UNIT 7 IN-CLASS READING; New College English (I)
A Diary of the Century
1 How do I feel upon becoming 50 years old? Surprised. Surprised that I should live so long. Surprised that it should seem so short. Surprised that I am not famous. Surprised that I should be surprised because I am not famous.
2 All my life I have been motivated by curiosity. I wonder why? My mother wasn't curious. Although my grandfather died before I was born, judging from what I've heard about him, read about him, and from the books he left, I think it is possible that I inherited my curiosity from him. Born in England of Welsh parents, he came to America alone when he was only 16 years old.
3 At the age of 50 my mind is better than ever surprise, surprise! I can concentrate with the intensity of a beam of sunshine focused through a magnifying glass. Guilt and passion distract my attention far less frequently. Slowly I begin to perceive the relationships among everything I have experienced and read. My analyses and judgments seem sounder than before. My curiosity burns brighter. Problems once mysterious now seem obvious.
4 And yet ! Every new answer breeds a dozen new questions. What I know, compared with what I do not know, is like a grain of sand by the sea. I am not sure whether there is anything absolute. While I believe I am alive, I am unable to say exactly what this phrase means. Maybe the atoms that make up my body now existed before I was born, and maybe they will continue to exist after I die.
5 A few people consider me egotistical. Actually, I am humble. I was lucky to have been born with a fairly good mind, and I have spent years polishing this instrument I inherited. I'll admit I become impatient when confronted with ignorance. However, I know my limitations even better than my capabilities. At times I feel discouraged by my own ignorance.
6 I can find no meaning in life. I believe that the individual life can be filled with meaning only through love and work of one's choice. My wife is a more valuable person than I because she has an infinite capacity for loving others. She is a genius at loving. I am a genius at nothing. When she dies an ocean of tears will flow. I admire her without envying her.
7 When I was a boy of 14 I knew I wanted to become a reporter and then an author. Well, now I am an experienced reporter and next fall my first book will be published. The fact that I say first proves that I am optimistic about my career. I believe that the next decade of my life will become the most fruitful one. Perhaps my only really valuable creation is this diary.
8 My 10 months of psychoanalysis have helped me learn how to forgive myself. I'm more at peace with myself now than at any time in the past. Nevertheless, I'm aware I haven't identified all my psychological conflicts, let alone resolved them. Bertrand Russell says there are three major conflicts: 1) Man against his environment; 2) man against man; 3) man against himself. In my opinion, the conflict of man with himself is the most troublesome.
9 Carved on the temple of Delphi was "Know thyself." I think I know myself better than most people because I spend more time studying myself than anything else. A diarist is a writer who watches himself. If I can learn to know myself well, then I'll be able to know others as well.
10 Human beings are more alike than different. By paying close attention to whatever I feel and think, I can learn what others feel and think. Fortunately, it is the differences among people that make them interesting.
11 Now that I've got rid of much of my guilt, now that I am less rigid about what I expect from myself, I get along better with others because I expect less from them, too. Life hurts. For years I've realized I'm an eccentric, without understanding exactly what I meant by this word. Now I know: An eccentric is one who insists upon being himself regardless of the opinion of others, provided he does not hurt them or himself. If everyone in the world were as eccentric, meaning if everyone accepted himself, there would be no more war.
12 Now that I have lived a half-century, do I have any regrets? Sure, I regret that I was slow to mature. I regret that I did not become a psychoanalyst. Although I am not sorry I decided to become a journalist, I wish that early on I had chosen to become a therapist. Why? Because nothing interests me more than human nature.
13 We are left with two frontiers. One is outer space. The other is inner space. While I lack the interest and ability to probe outer space, I'm rather well equipped to probe the mysteries of the human mind. But will I be able to communicate them to others?
14 My brother, an inventor with several patents, is perhaps the world's leading expert about shock absorbers. But he and I cannot communicate about them. I have no technical knowledge of his specialty. He cannot explain it in simple language. This is an example of the failure of communication between the specialist and the layman. This breakdown is spreading. It is as though nerve endings had lost touch with one another. For lack of communication we may come to the end of civilization.