雅思作文想拿高分 這四個(gè)錯(cuò)誤一定不能犯！

　　大家現(xiàn)在所看到的這篇小作文選自C6T2，同其他考官范文不同， 這篇文章出自考生之手。具體這篇考生的作文得了幾分咱們先賣個(gè)關(guān)子，假如你是雅思考官，按照寫作評(píng)分的四大項(xiàng)標(biāo)準(zhǔn)， 你會(huì)給他打幾分呢?

　　The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.

　　

 

　　In 2000 the most preferred mode of travel is by car with 4, 806 people. There's a noticeable decrease in public transportation locally where it dropped from 429 people in 1985 to 274 people in 2000. However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Which probably made people to take the take the train more often. There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. The biggest leap in the chart is the increase of taxi users who are tripled in 2000 with 42 people. Where it was only 13 in 1985

　　Apart from all this modes of travel, there are some more different types of travel as well of course. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000.

　　我們先從客觀地從考官的評(píng)分角度來(lái)評(píng)判下這篇文章。

　　首先從文章的內(nèi)容上來(lái)看，考生確實(shí)從趨勢(shì)角度描寫了數(shù)據(jù)變化，但描寫邏輯混亂。開端描述了car，local bus 及 long distance bus。Car的數(shù)據(jù)自始至終都是最大的，先描寫也毋庸置疑，但local bus 和 long distance bus，變化數(shù)據(jù)設(shè)計(jì)不多，同時(shí)變化趨勢(shì)也不相同，放在一起描述沒有意義。其次，此文沒有描述表格中的總量這一數(shù)據(jù)，這也是其失分的原因。

　　再來(lái)看下這篇文章數(shù)字后所帶的單位，考生的作文中帶的是people， 但仔細(xì)審題后我們會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，這篇作文的真正單位實(shí)際是miles，通篇文章對(duì)單位的理解都是錯(cuò)誤的。

　　接下來(lái)我們來(lái)看結(jié)構(gòu)，通篇文章分成兩段?？脊倭?xí)作中有分成三段、四段及五段的小作文的例子，但兩段的絕對(duì)沒有。同時(shí)，文章開篇直接就描述了最大數(shù)據(jù)， 缺少了開頭段的引入，結(jié)尾段也并不是考官所期望看到的總結(jié)性信息。

　　不過(guò)從詞匯角度來(lái)看， 文章代詞及連詞使用較好。

　　a.However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years.Its指代long distance bus ride。

　　b.It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. It指代the number of people who travelled by train.

　　c.This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. This 指代上一句話。

　　從語(yǔ)法角度來(lái)看， 文章細(xì)小問題較多。

　　a.時(shí)態(tài)：數(shù)據(jù)變化時(shí)間為1985-2000，為一般過(guò)去，考生采用的為一般現(xiàn)在。

　　b.主謂一致：However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. 主語(yǔ)復(fù)數(shù)，謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞單數(shù)，主謂不一致。

　　c.名詞單復(fù)數(shù)： There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. Number應(yīng)為單數(shù)。

　　d.被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)： as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years.People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000.Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000. 這三個(gè)句子的動(dòng)詞應(yīng)該全部改為主動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)。

　　這樣的作文究竟可以得幾分呢， 我們來(lái)看下考官評(píng)語(yǔ)，實(shí)際同我們剛剛分析時(shí)給出的關(guān)鍵點(diǎn)是一致的。

　　This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score. Here is the examiner's comment:

　　This answer does not introduce the information in the table, nor does it report it accurately. The figures are misinterpreted as representing the number of people rather than the average number of miles travelled per person per year. Consequently the information about the increase in total travel is simply not mentioned, so not all key information is covered. There is an attempt to summarize trends in the figures, but the reader cannot get a clear overall picture of the information because of the fundamental confusion.

　　Nevertheless, the information is organized and the writing flows quite well because of good use of referencing and other connectors, but there are occasional errors in these and the links between ideas are slightly confusing at times.

　　The strong feature in this answer is the range of vocabulary which is used with some flexibility and good control. A good range of structures is also used, but there are still some fairly basic mistakes, such as in the choice of tense, subject/verb agreement and inappropriate use of the passive.

　　當(dāng)然我們分析這篇考生習(xí)作的最終目的不是想告訴大家6分的作文錯(cuò)誤百出，于思靚老師是希望同學(xué)們可以取長(zhǎng)補(bǔ)短，像這篇作文考生所出現(xiàn)的基本問題，如時(shí)態(tài)、單位、語(yǔ)態(tài)等在你的作文中要避免出現(xiàn)，像考官特別看重的他的句子多樣性的運(yùn)用要多加學(xué)習(xí)。最后期待大家能拿到理想的分?jǐn)?shù)。