職場(chǎng)笑話：8、 You vs your boss 你和你的上司

8. You vs your boss

When you take a long time, you're slow. When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy. When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot1. When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority2. When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative3.

When you take a stand4, you're being bull-headed5.When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping6. When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.

When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick. When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

Notes:

1. idiot 蠢貨

2. overstep one's authority 超越權(quán)限

3. initiative 創(chuàng)造性

4. take a stand 表態(tài)，表明立場(chǎng)

5. bull-headed 固執(zhí)

6. arse-creeping 拍馬屁

你和你的上司

當(dāng)你做事花費(fèi)很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間時(shí)，你是效率低；當(dāng)你的上司做事花費(fèi)很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間時(shí)，他是精益求精、盡善盡美。

當(dāng)你不做這件事時(shí)，你是懶惰；當(dāng)你的上司不做這件事時(shí)，他是太忙了。

當(dāng)你犯錯(cuò)誤時(shí)，你是傻瓜；當(dāng)你的上司犯錯(cuò)誤時(shí)，他終究是人?。ㄈ丝倳?huì)犯錯(cuò)誤的）。

當(dāng)你不經(jīng)同意就做某事時(shí)，你是越權(quán)；而你的上司做同樣的事情時(shí)，那叫有創(chuàng)造性。

當(dāng)你堅(jiān)持己見(jiàn)時(shí)，你是固執(zhí)；當(dāng)你的上司這樣做時(shí)，他是堅(jiān)定不移。

當(dāng)你取悅你的上司時(shí)，你是在拍馬屁；而你的上司取悅他的老板時(shí)，那叫團(tuán)結(jié)協(xié)作。

當(dāng)你在辦公室外被人看到時(shí)，你是四處閑逛；當(dāng)你的上司在辦公室外被人看到時(shí)，他是在出差忙業(yè)務(wù)。

當(dāng)你請(qǐng)了一天病假時(shí)，你這個(gè)人怎么老請(qǐng)病假；當(dāng)你的上司請(qǐng)了一天病假時(shí)，他的病一定很重。

當(dāng)你申請(qǐng)離職時(shí)，你一定是去別處應(yīng)聘求職了；當(dāng)你的上司申請(qǐng)離職時(shí)，那是因?yàn)樗ぷ鬟^(guò)量了。

Useful link:

據(jù)說(shuō)，在外企，經(jīng)理以下級(jí)別通常被叫作“小資”，一般情況下利用公共交通上下班；經(jīng)理級(jí)別算“中產(chǎn)階級(jí)”，公司提供的交通補(bǔ)貼基本能涵蓋用車(chē)導(dǎo)致的日常費(fèi)用；總監(jiān)級(jí)別是“高產(chǎn)階級(jí)”，可以自愿選擇享受公司提供的商務(wù)車(chē)，與車(chē)相關(guān)的費(fèi)用由公司負(fù)擔(dān)；VP和president是“富人”，公司給其配有專門(mén)的司機(jī)，出差坐頭等艙。