棕色頭發(fā)，大胡子，鼻子長得不錯(cuò)，這么和善的眼睛是我不曾見過的。聽?wèi)T了要么刺耳，要么蹩腳的含糊美國腔后，就覺得他的聲音特別洪亮悅耳。他穿著很舊的衣服，手很大，除了一口齊整的牙齒，五官長得并不怎么好，但我喜歡他。他頭腦聰明，襯衣燙得挺挺括括，看上去很有紳士風(fēng)度，盡管外套上少了兩個(gè)紐扣，一只鞋上有個(gè)補(bǔ)丁。他嘴里哼著，表情卻很嚴(yán)肅。他走到窗前，把風(fēng)信子球轉(zhuǎn)到朝陽的方向，然后摸摸貓，它像老朋友似的歡迎他。于是，他臉上露出了微笑，此時(shí)傳來了敲門聲，他響亮而輕快地說：

“Herein[2]! ”

我正要逃開，卻看見一個(gè)小不點(diǎn)兒拿著本大書。我停住了，想看看接下來的一幕。

“囡囡要我的巴爾。”小東西說著，砰地扔下她的書，向他跑去。

“給你巴爾。來吧，讓他好好地抱抱，我的蒂娜。”教授說。他笑著抱起她，高舉過頭頂，她不得不彎下身子用小臉去親他。

“囡囡要學(xué)課課了。”滑稽的小東西說。于是，他把她放到桌子邊，打開她帶來的大詞典，給她紙筆。她亂涂起來，不時(shí)地翻一頁詞典，那胖嘟嘟的小手指在頁面上往下移動著，仿佛在查一個(gè)詞，看上去那么認(rèn)真。我差點(diǎn)兒忍不住笑起來，暴露形跡。巴爾教授站在一旁，慈父般地撩撩她的秀發(fā)，我覺得那一定是親生女兒，雖然她更像法國人，而不像德國人。

敲門聲再次響起，兩位小姐出現(xiàn)了，于是我回去做自己的針線活。這會兒我不再偷看，一直很規(guī)矩地坐著干自己的事，但仍然能聽到隔壁的吵鬧聲和說話聲。一個(gè)小姐老是發(fā)出很做作的笑聲，并且賣弄風(fēng)情地說：“哎，教授。”另一個(gè)小姐的德語發(fā)音很糟糕，使他很難保持冷靜。

兩位小姐似乎都在狠心考驗(yàn)他的忍耐力，不止一次聽到他強(qiáng)調(diào)說：“不，不，不是這樣，你沒注意聽我說。”還聽到一下很響的敲擊聲，好像是他在用書猛敲桌子，接著是絕望的感嘆：“呸！今天一切都亂套了。”

可憐的人，我同情他。小姐們離去了，我再偷看一眼，看看他有沒有劫后余生。他似乎筋疲力盡，靠在椅子上，閉著雙眼，一直到時(shí)鐘敲了兩下，才猛地跳起來。他把書放到口袋里，好像又要上課了。小蒂娜在沙發(fā)上睡著了，他把她抱起來，輕輕地出去了。我猜想他的生活有點(diǎn)艱難。

晚飯時(shí)間是下午五點(diǎn)?？驴颂珕栁遥覆辉敢庀聵桥c大家一起吃，因?yàn)槲矣悬c(diǎn)兒想家，所以愿意去，就想看看同一個(gè)屋檐下住著的都是些什么人。我把自己打扮得很得體，跟在柯克太太后面，想溜進(jìn)去。但是，個(gè)兒她矮我高，藏身的努力宣告失敗。她給我一個(gè)她邊上的位子。臉上的熱度退下去后，我鼓起勇氣東張西望。長桌子坐滿了人，每個(gè)人都在專心吃飯——男士們尤其專注。他們似乎是計(jì)時(shí)吃飯，真真切切在狼吞虎咽，吃完馬上就消失了。他們中無非有只顧自己的小伙子，有互相傾慕的小夫妻，有一心牽掛著孩子的已婚婦女，還有滿腦子政治的老頭。我想我不會跟他們多打交道的，除了一個(gè)長相甜甜的單身女子，她看上去有點(diǎn)兒花頭。

教授冷落在末座，一邊坐著個(gè)耳朵有點(diǎn)兒背的老頭，另一邊是個(gè)法國男人。他大聲地回答著好問的老頭，還跟法國人談些哲學(xué)。要是艾美在這里，她會永遠(yuǎn)別過臉去不理他，因?yàn)?，很遺憾地說，他的胃口很大，那大口鏟進(jìn)的樣子會嚇著“尊貴的小姐”的。而我不在乎，因?yàn)槲蚁矚g“看人家津津有味地吃”，漢娜是這么說的。教了一整天的傻瓜，可憐的人肯定需要大吃大喝。

吃完飯我上樓的時(shí)候，有兩個(gè)小伙子在門廳的鏡子前整理帽子，我聽到其中的一個(gè)輕聲地問另一個(gè)：“那個(gè)新來的是誰？”

“家庭教師之類的吧。”

“見鬼，她干嗎和我們同桌？”

“是老太太的朋友。”

“頭腦敏捷，但沒有風(fēng)度。”

“一點(diǎn)也沒有。借個(gè)火，走吧。”

起先，我很生氣，后來不在乎了，家庭女教師和職員一樣體面。根據(jù)這兩位雅士的評論，就算我沒有風(fēng)度，但是我有見識，這是有些人所不具備的。他倆聊著走開了，像兩根老煙槍。我不喜歡平庸之輩！

星期四

昨天很平靜，教書、做針線，然后在自己的小房間里寫東西。小房間很舒適，有燈又有火爐。我道聽途說了一些新聞，還被引見給教授。蒂娜的媽媽好像是在本地洗衣房熨燙衣服的法國人。那個(gè)小不點(diǎn)兒喜歡上了巴爾先生，只要他在家，她就像小狗兒似的跟著他轉(zhuǎn)。這讓他很開心，因?yàn)樗芟矚g小孩，盡管他是個(gè)“光滾（棍）漢”。柯克家的基蒂和明妮對他也很親熱，告訴我有關(guān)他的各種故事，他發(fā)明的游戲，他帶來的禮物，他講的好聽的故事。小伙子們好像要戲弄他，他們叫他“老弗里茨[3]”“德國窖藏啤酒”“大熊星座”，用他的名字取各種綽號。但他像個(gè)小孩兒似的，覺得這些稱呼好玩，柯太太說了，這樣他都能藹然處之，所以大家都喜歡他，盡管他是個(gè)老外。

那個(gè)單身女子叫諾頓小姐——富家女，有教養(yǎng)，而且很友善。今天她在餐桌上跟我說話了（我又去大桌子吃飯了，覺得觀察人很好玩），邀請我去她房間玩。她有不少好書好畫。她認(rèn)識些有趣的人，顯得很友好，所以我也要表現(xiàn)得很和氣，也很想進(jìn)好人的上流社會。只是這個(gè)與艾美喜歡的那個(gè)上流社會不一樣。

昨天傍晚，我在客廳里，巴爾先生進(jìn)來給柯克太太送報(bào)紙。她不在，但明妮像個(gè)小大人，很悅?cè)说亟榻B說：“她是媽媽的朋友，馬奇小姐。”

“是的，她很快活，我們很喜歡她。”基蒂補(bǔ)充說，她說話常常令大人難堪。

我們互相鞠個(gè)躬，然后都笑了，因?yàn)榍懊婀虐宓慕榻B和后面坦誠的補(bǔ)充存在相當(dāng)滑稽的反差。

“哈，對了，我聽到這兩個(gè)小淘氣在惹你生氣，馬奇小姐。如果她們還要這樣，叫我一聲，我就來。”他說著，皺了一下眉，露出恐嚇的樣子，這又把小壞蛋們給逗樂了。

我答應(yīng)說可以，他就離開了。似乎命中注定我要反復(fù)見到他，今天出來時(shí)路過他的房間，雨傘柄不小心碰到了他的門上。房門馬上被撞開了，只見他穿著晨衣站在那里，一只手拿著一只藍(lán)色的大短襪，一只手拿著針線。我忙做解釋，匆匆離開了，他卻一點(diǎn)也沒覺得不好意思，揮揮手，襪子什么的仍拿在手上，大聲而愉快地說：

“今天好天氣，適合出門。Bon voyage, Mademoiselle[4].”

我一路笑著走完樓梯，一想到可憐的人還要自己補(bǔ)衣服，不禁有點(diǎn)傷感。德國男人會刺繡，這我知道，但織補(bǔ)襪子是另一碼事，可不是那么優(yōu)雅的事兒。

星期六

沒什么別的可寫，就寫寫拜訪諾頓小姐吧。她的房間里盡是些漂亮的東西。她很可愛，寶貝都拿出來給我看，問我愿不愿意偶爾跟她一起去聽講座和音樂會，做她的陪伴人——如果我喜歡這些東西。她要施恩于我，我敢肯定，柯克太太把我們的情況告訴她了，對方當(dāng)然完全是出于善意的。我自尊心極強(qiáng)，但來自這些人的這種恩惠我覺得不是負(fù)擔(dān)，所以感激地接受了。

我回到育兒室的時(shí)候，起居室里很喧鬧。朝里面看了一眼，只見巴爾先生四肢著地爬著，蒂娜騎在他背上，基蒂手持跳繩牽引著他，明妮在給兩個(gè)小男孩喂芝麻餅。他們在椅子圍成的籠子里叫著跳著。

“在玩動物游戲。”基蒂解釋說。

“他是我的象象！”蒂娜抓住教授的頭發(fā)說道。

明妮接著說：“禮拜六下午，弗蘭茨和埃米爾都來，媽媽總是隨便我們玩喜歡的事，是不是，巴爾先生？”

“象象”坐起來。他的神情和每個(gè)小孩一樣認(rèn)真，一本正經(jīng)地對我說：“我保證是這么回事，如果聲音太大了，你就‘噓’一聲，我們會輕聲一點(diǎn)的。”

我答應(yīng)了，只是讓門開著，跟他們一樣，覺得挺有趣——我從來沒見過這么有意思的游戲呢。他們玩捉迷藏，玩打仗游戲，又跳舞又唱歌。直到天色暗了下來，孩子們都上了沙發(fā)，擠在教授的周圍，聽他講童話故事，諸如送子鳥到煙囪頂上啦，做好事的森林小“精靈”乘著雪片下凡啦。真希望美國人能像德國人那樣淳樸自然，你們呢？

太喜歡寫信了，要不是考慮到經(jīng)濟(jì)問題，會一直嘮叨下去的。盡管用的是薄信紙，字也寫得很小，可一想到長信要花去的郵票費(fèi)，我就抖抖的。艾美的來信看過后請即轉(zhuǎn)寄給我。我的小消息跟她的燦爛游記比起來要平淡得多，但我知道你們會喜歡的。特迪學(xué)習(xí)很用功，沒時(shí)間給他的朋友們寫信吧？替我好好照顧他，貝絲，并請告訴我兩個(gè)嬰兒的情況。非常地愛你們每一個(gè)人。

你們忠實(shí)的喬

又及，看一遍這封信，發(fā)現(xiàn)巴爾居然占了很大的篇幅，但是對奇怪的人，我總是興趣盎然，再說也確實(shí)沒有東西可寫。上帝保佑你們！

十二月

我的寶貝小貝絲：

這封信寫得亂亂的，就直接寄給了你，可能會讓你發(fā)笑，它會讓你了解我的一些情況，盡管很平淡，但也相當(dāng)逗人。就為這一點(diǎn)，快樂起來吧！經(jīng)過艾美所謂大力神城般的努力，經(jīng)過智力和道德上的耕耘，我灌輸?shù)挠字捎^念開始發(fā)芽，小小的嫩枝遂我所愿迎風(fēng)搖擺了。她們不像蒂娜和那兩個(gè)小男孩那樣有趣，但我盡到了責(zé)任，她們也喜歡我。弗蘭茨和埃米爾是快樂的小伙子，德國人和美國人個(gè)性特點(diǎn)的混合，造就了他們一貫興高采烈的性格，我十分喜歡。禮拜六下午，不管在室內(nèi)還是去戶外，都是歡鬧的時(shí)間。天氣晴好的時(shí)候要出去走走，像是在書院里一樣。教授和我得維持秩序，這時(shí)候真是好玩！

我們現(xiàn)在是很好的朋友了，已經(jīng)開始跟他上課。這件事非我能左右，整個(gè)過程很逗，得告訴你。從頭說起吧，有一天路過巴爾先生的房間，柯克太太把我叫住了，她正在那里翻箱倒柜。

“你見過這樣的窩嗎，乖乖？進(jìn)來吧，幫我把這些書整理一下。把東西都給翻遍了，想看看他把我前不久給他的六塊新手帕怎么樣了。”

我進(jìn)去了。一邊幫她整理著，一邊打量著周圍，這可真是“一個(gè)窩”。滿屋子的書和紙頭；壁爐架上的海泡石煙斗和舊笛子，像是不能用了；一只沒有尾羽的鳥邋遢得很，在一邊窗臺上唧唧喳喳地叫著，另一個(gè)窗臺上擺設(shè)著一箱小白鼠；稿子上擱著半成品的船只和幾根繩子；壁爐前烘著臟兮兮的小靴子。到處是兩個(gè)得寵小男孩的斑斑痕跡，他把自己變成了他們的奴隸。經(jīng)過好一番折騰，才找見三條手帕，一條蓋在鳥籠上，一條滿是墨水，第三條用作墊布而被烤得焦黃。

“這么個(gè)人！”性格溫和的柯太太笑著說，把遺存物放進(jìn)了碎布袋，“我猜想另外三條被撕成布條作船索了，或者包扎割破的手指，或者做了風(fēng)箏的尾巴。真是糟糕，又不能責(zé)備他。他漫不經(jīng)心、脾氣溫和，讓幾個(gè)男孩騎在頭上作威作福。我答應(yīng)給他洗洗補(bǔ)補(bǔ)，可他忘了把東西拿來，我也忘了查看，有時(shí)候他的境況很糟糕。”

“我來替他補(bǔ)吧。”我說，“我不在乎，他也沒必要知道。我喜歡——他那么友善，經(jīng)常幫我拿信，借我書看。”

于是，我把他的東西整理好，還修整好被他奇怪的織補(bǔ)弄得走了形的兩雙短襪的后跟。我沒跟他說，也希望他不會發(fā)現(xiàn)，但在上個(gè)禮拜的一天，被他逮了個(gè)正著。蒂娜老是進(jìn)進(jìn)出出，把門開著，所以我能聽見他給人上課。我挺感興趣，也覺得好玩，有了學(xué)的念頭。我坐在靠近門的地方，正縫補(bǔ)最后一只襪子，耳朵卻豎起來，聽他給一個(gè)新學(xué)生上課，盡力想辦法聽懂，而這個(gè)學(xué)生也跟我一樣笨。女孩走了，我以為他也走了，四周一片寂靜。我嘴里忙不迭地念著一個(gè)動詞，坐在那里搖啊搖的，一副非常可笑的樣子。忽然聽到一絲歡叫聲，抬頭發(fā)現(xiàn)巴爾先生站在那里看我，無聲地笑著，還給蒂娜打手勢，叫她不要說破。

“哦！”他說。我停下來，憨頭鵝似的瞪著眼。“你偷看我，我偷看你，這不錯(cuò)。只是，我這么說話不會讓人開心的，你想學(xué)德語嗎？”

“想，可是你太忙了。我又太笨了，學(xué)不會。”我慌亂地說，臉紅得像朵牡丹花。

“這樣吧！我們總會擠出時(shí)間來的，我們總會找到辦法的。很高興在傍晚可以給你上點(diǎn)課，馬奇小姐，因?yàn)槲乙€你這筆賬。”他指指我手里的活兒說，“那些所謂善良的女士傳來傳去地說：‘是的，他是個(gè)老傻蛋，不知道我們都做了什么，不會發(fā)現(xiàn)襪跟不再有洞，會以為衣服扣子掉了會重新長出來，相信線帶會自己連上去。’哈！可是我有眼睛，都看到了。我有一顆心，我知道感恩。來吧，不時(shí)地上點(diǎn)課，否則就不要給我和家人做童話般的事兒了。”

這么一來，我當(dāng)然沒話了。再說，這也確實(shí)是個(gè)好機(jī)會，我答應(yīng)交換互助，并開始實(shí)施了。上了四次課后，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己陷入了語法的泥沼。教授對我很耐心，但這對他肯定是痛苦的折磨。他不時(shí)略帶著點(diǎn)絕望的表情看著我，弄得我不知道是哭好，還是笑好。我哭過，也笑過，眼看著要惱羞成怒，他索性把語法書往地上一扔，沖出了房門。我感到自己很丟人，被永遠(yuǎn)地拋棄了，但一點(diǎn)也不怪他。我匆匆收拾起自己的紙頭，正想沖到樓上痛責(zé)自己一場時(shí)，他回來了，表情輕松快活，仿佛我是載譽(yù)而歸。

“現(xiàn)在我們來試試新方法。我倆一起讀這些令人愉快的Märchen[5]，不要再啃那本枯燥的書了，那本書給我們?nèi)锹闊?，扔到墻角里去?rdquo;

他說話態(tài)度別提多溫和了，隨后打開了安徒生童話，很誘人地?cái)[在我面前。我感到更羞愧了，于是就顧頭不顧尾地學(xué)功課，他看了似乎覺得非常好笑。我忘了害羞，盡最大的努力鍥而不舍地（找不出別的詞來表達(dá)）學(xué)著，多音節(jié)詞讀得結(jié)結(jié)巴巴，憑當(dāng)時(shí)的靈感發(fā)音，盡力而為。當(dāng)我讀完第一頁，停下來喘口氣時(shí)，他拍著雙手，由衷地叫起來：“Das ist gut[6]!我們學(xué)得很好，接下來該我念了。我用德語念，你聽著。”他朗讀開了，單詞從他的嘴里低沉有力地蹦出來，他讀得津津有味，有一種視聽上的感染力。所幸這個(gè)故事是《堅(jiān)定的錫兵》，你知道，是個(gè)滑稽故事，所以我可以笑——我笑了——盡管有一半我聽不懂。我也禁不住要笑，因?yàn)樗悄敲凑J(rèn)真，我是那么激動，整個(gè)事件又是那么滑稽。

打那以后，我們相處得更好了?，F(xiàn)在我課文讀得相當(dāng)好了，這種學(xué)習(xí)方法適合我。我能看出故事里詩歌里含著語法，就像果凍裹著藥丸子服用一樣。我很喜歡這種教學(xué)方法，他似乎也樂此不疲——你說他是不是很好？我想送他圣誕禮物，不敢給他錢。媽咪，請告訴我送什么好。

很高興勞里顯得那么快活忙碌，甚至把煙戒了，頭發(fā)也留起來了。你瞧貝絲是比我管得好。我不妒忌，乖乖，你盡力而為吧，只是別把他改造成圣人。如果他沒有一點(diǎn)正常的淘氣，我恐怕就不會喜歡他了。我的信讀一點(diǎn)給他，沒時(shí)間多寫，這樣做也可以了。感謝上帝，貝絲繼續(xù)保持那么舒坦。

一月

祝新年快樂，最親愛的全家！這個(gè)家當(dāng)然也包括了勞先生和那個(gè)叫特迪的小伙子。我無法表達(dá)對寄來的圣誕包裹有多么的歡喜，直到晚上才收到，其實(shí)我都已經(jīng)不指望了。信是上午收到的，沒提及包裹的事。你們是想給我一個(gè)驚喜，而我卻有點(diǎn)失望，因?yàn)橛幸环N感覺，你們不會忘記我。晚茶后坐在房間里，情緒有點(diǎn)低落，就在此刻，這個(gè)風(fēng)塵仆仆的、飽經(jīng)摔打的大包裹送來了，我一把將它抱住，歡蹦亂跳起來。睹物如見人，令人精神煥發(fā)，我照例縱情地坐在地上讀著、看著、吃著、笑著、哭著。所有的東西都是我正想要的，都是自做而不是買來的，這更好。貝絲的新“擦墨圍兜”好極了，漢娜的那盒姜餅是我的寶貝。媽咪，我肯定會穿上你送的這件漂亮的法蘭絨衣服，肯定會仔細(xì)閱讀爸爸標(biāo)注過的書籍。謝謝大家，非常感謝！

談到書，我覺得自己在這一方面變得富裕起來了，因?yàn)樵┠且惶彀蜖栂壬徒o我一部精致的莎士比亞。他很喜歡此書，與他所珍視的德語圣經(jīng)、柏拉圖、荷馬、彌爾頓的書籍?dāng)[在一塊兒，我經(jīng)常贊美它。他把它取下來，書沒有了封面，指出我的名字在上面，“朋友弗里德里希·巴爾贈”，你可以想象，這時(shí)候我是一種什么心情。

“你經(jīng)常說希望擁有藏書。我送給你一本，因?yàn)檫@個(gè)蓋子（他的意思是封面）里面是個(gè)合訂本。好好讀莎士比亞吧，會有很大幫助的，此書的閱人觀點(diǎn)會幫助你讀懂現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中的人物，然后用你的筆來刻畫性格。”

我盡自己所能向他道謝了。現(xiàn)在談“我的藏書”，好像我有一百本書似的。以前我從來不知道莎士比亞的內(nèi)容有多么豐富，不過那時(shí)候沒有一個(gè)巴爾跟我解釋它。且別笑話他那可怕的名字。它的發(fā)音既不是“拜爾”，也不是“比爾”，人們通常是這樣叫他的，而是介于兩者之間，這種音只有德國人才發(fā)得出來。我很高興，爸爸媽媽都喜歡有關(guān)他的故事，希望有一天你們能認(rèn)識他。媽媽會欣賞他的熱心腸，爸爸會欣賞他的聰明腦袋。我二者都羨慕的，有新朋友弗里德里希·巴爾，我感到自己很充實(shí)。

因?yàn)槲覜]有多少錢，也不知道他的喜好，所以我買了幾樣?xùn)|西擺在他房間里，他會意外地發(fā)現(xiàn)。這些東西要么實(shí)用，要么漂亮，要么好玩。一個(gè)新的墨水臺擺在桌上，一個(gè)小花瓶給他插花。他總是在玻璃杯里插一朵花，或者一點(diǎn)綠色植物，用他自己的話說是，使自己保持朝氣；還有一個(gè)架子供他擱風(fēng)箱，這樣他就不會把艾美稱之為mouchoirs[7]的東西烤焦。我把手絹折成一個(gè)大蝴蝶結(jié)，像貝絲發(fā)明的那種，身子肥肥的，黑黃相間的翅膀，毛紗觸須，珠子眼睛。他非常喜歡，把它擺在壁爐臺上當(dāng)作藝術(shù)品，可見畢竟是不成功的。盡管很窮，但他不忘記同一屋檐下的一仆一孩。也沒有任何人會忘記他，從法國洗衣女傭到諾頓小姐。這一點(diǎn)我很高興。

除夕夜舉辦了化裝舞會，大家玩得很開心。我本來沒打算下樓，但沒有衣服穿。在最后一刻，柯克太太記起來有舊錦緞衣服在，諾頓小姐借給我一些花邊和羽毛。因此我打扮成錯(cuò)別字太太[8]，臉上戴了個(gè)面具滑入舞池。沒有人認(rèn)出我，因?yàn)閭窝b了聲音，人家做夢也想不到這個(gè)文靜而傲慢的馬奇小姐（因?yàn)樗麄?，他們中大多?shù)人，認(rèn)為我很呆板很冷漠，而我對于那類自以為了不起的小人就是這個(gè)態(tài)度的）居然會跳舞，會打扮自己，會突然迸出“亂七八糟的墓志銘，就像尼羅河邊的寓言”這樣的話。我玩得很開心，摘下面具時(shí)，大家都盯著我看，我覺得這場面太有趣了。聽到一個(gè)小伙子對他的同伴說，他知道我做過演員，更有甚者，他記起了在某個(gè)小劇院看過我演戲。美格會喜歡這類笑話的。巴爾先生裝扮成尼克·博頓[9]，蒂娜裝扮成提泰妮婭[10]——巴爾先生懷里擁著一個(gè)完美的小仙女。看他們跳舞，用特迪的話說，是“一道很好的風(fēng)景線”。

畢竟我過了一個(gè)很愉快的新年?；氐椒块g，我陷入了沉思，盡管有許多失敗，可感到自己還是有了一點(diǎn)長進(jìn)。我現(xiàn)在一直都很高興，起勁地工作，對他人比以前更有興趣了，這一切令人滿足。上帝保佑你們！

永遠(yuǎn)愛你們的喬

* * *

[1]德語，你熟悉這個(gè)國家嘛。

[2]德語，進(jìn)來。

[3]暗指德國貨，質(zhì)量低劣。

[4]法語，一路順風(fēng)，小姐。

[5]德語，童話。

[6]德語，很好。

[7]法語，手帕。

[8]英國劇作家謝里丹（1751—1816）創(chuàng)造的人物。

[9]莎士比亞劇作《仲夏夜之夢》的人物，紡織工。

[10]莎士比亞《仲夏夜之夢》人物，仙后。

CHAPTER 33 JO'S JOURNAL

New York, November

Dear Marmee and Beth,

I'm going to write you a regular volume, for I've got heaps to tell, though I'm not a fine young lady traveling on the continent. When I lost sight of Father's dear old face, I felt a trifle blue, and might have shed a briny drop or two, if an Irish lady with four small children, all crying more or less, hadn't diverted my mind, for I amused myself by dropping gingerbread nuts over the seat every time they opened their mouths to roar.

Soon the sun came out, and taking it as a good omen, I cleared up likewise and enjoyed my journey with all my heart.

Mrs. Kirke welcomed me so kindly I felt at home at once, even in that big house full of strangers. She gave me a funny little sky parlor—all she had, but there is a stove in it, and a nice table in a sunny window, so I can sit here and write whenever I like. A fine view and a church tower opposite atone for the many stairs, and I took a fancy to my den on the spot. The nursery, where I am to teach and sew, is a pleasant room next Mrs. Kirke's private parlor, and the two little girls are pretty children—rather spoiled, I fancy,but they took to me after telling them The Seven Bad Pigs,and I've no doubt I shall make a model governess.

I am to have my meals with the children, if I prefer it to the great table, and for the present I do, for I am bashful, though no one will believe it.

“Now, my dear, make yourself at home, ” said Mrs. K. in her motherly way, “I'm on the drive from morning to night, as you may suppose with such a family, but a great anxiety will be off my mind if I know the children are safe with you. My rooms are always open to you, and your own shall be as comfortable as I can make it. There are some pleasant people in the house if you feel sociable, and your evenings are always free. Come to me if anything goes wrong, and be as happy as you can. There's the tea bell, I must run and change my cap.” And off she bustled, leaving me to settle myself in my new nest.

As I went downstairs soon after, I saw something I liked. The flights are very long in this tall house, and as I stood waiting at the head of the third one for a little servant girl to lumber up, I saw a gentleman come along behind her, take the heavy hod of coal out of her hand, carry it all the way up, put it down at a door near by, and walk away, saying, with a kind nod and a foreign accent, “It goes better so. The little back is too young to haf such heaviness.”

Wasn't it good of him? I like such things, for as Father says, trifles show character. When I mentioned it to Mrs. K., that evening, she laughed, and said, “That must have been Professor Bhaer, he's always doing things of that sort.”

Mrs. K. told me he was from Berlin, very learned and good, but poor as a church mouse, and gives lessons to support himself and two little orphan nephews whom he is educating here, according to the wishes of his sister, who married an American. Not a very romantic story, but it interested me, and I was glad to hear that Mrs. K. lends him her parlor for some of his scholars. There is a glass door between it and the nursery, and I mean to peep at him, and then I'll tell you how he looks. He's almost forty, so it's no harm, Marmee.

After tea and a go-to-bed romp with the little girls, I attacked the big workbasket, and had a quiet evening chatting with my new friend. I shall keep a journal-letter, and send it once a week, so goodnight, and more tomorrow.

Tuesday Eve

Had a lively time in my seminary this morning, for the children acted like Sancho, and at one time I really thought I should shake them all round. Some good angel inspired me to try gymnastics, and I kept it up till they were glad to sit down and keep still. After luncheon, the girl took them out for a walk, and I went to my needlework like little Mabel “with a willing mind.” I was thanking my stars that I'd learned to make nice buttonholes, when the parlor door opened and shut, and someone began to hum,

Kennst Du Das Land,

like a big bumblebee. It was dreadfully improper, I know, but I couldn't resist the temptation, and lifting one end of the curtain before the glass door, I peeped in. Professor Bhaer was there, and while he arranged his books, I took a good look at him. A regular German—rather stout, with brown hair tumbled all over his head, a bushy beard, good nose, the kindest eyes I ever saw, and a splendid big voice that does one's ears good, after our sharp or slipshod American gabble. His clothes were rusty, his hands were large, and he hadn't a really handsome feature in his face, except his beautiful teeth; yet I liked him, for he had a fine head, his linen was very nice, and he looked like a gentleman, though two buttons were off his coat and there was a patch on one shoe. He looked sober in spite of his humming, till he went to the window to turn the hyacinth bulbs toward the sun, and stroke the cat, who received him like an old friend. Then he smiled, and when a tap came at the door, called out in a loud, brisk tone,

“Herein! ”

I was just going to run, when I caught sight of a morsel of a child carrying a big book, and stopped, to see what was going on.

“Me wants my Bhaer, ” said the mite, slamming down her book and running to meet him.

“Thou shalt haf thy Bhaer. Come, then, and take a goot hug from him, my Tina, ” said the Professor, catching her up with a laugh, and holding her so high over his head that she had to stoop her little face to kiss him.

“Now me mus tuddy my lessin, ” went on the funny little thing. So he put her up at the table, opened the great dictionary she had brought, and gave her a paper and pencil, and she scribbled away, turning a leaf now and then, and passing her little fat finger down the page, as if finding a word, so soberly that I nearly betrayed myself by a laugh, while Mr. Bhaer stood stroking her pretty hair with a fatherly look that made me think she must be his own, though she looked more French than German.

Another knock and the appearance of two young ladies sent me back to my work, and there I virtuously remained through all the noise and gabbling that went on next door. One of the girls kept laughing affectedly, and saying “Now Professor, ” in a coquettish tone, and the other pronounced her German with an accent that must have made it hard for him to keep sober.

Both seemed to try his patience sorely, for more than once I heard him say emphatically,“No,no,it is not so,you haf not attend to what I say, ” and once there was a loud rap, as if he struck the table with his book, followed by the despairing exclamation, “Prut! It all goes bad this day.”

Poor man, I pitied him, and when the girls were gone, took just one more peep to see if he survived it. He seemed to have thrown himself back in his chair, tired out, and sat there with his eyes shut till the clock struck two, when he jumped up, put his books in his pocket, as if ready for another lesson, and taking little Tina who had fallen asleep on the sofa in his arms, he carried her quietly away. I fancy he has a hard life of it. Mrs. Kirke asked me if I wouldn't go down to the five o'clock dinner—and feeling a little bit homesick, I thought I would, just to see what sort of people are under the same roof with me. So I made myself respectable and tried to slip in behind Mrs. Kirke, but as she is short and I'm tall, my efforts at concealment were rather a failure. She gave me a seat by her, and after my face cooled off, I plucked up courage and looked about me. The long table was full, and every one intent on getting their dinner, the gentlemen especially,who seemed to be eating on time,for they bolted in every sense of the word, vanishing as soon as they were done. There was the usual assortment of young men absorbed in themselves, young couples absorbed in each other, married ladies in their babies, and old gentlemen in politics. I don't think I shall care to have much to do with any of them, except one sweetfaced maiden lady, who looks as if she had something in her.

Cast away at the very bottom of the table was the Professor, shouting answers to the questions of a very inquisitive, deaf old gentleman on one side, and talking philosophy with a Frenchman on the other. If Amy had been here, she'd have turned her back on him forever because, sad to relate, he had a great appetite, and shoveled in his dinner in a manner which would have horrified “her ladyship”. I didn't mind, for I like “to see folks eat with a relish, ” as Hannah says, and the poor man must have needed a deal of food after teaching idiots all day.

As I went upstairs after dinner, two of the young men were settling their hats before the hall mirror, and I heard one say low to the other,“Who's the new party? ”

“Governess, or something of that sort.”

“What the deuce is she at our table for? ”

“Friend of the old lady's.”

“Handsome head, but no style.”

“Not a bit of it. Give us a light and come on.”

I felt angry at first, and then I didn't care, for a governess is as good as a clerk, and I've got sense, if I haven't style, which is more than some people have, judging from the remarks of the elegant beings who clattered away, smoking like bad chimneys. I hate ordinary people!

Thursday

Yesterday was a quiet day spent in teaching, sewing, and writing in my little room, which is very cozy, with a light and fire. I picked up a few bits of news and was introduced to the Professor. It seems that Tina is the child of the Frenchwoman who does the fine ironing in the laundry here. The little thing has lost her heart to Mr. Bhaer, and follows him about the house like a dog whenever he is at home, which delights him, as he is very fond of children, though a “bacheldore”. Kitty and Minnie Kirke likewise regard him with affection, and tell all sorts of stories about the plays he invents, the presents he brings, and the splendid tales he tells. The young men quiz him, it seems, call him Old Fritz, Lager Beer, Ursa Major, and make all manner of jokes on his name. But he enjoys it like a boy, Mrs. Kirke says, and takes it so good-naturedly that they all like him in spite of his foreign ways.

The maiden lady is a Miss Norton—rich, cultivated, and kind. She spoke to me at dinner today (for I went to table again, it's such fun to watch people), and asked me to come and see her at her room. She has fine books and pictures, knows interesting persons, and seems friendly, so I shall make myself agreeable, for I do want to get into good society, only it isn't the same sort that Amy likes.

I was in our parlor last evening when Mr. Bhaer came in with some newspapers for Mrs. Kirke. She wasn't there, but Minnie, who is a little old woman, introduced me very prettily: “This is Mamma's friend, Miss March.”

“Yes, and she's jolly and we like her lots, ” added Kitty, who is an enfant terrible.

We both bowed, and then we laughed, for the prim introduction and the blunt addition were rather a comical contrast.

“Ah, yes, I hear these naughty ones go to vex you, Mees Marsch. If so again, call at me and I come, ” he said, with a threatening frown that delighted the little wretches.

I promised I would, and he departed; but it seems as if I was doomed to see a good deal of him, for today as I passed his door on my way out, by accident I knocked against it with my umbrella. It flew open, and there he stood in his dressing gown, with a big blue sock on one hand and a darning needle in the other. He didn't seem at all ashamed of it, for when I explained and hurried on, he waved his hand, sock and all, saying in his loud, cheerful way—

“You haf a fine day to make your walk.Bon voyage,mademoiselle.”

I laughed all the way downstairs, but it was a little pathetic, also to think of the poor man having to mend his own clothes. The German gentlemen embroider, I know, but darning hose is another thing and not so pretty.

Saturday

Nothing has happened to write about, except a call on Miss Norton, who has a room full of pretty things, and who was very charming, for she showed me all her treasures, and asked me if I would sometimes go with her to lectures and concerts, as her escort, if I enjoyed them. She put it as a favor, but I'm sure Mrs. Kirke has told her about us, and she does it out of kindness to me. I'm as proud as Lucifer, but such favors from such people don't burden me, and I accepted gratefully.

When I got back to the nursery there was such an uproar in the parlor that I looked in, and there was Mr. Bhaer down on his hands and knees, with Tina on his back, Kitty leading him with a jump rope, and Minnie feeding two small boys with seedcakes, as they roared and ramped in cages built of chairs.

“We are playing nargerie, ”explained Kitty.

“Dis is mine effalunt! ” added Tina, holding on by the Professor's hair.

“Mamma always allows us to do what we like Saturday afternoon, when Franz and Emil come, doesn't she, Mr. Bhaer? ” said Minnie.

The “effalunt” sat up, looking as much in earnest as any of them, and said soberly to me, “I gif you my wort it is so, if we make too large a noise you shall say Hush! to us, and we go more softly.”

I promised to do so, but left the door open and enjoyed the fun as much as they did—for a more glorious frolic I never witnessed. They played tag and soldiers, danced and sang, and when it began to grow dark they all piled onto the sofa about the Professor, while he told charming fairy stories of the storks on the chimney tops, and the little “kobolds”, who ride the snowflakes as they fall. I wish Americans were as simple and natural as Germans, don't you?

I'm so fond of writing, I should go spinning on forever if motives of economy didn't stop me; for though I've used thin paper and written fine, I tremble to think of the stamps this long letter will need. Pray forward Amy's as soon as you can spare them. My small news will sound very flat after her splendors, but you will like them, I know. Is Teddy studying so hard that he can't find time to write to his friends? Take good care of him for me, Beth, and tell me all about the babies, and give heaps of love to everyone.

From your faithful

Jo

P. S. On reading over my letter, it strikes me as rather Bhaery, but I am always interested in odd people, and I really had nothing else to write about. Bless you!

DECEMBER

My Precious Beth,

As this is to be a scribble-scrabble letter, I direct it to you, for it may amuse you, and give you some idea of my goings on; for though quiet, they are rather amusing, for which, oh, be joyful! After what Amy would call Herculaneum efforts, in the way of mental and moral agriculture, my young ideas begin to shoot and my little twigs to bend as I could wish. They are not so interesting to me as Tina and the boys, but I do my duty by them, and they are fond of me. Franz and Emil are jolly little lads, quite after my own heart, for the mixture of German and American spirit in them produces a constant state of effervescence. Saturday afternoons are riotous times, whether spent in the house or out, for on pleasant days they all go to walk, like a seminary, with the Professor and myself to keep order, and then such fun!

We are very good friends now, and I've begun to take lessons. I really couldn't help it, and it all came about in such a droll way that I must tell you. To begin at the beginning, Mrs. Kirke called to me one day as I passed Mr. Bhaer's room where she was rummaging.

“Did you ever see such a den, my dear? Just come and help me put these books to rights, for I've turned everything upside down, trying to discover what he has done with the six new handkerchiefs I gave him not long ago.”

I went in, and while we worked I looked about me, for it was “a den”to be sure. Books and papers everywhere; a broken meerschaum, and an old flute over the mantlepiece as if done with, a ragged bird without any tail chirped on one window seat, and a box of white mice adorned the other; half-finished boats and bits of string lay among the manuscripts. Dirty little boots stood drying before the fire, and traces of the dearly beloved boys, for whom he makes a slave of himself, were to be seen all over the room. After a grand rummage three of the missing articles were found, one over the bird cage—one covered with ink, and a third burned brown, having been used as a holder.

“Such a man! ” laughed good-natured Mrs. K., as she put the relics in the rag bay. “I suppose the others are torn up to rig ships, bandage cut fingers, or make kite tails. It's dreadful, but I can't scold him: he's so absent-minded and good-natured, he lets those boys ride over him roughshod. I agreed to do his washing and mending, but he forgets to give out his things and I forget to look them over, so he comes to a sad pass sometimes.”

“Let me mend them, ” said I. “I don't mind it, and he needn't know. I'd like to, he's so kind to me about bringing my letters and lending books.”

So I have got his things in order, and knit heels into two pairs of the socks—for they were boggled out of shape with his queer darns. Nothing was said, and I hoped he wouldn't find it out, but one day last week he caught me at it. Hearing the lessons he gives to others has interested and amused me so much that I took a fancy to learn, for Tina runs in and out, leaving the door open, and I can hear. I had been sitting near this door, finishing off the last sock, and trying to understand what he said to a new scholar, who is as stupid as I am. The girl had gone, and I thought he had also, it was so still, and I was busily gabbling over a verb, and rocking to and fro in a most absurd way, when a little crow made me look up, and there was Mr. Bhaer looking and laughing quietly, while he made signs to Tina not to betray him.

“So! ” he said, as I stopped and stared like a goose, “you peep at me, I peep at you, and this is not bad; but see, I am not pleasanting when I say, haf you a wish for German? ”

“Yes, but you are too busy. I am too stupid to learn, ” I blundered out, as red as a peony.

“Prut! We will make the time, and we fail not to find the sense. At efening I shall gif a little lesson with much gladness, for look you, Mees Marsch, I haf this debt to pay.” And he pointed to my work. “‘Yes, ' they say to one another, these so kind ladies, ‘he is a stupid old fellow, he will see not what we do, he will never observe that his sock heels go not in holes any more, he will think his buttons grow out new when they fall, and believe that strings make theirselves.' Ah! But I haf an eye, and I see much. I haf a heart, and I feel thanks for this. Come, a little lesson then and now, or—no more good fairy works for me and mine.”

Of course I couldn't say anything after that, and as it really is a splendid opportunity, I made the bargain, and we began. I took four lessons, and then I stuck fast in a grammatical bog. The Professor was very patient with me, but it must have been torment to him, and now and then he'd look at me with such an expression of mild despair that it was a toss-up with me whether to laugh or cry. I tried both ways, and when it came to a sniff of utter mortification and woe, he just threw the grammar on to the floor and marched out of the room. I felt myself disgraced and deserted forever, but didn't blame him a particle, and was scrambling my papers together, meaning to rush upstairs and shake myself hard, when in he came, as brisk and beaming as if I'd covered myself in glory.

“Now we shall try a new way. You and I will read these pleasant little Märchen together,and dig no more in that dry book,that goes in the corner for making us trouble.”

He spoke so kindly, and opened Hans Andersen's fairy tales so invitingly before me, that I was more ashamed than ever, and went at my lesson in a neck-or-nothing style that seemed to amuse him immensely. I forgot my bashfulness, and pegged away (no other word will express it) with all my might, tumbling over long words, pronouncing according to inspiration of the minute, and doing my very best. When I finished reading my first page, and stopped for breath, he clapped his hands and cried out in his hearty way,“Das ist gut!Now we go well!My turn.I do him in German, gif me your ear.” And away he went, rumbling out the words with his strong voice and a relish which was good to see as well as hear. Fortunately the story was “The Constant Tin Soldier”, which is droll, you know, so I could laugh—and I did—though I didn't understand half he read, for I couldn't help it, he was so earnest, I so excited, and the whole thing so comical.

After that we got on better, and now I read my lessons pretty well, for this way of studying suits me, and I can see that the grammar gets tucked into the tales and poetry as one gives pills in jelly. I like it very much, and he doesn't seem tired of it yet—which is very good of him, isn't it? I mean to give him something on Christmas, for I dare not offer money. Tell me something nice, Marmee.

I'm glad Laurie seems so happy and busy, that he has given up smoking and lets his hair grow. You see Beth manages him better than I did. I'm not jealous, dear, do your best, only don't make a saint of him. I'm afraid I couldn't like him without a spice of human naughtiness. Read him bits of my letters. I haven't time to write much, and that will do just as well. Thank Heaven Beth continues so comfortable.

JANUARY

A Happy New Year to you all, my dearest family, which of course includes Mr. L. and a young man by the name of Teddy. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed your Christmas bundle, for I didn't get it till night and had given up hoping. Your letter came in the morning, but you said nothing about a parcel, meaning it for a surprise, so I was disappointed, for I'd had a “kind of feeling” that you wouldn't forget me. I felt a little low in my mind as I sat up in my room after tea, and when the big, muddy, battered-looking bundle was brought to me, I just hugged it and pranced. It was so homey and refreshing that I sat down on the floor and read and looked and ate and laughed and cried, in my usual absurd way. The things were just what I wanted, and all the better for being made instead of bought. Beth's new “ink bib” was capital, and Hannah's box of hard gingerbread will be a treasure. I'll be sure and wear the nice flannels you sent, Marmee, and read carefully the books Father has marked. Thank you all, heaps and heaps!

Speaking of books reminds me that I'm getting rich in that line, for on New Year's Day Mr. Bhaer gave me a fine Shakespeare. It is one he values much, and I've often admired it, set up in the place of honor with his German Bible, Plato, Homer, and Milton; so you may imagine how I felt when he brought it down, without its cover, and showed me my own name in it, “from my friend Friedrich Bhaer.”

“You say often you wish a library. Here I gif you one, for between these lids (he meant covers) is many books in one. Read him well, and he will help you much, for the study of characte