(中英)現(xiàn)代散文:祖父死了的時(shí)候 When Grandpa Died

When Grandpa Died

祖父死了的時(shí)候

◎ Xiao Hong

◎　蕭　紅

Somehow or other grandpa wasn't quite himself. He was often in tears and forgetting things — even important things of the past. For example, in telling a story that he had often used to tell, he would give up halfway and sigh, "I've forgotten the rest of it."

祖父總是有點(diǎn)變樣子①，他喜歡流起眼淚來②，同時(shí)過去很重要的事情他也忘掉③。比方過去那一些他常講的故事，現(xiàn)在講起來，講了一半下一半他就說：“我記不得了?！?

One night, he fell ill again. After recovering, he said to me, "Write to your third aunt and tell her to come see me. I haven't seen her for four or five years, have I?" But the aunt he meant had died five years before.

某夜，他又病了一次，經(jīng)過這一次病，他竟說：“給你三姑寫信，叫她來一趟，我不是四五年沒看過她嗎？”他叫我寫信給我已經(jīng)死去五年的姑母。

It gave me much pain this time to leave home. Grandpa's condition was going from bad to worse when I received a notice from my school informing me of the beginning of the new semester.

那次離家是很痛苦的。學(xué)校來了開學(xué)通知信，祖父又一天一天地變樣起來④。

When he was sound asleep, I lay beside him sobbing bitterly as if he had already passed away. I raised my head to fix my tearful eyes on his retracted lips. His death would mean the death of a person most important to me all my life. It would, as it were, put an end to what "love" and "warmth" there was in this world. My heart was in a turmoil as if entangled with silk string or iron wire.

祖父睡著的時(shí)候，我就躺在他的旁邊哭，好像祖父已經(jīng)離開我死去似的，一面哭著一面抬頭看他凹陷的嘴唇⑤。我若死掉祖父，就死掉我一生最重要的一個(gè)人，好像他死了就把人間一切“愛”和“溫暖”帶得空空虛虛。我的心被絲線扎住或鐵絲絞住了。

Then I remembered how, after mother's death, father had remarried and often beat me. My new mother was seemingly polite and never beat me. Even when she cursed me, she would do it in a roundabout way by referring to something else, say, a chair or table. Polite as she was, we were strangers yet.

我聯(lián)想到母親死的時(shí)候。母親死以后，父親怎樣打我，又娶一個(gè)新母親來。這個(gè)母親很客氣，不打我，就是罵，也是指著桌子或椅子來罵我。客氣是越客氣了，但是冷淡了，疏遠(yuǎn)了，生人一樣。

Go and play in the courtyard, said grandpa giving me a rap on the head. "Look! What's this?" He thrust a golden orange into my hand.

“到院子去玩玩吧！”祖父說了這話之后，在我的頭上撞了一下，“喂！你看這是什么？”一個(gè)黃金色的桔子落到我的手中⑥。

At night, being afraid to go to the latrine, I asked my stepmother, "Mom, will you accompany me to the latrine?"

夜間不敢到茅廁去，我說：“媽媽同我到茅廁去趟吧?！?

No, I won't.

“我不去！”

I'm afraid.

“那我害怕呀！”

What!

“怕什么？”⑦

What! Afraid of ghosts and spirits? father cut in, his eyes shooting me an icy stare over his glasses.

“怕什么？怕鬼怕神？”父親也說話了，把眼睛從眼鏡上面看著我。

It was a cold winter night. Grandpa rose from his bed and walked me barefoot to the latrine, his jacket unbuttoned.

冬天，祖父已經(jīng)睡下，赤著腳，開著紐扣跟我到外面茅廁去。

I was four days late for school. In March, I returned home for a short visit. While knocking at the gate, I heard my younger brother shouting, "Here comes sister! Here comes sister!" The moment the gate was opened, I directed my eyes far ahead straight towards the room where grandpa lived. Sure enough, I saw the glimpse of his face and beard behind the window panes. I dashed into his room beaming delightedly. But sorrow, instead of joy, came over me when I saw an even more sickly pallor on his face. When I was left alone with him, he quickly wiped away his tears with his sleeve and said with his lips quivering, "Grandpa is dying. It won't be long now... I had a narrow escape from death the other day when I stumbled and fell."

學(xué)校開學(xué)，我遲到了四天。三月里，我又回家一次，正在外面叫門，里面小弟弟嚷著：“姐姐回來了！姐姐回來了！”大門開時(shí)，我就遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)注意著祖父住著的那間房子。果然祖父的面孔和胡子閃現(xiàn)在玻璃窗里。我跳著笑著跑進(jìn)屋去。但不是高興，只是心酸，祖父的臉色更慘淡更白了。等屋子里一個(gè)人沒有時(shí)，他流著淚，他慌慌忙忙的一邊用袖口擦著眼淚，一邊抖動(dòng)著嘴唇說：“爺爺不行了，不知早晚……前些日子好險(xiǎn)沒跌……跌死。”

How did you fall?

“怎么跌的？”

I was at the back of the room when I felt like relieving myself. I called, but nobody answered. I pressed the electric bell, again nobody came. So I had to feel my way out. Hardly had I reached the door when my legs began to tremble, my heart beat hard and I felt dizzy and fell. Luckily, I didn't break my back... I'm old, no good for anything! Grandpa's already eighty-one.

“就是在后屋，我想去解手，招呼人，也聽不見，按電鈴也沒有人來，就得爬啦。還沒到后門口，腿顫，心跳，眼前發(fā)花了一陣就倒下去。沒跌斷了腰⑧……人老了，有什么用處！爺爺是八十一歲呢。”

Yeah, grandpa's eighty-one.

“爺爺是八十一歲?！?

I'm no use. Imagine an 81-year-old man feeling about on the ground. I thought you wouldn't be able to see me again. But strangely I survived and slowly hobbled back to the kang.

“沒用了，活了八十一歲還是在地上爬呢！我想你看不著爺爺了，誰知沒有跌死，我又慢慢爬到炕上?！?

The day when I left for school, I saw the same silhouette of a pale face moving behind the window panes as upon my arrival.

我走的那天也是和我回來那天一樣，白色的臉的輪廓閃現(xiàn)在玻璃窗里。

I could still see it when I looked back from the centre of the courtyard. It remained visible even when I got close to the gate. Then it was completely shut out of view as soon as I stepped out of the gate.

在院心我回頭看著祖父的面孔，走到大門口，在大門口我仍可看見，出了大門，就被門扇遮斷。

As a matter of fact, I parted from grandpa this time never to meet again. Of course, I said nothing to that effect when bidding him farewell. On my next return home, I found musicians blowing the suona horn at the gate and funeral streamers hanging high above the housetop — so high that I had seen it from afar when I was arriving in the carriage. My carriage pulled up amidst the mournful blare of the suona. There were white streamers, white scrolls inscribed with couplets in commemoration of the deceased, the mourning shed in the centre of the courtyard and noisy crowds of people.

從這一次祖父就與我永遠(yuǎn)隔絕了。雖然那次和祖父告別，并沒說出一個(gè)永別的字⑨。我回來看祖父，這回門前吹著喇叭⑩，幡桿挑得比房頭更高，馬車離家很遠(yuǎn)的時(shí)候，我已看到高高的白色幡桿了，吹鼓手們的喇叭愴涼的在悲號(hào)。馬車停在喇叭聲中，大門前的白幡、白對(duì)聯(lián)、院心的靈棚、鬧嚷嚷許多人，吹鼓手們響起烏烏的哀號(hào)。

Now, instead of sitting behind the window panes, grandpa was lying dead on a plank bed in the central room of the house. Eager to take a last look at him, I removed the sheet of paper covering his face. Alas, his beard, eyes and mouth were all stiff and insensitive. I reached my hand into his sleeve to feel his hand, but it likewise was insensitive. O grandpa was really no more!

這回祖父不坐在玻璃窗里，是睡在堂屋的板床上，沒有靈魂的躺在那里。我要看一看他白色的胡子，可是怎樣看呢！拿開他臉上蒙著的紙吧，胡子、眼睛和嘴，都不會(huì)動(dòng)了，他真的一點(diǎn)感覺也沒有了？我從祖父的袖管里去摸他的手，手也沒有感覺了。祖父這回真死去了啊！

The morning when grandpa was laid into the coffin, the rose bush in our back garden had just come into full bloom. I held a corner of grandpa's quilt in my hand while he was being carried towards the coffin. Meanwhile, the musicians had gathered before it to blare the suona again.

祖父裝進(jìn)棺材去的那天早晨，正是后園里玫瑰花開放滿樹的時(shí)候。我扯著祖父的一張被角，抬向靈前去。吹鼓手在靈前吹著大喇叭。

Seized with a sudden fear, I broke out howling.

我怕起來，我號(hào)叫起來。

Bang, bang! The 7-inch-thick black coffin lid was put in place.

“咣咣！”黑色的，半尺厚的靈柩蓋子壓上去。

At lunch, I drank wine using grandpa's cup. After lunch, I lay under the rose bush in the back garden where, like when mother died ten years before, bees and butterflies were flying and the air was filled with the refreshing scent of green grass. After mother's death, I had continued to dash at butterflies in the back garden. Now after grandpa's death, I drank wine.

吃飯的時(shí)候，我飲了酒，用祖父的酒杯飲的。飯后我跑到后園玫瑰樹下去臥倒，園中飛著蜂子和蝴蝶，綠草的清涼的氣味，這都和十年前一樣?？墒鞘昵八懒藡寢?。媽媽死后我仍是在園中撲蝴蝶；這回祖父死去，我卻飲了酒。

The past ten years had witnessed me at loggerheads with father. I learned how cold-hearted man could become. Father was unkind to me, our servants and even my grandpa alike. He ill-treated us because our servants were poor, grandpa was old and I was a mere child, or, in other words, because we were the unprotected underdogs. Later, when he had my stepmother in his hands, he would be kind or unkind to her by turns, depending upon his changing moods. So my stepmother also gradually became scared of him.

過去的十年我是和父親打斗著生活。在這期間我覺得人是殘酷的東西。父親對(duì)我是沒有好面孔的，對(duì)于仆人也是沒有好面孔的，他對(duì)于祖父也是沒有好面孔的。因?yàn)槠腿耸歉F人，祖父是老人，我是個(gè)小孩子，所以我們這些完全沒有保障的人?就落到他的手里，后來我看到新娶來的母親也落到他的手里，他喜歡她的時(shí)候，便同她說笑，他惱怒時(shí)便罵她?，母親漸漸也怕起父親來。

How did it come that my stepmother, being neither poor, nor old, nor a child, should also have become scared of father? And I learned that my female neighbours too were afraid of their husbands and so was my aunt afraid of my uncle her husband.

母親也不是窮人，也不是老人，也不是孩子，怎么也怕起父親來呢？我到鄰家去看看，鄰家的女人也是怕男人。我到舅家去，舅母也是怕舅父。

I knew very little about life. I thought that, without grandpa, there would be none left to feel sympathy for me and that, without grandpa, all people left in this world would be savage and cruel.

我懂得的盡是些偏僻的人生，我想世間死了祖父，就沒有再同情我的人了，世間死了祖父，剩下的盡是些兇殘的人了。

I drank, I reminisced, I dreamed...

我飲了酒，回想，幻想……

Yes, from now on, I thought, I must abandon my home and join the broad masses. At this, however, I also began to shudder with fear under the rose bush. I feared that I would miss grandfather while I was with the masses.

以后我必須不要家，到廣大的人群中去，但我在玫瑰樹下顫怵了，人群中沒有我的祖父。

Hence I cried, and I kept crying for days after grandpa passed away.

所以我哭著，整個(gè)祖父死的時(shí)候我哭著?。

蕭紅（1911—1942），黑龍江省呼蘭縣人，是很有才華的女作家。她的散文大部分是對(duì)青少年時(shí)代的回憶，富有新意真情，語言自然樸素。她十歲失恃，父親續(xù)娶，對(duì)她不好，在童年時(shí)代只有祖父給她溫暖和慈愛。1930年祖父去世，她失去了唯一愛護(hù)她的人，深感悲傷?！蹲娓杆懒说臅r(shí)候》一文是她為紀(jì)念祖父而寫的。