考研英語作文考場范文批改及點評(11)

In the picture above, there are four pencils but only one is adversed(該詞表示“不友好的，不利的，相反的”，用于此處不恰當(dāng)) which is(劃線部分去掉) different from the others.Noticeably, there is a sentence read: (去掉)" don't be afraid to be different." in the middle (改為bottom，由圖可知，那句話在圖片底部而不是中間)of the photo. It is no doubt that the photographer wants us to respect the individuality.Steven Jobs, the representive(拼寫錯誤，改為representative) of individulity(拼寫錯誤，改為individuality), creates the brand Apple(改為Apple brand) and then prodominantes(拼寫錯誤且詞性使用錯誤，改為dominant) intellectual mobile phone market by its products. What makes his succeed(改為success，詞性使用錯誤) is that he put the conception of individuality into his product--iphone,which contains so many appealing Apps and each one(建議改為it) is different from the ordinary (加ones，表示普通的手機(jī)). Therefore, he estabilished(拼寫錯誤，改為establish) an empire of Apple and become famous for everyone around the world.Hence don't be afraid to be different because the individuality is valuabe(拼寫錯誤，改為valuable) , which is the source of creativity. More importantly, it conributes(拼寫錯誤，改為contributes) to the development of diversified world and the prosperity of culture and economy.

編輯點評

文章構(gòu)思不錯，但其中的語法問題及詞匯使用問題較多，而且，考研英語作文的字?jǐn)?shù)要求為160-200，本篇文章的字?jǐn)?shù)不夠，望作者在以后的寫作中能夠注意;考研英語作文的寫作模式作者基本上已經(jīng)掌握，后面要做的就是加強(qiáng)語法、詞匯，積累并模仿經(jīng)典句子，不斷提高自己的寫作水平;再者，寫完之后一定要認(rèn)真檢查，減少失分點。

參考分?jǐn)?shù)：12分(滿分20分)