意大利童話 The Count's Beard 伯爵的胡子

The town of Pocapaglia was perched on the pinnacle of a hill so steep that its inhabitants tied little bags on the tail feathers of their hens to catch each freshly laid egg that otherwise would have gone rolling down the slopes into the woods below

All of which goes to show that the people of Pocapaglia were not the dunces they were said to be, and that the proverb,

In Pocapaglia waysThe donkey whistles, the master brays,

merely reflected the malicious grudge the neighboring townspeople bore the Pocapaglians for their peaceful ways and their reluctance to quarrel with anyone

"Yes, yes," was all the Pocapaglians would reply, "but just wait until Masino returns, and you will see who brays more, we or you"

Everybody in Pocapaglia loved Masino, the smartest boy in town He was no stronger physically than anybody else; in fact, he even looked rather puny But he had always been very clever Concerned over how little he was at birth, his mother had bathed him in warm wine to keep him alive and make him a little stronger His father had heated the wine with a red-hot horseshoe That way Masino absorbed the subtlety of wine and the endurance of iron To cool him off after his bath, his mother cradled him in the shell of an unripened chestnut; it was bitter and gave him understanding

At the time the Pocapaglians were awaiting the return of Masino, whom no one had seen since the day he went off to be a soldier (and who was now most likely somewhere in Africa), strange things started happening in Pocapaglia Every evening as the cattle came back from pasture in the plain below, an animal was whisked away by Micillina the Witch

The witch would hide in the woods at the foot of the hill, and all she needed to do was give one heavy puff, and she had herself an ox When the farmers heard her steal through the thicket after dark, their teeth would chatter, and everyone would fall down in a swoon That became so common that people took to saying:

Beware of Micillina, that old witch, For all your oxen she will filch, Then train on you her crossed-eye, And wait for you to fall and die

At night they began lighting huge bonfires to keep Micillina the Witch from venturing out of the woods But she would sneak up on the solitary farmer watching over cattle beside the bonfire and knock him out in one breath In the morning upon awaking, he'd find cows and oxen gone, and his friends would hear him weeping and moaning and hitting himself on the head Then everybody combed the woods for traces of the stolen cattle, but found only tufts of hair, hairpins, and footprints left here and there by Micillina the Witch

Things went from bad to worse Shut up all the time in the barn, the cows grew as thin as rails A rake instead of a brush was all that was needed to groom them, from rib to rib Nobody dared lead the cattle to pasture any more Everyone stayed clear of the woods now, and the mushrooms that grew there went unpicked and got as big as umbrellas

Micillina the Witch was not tempted to plunder other towns, knowing full well that calm and peace-loving people were to be found only in Pocapaglia There the poor farmers lit a big bonfire every night in the town square, while the women and children locked themselves indoors The men sat around the fire scratching their heads and groaning Day after day they scratched and groaned until a decision was finally reached to go to the count for help

The count lived high above the town on a large circular estate surrounded by a massive wall The top of the wall was encrusted with sharp bits of glass One Sunday morning all the townsmen arrived, with hats in hand They knocked, the door swung open, and they filed into the courtyard before the court's round dwelling, which had bars at all the windows Around the courtyard sat the court's soldiers smoothing their mustaches with oil to make them shine and scowling at the farmers At the end of the courtyard, in a velvet chair, sat the count himself with his long black beard, which four soldiers were combing from head to foot

The oldest farmer took heart and said, "Your Honor, we have dared come to you about our misfortune As our cattle go into the woods, Micillina the Witch appears and makes off with them" So, amid sighs and groans, with the other farmers nodding in assent, he told the count all about their nightmare

The count remained silent

"We have come here," said the old man, "to be so bold as to ask Your Honor's advice"

The count remained silent

"We have come here," he added, "to be so bold as to ask Your Honor to help us If you assigned us an escort of soldiers, we could again take our cattle down to pasture"

The count shook his head "If I let you have the soldiers," he said, "I must also let you have the captain"

The farmers listened, hardly daring to hope

"But if the captain is away in the evening," said the count, "who can I play lotto with?"

The farmers fell to their knees "Help us, noble count, for pity's sake!" The soldiers around the courtyard yawned and stroked their mustaches

Again the count shook his head and said:

I am the count and I count for three; No witch have I seen, So, no witch has there been

At those words and still yawning, the soldiers picked up their guns and, with bayonets extended, moved slowly toward the farmers, who turned and filed silently out of the courtyard

Back in the town square and completely discouraged, the farmers had no idea what to do next But the senior of them all, the one who had spoken to the count, said, "There's nothing left to do but send for Masino!"

So they wrote Masino a letter and sent it to Africa Then one evening, while they were all gathered around the bonfire as usual, Masino returned Imagine the welcome they gave him, the embraces, the pots of hot, spiced wine! "Where on earth have you been? What did you see? If you only knew what we have been going through!"

Masino let them have their say, then he had his "In Africa I saw cannibals who ate not men but locusts; in the desert I saw a madman who had let his fingernails grow twelve meters long to dig for water; in the sea I saw a fish with a shoe and a slipper who wanted to be king of the other fish, since no other fish possessed shoe or slipper; in Sicily I saw a woman with seventy sons and only one kettle; in Naples I saw people who walked while standing still, since the chatter of other people kept them going; I saw sinners and I saw saints; I saw fat people and people no bigger than mites; many, many frightened souls did I see, but never so many as here in Pocapaglia"

The farmers hung their heads in shame, for Masino had hit a sensitive spot in suggesting they were cowards But Masino was not cross with his fellow townsmen He asked for a detailed account of the witch's doings, then said, "Let me ask you three questions, and at the stroke of midnight I'll go out and catch the witch and bring her back to you"

"Let's hear your questions! Out with them!" they all said

"The first question is for the barber How many people came to you this month?"

The barber replied:

"Long beards, short beards, Fine beards, coarse beards, Locks straight, locks curly, All I trimmèd(sic) in a hurry"

"Your turn now, cobbler How many people brought you their old shoes to mend this month?"

"Alas!" began the cobbler:

"Shoes of wood, shoes of leather, Nail by nail I hammered back together, Mended shoes of satin and shoes of serpent But there's nothing left to do, All their money is spent"

"The third question goes to you, rope maker How much rope did you sell this month?"

The rope maker replied:

"Rope galore of every sort I sold: Hemp rope, braided, wicker, cord, Needle-thin to arm-thick, Lard-soft to iron-strongThis month I couldn't go wrong"

"Very well," said Masino, stretching out by the fire "I'm now going to sleep for a few hours, I'm very tired Wake me up at midnight and I'll go after the witch" He put his hat over his face and fell asleep

The farmers kept perfectly quiet until midnight, not even daring to breathe, for fear of awaking him At midnight Masino shook himself, yawned, drank a cup of mulled wine, spat three times into the fire, got up without looking at a soul, and headed for the woods

The farmers stayed behind watching the fire burn down and the last embers turn to ashes Then, whom should Masino drag in by the beard but the count! A count that wept, kicked, and pleaded for mercy

"Here's the witch!" cried Masino, and asked, "Where did you put the mulled wine?"

Beneath the farmers' amazed stares, the count tried to make himself as small as possible, sitting on the ground and shrinking up like a cold-bitten fly

"The thief could have been none of you," explained Masino, "since you had all gone to the barber and had no hair to lose in the bushes Then there were those tracks made by big heavy shoes, but all of you go barefoot Nor could the thief have been a ghost, since he wouldn't have needed to buy all that cord to tie up the animals and carry them away But where is my mulled wine?"

Shaking all over, the count tried to hide in that beard of his which Masino had tousled and torn in pulling him out of the bushes

"How did he ever make us faint by just looking at us?" asked one farmer

"He would smite you on the head with a padded club That way you would hear only a whir He'd leave no mark on you, you'd simply wake up with a headache"

"And those hairpins he lost?" asked another

"They were used to hold his beard up on his head and make it look like a woman's hair"

Until then the farmers had listened in silence, but when Masino said, "And now, what shall we do with him?" a storm of shouts arose: "Burn him! Skin him alive! String him up for a scarecrow! Seal him in a cask and roll him down the cliff! Sew him up in a sack with six cats and six dogs!"

"Have mercy!" said the count in a voice just above a whisper

"Spare him," said Masino, "and he will bring back your cattle and clean your barns And since he enjoyed going into the woods at night, make him go there every night and gather bundles of firewood for each of you Tell the children never to pick up the hairpins they find on the ground, for they belong to Micillina the Witch, whose hair and beard will be disheveled from now on"

The farmers followed the suggestion, and soon Masino left Pocapaglia to travel about the world In the course of his travels, he found himself fighting in first one war and another, and they all lasted so long that his saying sprang up:

Soldier fighter, what a hard lot!Wretched food, the ground for a cot You feed the cannon powder: Boom-BOOM! Boom-BOOM! Boom louder!

(Bra)

NOTES:

"The Count's Beard" (La barba del Conte) Published here for the first time, collected by Giovanni Arpino in July 1956, in certain villages of southern Piedmont: Bra (told by Caterina Asteggiano, inmate of a home for old people, and Luigi Berzia), in Guarene (told by Doro Palladino, farmer), in Narzole (told by Annetta Taricco, servant woman), and in Pocapaglia

This long narrative, which writer Giovanni Arpino has transcribed and unified from different versions with variants and additions from Bra and surroundings, cannot in my view be classified as a folktale It is a local legend of recent origin in part (I am thinking, for instance, of the geographical particulars given), that is, not prior to the nineteenth century, and containing disparate elements: explanation of a local superstition (the hairpins of Witch Micillina), antifeudal country legend such as one finds in many northern countries, curious detective-story structure à la Sherlock Holmes, many digressions nonessential to the story (such as the trip from Africa back to town -- which Arpino tells me also exists as a separate story -- and all the allusions to Masino's past and future adventures which lead to the conclusion globetrotter from a country whose inhabitants are reputed to be contrastingly slow and backward), verse (of which Arpino and I have presented only as much as we could effective translate), and grotesque images which seem rooted in tradition, such as the sacks under the hens' tails, the oxen so thin that they were curried with the rake, the count whose beard was combed by four soldiers, etc

Copyright: Italian Folktales Selected and Retold by Italo Calvino,

translated by George Martin,

Pantheon Books, New York 1980

伯爵的胡子

博卡帕利亞是建在陡峭山坡上的一個(gè)小鎮(zhèn)，鎮(zhèn)上人家的雞只要一下蛋就會(huì)滾落到山下的樹林里。為了防止雞蛋滾落丟失，居民們?cè)诿恐荒鸽u的尾巴上掛了一個(gè)小袋子。

這說明博卡帕利亞人并非像別人挖苦的那樣軟弱無能，附近曾經(jīng)流傳著這樣一句話：

誰(shuí)都知道在博卡帕利亞，

驢子吹口哨，主人嚎叫。

這純粹是附近村鎮(zhèn)的人對(duì)他們的污蔑，這些人這樣對(duì)待博卡帕利亞人就是因?yàn)樗麄兩云届o，不愿意和任何人爭(zhēng)吵。

“讓你們誣蔑吧，挖苦吧，”博卡帕利亞人都這樣說，“等馬西諾回來，看我們當(dāng)中誰(shuí)還會(huì)嚎叫。”

馬西諾是博卡帕利亞人中最聰明的人，深受全鎮(zhèn)的人愛戴。他并不比別人粗壯，甚至比一般人還瘦弱很多，但他天生聰明。他剛出世時(shí)，看上去瘦弱嬌小，媽媽為了讓他能活下來，而且還能長(zhǎng)得強(qiáng)壯一點(diǎn)，就用熱葡萄酒給他洗澡。爸爸還把燒紅的鐵放到酒里給酒加熱。這樣馬西諾既通過浸泡皮膚而獲得了酒的柔力，又吸收了鐵的剛強(qiáng)。洗完澡后，媽媽又把她放在鋪滿生栗子殼的搖籃里，讓他的身體變涼爽，使他在刺痛中變得更加睿智。

長(zhǎng)大后，馬西諾出發(fā)去服兵役，以后再也沒有回到自己的村鎮(zhèn)。現(xiàn)在好像到了非洲的某個(gè)地方。這期間博卡帕利亞開始出了一系列的怪事。每天晚上人們都會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，他們的牛從平原上的草地放牧回來時(shí)，總要被女巫米奇利娜搶走好幾頭。

女巫米奇利娜總是藏在村子下方的樹林中，伺機(jī)而出，她只須吹一口氣就可以把一頭牛劫走。天黑后，每當(dāng)村民們聽到林中灌木叢的沙沙響動(dòng)，就會(huì)嚇的牙齒打架，甚至昏倒在地，所以大家都說：

女巫米奇利娜，

從牛欄把牛偷走，

只要用眼斜一下，

你就嚇得倒下。

村民們只好在夜里點(diǎn)起一堆堆大篝火，使女巫米奇利娜不敢從樹叢中現(xiàn)身。但當(dāng)只有一個(gè)人在篝火邊上看守牲畜時(shí)，女巫就會(huì)悄悄地靠上去，用氣把這個(gè)人吹昏，等到早上他醒過來的時(shí)候，奶牛、耕牛早已不見了，于是大家便聽到他痛哭、絕望，擊自己的頭。然后，所有的人都會(huì)一齊到樹林中尋找牲畜，結(jié)果，除了一綹頭發(fā)、女人的的發(fā)釵和女巫米奇利娜四處留下的足印，什么也找不到。

就這樣過去了好幾個(gè)月，奶牛被一直關(guān)在牛圈里變得越來越瘦。刷毛的時(shí)候已經(jīng)不需要刷子了，用耙子在牛肋骨上耙?guī)紫戮托辛?。沒有人再敢將牲畜帶到草地上去了，也沒有人敢再進(jìn)樹林里，林子里邊的蘑菇因?yàn)殚L(zhǎng)久無人采摘，長(zhǎng)得像雨傘一般大。

女巫米奇利娜從不去別的村鎮(zhèn)搶牛，因?yàn)樗涝贈(zèng)]有哪個(gè)村的村民像博卡帕利亞人這樣與世無爭(zhēng)、平靜忍耐了。每天晚上，這些貧苦的村民就在場(chǎng)院中間點(diǎn)上一堆篝火，女人和孩子留在家中，男人則圍著篝火撓頭抱怨著。怨了今天，怨明天，最后，他們決定得去找這里的伯爵幫忙。

伯爵住在村鎮(zhèn)山頂上的一座圓形莊園里，四周圍著圍墻，墻上還插滿了玻璃片。一個(gè)星期天的早上，村民們聚在一塊，帽子拿在手上，前來敲響了伯爵家的門。門打開后，村民們來到伯爵圓形房屋前的庭院，只見屋子的窗戶都用鐵柵欄封著，庭院四周坐著伯爵的衛(wèi)兵，他們的胡子上都涂著油，好讓胡子看上去光彩油亮。這些人一個(gè)個(gè)對(duì)村民們怒目而視。庭院的最里端，伯爵坐在絲絨面的椅子上，黑胡子很長(zhǎng)很長(zhǎng)，四個(gè)衛(wèi)兵正用四把梳子在給他從上往下地梳理它。

年紀(jì)最長(zhǎng)的村民定了定神，說：“伯爵老爺，我們斗膽來您這里，是為了向您稟告我們的不幸遭遇，森林中有一個(gè)女巫米奇利娜，把我們的牲畜都搶了去。”隨后，老人嘆著氣，訴著苦，在別的村民的點(diǎn)頭證實(shí)下，向伯爵講述了他們這段時(shí)間的可怕經(jīng)歷。

伯爵一聲不吭。

老人又說：“我們來這里想冒昧向老爺您求討一個(gè)解決辦法。”

伯爵還是一聲不吭。

老人又補(bǔ)充說：“我們來這里想斗膽請(qǐng)老爺您行行好幫我們一把，要是您肯派出一隊(duì)衛(wèi)士，我們就可以回到草場(chǎng)上放牲畜了。”

伯爵把腦袋在脖子上轉(zhuǎn)了一圈，說：“要是派衛(wèi)兵，我就還得派一個(gè)隊(duì)長(zhǎng)……”

村民們都豎著耳朵聽著，似乎感受到一線希望。

“但要是我派隊(duì)長(zhǎng)去，”伯爵說，“那么，晚上，我還跟誰(shuí)玩擲彩游戲呢?”

村民們跪在地上說：“幫幫我們吧，伯爵老爺，可憐可憐我們吧!”周圍的衛(wèi)士們開始厭煩地打著哈欠，給胡子涂著黑油。

伯爵又轉(zhuǎn)了一下頭，說：

“我是伯爵，我說話能頂三個(gè)人說話，

既然我沒見過女巫，

說明根本就沒有女巫。”

聽到伯爵的話，那些正打著哈欠的衛(wèi)士立即端起步槍，用刺刀慢慢地逼著村民們退出了庭院。

村民們垂頭喪氣地回到場(chǎng)院，不知下一步該怎么辦，那個(gè)跟伯爵說過話的年紀(jì)最長(zhǎng)的老人說：“現(xiàn)在我們得派人去把馬西諾請(qǐng)回來!”

說完，他們便立即給馬西諾寫了封信，然后將信寄到非洲。一天晚上，當(dāng)村民們像往常一樣聚集在場(chǎng)院的篝火旁邊時(shí)，馬西諾回來了。人們激動(dòng)的情景就別提了，大家沖上去擁抱他，煮上加香料的熱葡萄酒。有人問：“你去了什么地方?”有人說：“你見到了些什么東西?”還有人說：“你知道我們有多慘嗎?”

馬西諾先讓大家說了個(gè)夠，然后他開始敘述起來：“在非洲我遇到過不吃人只吃蟬的野蠻人;在沙漠我碰到過一個(gè)為了挖地下水而留了十二米長(zhǎng)的指甲的瘋子;在海上我見過一條魚穿著一只皮鞋和一只拖鞋，它想成為眾魚之王，因?yàn)閯e的魚既沒有穿皮鞋的，也沒有穿拖鞋的;在西西里，我認(rèn)識(shí)一位婦女生了七十個(gè)兒子，但全家只有一口鍋;在那不勒斯，我看見人們停住腳也能往前走，因?yàn)閯e人的閑言碎語(yǔ)太厲害了，變成了一股很大的推力;我還看見過圣人，看見過罪犯，看見過一百公斤重的胖子，也看見過骨瘦如柴的矮子，我見過很多膽小的人，但從沒見過像博卡帕利亞人這么膽小的人。”

村民們都羞愧地低下了頭，馬西諾說他們膽小，實(shí)在是一針見血。但馬西諾并沒有責(zé)怪鄉(xiāng)親們的意思。他讓大家把女巫的事詳細(xì)地說了一遍，然后說：“我現(xiàn)在問你們?nèi)齻€(gè)問題，然后，等半夜一到，我就去抓住這個(gè)女巫，把她帶到這里來。”

“問吧，問吧!”大家齊說。

“第一個(gè)問題要先問理發(fā)師。這個(gè)月有多少人到你那里理發(fā)?”

理發(fā)師回答：

“有長(zhǎng)胡子的，有短胡子的，

有胡子軟軟的，有胡子彎曲的，

有鬈發(fā)的，有蓬發(fā)的，

我的剪刀給他們都剪過。”

“現(xiàn)在我問你，鞋匠，這個(gè)月有多少人到你那里修鞋呢?”

“唉，”鞋匠說：

“我修過木拖鞋，修過皮拖鞋，

釘了一堆鞋釘，上了一堆掌鐵;

我修過布鞋，修過蛇皮鞋，

但現(xiàn)在人們都沒了錢，無人再來了。”

“第三個(gè)問題要問你了，制繩匠，這個(gè)月你賣出去多少根繩子?”

制繩匠說：

“柳繩，線繩，

搓的和編的草繩，

細(xì)細(xì)的柳條井繩，

粗如胳膊，細(xì)如針，

硬的如鐵，軟的如豬油，

這個(gè)月我賣了很多根。”

“好了，都明白了。”馬西諾說，在篝火旁躺下，“我現(xiàn)在先睡上兩個(gè)小時(shí)，我實(shí)在太累了。到半夜，你們把我叫醒，我去抓那個(gè)女巫。”說完，他用帽子遮住臉，睡著了。

村民們靜靜地守候在一邊，連大氣都不敢出，怕吵醒他。到半夜，馬西諾自己醒了過來，他打了個(gè)哈欠，喝下一小杯熱酒，又朝篝火吐了三口唾沫，然后，旁若無人地站起來直奔樹林。

村民們都留在原地等他，只見篝火燒成了火炭，火炭又燒成了柴灰，柴灰也變黑了，這時(shí)，馬西諾回來了。身后還帶著一個(gè)人，好像被拉著胡子，是誰(shuí)呀?是伯爵，伯爵一邊哭著，掙扎著，一邊求饒。

“這就是女巫!”馬西諾喊道。隨后又問：“熱酒放在哪里了”?

伯爵在眾人的怒目逼視下，蜷縮在地上，好像一只凍壞的蒼蠅。

馬西諾解釋說：“不可能是你們當(dāng)中的人干的，因?yàn)槟銈兌祭磉^發(fā)，剪過胡須，不可能在樹叢中留下須毛;樹林里有又大又重的鞋印，而你們都是赤腳進(jìn)樹林的。也不可能是什么精靈干的，因?yàn)榫`沒必要去買那么多繩子綁了牲畜，再拉走。哎，我要的熱酒呢?”

伯爵渾身哆嗦著，竭力要躲到他的胡子里面，馬西諾把他從樹叢后拉出來的時(shí)候，他的胡子被拉得亂七八糟。

“那他用什么方法看我們一眼，就會(huì)讓我們昏倒呢?”一位村民問。

“他用包了布的木棍子在你們的頭上猛擊一棍，這樣你們覺得像吹氣一樣，頭上無痕跡，醒來時(shí)頭昏腦沉。”

“那他丟在森林中的那些頭釵呢?”另一個(gè)人問。

“這些頭釵是他用來把胡子扎到頭上的，就像女人扎頭發(fā)那樣。”

村民們都安靜地聽著，當(dāng)馬西諾說“現(xiàn)在，大家想怎么處置他?”時(shí)，人群中爆發(fā)出一陣激動(dòng)的喊聲：“燒死他!剝他的皮!把他綁在桿子上當(dāng)?shù)静萑?把他關(guān)在桶里讓他不停地轉(zhuǎn)!把他跟六只貓，六只狗一起捆進(jìn)一個(gè)袋子里!”

“饒命!”伯爵用顫抖的聲音哀求著。

“我看這樣吧，”馬西諾說，“讓他把牲畜都還給大家，再讓他把所有的牛棚打掃干凈。既然他喜歡夜里到森林中去，就罰他每天晚上都去給你們撿柴火。告訴孩子們以后看到地上有發(fā)釵的話再也不要撿了，它們都是女巫米奇利娜的，她再也不能梳理好頭發(fā)和胡子了。”

村民們就照馬西諾說的做了。隨后，馬西諾又動(dòng)身游歷世界去了，一路上，他加入了一次又一次的戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)，每一次戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)都持續(xù)了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間，有詩(shī)為證：

啊，戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)中的士兵，

你吃的差，睡在地上，

將火藥裝進(jìn)炮膛，

嘣!嘣!