《渺小一生》:他下意識(shí)地?fù)u搖頭。

　 “Obviously, you shouldn’t feel obligated to come,” he added, hastily, after inviting Andy to the court date.

“當(dāng)然，你不必覺(jué)得有義務(wù)要來(lái)?！彼?qǐng)安迪去法院觀禮之后，又匆忙補(bǔ)了一句。

　 “I’d love to come,” Andy said. “I was wondering when I’d be invited.”

“我很愿意去?！卑驳险f(shuō)，“我還在想，你什么時(shí)候才要邀請(qǐng)我呢。”

　 Then he felt bad. “I just didn’t want you to feel you had to spend even more time with your weird patient who already makes your life so difficult,” he said.

他覺(jué)得很愧疚：“我只是覺(jué)得我已經(jīng)害你的生活這么麻煩了，不希望你額外花更多時(shí)間在這個(gè)怪病人身上?！?

　 “You’re not just my weird patient, Jude,” Andy said. “You’re also my weird friend.” He paused. “Or at least, I hope you are.”

“裘德，你不光是我的怪病人?！卑驳险f(shuō)，“你也是我的怪朋友?！彼麜和Ｒ幌?，“至少，我希望你是?！?

　 He smiled into the phone. “Of course I am,” he said. “I’m honored to be your weird friend.”

他對(duì)著電話(huà)微笑，“我當(dāng)然是。”他說(shuō)，“我很榮幸能成為你的怪朋友?！?

　 And so Andy was coming as well: he’d fly back that afternoon, but Malcolm and JB would spend the night, and they’d all leave together on Saturday.

于是安迪也要來(lái)了，他當(dāng)天下午就會(huì)飛回紐約，不過(guò)馬爾科姆和杰比會(huì)留下來(lái)過(guò)夜，他們四個(gè)會(huì)在周六一起離開(kāi)波士頓。

　 Upon arriving, he had been surprised, and then moved, to see how thoroughly Harold and Julia had cleaned the house, and how proud they were of the work they’d done. “Look!” one or the other kept saying, triumphantly pointing at a surface—a table, a chair, a corner of floor—that would normally have been obscured by stacks of books or journals, but which was now clear of all clutter. There were flowers everywhere—winter flowers: bunches of decorative cabbages and white-budded dogwood branches and paperwhite bulbs, with their sweet, faintly fecal fragrance—and the books in their cases had been straightened and even the nap on the sofa had been repaired.

一到哈羅德家，看到哈羅德和朱麗婭把家里打掃得非常徹底，而且一副得意的樣子，他很驚訝，也很感動(dòng)。“你看！”總有一個(gè)會(huì)說(shuō)，得意地指著平常堆放書(shū)籍或期刊的桌子、椅子或地板的角落，現(xiàn)在所有的凌亂都被清理了。到處都有鮮花——冬天的花：幾棵葉牡丹、整枝白蕾山茱萸和白水仙，散發(fā)著甜美、微帶糞便的芳香——書(shū)架上的書(shū)也排得整整齊齊，就連沙發(fā)上快磨穿的地方都修補(bǔ)好了。

　 “And look at this, Jude,” Julia had said, linking her arm through his, and showing him the celadon-glazed dish on the hallway table, which had been broken for as long as he’d known them, the shards that had snapped off its side permanently nested in the bowl and furred with dust. But now it had been fixed, and washed and polished.

“你看看這個(gè)，裘德?！敝禧悑I說(shuō)，挽著他的手臂，帶他去看走廊桌上那個(gè)青瓷缽。從他認(rèn)識(shí)他們以來(lái)，那個(gè)缽一直是破的，側(cè)邊兩塊斷掉的破片永遠(yuǎn)放在碗里，積了厚厚的灰塵。但現(xiàn)在修好了，洗得干凈發(fā)亮。

　 “Wow,” he said when presented with each new thing, grinning idiotically, happy because they were so happy. He didn’t care, he never had, whether their place was clean or not—they could’ve lived surrounded by Ionic columns of old New York Times, with colonies of rats squeaking plumply underfoot for all he cared—but he knew they thought he minded, and had mistaken his incessant, tedious cleaning of everything as a rebuke, as much as he’d tried, and tried, to assure them it wasn’t. He cleaned now to stop himself, to distract himself, from doing other things, but when he was in college, he had cleaned for the others to express his gratitude: it was something he could do and had always done, and they gave him so much and he gave them so little. JB, who enjoyed living in squalor, never noticed. Malcolm, who had grown up with a housekeeper, always noticed and always thanked him. Only Willem hadn’t liked it. “Stop it, Jude,” he’d said one day, grabbing his wrist as he picked JB’s dirty shirts off the floor, “you’re not our maid.” But he hadn’t been able to stop, not then, and not now.

“哇?！彼f(shuō)，他們指什么給他看，他就驚嘆，咧嘴傻笑著，因?yàn)樗麄冞@么開(kāi)心，他自己也開(kāi)心極了。他從來(lái)不在乎他們家是否干凈，就算他們家里的《紐約時(shí)報(bào)》堆得像一根根柱子，腳下有成群胖嘟嘟的老鼠鉆來(lái)鉆去吱吱叫，他也無(wú)所謂。但他知道他們以為他在乎，還誤以為他不斷勤勉地到處打掃是一種責(zé)備，盡管他一而再再而三跟他們保證不是。他現(xiàn)在打掃是為了分心，阻止自己去做別的事情，但他讀大學(xué)的時(shí)候，幫其他人打掃是為了表達(dá)感激：那是他可以做的，也做習(xí)慣了，而且他們給了他這么多，他給他們的卻這么少。杰比向來(lái)臟習(xí)慣了，從來(lái)沒(méi)注意到。馬爾科姆從小家里就有管家，所以他向來(lái)會(huì)注意到，也會(huì)跟他說(shuō)謝謝。只有威廉不喜歡他這樣。“別打掃了，裘德。”有天威廉說(shuō)，在他撿拾杰比扔在地上的臟襯衫時(shí)抓住他的手腕，“你不是我們的傭人?！钡麤](méi)能停止，當(dāng)時(shí)沒(méi)有，現(xiàn)在也沒(méi)有。

　 By the time he wipes off the countertops a final time, it’s almost four thirty, and he staggers to his room, texts Willem not to call him, and falls into a brief, brutal sleep. When he wakes, he makes the bed and showers and dresses and returns to the kitchen, where Harold is standing at the counter, reading the paper and drinking coffee.

等到他最后一次把料理臺(tái)擦干凈時(shí)，已經(jīng)快4點(diǎn)半了。他踉蹌走進(jìn)自己的房間，寫(xiě)短信給威廉叫他別打電話(huà)來(lái)，就倒下去短暫、狠狠地睡了一覺(jué)。起床后，他把床鋪好，沖完澡，換好衣服又回到廚房。哈羅德正站在料理臺(tái)前，喝著咖啡看報(bào)。

　 “Well,” Harold says, looking up at him. “Don’t you look handsome.”

“唔，”哈羅德說(shuō)，抬頭看他，“你看起來(lái)可真帥啊?！?

　 He shakes his head, reflexively, but the truth is that he’d bought a new tie, and had his hair cut the day before, and he feels, if not handsome, then at least neat and presentable, which he always tries to be. He rarely sees Harold in a suit, but he’s wearing one as well, and the solemnity of the occasion makes him suddenly shy.

他下意識(shí)地?fù)u搖頭。其實(shí)，他買(mǎi)了一條新領(lǐng)帶，而且前一天才去剪了頭發(fā)，覺(jué)得自己就算不帥，也至少清爽像樣，這是他始終努力做到的。他很少看到哈羅德穿西裝，但今天他也穿了西裝。想到這個(gè)場(chǎng)合的鄭重程度，他忽然害羞起來(lái)。

　 Harold smiles at him. “You were busy last night, clearly. Did you sleep at all?”

哈羅德朝他微笑：“你昨天夜里顯然很忙。你有睡覺(jué)嗎？”

　 He smiles back. “Enough.”

他也微笑：“睡了?！?

　 “Julia’s getting ready,” says Harold, “but I have something for you.”

“朱麗婭正在準(zhǔn)備?！惫_德說(shuō)，“不過(guò)我有個(gè)東西要給你。”

　 “For me?”

“給我？”

　 “Yes,” says Harold, and picks up a small leather box, about the size of a baseball, from beside his coffee mug and holds it out to him. He opens it and inside is Harold’s watch, with its round white face and sober, forthright numbers. The band has been replaced with a new black crocodile one.

“沒(méi)錯(cuò)?！惫_德說(shuō)，從裝咖啡的馬克杯旁拿起一個(gè)皮革小盒，大約像棒球那么大，然后遞給他。他打開(kāi)來(lái)，里頭是哈羅德的手表，白色的圓形表面和樸素、清楚的數(shù)字，不過(guò)換上了一條嶄新的鱷魚(yú)皮表帶。

　 “My father gave this to me when I turned thirty,” says Harold, when he doesn’t say anything. “It was his. And you are still thirty, so I at least haven’t messed up the symmetry of this.” He takes the box from him and removes the watch and reverses it so he can see the initials engraved on the back of the face: SS/HS/JSF. “Saul Stein,” says Harold. “That was my father. And then HS for me, and JSF for you.” He returns the watch to him.

“這是我30歲的時(shí)候，父親送給我的?！惫_德看他沒(méi)說(shuō)話(huà)，便開(kāi)口說(shuō)，“現(xiàn)在是你的了。而且你現(xiàn)在正好還是30歲，我至少還沒(méi)破壞其中的對(duì)稱(chēng)性?！彼阉稚系暮凶幽眠^(guò)來(lái)，取出那支表，翻過(guò)來(lái)讓他看背面刻的縮寫(xiě)：SS/HS/JSF?！八鳡枴に固梗⊿aul Stein），”哈羅德說(shuō)，“是我父親。HS是我，JSF是你?！彼驯磉f還給他。

　 He runs his thumbtip lightly over the initials. “I can’t accept this, Harold,” he says, finally.

他用拇指指尖輕輕拂過(guò)那行縮寫(xiě)?！拔也荒苁眨_德。”他總算開(kāi)了口。

　 “Sure you can,” Harold says. “It’s yours, Jude. I already bought a new one; you can’t give it back.”

“當(dāng)然可以?！惫_德說(shuō)，“裘德，這是你的了。我已經(jīng)買(mǎi)了新表，你不能再還給我了?！?