頭尾寫不好會導(dǎo)致托福寫作成績低

　　題目：A NEW ACQUIANTANCE OF YOURS IS THINKING ABOUT STUDYING YOUR NATIVE LANGUAGE. hOW WOULD U CONVINCE HIM OR HER THAT THIS WOULD BE A GOOD DECISION? USE SPECIFIC REASONS AND DETAILS IN YOUR RESPONSE.

　　In my point of view， there are a lot of reasons why one should study my native language-Chinese. Here are some of them.

　　China is acountry with a long and amazing history.And the Chinese culture is beautiful and captivating.And normally， the language is the key to know a whole new culture. I think Chinese is very interesting and mysterious. Not only the spoken Chinese， but also the characters are form thousands of years ago and is created by our ancesters with great wisdom. With the ability of reading and speaking Chinese， people would be able to read some splendid works like by Confucious and .

　　In addition， I think that learning a new language can test people's ability of imitating and train his or her brain. Because Studying is a life-long task and is significant throughout one"s life. And learning a language especially enrich his or her live and make people wiser.

　　Last but not least， nowadays Chinese is the language which is spoken by the most people in the entire world. This indicates that the ability to speak Chinese is very important in working and living. The lastest reserch shous that several countries are short of Chinese teachers， therefore as the Chinese old saying goes， the things that rare are precious. And the people with this skill may get a really good job with high salary. Then we can see the importance of learning Chinese in the presence world.

　　As a conclusion， from all the reasons above， Chinese is worth leaning adn is of great importance， I suggest people to learn and experience its beauty.

　　評論：

　　頭尾太隨便，這是個硬傷.

　　每段論述上也還是有些問題，第一段寫的其實ok，但“the language is the key to know a whole new culture”其實可以提前一點，這樣中心句更清楚。第二段草草了事，而且像是硬湊出來的一個point，因為說的都是學(xué)習(xí)新語言的好處，但新語言一定是漢語么?最后一段論述有點稍顯武斷，因為都是結(jié)論性的話。

　　語言我覺得不錯了，主要問題在論述邏輯和論述過程上，另外結(jié)構(gòu)上還不夠清楚嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)，中心句放在段首會比較好，中國學(xué)生最壞的習(xí)慣就是寫到那里是哪里，比如第二段三句話其實表達(dá)的是三個不同的意思，第一句說可以測試能力，第二句說學(xué)習(xí)的意義，第三局又說學(xué)習(xí)語言可以豐富人的生活讓人更聰明，那么哪句話才是你想要表達(dá)的意思呢?等于你=就是開無軌電車一樣寫了三句話堆砌在一起就不管了，老外看了會覺得你思路不清，也就不明白你想說什么。

　　由于第二段的硬傷和某些結(jié)構(gòu)上的問題，30分的滿分我覺得最多拿到20-23分左右，如果第二段寫的像第一段那樣思路清晰，也許可以拿到25分左右，如果頭尾段再慎重點把3個point重申好，可能就是篇27-28的好文章了，要知道這個題目沒有問要不要學(xué)習(xí)漢語，而是要找理由支持學(xué)習(xí)漢語，所以是屬于main idea已經(jīng)給出的，這種情況下，頭尾不重申自己的3個point，文章結(jié)構(gòu)上問題就很明顯了。

　　結(jié)構(gòu)和思維邏輯是托福作文和雅思作文最關(guān)鍵的東西，永遠(yuǎn)不要堆砌句子和觀點。通過上面的托福寫作范文的低分分析，考生們可以認(rèn)識到自己錯在哪，什么地方需要改進(jìn)。