A Special Occasion
My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package.“This,”he said,“is not a slip.This is lingerie1).”He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip.
It was exquisite,silk,handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace.The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached.
“Jan bought this the first time we went to New York,at least 8or9years ago.She never wore it.She was saving it for a special occasion.”
Well,I guess this is the occasion.
He took the slip from me and put it on the bed,with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician2).His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment,then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me.“Don't ever save anything for a special occasion.Every day you're alive is a special occasion.”
I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death.I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives.I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done.I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.
I'm still thinking about his words,and they've changed the weeds in the garden.I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings.Whenever possible,life should be a pattern of experience to savour3),not endure.I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not “saving” anything;we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound,getting the sink unstopped,the first camellia4) blossom...I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it.My theory is if I look prosperous,I can shell out5) $28.49for one small bag of groceries without wincing.I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties;clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party going friends.
“Someday” and “one of these days” are losing their grip6) on my vocabulary.If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing,I want to see and hear and do it now.I'm not sure what my sister would've done had she know that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted.
I think she would have called family members and a few close friends.She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles7). I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner,her favorite food.I'm guessing.I'll never know.
It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited.Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with someday.Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days.Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them.
I'm trying very hard not to put off,hold back,or save anything that would add laughter and lustre8) to our lives.
And every morning when I open my eyes,I tell myself that every day,every minute,every breath truly,is...a gift from God.
特殊的場合
妹夫打開了妹妹衣柜最底層抽屜,拿出一個(gè)用薄紙裹著的小包。“這個(gè),”他說,“不是襯裙,是件內(nèi)衣。
”他把薄紙去掉,遞給了我那件內(nèi)衣。它很精致、絲質(zhì)、手工縫制,周圍有一圈密密的花邊。上面還有價(jià)簽,價(jià)簽上的數(shù)字高得驚人。
“這是我們第一次去紐約時(shí)簡買的,至少已是八、九年前的事了。她從沒有穿過它。她在為一個(gè)特殊的場合珍藏著它。
”唉,我想現(xiàn)在便是那特殊的場合了。
妹夫從我手中拿過內(nèi)衣放在床上,和其他我們要帶給殯儀人員的衣服放在一起。他的手在那柔軟的絲織品上撫摸了一會(huì)兒,隨即砰然關(guān)上抽屜,轉(zhuǎn)身對(duì)我說:“不要把任何東西留給什么特殊場合。每天你活著就是一個(gè)特殊的場合。”
這兩句話久久在我耳邊回響著,伴我度過了葬禮和幫妹夫、外甥女處理妹妹意外死亡后的傷心后事的那幾天。我從中西部某城妹妹家乘飛機(jī)返回加利福尼亞州時(shí)還在想這兩句話。我想到妹妹從沒看過、聽過或做過的事。我想到她做過的,但未曾意識(shí)到其特殊性的事情。
我還在想著妹夫說過的那兩句話,正是這兩句話幫我理清了思緒。我要花更多的時(shí)間與家人和朋友在一起,少花些時(shí)間在那些委員會(huì)會(huì)議上。無論何時(shí),生活應(yīng)該是去品嘗而非忍受。我要認(rèn)識(shí)到并珍惜現(xiàn)在的時(shí)光。
我不再去“珍藏”任何東西;我們?yōu)槊恳惶厥馐录碛梦覀兙赖拇善骱退е破?,比如說當(dāng)體重減了一磅的時(shí)候,當(dāng)廚房水槽通暢了的時(shí)候,當(dāng)?shù)谝欢渖讲杌ň`放的時(shí)候……如果我想穿,我就穿上我鮮艷的外衣去市場購物。我的理論是如果我看上去還富足的話,我可以毫不心疼地為一小袋食品付出28.49美元。我不再為特殊的晚會(huì)而珍藏我上好的香水;五金商店售貨員和銀行出納員們的嗅覺和我晚會(huì)上朋友們的一樣靈敏。
有朝一日”和“某一天”這樣的字眼正從我的常用詞匯中淡出。如果值得去看、去聽或去做,我當(dāng)即就要去看、去聽或去做。我不清楚假如妹妹知道她不會(huì)有大家都認(rèn)為不成問題的明天了,她會(huì)做些什么。
我想她會(huì)給家人和幾位密友打電話。她可能還會(huì)給幾位昔日朋友打電話主動(dòng)道歉,捐棄前嫌。我想她可能會(huì)外出吃頓她喜歡的中式餐。我只是猜想而已。我永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)知道。
假如我知道我的時(shí)間不多了,那些沒來得及做的小事會(huì)讓我惱火。惱火是因?yàn)槲乙煌显偻蠜]能去看看我想某一天去聯(lián)系的好友們。惱火是因?yàn)槲疫€沒有寫出我打算這一兩天要寫的信。惱火與內(nèi)疚是因?yàn)槲覜]能更經(jīng)常地告訴我的丈夫和女兒我是多么真切地愛他們。
我正努力不再拖延、保留或珍藏那些能給我們生活帶來歡笑和光彩的東西。每天清晨當(dāng)我睜開雙眼,我便告訴自己每一天、每一分鐘、每一瞬間都真是……上帝賜予的禮物。
NOTE 注釋:
1. lingerie [7lAnVE5ri] n. 婦女貼身內(nèi)衣
2. mortician [mC:5tiFEn] n. 殯儀業(yè)者
3. savour [5seivE] v. 品嘗
4. camellia [kE5mi:liE] n. [植]茶屬, 茶花, 山茶
5. shell out 交付, 支付
6. grip [^rip] n. 掌握, 控制
7. squabble [5skwCbl] v. 爭論
8. luster [`lQstE(r)] n. 光彩, 光澤