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老友記第七季703 The One With Phoebe’s Cookies

所屬教程:老友記第七季

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掃描二維碼方便學(xué)習(xí)和分享
https://online1.tingclass.net/lesson/shi0529/0000/34/3.mp3
https://image.tingclass.net/statics/js/2012
嘿,你們這些家伙!嘿!你們覺得怎樣?關(guān)于什么的?什么?什么?搞錯(cuò)阿?好吧,給你們點(diǎn)提示眼睛!不對(duì)不對(duì),你的眼睛!不對(duì),錢德的眼睛!我戴眼鏡了!你總是戴眼鏡我沒有!確定?對(duì)阿,你不是有過(guò)一副?圓圓的,讓你看起來(lái)更加,恩……女性化沒錯(cuò)!錯(cuò)!甜心,我認(rèn)為這眼鏡看起來(lái)很棒這樣你看起來(lái)這得挺性感真的嗎?沒錯(cuò)!你認(rèn)為我沒戴過(guò)眼鏡,對(duì)么?當(dāng)然! 英文字幕: jon ([email protected])***新視界字幕翻譯小組制作***制作人:阿信gg(翻譯)發(fā)行:https://www.topcmm.com/friends/ --------------------------本字幕所有權(quán)益歸制作人所有純屬翻譯愛好者交流學(xué)習(xí)使用謝絕它用,否則一切后果自負(fù)--------------------------那么你們家伙想要什么作為訂婚禮物?別客氣,菲比,我們又不是舉辦聚會(huì)什么的,你不必這樣當(dāng)然如果有人想給,我們也不會(huì)拒絕的你知道我們?cè)摻o他們什么?那些小小的,呃,cd隨身聽啊,我已經(jīng)有了結(jié)果某人借走落在了婦科醫(yī)生那里對(duì),那……那個(gè)人,她指得是喬伊嘿,我知道我想要什么了!是我們想要什么,親愛的不,你不會(huì)要這個(gè)的我想要你祖母的小甜餅制作秘方你是說(shuō)巧克力小甜餅制作秘方?阿哈, 沒錯(cuò)你說(shuō)的是我祖母在臨終之前讓我發(fā)誓不傳出家門的制作秘方?要死的人總是說(shuō)瘋話我想要好幾年了! 我想要為我們的孩子們做小甜餅傷我的心?好吧好吧好吧。我將會(huì)成為世界上小甜餅做的最棒的母親那我們的孩子就要變成胖子了,對(duì)吧喂!嘿!船怎么樣?!棒極了!我終于開始航海了哦,你最后終于讓船離開了碼頭哈?我干嗎要這么做? 3個(gè)人才把那船弄到那里!你如果不航海,那在船上干嗎?粉棒!在上面坐一坐,走一走,喝點(diǎn)小酒,吃點(diǎn)薯片,爽阿~你終于找到一個(gè)地方做這些事,真好喬伊,如果你愿意的話我可以教你航海你行?當(dāng)然!我這輩子都在航海。我15歲時(shí)老爸就給我買了船你自己的?咋啦?! 咋啦?! 他想讓我高興起來(lái)! 我的小馬病了你知道我在想什么嗎?啥?沒啥,我就喜歡這樣問錢德, 你今晚有事么?呃,怎么,你有演講?沒有,咋啦?那就像鳥兒一樣自由啦。有啥事?我爸想知道你想不想和我們一起玩壁球瓦屋!太棒了!老爸一定很喜歡你,他從沒有這樣邀請(qǐng)過(guò)任何人其實(shí)他不是真的邀請(qǐng)你,他只是隨便問問,我假定他指的是你那……那你有跟他說(shuō)我么?沒,我覺得這樣更有趣太酷了,也許你每星期都該這么做或者你也可以和他坐在前門廊看著防止有人偷走垃圾桶。他也每星期都做這事你也知道,你……你必須讓他贏對(duì)啊他刻薄失敗沒問題,也許我會(huì)用左手玩你不是左撇子? 這里有人認(rèn)識(shí)我么?!怎么了,菲比?我去老公寓拿小甜餅制作秘方,誰(shuí)知道那該死的火把它燒了!不是把!! 你干嗎不復(fù)制一份然后放進(jìn)防火箱里保存上起碼一百年?!!因?yàn)椤沂钦H? 那是我祖母留給我的遺物,而我知道你想要它作為訂婚禮物我們必須給你們訂婚禮物?別擔(dān)心這個(gè),菲比沒人給我訂婚禮物好吧,我祝你們健康快樂一個(gè)小甜餅?這就是你不記錄誰(shuí)送什么禮物的下場(chǎng)!不是這樣的,我做了一批然后冷凍了,這是剩下的唯一一個(gè)我們不能接受這個(gè)為什么不呢?因?yàn)楹芩撞?!等等!我想我可以領(lǐng)會(huì)到這些小甜餅的制作秘方!我工作的時(shí)候一直在做這種東西真的嗎?!嗯!我可以打賭我會(huì)好吧,我們欠你一個(gè)禮物兩個(gè)!我訂婚兩次了!看看這SB! 就因?yàn)樗玫搅艘粭l大一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)的船他就以為他能占據(jù)整條河別擋路,你個(gè)2B! 再說(shuō)了,誰(shuí)給自己的船起名叫“海岸巡邏隊(duì)”?那就是海岸巡邏隊(duì)那他們?cè)谀抢锔闶裁矗?海岸在那邊阿喬伊, 別管他好么? 我們的課程還沒完呢好吧好吧,我只想把基本要點(diǎn)在過(guò)一遍。就最后一次,準(zhǔn)備好了么?別這樣瑞秋,表再來(lái)一次。我懂了,好嗎?我們開始航海吧,我只想開到有一堆的女孩的船那去!喲活活!好吧。這是你想做的?你想開過(guò)去對(duì)著那些老辣妹們喊一下?好吧,我們走,水手喬伊??焖倩卮穑@是啥?呃, 纜繩錯(cuò)!你怎么讓主帆升起來(lái)?呃,摩擦它?錯(cuò)。如果我說(shuō)我們?cè)谵D(zhuǎn)向你要怎么做?我會(huì)說(shuō),轉(zhuǎn)回去。不對(duì)不對(duì),等等我知道,我知道該怎么做,呃……時(shí)間到,你死了并且聾了!好把,你就繼續(xù)玩你的滑稽玩笑把,但是如果你不知道你在海上做什么你會(huì)死在那里。明白了嗎,水手?明白別只說(shuō)明白!這不是游戲,喬伊,你真的會(huì)在這兒受傷好吧,你是想注意點(diǎn)還是不想活了?我只想讓船靠岸去找錢德我嘗過(guò)肉豆蔻你吃過(guò)?你沒吃過(guò)?恩,這就是行家和外行人的差別自摸嗨嗨!船開的怎樣?我不想說(shuō)。你最起碼得給我留一個(gè)小甜餅別……等等!!!!!!!女人真小氣!!! 我不敢相信!現(xiàn)在我祖母的遺物只剩下了餅屑祝你婚姻美滿,白頭到老嗨嗨!怎么樣?很好! 呃,也很幸運(yùn) 我來(lái)說(shuō)說(shuō)這事!很順利。我讓他贏了,我們相處很好。他甚至說(shuō)我可以叫他爸那他不許你叫他什么?爸爸。是這樣我們剛打完壁球然后想去桑拿一下我走進(jìn)桑拿室,那里真的布滿蒸汽所以我摘下了眼睛然后事情發(fā)生了你們?cè)谀?就在這里坐下,孩子 嗨!! 老天阿,錢德!我不敢相信我懂你坐在我爸身上!為什么那里放那么多蒸汽?!因?yàn)椴贿@樣的話就要叫room room了為什么?好吧?為什么……為什么會(huì)這樣?別這樣,又不是什么大不了的事!不是大不了的事?有……肉體接觸!現(xiàn)在我知道你和我爸有接觸,但是有接觸到那部分么?聽著,我想老爹不會(huì)在意,他可能覺得這很有趣;他會(huì)把這事說(shuō)上幾年的!我不想他把這事說(shuō)上幾年歐,他會(huì)的。他到現(xiàn)在還在說(shuō)莫妮卡從減肥夏令營(yíng)逃跑的事我沒跑那你怎么在鐵絲網(wǎng)那里被抓了?我只是想幫助一只松鼠你想吃了它如果你爸說(shuō)的這個(gè)故事,那婚約就完了!別這樣喂? 我很抱歉你撥錯(cuò)號(hào)了我待會(huì)兒打給你老爸,我愛你好的,我去看你爸瓦烏瓦屋,你是不是傳太多了?對(duì),還有……還有這次你最好確定他有暗示你我我會(huì)讓他不再說(shuō)這個(gè)故事,我認(rèn)為最好還是面對(duì)面來(lái)解決這事第一個(gè)面,我不是指他的大腿第二個(gè)面,我不是指我的屁股嗨,你們有給莫尼卡和錢德訂婚禮物么?我不知道。他們沒有給我什么東西謝謝!嘿嗨你好!我們什么時(shí)候再去水上?呃,我不知道用行話怎么說(shuō)再也不去了!為什么不??因?yàn)椋∧阍诖虾芸瘫?什么?我只是想教你學(xué)到了一件事!瑞秋很刻??!沒……錯(cuò)。沒錯(cuò)沒錯(cuò)。我記得當(dāng)她在他父親的船上,他什么都不讓我干請(qǐng)?jiān)?,我想讓你幫忙,但是你不能的手沒法動(dòng)因?yàn)槟愦┲?件救生衣你必須尊重海洋!喬伊,如果你認(rèn)為這樣很刻薄我道歉,但是我要告訴你這并不刻薄好吧,我爸很刻薄。他在船上總對(duì)我吼, 我是說(shuō)那很可怕。我只是一個(gè)好老師好老師會(huì)說(shuō),“放下啤酒,白癡!”嗎?好學(xué)生會(huì)在第一堂課喝7罐啤酒么?6罐半!你把最后一罐從我手里打翻了!記得么?沒錯(cuò),我不想讓你被船帆下桁撞到!但是還是撞到我了!而如果我喝完最后一罐啤酒的話傷會(huì)輕的多好吧,我很抱歉我會(huì)降低音調(diào),不再吼叫你不會(huì)在指揮我?我不會(huì)在指揮你你會(huì)很乖?我會(huì)很乖你將會(huì)無(wú)上裝?喬伊!你想讓我學(xué)么?!這是第22批。呃,這些嘗起來(lái)也許會(huì)有點(diǎn)像你祖母做的有一點(diǎn)桔色外皮,但是沒有肉豆蔻嘗嘗看自從9年級(jí)起依賴我沒有做過(guò)這么多的小甜餅為了什么?用來(lái)賣的?不是,只是一個(gè)周五晚上歐,粉不錯(cuò)對(duì),但不像第17批那樣好那是哪一批?就是你吃了差點(diǎn)嘔吐的那批的下一批歐對(duì)!第17批很好。我不喜歡第16批……我很好好的那一批還有剩么?因?yàn)槲覀兛梢跃驼漳且慌鰵W,第17批還剩一個(gè),呃是第16批!第16批!別擋路?。ㄈネ铝耍﹩桃劣H愛的,你做得真得很好!現(xiàn)在我要你移到左舷記得嗎?記得我們說(shuō)的左舷么?記得右邊?不是是左邊,甜心,但是沒關(guān)系,這個(gè)容易搞混我不明白為什么你不直接說(shuō)左邊好吧,過(guò)去左邊左邊!啥?給我坐到那邊去!! 好吧好吧,你又在吼了,你看看我錯(cuò)了!我錯(cuò)了我錯(cuò)了,輕聲地,帶有愛心地說(shuō)話,不能吼叫歐,你知道嗎?我很想在左舷喝點(diǎn)小酒喬伊,有點(diǎn)晃,你能不能把cunningham弄緊點(diǎn)? 呃,你剛剛說(shuō)了一堆我不懂的話喬伊,快點(diǎn)!我們必須處理以下剛才一只鳥叼著魚飛過(guò)我們的頭頂看到了嗎? 沒有!好嗎?! 我沒有看到鳥!我沒有看到魚!我沒有看到形狀像麥克·泰森的泡沫塑料! 我沒有,因?yàn)槲艺诮棠阍鯓娱_船!而這明顯是一項(xiàng)不可能的任務(wù)!又來(lái)了!你又吼叫了而且我沒有看到你脫上半身衣服我退出!你退出什么意思?!你不能退出!為什么?!因?yàn)槟氵€沒學(xué)完!菜鳥(green)不能退出!格林(green)?我是崔比昂尼!崔比昂尼退出!我的天啊,等等,我剛剛說(shuō)了菜鳥不能不干了?沒錯(cuò)!沒錯(cuò)!你這樣說(shuō)的,你還是在向我吼!沒有!沒有!沒有!我不是在向你吼。天啊喬伊,我變成我爸那樣。天啊太可怕了!我很努力地不像我媽那樣,我沒有意識(shí)到會(huì)這樣。喬伊,對(duì)不起,我很抱歉。我只想讓你好好學(xué)我有學(xué)真的么?沒錯(cuò)!Awww我知道什么是主帆。我知道下桁過(guò)來(lái)的時(shí)候要蹲下我知道左舷在右邊左邊該死的!我打賭我祖母知道我在研究她的秘方一定會(huì)很高興我敢打賭她現(xiàn)在正微笑著抬頭看著我們抬頭?不對(duì)嗎?她對(duì)我真得很好,但是她肯定在地獄我沒招了,我放棄。我想我沒辦法成為能做出世界上最棒的巧克力小甜餅的媽媽我能用椰菜作出最棒的duck confe孩子們很喜歡菲比,沒有任何親戚有這個(gè)秘方?比如……比如你的姐妹有么?沒有,我曾經(jīng)答應(yīng)自己下次和厄休拉說(shuō)話一定是在死后也就是在2032年10月15日之后你會(huì)在那天死去?看看,我會(huì)在那天轉(zhuǎn)世那是你在想你祖母的朋友呢?他們會(huì)有秘決么?我可能有法國(guó)親戚,誰(shuí)知道呢我祖母說(shuō)她從她祖母那里得到秘方,她叫Nesele Tolouse(法語(yǔ)名字)叫什么?Nesele Toulouse隱蔽的收費(fèi)處(Nestle Tollhouse)?!靠,你們美國(guó)人總是扼殺法語(yǔ)菲比,這是秘方么?? 對(duì)!歐!我不敢相信我花了兩天來(lái)找出秘方,而它一直在我的碗柜里!我知道!就是著因?yàn)檫@東西,你才會(huì)在地獄被火烤!所以你要了解,如果你不說(shuō)出去的話我會(huì)覺得好受多了你知道,在這件事上我有點(diǎn)尷尬我完全了解,沒有比在岳父面前更讓人尷尬了實(shí)際上,當(dāng)我開始和朱蒂約會(huì)的時(shí)候我失業(yè)了,而她父親問我做什么的時(shí)候我說(shuō)我是一個(gè)律師他們發(fā)現(xiàn)了以后你怎么辦?他們沒發(fā)現(xiàn),所以當(dāng)看到我在給他們法律建議的時(shí)候只管點(diǎn)頭,進(jìn)去吧?我想這里要穿泳裝!喬伊,我很不想承認(rèn),但是你開船的方式很有趣是嗎嗨,你干嗎不拉一下那條繩子?我們又沒在航海只管拉好吧嘿嘿嘿!! 三明治!還能有什么?給你謝謝瓦屋! 你在干嗎?歐,對(duì)不起你怎么了?別這樣拿著!這樣好料都掉出來(lái)了!哎喲小心點(diǎn)!你浪費(fèi)了上等熏牛肉!天?。∥蚁裎野帜菢恿?!
703 The One With Phoebe’s Cookies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Monica are all there as Chandler enters wearing glasses.]
Chandler: Hey, you guys!
Ross and Rachel: Hey!
Chandler: So, what do you think?
Ross: About what?
Rachel: Yeah, what?
Joey: What?
Chandler: Are you kidding? Okay, I’ll give you a hint; I’ll give you a hint. (Points to his glasses.)
Joey: Eyes! No, no. Your eyes! No. Chandler’s eyes!
Chandler: I got glasses!
Ross: Well, you-you’ve always had glasses.
Chandler: No I didn’t!
Ross: Are you sure?
Rachel: Yeah-yeah, did-didn’t you use to have a pair? They were really round, burgundy, and they made you look kind of umm…
Joey: Feminine.
Rachel: Yes!
Chandler: No!
Monica: Sweetie, I think the glasses look great. They make you look really sexy.
Chandler: Really?
Monica: Yeah!
Chandler: (sitting down on the arm of her chair) You didn’t think I used to wear glasses, right?
Monica: Of course! (She mouths, "I have no idea," to the rest of the gang.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are making some sandwiches.]
Phoebe: So what do you guys want for an engagement present?
Chandler: That’s okay Pheebs, we’re not having a party or anything, so you don’t have to get us…
Monica: (interrupts him) If someone wants to give us a present, we don’t want to deprive them of that joy.
Rachel: Oh, y’know what you should get ‘em? One of those little uh, portable CD players.
Monica: Oh, I already have one.
Phoebe: Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.
Rachel: Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey.
Monica: Hey, I know I what I want!
Chandler: What we want honey.
Monica: No, you don’t want this. I want to have your grandmother’s cookie recipe.
Phoebe: You mean the chocolate chip cookie recipe?
Monica: Uh-huh, yeah.
Phoebe: You mean the one that my grandmother made me swear on her deathbed that I would never let out of our family?
Chandler: Dying people say the craziest things.
Monica: I wanted it for years! I was gonna make cookies for my children.
Phoebe: Break my heart—Oh, all right.
Monica: Okay. I’m gonna be the mom that makes the world’s best chocolate chip cookies.
Chandler: Our kids are gonna be fat aren’t they.
Joey: (entering) Ahoy!
Chandler: Hey! How’s the boat?!
Joey: Great! I’m finally getting into this sailing stuff.
Monica: Oh, so you finally took it out of the marina huh?
Joey: Why would I do that? It took three guys to get the thing in there!
Phoebe: If you don’t sail your boat, what do you do on it?
Joey: Oh, it’s great! It’s a great place to just kinda, sit, hang around, drink a few beers, eat some chips. (He says that as he sits, hangs around, drinks a beer, and eats a chip.)
Chandler: Well, it’s good that you finally have a place to do that.
Rachel: Y’know Joey, I could teach you to sail if you want.
Joey: You could?
Rachel: Yeah! I’ve been sailing my whole life. When I was fifteen my dad bought me my own boat.
Phoebe: Your own boat?
Rachel: What?! What?! He was trying to cheer me up! My pony was sick.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are there. He takes off his glasses and starts chewing on the ear piece.]
Chandler: Do you know what I was thinkin’?
Monica: What?
Chandler: Nothing, I just like to go like this. (Does it again.)
Ross: (entering from the bathrooms) Hey Chandler, what are you doing tonight?
Chandler: Uh why, do you have a lecture?
Ross: No, why?
Chandler: Then free as a bird. What’s up?
Ross: My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us.
Monica: Wow! That’s great! Dad must really like you, he doesn’t ask just anyone to play.
Ross: Yeah and he didn’t really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you.
Chandler: Well, did-did you correct him?
Ross: No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way.
Monica: This is so cool, maybe this is something you can do every week.
Ross: Or you can sit with him on the front porch and make sure no one steals the trash cans. He does that every week too.
Monica: Oh, just so you know, you-you have to let him win.
Ross: Yeah.
Monica: He hates to lose.
Chandler: Oh no problem, maybe I’ll play with my left hand.
Ross: You’re not a lefty?
Chandler: Does anybody know me?!
(Phoebe enters, walks up to Monica, and exhales exasperatedly.)
Monica: What’s wrong Phoebe?
Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up!
Monica: No!! Why didn’t you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?!!
Phoebe: (pauses as he figures out how to answer that) Because I’m normal! That was the one legacy my grandmother left me, and I know you wanted it as an engagement present.
Ross: Oh, we have to get you an engagement present?
Chandler: Don’t worry about it Pheebs.
Ross: No one got me an engagement present.
Phoebe: Okay, here I wish you health and happiness. (She hands Monica a cookie in a plastic baggie.)
Chandler: An old cookie?
Monica: (To Chandler) This is what happens when you don’t register for gifts!
Phoebe: See no-no, I made a batch and I froze it, and this is the only one left.
Chandler: We can’t accept this.
Phoebe: Why not?
Chandler: ‘Cause it’s gross.
Monica: No! Wait! I think I can figure out the recipe from this cookie! I do stuff like this at work all the time.
Phoebe: Really?!
Monica: Yeah! I bet I can do it.
(Chandler looks over and sees Ross glaring at them.)
Chandler: Okay, we owe you a present.
Ross: Two! I’ve been engaged twice!
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont (Joey’s boat), she’s shown to be in one of the waterways around New York, but in reality she’s in a sound stage on the Warner Bros. lot and we see New York from the water in some rather poor green screen shots. Rachel and Joey are on board.]
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because he’s got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coast’s all the way over there. (Points to the coast, meanwhile there is coast behind him.)
Rachel: Joey, just ignore the boats all right? We’re not finished with the lesson yet.
Joey: All right.
Rachel: Okay, I’m just gonna go over the basic points just one more time, are you ready?
Joey: Come on Rach, not again. I got it! Okay? Let’s start sailing, and I want to go over there (Points) where that boatload of girls is! (Yelling to them) Yo-ho-ho!
Rachel: Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, let’s do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, (grabs some of the rigging) what’s this called?
Joey: Uh, boat rope.
Rachel: Wrong! How do you get the mainsail up?
Joey: Uhh, rub it?
Rachel: No. What do you do if I say we are coming about?
Joey: I’d say, come again. No-no, wait I-I-I know this one, I know this one, uh…
(Rachel blasts an air horn in his ear.)
Rachel: Time’s up, now your dead.
Joey: And deaf!
Rachel: Okay, you just go on and make your little jokey-jokes, but if you do not know what you are doing out at sea you will die at sea. Am I getting through to you sailor?! (She punctuates each word by slapping him on the forehead.)
Joey: Yes.
Rachel: Don’t just say yes! This isn’t a game, Joey you can really get hurt out here. Okay, so do you want to pay attention or do you want to die?!
Joey: I want to make a ship to shore call to Chandler.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are trying to determine the cookie recipe by eating small pieces.]
Monica: All right, I definitely taste nutmeg.
Phoebe: You do?
Monica: You don’t? (Laughs) Well, that’s the difference between a professional and a layman.
Phoebe: That and arrogance.
Joey: (entering) Hey.
Monica: Hey! How was sailing?
Joey: I don’t want to talk about it. Y’know, you could’ve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs what’s left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Monica and Phoebe: No-wait-no-no!!!!!!!
Joey: (recoils in horror) Women are mean!!! (Storms out.)
Phoebe: I can’t believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmother’s legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
Ross: (entering with Chandler) Hey.
Monica: Hey! How was it?
Ross: Well I had a great time! Umm, Chancy on the other hand…
Chandler: I will tell the story! It was going great. I let him win. We were bonding. He even said I could call him dad.
Ross: And what did he ask you not to call him?
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, here’s the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and that’s when in happened.
[Cut to the flashback, Chandler’s no longer doing the voice-over.]
Chandler: Guys?
Ross: Over here. (You can see Ross sitting at the far wall.)
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is finished telling everyone what happened.]
Monica: Oh my God Chandler! I can’t believe it!
Chandler: I know.
Monica: You gave my father a lap dance!
Chandler: Why do they put so much steam in there?!
Ross: ‘Cause otherwise they’d have to call it the room room.
Chandler: Why? Okay? Why? Wh-wh-why did that have to happen?
Phoebe: Come on, it’s not that big a deal!
Chandler: Not that big a deal? There…there was touching of things.
Ross: Now, I know you wanted to bond with my dad, but did you really have to bond to that part?
Monica: Listen, I’m sure that dad doesn’t care. He probably thought this was funny; he’ll be telling this story for years!
Chandler: I don’t want him to tell this story for years.
Ross: Oh, but he will. He still tells the story how Monica tried to escape from fat camp.
Monica: I wasn’t escaping.
Ross: Then how did you get caught in the barbed wire?
Monica: I was trying to help out a squirrel.
Ross: You were trying to eat it!
(The phone rings.)
Chandler: If that is your father calling to tell this story then the marriage is off!
Monica: (takes the phone from Ross) Come on. (Answering phone) Hello? (Listens) I’m sorry you have the wrong number. (Listens) (Whispering) Okay, I’ll call you later dad. I love you. (Hangs up.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: (getting up) All right, I’m off to see your dad.
Ross: Whoa-whoa, aren’t you a little over dressed?
Rachel: (laughing) Yeah, and-and you better make sure he tips you this time.
Chandler: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to face—And by face I don’t mean his lap. And by face, I don’t mean my ass. (Exits.)
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey are you getting Monica and Chandler an engagement present?
Rachel: I don’t know. Y’know, they didn’t get us anything.
Ross: Thank you!
Joey: (entering) Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: Well hello! So, when are we gettin’ back out on the water matey?
Joey: Oh uh, I don’t know the boat way to say this, but uh never!
Rachel: Why not?
Joey: Because! You’re mean on the boat!
Rachel: What? I was just trying to teach you.
Joey: Well, lesson learned! Rachel is mean!
Ross: Yeeeeeep… Yep-yep-yep-yep-yep. I remember when she took out on her dad’s boat she wouldn’t let me help at all.
Rachel: Excuse me, I wanted you to help, but you couldn’t move your arms because you were wearing three life jackets.
Ross: You have to respect the sea! (Storms off.)
Rachel: Look Joey, I’m sorry if-if you thought that was mean, but I gotta tell ya something. That was not mean. Okay, my father is mean. He used to yell at me all the time on the boat, I mean it was horrible. I was just being a good teacher.
Joey: Does a good teacher say, "Put down the beer pinhead!?"
Rachel: Well, does a good student drink seven beers during his first lesson?
Joey: Six and a half! You knocked that last one out of my hand! Remember?
Rachel: Yeah, I didn’t want you to get hit by the boom!
Joey: Well it hit me anyway! And it would’ve hurt a lot less if I had finished that last beer.
Rachel: All right, y’know what? I-I’m sorry. I will try to tone it down and uh stop yelling.
Joey: You won’t boss me around anymore?
Rachel: I won’t boss you around.
Joey: And you’ll be nice?
Rachel: And, I’ll be nice.
Joey: And you’ll be topless?
Rachel: And—Joey!
Joey: Do you want me to learn?!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is trying out different cookie recipes. Ross and Phoebe are the tasting group.]
Monica: Okay, here’s batch 22. Ohh, maybe these’ll taste a little like your grandmother’s. This has a little bit of orange peel, but no nutmeg.
Ross: Let’s give it a shot.
Monica: Okay. Man, I have not made this many cookies since I was in the ninth grade.
Phoebe: Oh, what was that for? Like a bake sale?
Monica: No, just a Friday night.
(They all take a bite.)
Ross: Ohh, these are pretty good.
Phoebe: Yeah, but not as good as batch 17.
Ross: Which one was that?
Monica: The ones we had right after you almost threw up.
Ross: Oh yeah! Batch 17 was good. I did not like batch 16. (Burps a little bit.) I’m okay.
Phoebe: Are there anymore from the good batch? ‘Cause we could just work off of those.
Ross: Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh… (Grabs a cookie and takes a big bite out of it and doesn’t like it.) It’s batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way! (Gets up and runs for the bathroom.)
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, its Joey’s second lesson with Rachel as the resident sailing expert.]
Rachel: Okay Joey honey, you’re doing really good! All right, now I’m just gonna need you to step to the port side. (Joey pauses as he tries to remember which side is the port side.) Remember? Remember how we talked about the port side?
Joey: Ohh yeah.
Rachel: Right?
Joey: Nope.
Rachel: It’s left sweetie, but that’s okay sweetie, that’s a tough one.
Joey: I don’t know why you just don’t say left.
Rachel: Okay, go to the left. (Joey goes starboard or sits on the right side of the boat.) The left!
Joey: Huh?
Rachel: (yelling) Just sit over there!! (Points to the port side.)
Joey: (hurrying over) Okay! Okay, you’re yelling again! See that?
Rachel: No! No-no, no-no-no, very quiet, said with love, no yelling.
Joey: Oh, y’know what? Since I’m here, I think I’m gonna have me a little beer on the port side. (Grabs and opens one.)
Rachel: Okay Joey, we’re luffing a little bit, so could you tighten up the cunningham? (The mainsail has started to flap in the wind and has stopped working efficiently; she wants him to tighten it so that it starts working again.)
Joey: Uh, wow, you just said a bunch of stuff I didn’t know there.
Rachel: Joey, come on! We just went over this! (She does it instead.)
Joey: Oh, y’know, when we did that was when that bird was flying overhead with the fish in his mouth. Did you see it? It was gross!
Rachel: (angrily) No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!
Joey: All right that’s it! You’re yelling and I don’t see you taking your top off! I quit!
Rachel: What do you mean you quit?! You can’t quit!
Joey: Why not?!
Rachel: Because you’re not finished yet and I won’t have it! Greens do not quit!
Joey: Greens? I’m a Tribbiani! And Tribbianis quit!
Rachel: Oh my God, wait did I—I just said Greens don’t quit didn’t I? (Pause) (Angrily) Did I just say Greens don’t quit?!
Joey: Yes! Yes! You did and you’re still yelling at me!
Rachel: No! No! No! I’m not yelling at you, I’m just yelling near you. Oh God Joey, ohh I’m my father. Oh my God, this is horrible! I’ve been trying so hard not to be my mother I did not see this comin’. Oh, Joey, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just wanted you to learn.
Joey: Well, hey I did learn.
Rachel: Really?
Joey: Yeah! Come on.
Rachel: Awww…
Joey: Yeah, it’s okay. I know what a mainsail is. (Points to it. It’s the larger sail.) I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right.
Rachel: Left.
Joey: Damnit!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, the cookie trying period has pasted. Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are reflecting on the day’s events.]
Phoebe: Y’know, I bet it would actually make my grandmother very happy to know that we’re trying to figure out her recipe. I bet she’s l-l-lookin’ up at us and smiling right now.
Ross: Looking up?
Phoebe: Oh yeah—No, she was really nice to me, but she’s in hell for sure.
Monica: Well, I’ve tried everything. I give up. I guess I’m not gonna be the mom who makes the world’s best chocolate cookies. I do make the best duck confit with broccoli rabe. Kids love that right.
Ross: Aww, Pheeb, come on isn’t there any relative that would have the recipe? What about, what about your sister?
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And that’s not happening ‘til October 15th, 2032.
Ross: That’s the day you’re gonna die? See—darnit, I’ve got shuffleboard that day.
Phoebe: That’s what you think.
Monica: Well, I mean what about friends of your grandmother’s? Wouldn’t they have the recipe?
Phoebe: Well, y’know I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nesele Tolouse.
Monica: What was her name?
Phoebe: Nesele Toulouse.
Monica: Nestle Tollhouse?!
Phoebe: Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language.
Monica: (grabbing a bag of Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chips) Phoebe, is this the recipe? (Tosses her the bag.)
Phoebe: (reading the recipe on the back of the bag) Yes!! (Realizes.) Ohh.
Monica: I cannot believe that I just spent the last two days trying to figure out the recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time!
Phoebe: I know! You see it is stuff like this which is why (Looking down) you’re burning in hell!!
[Scene: The Gym, Chandler and Mr. Geller are heading for the whirlpool room.]
Chandler: So you understand, I’d feel a lot more comfortable if you didn’t tell people what happened. Y’know, I’m a little…I’m a little embarrassed about it.
Mr. Geller: I understand completely, there’s nothing more horrifying than embarrassing yourself in front of your in-laws. As a matter of fact, when I started dating Judy I was unemployed, and her father asked me what I did for a living and I told him I was a lawyer.
Chandler: What did you do when they found out?
Mr. Geller: They never did, so if ever see me giving them legal advice just nod along. Shall we?
(Chandler nods along and they enter the whirlpool room and remove their robes. Only Chandler is lacking a certain item of clothing. You see this is a coed whirlpool, which means swimsuits, and in fact there are two women already there and Chandler didn’t seem to wear his. Needless to say, everyone is shocked, including Chandler.)
Chandler: So I guess we wear swimsuits in here!
Ending Credits
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, is tied up alongside the pier; Joey and Rachel are relaxing.]
Rachel: Well Joey, I hate to admit it, your way of sailing is a lot more fun.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Hey, why don’t you give a pull on that rope? (Points.)
Rachel: Ohh we’re not sailing.
Joey: Just pull on it.
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees what’s in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
Joey: What else?
Rachel: (hands him one) Here you go.
Joey: Thank you.
Rachel: Oh wow! (She takes a bite, but holds the sandwich vertically so that the stuff falls out.)
Joey: What are you doing?
Rachel: Ohh, sorry.
Joey: What you—don’t hold it like that! You’re lettin’ all the good stuff fall out.
(More falls out.)
Rachel: Ohh whoops.
Joey: Careful! You’re wasting good pastrami! (Gasps.) Oh my God! I’m my dad!

End
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