勸慰別人時候只要靜靜聆聽就可以了

Struggling for the right thing to say -- or post onFacebook -- over a loved one's hardship? You canstop now.

當(dāng)所愛之人經(jīng)歷困境，你是否很糾結(jié)不知道說什么或者在Facebook上發(fā)表些什么?你現(xiàn)在可以什么都不用說了。

Turns out there isn't really one right phrase that willmake everything better, according to a series ofstudies published in the journal Basic and AppliedSocial Psychology.

發(fā)表在《基礎(chǔ)與應(yīng)用社會心理學(xué)》雜志上的一系列研究表明，實際上并沒有一個正確的短語能讓一切變得更好。

Psychologists at Wayne State University in Detroit asked 54 undergrads to rate 96 "supportive" statements, tackling eight hypothetical crisis situations.

底特律韋恩州立大學(xué)的心理學(xué)家讓54名本科生對96種“支持性”敘述進行打分，處理8種假設(shè)的危機情況。

With the statements, they cast a wide net -- from optimistic reassurances ("things have a way of working out for the best") to phrases designed to make them feel included ("so what if you didn't make the team -- now you can spend more time with us").

通過這些敘述，他們?nèi)鱿铝艘粡埓缶W(wǎng)：從樂觀的保證(“事情會有最好的結(jié)果的”)，到旨在讓他們感到被包容的短語(“如果你沒有加入團隊，那又怎樣?現(xiàn)在你可以花更多時間與我們在一起了”)。

But no one approach struck a chord with participants. Instead, and as previous research in this field has suggested, soul-soothing words seem to boil down to individual preferences.

但沒有一種說法能引起參與者的共鳴。相反，正如這一領(lǐng)域之前的研究所表明的，撫慰心靈的話語似乎可以歸結(jié)為個人喜好。

Simply put: it's down to people's individual quirks, which can be hard to predict.

簡單地說：這取決于人的個人癖好，很難預(yù)測。

To further back up their hypothesis, lead researcher Shawna Tanner's team tasked 33 clinical psychologists, undergrad and graduate clinical trainees with rating statements made by counselors in therapy training videos.

為了進一步支持他們的假設(shè)，首席研究員肖娜·坦納的團隊讓33名臨床心理學(xué)家、本科和研究生臨床實習(xí)生觀看心理治療師在治療培訓(xùn)視頻中所做的分級敘述。

Again, there was virtually no unanimity about which statements helped more than hurt.

同樣，對于哪些敘述的幫助大于傷害，幾乎沒有一致意見。

Kim Allen-McGinley, a Staten Island-based psychotherapist, says it doesn't really matter exactly what you say. Just say something -- and, more importantly, listen.

斯塔頓島的心理治療師金·艾倫-麥克金利說，你說什么真的并不重要。說點什么就可以了，更重要的是傾聽。

"The most important thing you can do for a loved one in pain is respect their healing process and let them know you're there for them with no conditions," says Allen-McGinley.

艾倫-麥克金利說：“你能為處于痛苦中的所愛之人做的最重要的事情，就是尊重他們的康復(fù)過程，讓他們知道你無條件地支持他們。”

"Most people in a lot of pain tend to carry feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety and depression, so it's important that they feel they have a safe place to share these emotions without judgement."

“大多數(shù)處于極度痛苦中的人往往會感到羞恥、內(nèi)疚、焦慮和抑郁，所以重要的是，他們覺得自己有一個安全的地方來分享這些情緒，而不需要被評頭論足。”