-好! 你們都在!-怎么?我明天去Ralph Lauren 面試!恭喜!你真棒!Ralph Lauren是個(gè)內(nèi)褲白癡恩?我買了條標(biāo)著”xs”的根本穿不下我將是女裝部的協(xié)調(diào)者我直接為主管效力。最適合我的工作!搞定面試,你就能得到這份工作要訓(xùn)練面試技巧嗎?就從握手開始握得很好!手腕用力恰到好處。我試試天啊! 我得罪你了?我用力過猛?我想說,幸虧我不是錢德對,羅斯,我能看到你在新家里你也能看到我跟昨天一樣,跟前天一樣他在表演”被鯊魚攻擊”嗎?不。等一下,又來了。很好玩!羅斯逼真而有趣我不是跟你揮手,女士哇,我是羅斯樓里的辣妹朝我飛媚眼上??!伙計(jì)!回應(yīng)她,搞定她!我曉得有辦法了你——好——嗎?有效! 她朝我招手!我現(xiàn)在就過去她住三樓-她很美,對吧?-還用你說不! 她不是我馬子!她只是莫妮而已!嘿,喬伊!我表演得不錯(cuò),對吧你住這里?當(dāng)然。進(jìn)來吧在窗前,可以假裝玩沖浪我數(shù)過的,怎么會(huì)是你住在這里?天啊!怎么了?結(jié)果我跑到羅斯家了!肯定數(shù)錯(cuò)了見鬼! 她不見了看,羅斯在裝“看電視”不,喬伊,我想他只是在看電視嫌犯失蹤了我真得走了這可真不公平,就因?yàn)橛腥藰寶⒌陠T我們的約會(huì)就得夭折-是啊,但那是我的工作,心肝-好吧,我跟你去疑犯剛裸體從下水道鉆出好,你走吧天啊!我好想他!才一星期,你們就那么親密了對,很少見。我忍不住喜歡他,他真可愛他像只小狗,但又是個(gè)鋤奸懲惡的硬漢我喜歡初戀期彼此簡直愛不釋手那個(gè)階段的確是最棒的你和錢德的初戀期持續(xù)了多長時(shí)間?什么?我們?nèi)栽谶@個(gè)階段少來,我說真的。你們的初戀期幾時(shí)結(jié)束的?我是說真的。我們倆一直都很狂熱算了,你們在什么階段,你比我清楚我只是好奇罷了冷靜!何必到處炫耀你們是最幸福的一對?天啊,我惹火燒身我錯(cuò)了,我講錯(cuò)話了,算了吧沒關(guān)系只要你知道,我和錢德一樣很熱烈跟你們一樣就是說,我們還是“干柴”和“烈火”!掃帚拿回來了你真乖!面試怎樣?很糟!我做了最蠢最丟臉的事!你跟面試官說,想跟他老婆上床,然后大驚失色?-不!-那發(fā)生什么事了可怕! 本來面試很順利我甚至讓他笑出來他提到“船”我說“你有沒有足夠多的救生衣”當(dāng)時(shí)真的很有趣我們道別的時(shí)候怎么了?我們握手他傾身朝我靠過來也許他是想去開門但我完全誤解了他的意思……你吻了他!我有什么辦法!你該試試別吻他謝謝,錢德Ralph Lauren 的人電話通知你去復(fù)試不會(huì)吧! 叫我參加復(fù)試?你吻對人了什么?你認(rèn)為他要我復(fù)試,是因?yàn)槟且晃菃??對!難道不是嗎?什么“吻”?你們在說什么?面試中我鬼使神差的,吻了面試官現(xiàn)在他叫我去復(fù)試因?yàn)槲沂恰币娙司臀堑呐ⅰ?!別傻了,瑞秋他以為我是隨便能跟他上床的女人呢他給你機(jī)會(huì),也許是因?yàn)槟隳軇偃芜@份工作也許吧。我不曉得。天啊,我怎么那么蠢瑞秋,別自責(zé)了。來,讓喬伊抱抱來嘛,來嘛她回來了,辣妹回來了我還感覺有點(diǎn)糟,不過,謝謝你不,是羅斯大廈里的辣妹,又出現(xiàn)了!等我,我馬上就來數(shù)清楚了!讓我看兩眼!辣妹在哪兒?找到啦!見鬼! 你搬家了嗎?是的我跟你們同居了一陣子然后找到這所房子我叫羅斯-什么事?-這里住著個(gè)漂亮姑娘嗎?不,我一個(gè)人住是嗎,真可憐小妹妹好你的媽媽、或姐姐、或保姆,是漂亮姑娘嗎?爸爸!再見,小妹妹!天啊!辣妹!辣妹!嗨,瑞秋。進(jìn)來-很高興再見到你-謝謝-呃,瑞秋,呃-什么?-就是————-對不起,什么事?我來幫你我懂了!聽著!我很抱歉,給了你錯(cuò)誤的訊息讓你以為我是靠隨便陪人睡覺來找機(jī)會(huì)的輕浮女人就算我親了你也不表示你就能要求跟我上床!我才沒有那么想要這份工作祝愉快!先生說出來沒人信!Ralph Lauren的渾球竟這樣對我!奇怪,你們怎么知道了?-你嘴唇上有墨水-哦,哦——怎么樣,幾時(shí)讓我玩玩你的槍?警隊(duì)有規(guī)定,恐怕不行不會(huì)出事的!你能不能——恐怕我得拒絕-晚飯后要看電影嗎?-不行,我們約好了要做什么?還不就那事兒,呆在蓋瑞家他真棒,我們就從沒離開過睡房你們?nèi)タ措娪鞍?,祝愉快!我們不看電影那你問我們?nèi)ゲ蝗??因?yàn)槲遗履銈兊K事我和錢德要?dú)g樂今宵抱歉失陪一下錢德,過來一下-我們要?jiǎng)龠^他們!-什么?蓋瑞和菲比還以為他們比我們更打得火熱!所以?所以我們要上樓翻云覆雨,證明他們錯(cuò)了!這種事也論輸贏,不覺得傻嗎?為了贏他們,我們就得愛得天翻地覆?我才不干,為什么,穿衣服、走!請讓讓請看我的告示,也請轉(zhuǎn)告其它住戶顯然,他跑上跑下、是在找漂亮姑娘誰不是呢?我們還沒見過面吧,我叫羅斯我知道,你是不捐錢給勤雜工的那個(gè)人算了其實(shí),我認(rèn)為大家對你太苛刻了你才剛搬來,就讓你捐錢我是剛搬來!謝謝你!聽著我叫珍我可能有點(diǎn)太急了你愿意什么時(shí)候跟我去喝咖啡嗎?我很樂意名片上有我的號碼給我電話我會(huì)的再見我忘了拿報(bào)紙銷魂哦!晚飯時(shí),我一定要告訴菲比和蓋瑞!舒服死了我們是最熱烈的,對吧沒人比我們更黏糊!-你最棒!-不,你最棒-不,你最厲害-不,你才最厲害我好厲害嘿,二位干嘛呢?那不是跟你招手的女孩嗎?不知道,但我看見你走光了對,是她不過沒用的,我和她永遠(yuǎn)見不了面我就是找不到她的房間!她大概是居住在辣妹星球之類的空間可望而不可及!你說什么傻話!她明顯住在二樓,從左數(shù)第7間!不,她住在3樓、左邊第8間不,底下兩個(gè)窗戶是門廳的最左邊的窗戶是過道的。你一直都數(shù)錯(cuò)了我竟不知道!謝謝你,莫妮我差一點(diǎn)又因?yàn)樗阈g(shù)差而少把一個(gè)馬子!-可以走了嗎?-好,我去拿外套-你去開門好嗎?-好。-喬伊?-見鬼了!首先,我要感謝你再給我見面的機(jī)會(huì)那沒關(guān)系但我得告訴你,這次會(huì)見是要錄影的首先我要道歉,不該吻你不該對你大吼大叫那沒什么你大概會(huì)請一個(gè)不對你大喊和摔門而去的員工但我認(rèn)為這樣的決定并不明智。原因如下:我出了丑還敢回來,說明我有勇氣當(dāng)我以為你把工作機(jī)會(huì)拿來做性交易,我拒絕了那代表我的品格另外,我敢于挺身而出,爭取機(jī)會(huì)說明我的勇氣沒錯(cuò),我把“勇氣”說了兩遍但“勇氣”確實(shí)很重要最后,當(dāng)我以為你想在工作場合求歡時(shí)我僅是拒絕,并沒有告你性騷擾所以我的優(yōu)點(diǎn)有:勇敢品格高尚,還是勇敢,而且不愛告狀先生我叫Zelner我就知道您就是Zelner!我真的很喜歡這份工作而且我能勝任知道嗎?將來我也許會(huì)后悔但我要給你這個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)是嗎?恩謝謝你。天啊!-我想給你一個(gè)擁抱,那合適嗎?-不!那握手呢?天啊! 很抱歉!我不是故意來摸你——的那里謝謝你,我走了星期一見錢德,你很疲倦?我們鬼混了一天,他能不累嗎?你知道我的意思吧?寶貝,玉米餅也懂你在說什么你喜歡我給你的徽章嗎?很帥我離開一下,賓長官離開一下我去撒尿菲比,你頭發(fā)里有小樹枝我們剛才來的時(shí)候繞了路我們在公園散步,四下無人-你們該不會(huì)?-我們做了違反了犯罪條例、第7節(jié)第12條公園公眾場合啊聽見了,失陪一下嗨,錢德莫妮,這是男廁所不對嗎?對但我一直覺得男廁所很性感你不覺得嗎?不覺得假如我也對男廁很有性趣,那我就不會(huì)跟你好了越來越離譜了!別這樣,我們不能認(rèn)輸!我們已經(jīng)證明了我們很熱烈!你干嘛還沒完了?因?yàn)榉票群蜕w瑞在公園里還“濃得化不開”嘛!那又怎樣?我很傷心,因?yàn)槲覀冞^了那樣的階段了原來是這么回事兩個(gè)人總是濃情蜜意,不是很爽嗎對,那是不錯(cuò)但我們現(xiàn)在的階段,我更喜歡真的?我從沒談過如此長久的戀愛初戀階段過后,仍然廝守在一起這很了不起而且我的愛人是你我倍感幸福你真甜我知道我有點(diǎn)過火了其實(shí)我和你感覺一樣我剛剛發(fā)現(xiàn)這次是你,被我們的關(guān)系嚇壞了我沒有你有,承認(rèn)了吧!好吧,是有一點(diǎn)豈止是一點(diǎn)?還好我及時(shí)補(bǔ)救!這次我們角色互換了!我成了愛情專家、你卻成了不理智的笨蛋又換回來了羅斯竟被一塊紙板給騙了!謝天謝地!我實(shí)在看不下去了!準(zhǔn)備好去看電影了?走吧。對了,謝謝你借Pamela和Yasmine的海報(bào)板給我們天啊,她們還沒看夠!
The One With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Rachel enters, happily.]
Rachel: Good, you guys are all here!
Ross: Hey! What's up?
Rachel: Well, I have a job interview at Ralph Lauren tomorrow!
All: Congratulations! Ohh, that's great!
Rachel: I know!
Joey: Boy, that guy's underwear sucks!
Rachel: Wh-what?!
Joey: I got this pair marked excess, I gotta tell ya, there was no room for excess anything in there.
Rachel: Anyway, I'm going to be the coordinator of the woman's collection, I'll work right under the director, it's the perfect, perfect job for me!
Phoebe: Wow! Well, if you nail the interview, you'll get it!
Rachel: Yeah.
Phoebe: You wanna work on your interview skills?
Rachel: O-okay!
Phoebe: Okay! All right, let's start with the handshake. Hi.
Rachel: Hi.
(They shake hands.)
Phoebe: Very good handshake, good wrist action.
Monica: Let me try. (Gets up to join them.)
Phoebe: Okay. (They shake hands and she pulls away suddenly) Oh my God! What did I ever do to you?! (Rubbing her hand.)
Monica: Did I squeeze it too hard?
Phoebe: Let's just say, I'm glad I'm not Chandler.
(Chandler tries to comprehend that remark.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the window waving at Ross.]
Joey: That's right Ross, I can see you in your new apartment! And you can see me! Same as yesterday, (To Monica) same as the day before.
Monica: Is he doing his shark attack bit yet?
Joey: Nope. Op, wait! There he goes.
(We see Ross through the window and he acts like a swimmer that gets attacked by a shark, picture one of the many, many, many Jaws movies they made and you get the idea.)
Joey: (waving) Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. (Notices that a woman is waving back.) Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. (She just stares at him.) (Joey sees how beautiful she is.) Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me.
Monica: Get in there man! Flirt back, mix it up!
Joey: Yeah, I-I-I'm down with that. (He turns back to the woman.) Okay, here goes. (Thinks.) How (Holds up his hand like an Indian) you (Points at her) a-doin'? (Does a little twisting motion with both hands and ends up pointing at her, he then winks. She smiles and waves again.) (To Monica) It worked! She's waving me over. (Towards the woman.) Okay, I-I-I'll be right over. Let's see, she's on the third floor…
Monica: (joining him) Wow! She is pretty, huh?
Joey: Tell me about it, huh? (Realizes that she can see Monica.) Oh no-no-no, I'm not with her, she's just Monica! (He pantomimes that out.) Ewwuck! (He pushes Monica away and makes a disgusted face.)
[Scene: Ross's Building, Joey is trying to find the hot girl's apartment. So he's walking up the hallway counting doors. He comes to what he thinks is the right one and knocks on it. Ross opens the door, it's his apartment.]
Ross: Hey Joey! Great stuff huh?
Joey: This is your place?
Ross: Of course it is. Yeah, come on in. Ooh-ooh, go by the window you can pretend to be surfing. (He pretends he's surfing by the window.)
Joey: But I counted, you're not supposed to live here! Oh man! (Runs away.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering again.]
Joey: Ugh!!
Monica: What happened?
Joey: I ended up at Ross's place. Oh, I musta missed counted or something. (Looks out the window.) Damn! She's not there anymore. Oh, l-l-look, Ross is doing his 'Watching TV' bit. (We see Ross sitting on the couch and flipping through the channels on his remote.)
Monica: No Joey, I think he's just watchin' TV.
(It's only when the camera cuts to Ross's apartment that we see that the TV is turned off and Ross is indeed doing a bit. He then tries to hide his smirk.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day, Gary is kissing Phoebe good-bye.]
Gary's Radio: We've lost visual contact with the suspect.
Gary: Okay, now I've really have to go!
Phoebe: But it's just so unfair that our date has to get cut short just 'cause some guy shot at a store clerk.
Gary: I know, but it's my job, sweethart!
Phoebe: Okay, then maybe I can come too!
Gary's Radio: Suspect has just emerged naked from the sewer.
Phoebe: All right, you go. (They kiss.)
Gary: Bye-bye.
Phoebe: 'Kay, bye!
(Gary closes the door behind him.)
Phoebe: Oh God!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Oh I just miss him so much!
Monica: Wow! For just a week you guys are really close, huh?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's weird. I can't help it though he's so sweet, he's like this little puppy dog, y'know? But like a really tough one that shots bad guys. Ohh, I just love beginning parts of relationships, y'know?! You just like can't keep your hands off each other.
Monica: I know it is the best.
Phoebe: So-so how long did that last for you and Chandler?
Monica: What? It's still going on.
Phoebe: Come on, seriously! When did it end?
Monica: I-I am serious, I mean, we're, we're all over each other all the time.
Phoebe: Okay, you know where you are better than I do. I was just curious.
Monica: (Start annoying hyper-competitive mode now.) (Jumping up) What don't you just calm down Phoebe! All right?! Why don’t you just get all your facts before you run around telling everybody that you're the only hot couple!!
Phoebe: (Under her breath) God, I woke the beast. Sorry. (To Monica) I was wrong obviously, I just—I misspoke. It's okay.
Monica: Oh no, it is okay, I mean as long as you know that Chandler and I are also very hot and fiery, just as hot as you! I mean our flame, whew, is on fire!
Chandler: (entering) Hey Monica, here's your broom back.
Monica: You are so cute. (She goes over and kisses him passionately.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler and Joey are there as Rachel returns from her interview.]
Chandler: Oh hey, how'd the interview go?
Rachel: Ugh, horrible! I did the stupidest, most embarrassing thing!
Joey: Did you tell the guy you wanted to have sex with his wife and then fall right out of your chair?
Rachel: No!
Chandler: So what happened?
Rachel: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" (She starts laughing; Chandler and Joey are not amused.) Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!
Joey: What happened?
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me… Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh… (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
Joey: You kissed him?!
Rachel: Well, I didn't know what else to do!
Chandler: Well you coulda tried, not kissing him.
Rachel: Thanks Chandler.
Monica: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Rach, a guy from Ralph Lauren called, you got a second interview!
Rachel: I can't believe it! I got a second interview!
Monica: Yes!
Joey: I bet that kiss isn't looking like such a big mistake now, is it?
Rachel: What-what, wait a minute, you don't think that's why he wants me back?
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler makes a noise) No?
Monica: A kiss? What are you talking about?
Rachel: I accidentally kissed him in the interview, and now he wants me back y'know of course, 'cause "Let's bring the girl back who kisses everybody!"
Chandler: Come on, Rach.
Rachel: Oh my God! What if he thinks I'm the kind of girl that-that would just sleep with him?
Monica: He probably wants you back because you're right for the job.
Rachel: Maybe. I-I don't know—Oh God, how could I be so stupid?!
Joey: Oh Rachel look, don't say that, I think you just need a hug from Joey. Come on. Come on. (She hugs him and Joey looks out the window.) She's back! Hot girl's back!
Rachel: Ohh, well I'm not totally back yet, but thank you.
Joey: No, in Ross's building! (He throws Rachel onto the chair and heads to the window.) She's back! She's back! (Pantomimes) Okay, wait there, I'll be over in a second. (He counts where she is again.) Got it! (Runs out and does a little hot over a chair.)
Chandler: I gotta check out this hot girl! (He heads to the window but realizes something, stops, turns and points at Monica.) There she is! (He dances over to her and kisses her.)
[Scene: Ross's building, Joey is knocking on a door again. It's again answered by Ross.]
Joey: Damnit!! Did you move?!
Ross: Yes. I lived with you guys for a while and then I found this place. (Joey just stares at him) I'm Ross.
(Joey makes a frustrated face and noise and walks away. He knocks on the next door and it's answered by an old man.)
The Old Man: Yes?
Joey: (Looking around) Uhh do you happen to have a hot girl in there?
The Old Man: No. I'm all alone.
Joey: Yeah. Sorry about that. (He walks away and knocks on the next door which is answered by a little girl.) Oh, hey little girl. Uhh, is-is your mommy, or sister, or babysitter by any chance a hot girl?
The Little Girl: Daddy!!
Joey: Later! (He runs away down the hall and hides behind a corner to a whole other corridor.) Oh man! (Walks down the hallway in desperation.) Hot girl! Hot girl!!
[Scene: Rachel's job interview, she is waiting outside Mr. Zelner's (the interviewer) office banging her pen between her teeth.]
Mr. Zelner: Hi Rachel!
Rachel: Hi!
Mr. Zelner: Come on in.
(They go inside.)
Mr. Zelner: It's really nice to see you again.
Rachel: Thank you.
Mr. Zelner: (Sees that she has some ink on her lip from her pen.) Oh Rachel, uhh… (He points to his lip to get her to notice the ink on hers.)
Rachel: What?
Mr. Zelner: Just ah… (He points again.)
Rachel: Excuse me?
Mr. Zelner: Here let me… (He goes to wipe it off himself.)
Rachel: (stopping him) Wh-whoa! All right, okay-okay, I see, I see what's going on here! Now listen, look-look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead! Now even though I (He tries to interrupt and tell her about the ink), hey-hey-hey, even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me. I do not want, this job that bad. Good day, sir. (She storms out of his office.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is returning from her interview attempt.]
Rachel: (entering) Ugh, you will not believe what that sleaze-ball from Ralph Lauren did too me!
(Joey, Monica, and Ross all point to their lips to get Rachel to once again notice the ink on her lip.)
Rachel: Okay-okay that-that's amazing. How did you know that?
Ross: You got ink on your lip.
Rachel: Oh. (Realizes.) Ohhhhhhhhh….
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Gary and Chandler and Monica are all there.]
Chandler: (To Gary) So what do you say, maybe sometime I hold your gun?
Gary: I don't know man, we're really not supposed to do that.
Chandler: Oh, what can happen? I mean, would you… (He gestures and spills some of his coffee.)
Gary: Yeah, I'm gonna say no.
Monica: Phoebe, do you want to go see a movie after dinner tonight?
Phoebe: Oh we can't, we already have plans.
Monica: What are you doing?
Phoebe: Well, same thing we did all day, hang out at Gary's apartment. He is so amazing, we never left the bedroom. But have fun at the movie.
Monica: (That annoying competitiveness thing kicks in again, what the heck is that with her and why must the writers show it every flippin' episode?!) Oh, we're not seeing a movie!
Phoebe: You're not? Then why did you ask us if we wanted to go?
Monica: Oh umm, that's because I just wanted to y'know walk in on me and Chandler while we were, y'know, doing it all night. Will you excuse me for just a second?
Phoebe: Yeah!
Monica: Okay. (She gets up and walks over to Chandler.) Chandler? Can I see you for a second?
Chandler: Uh, yeah.
Monica: Okay. (They walk away to get some privacy.) We have got to beat them! {Here we go yet again.}
Chandler: Why?
Monica: 'Cause, Gary and Phoebe think they're a hotter couple than we are!
Chandler: Ohh, so?
Monica: So! So we've got to go upstairs and have a lot of sex to prove them wrong!
Chandler: Monica, you have got to stop this competitive thing! Okay? It's crazy. {Finally! The voice of reason.} I mean, just impress Gary and Phoebe we have to go upstairs and have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this, why? Get your coat.
Commercial Break
[Scene: The lobby in Ross's building, we see a flyer that is on the bulletin board that reads, "Are you the Hot Girl who waved at me? If so, give me a call!" and it's signed, Joey 629-9*** (The last couple of numbers have been ripped off). Anyhoo, Ross is getting his mail.]
Ross: (to the woman checking her mail next to him) Hey!
(A man walks up.)
The Man: (To Ross) Excuse me. (He puts up a flyer that has a sketch drawing of Joey and it reads, "Warning! Intruder! If you see this creep - call the cops!") You should check this out, tell the other tenants. Apparently he's running around looking for some kind of a hot girl.
Ross: (to the woman checking her mail) Who isn't?
(For the first time we see that the woman Ross is talking too is in fact the hot girl that Joey is looking for. She just kinda stares at him.)
Ross: I don't, I don't think we've meet. I-I'm Ross.
The Hot Girl: I know. You're the guy who wouldn't chip in for the handyman.
Ross: Nevermind! (Goes back to his mailbox.)
The Hot Girl: No, I-I actually thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. I mean you had just moved in.
Ross: I had just moved in. Thank you! Listen umm…
The Hot Girl: Jen.
Ross: Jen, I know this may sound a little…(makes some kind of crazy noise) But uh, would you maybe wanna grab a cup of coffee sometime, or…
Jen: Sure! That would be nice.
Ross: Umm?
Jen: Oh! My number is on there. (Hands him a business card.) Give me a call.
Ross: I will give you a call.
Jen: I'll see you later. (Starts to walk away.)
Ross: Okay!
(After she's left, Ross gets really happy and starts kissing the card. Suddenly, she returns.)
Jen: I forgot my paper. (Ross quickly hides the card in his mouth.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, a post-coital Monica and Chandler are recovering on the couch.]
Chandler: That was amazing!
Monica: Phoebe and Gary are so gonna hear about this at dinner.
Chandler: That was amazing.
Monica: We are the hottest! Huh? No one is hotter than we are! You're the best.
Chandler: No, you're the best.
Monica: No, you're the best.
Chandler: No, you're the best.
Monica: I am the best.
(Just as they start to get up, Joey walks in.)
Joey: (entering) Hey guys! (Sees their state of undress) What 'cha been doin'? (Has a silly grin.)
Monica: (looking out the window) Hey Joey! Isn't that the girl that waved at you the other day?
Joey: I don't know. But I can see through your sheet. (He looks out the window.) Yeah, yeah, that's her. But y'know what? Doesn't matter, I'm never gonna get to meet her anyway.
Monica: Why?
Joey: Because it's impossible to find her apartment! She lives in some like of hot girl parallel universe, or something.
Monica: What are you talking about? (Pointing out the window.) She obviously lives on the second floor, seventh apartment from the left!
Joey: No. No. No. She lives on the third floor, eighth apartment from the left.
Monica: No, those first two windows, (Points) that's the lobby. And y'know the other one over there, that's the stairway. You've been counting wrong.
Joey: I did not know that! Thank you Monica. (Starts to leave) I can't believe I almost lost another girl because of counting.
[Scene: Jen's apartment, Ross is picking her up for their date.]
Ross: So uhh, you ready?
Jen: Sure, I'll just get my coat. (There's a knock on the door.) Could you get that?
Ross: Sure. (He opens the door to Joey. Needless to say, Joey's stunned.) Joey…
Joey: Dahhhhh!! (Ross has a puzzled look on his face.) No! Noooo!! (Storms off.)
[Scene: Mr. Zelner's office, Rachel has come back again to try and do that second interview.]
Rachel: Ah, first, I-I would like to say thank you for agreeing to see me again.
Mr. Zelner: That's quite all right, but I feel obligated to tell you that this meeting is being videotaped.
Rachel: (looks around for the camera) Okay. Umm, well, first I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and uh, for yelling at you.
Mr. Zelner: Fair enough.
Rachel: Now you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not ah, (She puts her hands on his desk blotter and he moves it. Rachel then doesn't know where to put her hands.) who did, who did not umm, yell at you and storm out, and I think that's a big mistake and here's why. I made a huge fool of myself and I came back, that shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And, I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. (Suddenly realizes that she said courage twice.) Okay umm, now I know I already said courage, but y'know you gotta have courage. And umm, and finally when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace, I said no and I was not litigious. {By the way, litigious means to want to litigate and litigate is to make a lawsuit against. So she didn't want to sue him. Don't worry, I had to look it up too.} So there you go, you got, you got (counts them off with her fingers) courage, you got integrity, you got (Pause) courage again, and not litigious. Look Mr…
Mr. Zelner: Zelner.
Rachel: Zelner! Right! I knew that! I really, really want this job and I think, I think I would be really good at it.
Mr. Zelner: Y'know what? I may regret this but uh, I'm going to give you a shot.
Rachel: (gasps) Oh! You are?
Mr. Zelner: Um-hmm.
Rachel: Really? Oh thank you! Oh… Oh, would it be completely inappropriate to give you a hug?
Mr. Zelner: Yes!
Rachel: Okay, well then how about a handshake? (She goes to shake his hand but misses and touches his groin.) Oh God I'm sorry! Oh God, I'm sorry! I did not mean to touch that—I mean you there. There. Uhh, okay, so thank-thank you, I'm going to leave now thank you very much uh-huh, thank you so—Hey! I'll see you Monday! (Exits.)
[Scene: A restaurant, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Gary are on a double date. Chandler is yawning.]
Phoebe: You tired Chandler?
Monica: You better believe he's tired, after the day we had! If you know what I mean. You know what I mean?
Chandler: Honey, the tortilla chips know what you mean.
Gary: So uh Chandler, you like that badge I got you?
Chandler: Oh yeah, it's so cool. (He opens his coat and has it pinned to the lining.) Now I gotta go, Officer Bing has gotta, 10-100. (Pause, softly) That's pee-pee. (Heads for the bathroom.)
Monica: Phoebe, you have a, a twig in your hair.
Phoebe: Ohh, (laughs) umm, we kinda took a little detour on the way over here.
Gary: Yeah, we took a little stroll in the park and no one was around, so…
Monica: You didn't!
Phoebe: We did! We violated Section 12 Paragraph 7 of the criminal code!
Monica: The park huh? A public place.
Gary: Uh-huh.
Monica: I hear ya. Excuse me for just a second! (Gets up and heads for the bathroom as that annoying Gotta-win-at-all-costs-super-competitive thing kicks in again.)
[Cut to the Men's room. Chandler is practicing flashing his badge as Monica enters.]
Monica: Hi Chandler.
Chandler: Monica! This is the Men's room! (Pause) Isn't it?
Monica: Yes it is. You see I've always found the men's bathroom very sexual. Haven't you?
Chandler: No. And if I did, I don't think we'd be going out. Monica, this is getting ridiculous!
Monica: Come on, we can't let them win!
Chandler: Ugh, we have already proved that we are hot! Okay? So why-why are you getting so obsessed about this thing?!
Monica: Because Phoebe and Gary are in that-can't-keep-their-hands-off-each-other-doing-it-in-the-park phase!
Chandler: (gasps) So?
Monica: I feel really sad that we're not…really there anymore.
Chandler: Oh wow! Is that what this all have been about?
Monica: Wasn't it a lot more exciting when we were y'know all over each other all the time?
Chandler: Yeah that was great. That was really great! But to tell you the truth, I'm more excited about where we are right now.
Monica: Really?
Chandler: Yeah! I've never been in a relationship that's lasted this long before. Y'know to get past the beginning and still be around each other all the time, I think that's pretty incredible. And the fact that this is happening all with you, yeah I think that's pretty exciting. (Kisses her.)
Monica: That is so sweet. I know that I was acting a little crazy but umm, I feel the same way.
Chandler: Yeah?
Monica: Yeah. (They hug.)
Chandler: Y'know what I just realized? You just freaked out about our relationship.
Monica: Did not.
Chandler: Yes you did! Admit it! You freaked out!
Monica: Okay, I freaked out a little.
Chandler: Little?! You freaked out big time! Okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places! I am the relationship and king and you are the crazy, irrational screw up! (Does a dance of joy.) (Monica glares at him.) And now we're back.
Ending Credits
[Scene: Looking through Ross's window, he's doing more pantomimes. The first one is he's walking a dog that has stopped, then suddenly tugs him forward.]
[Cut to the inside of Monica and Rachel's apartment, Monica and Rachel are sitting at the table.]
Rachel: (laughs) I cannot believe Ross is buying this!
Monica: Thank God! I can't watch him anymore!
Chandler: (entering) You guys ready fore the movies?
Rachel: Yeah! Oh by the way, thank you for loaning us Pamela and Yasmine.
(We see through the big window from the outside and see that Monica and Rachel have pictures of their faces pasted onto cardboard cutouts of Pamela Anderson and Yasmine Bleeth wearing their Baywatch swimsuits.)
Ross: (from his apartment) Man! They cannot get enough! (Makes like he's a robot and waves at the cutouts.)
End