雙語讀?。篊all me by ...（一）07:把腳輕踩在他留下印記的地方

 
I must have shot him a similarly wicked glance.
For two days our conversations came to a sudden halt.
On the long balcony that both our bedrooms shared, total avoidance: just a makeshift hello, good morning, nice weather, shallow chitchat.
Then, without explanation, things resumed.
Did I want to go jogging this morning? No, not really. Well, let’s swim, then.
 
我必定也曾對他投射出同樣惡毒的眼光。
有那么兩天，我們的對話突然暫停。
在我們兩間臥房共用的長陽臺碰上，也是完全回避，只有敷衍了事的你好、早安、天氣不錯，完全是膚淺的閑扯。
接著，沒有解釋，一切又恢復(fù)原狀。
今天早上想去慢跑嗎？不，不怎么想。那么，我們游泳吧。
 
Today, the pain, the stoking, the thrill of someone new, the promise of so much bliss hovering a fingertip away, the fumbling around people I might misread and don’t want to lose and must second-guess at every turn, the desperate cunning I bring to everyone I want and crave to be wanted by, the screens I put up as though between me and the world there were not just one but layers of rice-paper sliding doors, the urge to scramble and unscramble what was never really coded in the first place—all these started the summer Oliver came into our house. They are embossed on every song that was a hit that summer, in every novel I read during and after his stay, on anything from the smell of rosemary on hot days to the frantic rattle of the cicadas in the afternoon—smells and sounds I’d grown up with and known every year of my life until then but that had suddenly turned on me and acquired an inflection forever colored by the events of that summer.
 
新戀人帶來的痛苦、狂喜、刺激；盤旋在咫尺之遙，這許多幸福的承諾；在我可能誤解、不想失去、每逢轉(zhuǎn)折必定先揣度一番的人之間尋尋覓覓；我用來對待每個我想望、渴望被想望人那種拼了命的狡猾；我立起重重屏障，仿佛自己與世界之間有著許多層的紙拉門；想把其實(shí)從來不曾加密的東西編碼再解碼的強(qiáng)烈沖動——如今這一切全始于奧利弗到我們家來的那個夏天。這些印記在那年夏天的每一首流行歌曲里，在他寄宿期間與其后我所閱讀的每一本小說里，在熱天迷迭香的氣味，以及午后蟬鳴發(fā)狂似的嘶叫聲里——直到當(dāng)時，年年伴我成長的、熟悉的氣味與聲音，突然觸動我，多了一種永遠(yuǎn)暈染上了那個夏天里歷歷情景色彩的韻味。
 
Or perhaps it started after his first week, when I was thrilled to see he still remembered who I was, that he didn’t ignore me, and that, therefore, I could allow myself the luxury of passing him on my way to the garden and not having to pretend I was unaware of him. We jogged early on the first morning—all the way up to B. and back. Early the next morning we swam. Then, the day after, we jogged again. I liked racing by the milk delivery van when it was far from done with its rounds, or by the grocer and the baker as they were just getting ready for business, liked to run along the shore and the promenade when there wasn’t a soul about yet and our house seemed a distant mirage. I liked it when our feet were aligned, left with left, and struck the ground at the same time, leaving footprints on the shore that I wished to return to and, in secret, place my foot where his had left its mark.
 
又或者一切始于他來的第一周：我見他仍然記得我是誰，沒有忽視我，使我感到如此振奮，仿佛能夠在前往花園的路上與他相遇，而不必佯裝沒注意到他，已經(jīng)是一種奢侈的享受。第一天早晨，我們一早就去慢跑，一路跑到 B 城。第二天一早我們?nèi)ビ斡?。接著，隔天，我們又去慢跑。我喜歡跟在滿載牛奶的貨車旁邊跑，或跟在正準(zhǔn)備好要開始做買賣的雜貨商或面包師傅旁邊跑，或趁連個鬼影也沒有的時候沿著海岸跑，我們家的房子看起來像遙遠(yuǎn)的海市蜃樓。我喜歡我們倆并列而行，左腳對右腳，同時撞擊地面，在岸邊留下腳?。晃蚁牖氐侥莾?，偷偷地，把腳輕踩在他留下印記的地方。
 
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