評(píng)析一篇雅思寫作6分范文的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)
雅思6分作文例文：
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, purpose of education being changed in Korea. There are some people who think that competition in children should be made, also others believe that children who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. There are advantages and disadvantages for both of the arguments.
To begin with, what is good if a sense of competition in children is made? They could develop themselves more and more as they learn and study a lot to win from the competition. To prove this, in Korea, it is popular- even common now- to have a tutor who come to student’s house to teach extra pieces of study with paying a lot of money. They learn faster than what they learn at school. Furthermore, during the vocations, students study abroad to learn English for a month instead of revise school work. If they have experiments such as study abroad, it is one of the greatest plus point to go to the famous well-known high school. Moreover, there are four big school exam and two national examinations to test students’ level of studies. Generally, only the highest 40% can go to the good quality highschools and colleges children learn as much as they can, to win the competition to obtain good quality schools.
On the other hand, as they are busy to enter the schools and study individually with their own tutors, there are problems. They become selfish. They become careless and don’t help others a lot if it is about studies. There will be no co-operations for them. Then, why are there companies for many people to work in? each of them are clever, however, there are weak parts and strong parts for each person. To co-operate is to improve this part. People talk and listen to what others thinking of and learn. That could also be a great opportunity to learn instead of learning alone with one teacher.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with that children should be taught to co-operate rather than compete. Nobody is perfect. People learn together, work together to develop each other. therefore, I want parents and teachers to educate children concentrating on co-operation, not compete and ranking them.
雅思6分作文問題分析：
從論證大主題的角度來說，這一篇的最后的收尾是co-operation 更重要的成立的，但是這位考生在文字?jǐn)?shù)量分配上缺乏規(guī)劃，分配給competition的文字明顯多于給co-operation的，這樣就給了考官一個(gè)非常合情合理的借口扣分，實(shí)在是遺憾啊!
寫作建議NO.5：If it is your preference, give it more reference.
如果你更認(rèn)同那個(gè)觀點(diǎn)，那就在這個(gè)觀點(diǎn)上多寫點(diǎn)吧。
如果我們進(jìn)一步看下Body段里的細(xì)節(jié)內(nèi)容，其實(shí)這位考生的語法功力和邏輯論證能力比上面那位5分同學(xué)還要差，但是這篇文章把題目中的兩個(gè)方面都提到，沒有犯我的NO.3建議中的錯(cuò)誤。除此之外，文字總量上這一篇文章叫上兩篇都有絕對(duì)的優(yōu)勢(shì)，所以再強(qiáng)調(diào)下數(shù)量真的也很重要。
寫作建議NO.6：A quantitative change causes a qualitative change.
量變帶來質(zhì)變。
總之，想要突破雅思6分作文的話，首先要有不錯(cuò)邏輯論證的能力，同時(shí)，要合理分配雅思寫作的內(nèi)容，文章中所認(rèn)同的觀點(diǎn)，相對(duì)來說要分配更多的內(nèi)容，反之，則適度地減少一些內(nèi)容，突出重點(diǎn)很重要。小編預(yù)祝同學(xué)們?cè)谘潘伎荚囍腥〉煤玫某煽?jī)。
