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老友記第三季The One With The Hypnosis Tape

所屬教程:老友記第三季

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你在笑什么?沒有,這是演技練習(xí)我在練假笑你在笑什么?不行,店里不準(zhǔn)抽煙至少讓我抽完這一根好,但你得分我一口妖女,我又吻上你的唇了整根都給你吧這是最不好玩的游戲我受夠了,我?guī)Я艘粯訓(xùn)|西可以幫助你戒煙這個戒煙貼布不好用這是催眠錄音帶我一個同事聽了兩星期后再也沒抽過煙你有什么意見?沒什么,只不過催眠是騙人的我在亞特蘭大看過你被催眠那家伙沒把我催眠,好嗎?是啊,你總是脫褲子用屁股“通殺”別用催眠了想戒煙就得去石南地上裸舞然后用六個壯丁的汗水沐浴我爸管它叫“周四夜狂歡”對不起天哪,法蘭克你好嗎?你怎么來了?我本來想先打電話但是號碼弄丟了我媽把我鎖在門外我沒辦法進去找我找了一具公共電話話筒卻被剪斷了怎么了?有人破壞公物那你和你媽怎么了?我們吵架,她說我不夠成熟,不能結(jié)婚你要結(jié)婚了?我的弟弟要結(jié)婚了我就知道你會替我高興你想見她嗎?你說呢?你想嗎?當(dāng)然想太好了,她正在停卡車我去帶我的未婚妻來我就知道他會最早結(jié)婚這不是很棒嗎?你不覺得他稍嫌年輕?他已經(jīng)18歲了他在最后單身派對上不能喝酒也不能叫雞叫雞本來就違法這是我的未婚妻奈特老師那是我姐姐說來好笑法蘭克經(jīng)常提到你你卻跟我想象的不一樣是啊,我很令人意外坐吧你們是怎么認識的?我去上奈特老師的…我是說愛麗絲抱歉,我老是叫錯我去上她的家政課他是我最好的學(xué)生她是我最好的老師真是讓學(xué)生不蹺課的好方法你們要結(jié)婚了?我們本來只考慮同居但是我們想馬上生小孩天哪太好了小孩?法蘭克你真的準(zhǔn)備好了?能有多難?誰不想要小寶寶,對吧?而且我一直沒有爸爸陪伴以后就有了,因為我就是爸爸我們知道我們的歲數(shù)差很多那就好你們看起來好像不知道但是在愛情里,年齡不是問題你正在進入夢鄉(xiāng)越睡越沉,越睡越沉你已經(jīng)睡著了你不需要抽煙香煙不能控制你你是堅強、有自信的女性你不需要抽煙堅強、有自信的女性你知道嗎?我發(fā)現(xiàn)去年我只和李察、胡立歐交往過你得幫我牽線,讓我重回情場沒問題我在時裝界工作身邊全是異性戀好男人你還要什么?起司蛋糕和一次約會,如果有的話我們不是談過了嗎?你剛才對她說…你想跟我約會是因為我是金發(fā)、波霸還端吃的給你那我找我姑姑就行了我們一起出門兩次,都蠻慘的你覺得她應(yīng)該和我約會吧?你真的想跟她約會?早上會慘不忍睹喔假發(fā)亂成一團義乳扔在床頭柜上你考慮一下我會的我知道這是法蘭克的人生我不想批評但這樣是變態(tài)的,是錯的!因為年齡的關(guān)系?我本來不在乎年齡直到她把舌頭往我弟的喉嚨伸菲比,他看起來很爽等他忙著幫一堆寶寶換尿布你覺得他還會爽嗎?這樣對法蘭克不公平也對寶寶不公平這可不是好的家政你跟他說過嗎?有,但沒有說出聲音你不說,他就要結(jié)婚了你會恨你自己我要是說了,他會恨我你看看他和他媽媽,我不能說但是你們可以,你們?nèi)褡杷萃欣材銈儧]有損失我卻會失去一切你們要我失去一切嗎?好,我去找法蘭克剛才走在街上,我對你說 “去脫衣酒吧坐坐”記得嗎?然后你說“去你家就好了”好明智啊,豬頭你應(yīng)該跟他約會他對我一點吸引力也沒有上周六的“猛龍過江”演什么?沃克在找一車子的小孩…我懂你的意思了我一年前就忘了它的密碼我只是抬著裝樣子你們有護唇膏嗎?錄音帶聽得怎樣?很有效,我今天還沒抽煙清爽又有自信好漂亮的上衣謝謝拿去謝了給彼特一個機會他既風(fēng)趣,人又好而且支票的事好可愛什么支票?有個喜歡我的顧客開玩笑給我兩萬元的小費他的電話在支票上他要我打給他彼特貝克,彼特…是他嗎?那是總統(tǒng)他抱著誰?天哪,是彼特總統(tǒng)為什么抱著彼特?他發(fā)明了摩斯865全世界的公司都在用這個程序我們也在用摩妮卡要跟百萬富翁約會了我才不跟他約會這居然是真的兩萬元支票好興奮喔或是令人火大對,也有怎樣?我們的意思是,不要操之過急你想想:你18歲,她44歲等你36歲,她就88歲了你以為我不知道?重點是…你還可以跟很多女人上床他說得對,這是你的天下你年輕,你古怪女生最喜歡了跟一個你很喜歡的人做感覺不是更棒?在詩里吧不,他說得對我跟瑞秋就是那樣現(xiàn)在沒有了?沒了,我跟別人上了床等等,那樣對事情有幫助嗎?沒有你跟瑞秋的感覺就是我和愛麗絲的感覺那是什么感覺?很棒的感覺因為跟她在一起比不跟她在一起快樂多了我為什么找不到?我擁有過,卻搞砸了我想要你一定可以擁有也許我有毛病你會找到的我見過,也擁有了那你就要好好把握好死小子,恭喜你你是法蘭克的伴郎?我沒辦法,他們的愛好純潔那你呢?我?guī)退媒渲改銇砹司秃梦矣幸粋€家政慘案天哪,誰死了?芥末醬倒了你有辦法嗎?當(dāng)然有,先用蘇打水加鹽清洗要是洗不掉,就…算了,它已經(jīng)毀了別這么說,要是洗不掉就剪掉臟污部份縫一點蕾絲就是一條漂亮的遮布又或者,你可以不要嫁給我弟弟能不能讓它小到可以放在針尖上?我喜歡生產(chǎn)這種小東西摩妮卡蓋勒來訪好的,讓她進來這是什么意思?等一下…明天早上再談?好的對不起,什么?這是什么意思?我一直不會算小費把加稅乘以二不是把羅馬尼亞的稅收乘以二你要買我嗎?你都這樣約女孩子?我還在你誤會了要是我沒給這筆小費你就不會來,我們不會爭吵也不會有這種緊張的氣氛你得承認我們的關(guān)系有進展了以前你是廚師,我是顧客現(xiàn)在我們是兩個爭吵的人你是個瘋子別管這張支票了,我喜歡你我覺得你很棒怎么樣?我不知道為什么?我不想鼓勵這種行為我只求一頓飯,好嗎?我們出去吃飯要是玩得不開心我給你一萬,我們扯平不,把信放下,是我對不起,你怎么不開燈?你的衣服好香,我就窩在里面沒關(guān)系吧?沒關(guān)系今天過得怎樣?可能是我有生以來最慘的一天怎么了?愛麗絲改變心意了她有說原因嗎?沒有,她只說我太年輕我怎么突然變年輕了?剛交往時,她還說我老成不曉得,但是你知道嗎?或許這樣也好是啊,但是我好痛苦親愛的我好不容易感到快樂這是生平第一次先是爸爸離開我…然后偷鳥被逮捕…然后又肺穿孔天氣一冷,我還是很難深呼吸但是有了愛麗絲這些都不見了現(xiàn)在我失去了,卻不知道原因我可以告訴你,是我害的不過我是愛你才這么做什么?我跟愛麗絲聊了一下讓她明白你們?yōu)楹尾荒茉谝黄鹉憧傆幸惶煲矔靼?,真的等一下,是你造成?我媽反對我們在一起但是她頂多把我綁在門廊上我覺得你能了解,所以來找你我很想摔門走人但是我沒錢、沒地方去天哪,大富豪來了天哪我只是要跟他吃頓飯他請你吃飯并不代表你欠他什么我知道那記得點龍蝦你口袋里有多少現(xiàn)金?我就不請你進來坐了進來坐一下嘛你想去哪里?喜歡吃披薩嗎?聽起來不錯有一家館子不錯我不能讓你付錢這樣很公平,你出了機票錢這些里拉夠嗎?再丟個一千這樣是多少?大約60毛美金每天晚上都這樣你不需要抽煙香煙不能控制你你是堅強、有自信的女性你不需要抽煙堅強、有自信的女性不需要抽煙我知道你覺得我做了大壞事但是我沒有有一個人可以解釋得此我清楚奈特老師法蘭克,菲比說得對這話不中聽,但我們不該結(jié)婚我太自私了我們現(xiàn)在追求相同的東西未來卻不見得如此對不對?對,但不只如此不只如此雖然我們現(xiàn)在非常相愛然而然而……你還年輕…不曉得你要什么沒錯你們在吻別,很好再見總之希望你了解我的意思這么做擺明是錯的我絕不會袖手旁觀我要拿皮包好吧,算了香煙不能控制你你是堅強、有自信的女性你不需要抽煙喬伊是你最要好的朋友你要每天為他做起司三明治你還要送他一條幾百塊的褲子

The One With The Hypnosis Tape

[Scene: Central Perk, all but Chandler are there, Joey laughs for no apparent reason.]

Monica: (to Joey) What抯 so funny?

Joey: Oh, nothing, no. It抯 an acting exercise, I抦 practising my fake laugh.

Monica: Oh. (she laughs)

Joey: What-what抯 so funny?

(Chandler enters with a cigarette.)

Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, there抯 none of that in here.

Chandler: Oh come on man! At least let me finish this last one.

Gunther: Okay, but only if you give me a drag.

Chandler: Okay.

(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)

Gunther: Oh dark mother, once again I suckle at your smokey tit. (hands Chandler back the cigarette.)

Chandler: No-no, why don抰 you hang on to that one.

(He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away again.)

Chandler: Okay, that抯 like the least fun game ever.

Rachel: Well, I抦 really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit. (hands him an audio cassette)

Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)

Rachel: Come on, it抯 a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasn抰 smoked since.

Ross: Pffhah.

Rachel: (to Ross) What抯 your problem?

Ross: Nothing, it抯 just that hypnosis is beyond crap.

Rachel: Ross, I watched you get hypnotised in Atlantic City.

Ross: Hey, that guy did not hypnotise me! Okay.

Rachel: Oh right, 慶ause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play Wipe-out on your butt cheeks.

Phoebe: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.

Chandler: Or what my Father called Thursday night.


OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Ross is handing Rachel a cup of coffee.]

Ross: Here you go.

Rachel: Oh, y'know what, I didn抰 want cinnamon on this.

Ross: Sorry. (To remedy that, Ross scoops the cinnamon off of the top with his hand.)

Frank: (entering) Hi!

Phoebe: Oh my God!!

Frank: Hi!

Phoebe: Frank! Hi!

Frank: How are you?

Phoebe: What are you doing here?

Frank: Oh, well y'know, I would抳e called but I lost your phone number and then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldn抰 find it. And then, I tried to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So...

Phoebe: What happened?

Frank: Ah, oh, the ah, vandalism.

Phoebe: But, also, what happened between you and your Mom?

Frank: Well, we got into a fight 慶ause ah, she said I was to immature to get married.

Phoebe: Your getting married?!

Frank: Oh, yeah!

All: Wow!

Phoebe: My little brother抯 getting married!!

Frank: Oh, I knew you抎 be so cool about this. All right, ah, hey, do you want to meet her?

Phoebe: Do I?

Frank: Do you?

Phoebe: Yeah, I do, yeah.

Frank: Okay, cool, all right, she just ah, parking the truck. (to Joey) I抦 gonna, I抦 gonna get my ah, my fianc閑 man!

Chandler: Y'know, I would抳e bet good money that he抎 be the first one of us to get married.

Phoebe: Yeah, isn抰 it fantastic?

Monica: Yeah, ah, but Pheebs don抰 you think he抯 a little young to get married?

Phoebe: What, he抯 18.

Ross: Exactly, it抣l be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.

Joey: Yeah, or-or to get a hooker.

Chandler: Always illegal Joe.

Frank: (entering with his fianc閑 Alice, who is obviously much, much older than he is) Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fianc閑, Mrs. Knight. (he points out Phoebe to her)

Alice: Y'know it-it抯 funny, um, Frank told me so much about you, but your not how I pictured you at all.

Phoebe: Yeah, I抦 a big surprise.

(Ross lets them both sit in his chair.)

Monica: So, um, how-how did you guys meet?

Frank: Well um, I was in ah Mrs. Knight抯 ah, I mean Alice, sorry, Alice, I always do that. I was in her ah, Home Ec class.

Alice: And he was my best student.

Frank: Yeah, she was my best teacher.

Alice: Ohhh. (They embrace in a very passionate kiss.)

Chandler: If that doesn抰 keep kids in school, what will?

Ross: And so now you guys are gonna be married?

Alice: Yeah. Y'know we-we talked about just living together, but um, we want to have kids right away.

(Both Chandler and Phoebe have shocked looks on their faces.)

Rachel: Oh my God!! Great!

Phoebe: Wow, kids. Frank, are you sure you抮e ready for that?

Frank: I mean, how hard can it be? Y'know, I mean, y'know, babies, y'know who doesn抰 want babies right? And besides y'know, I never had a Dad around, and ah, now-now I always will, 慶ause y'know, it抣l be me. Right?

Alice: Y'know, I mean, really we do realise that there抯 an age difference between us.

Phoebe: Oh good! Okay. 慍ause you were acting like you didn抰.

Alice: Oh no, but when it comes to love, what does age matter?

(They both growl and hiss at each other and then kiss passionately again.)

[Scene: Chandler抯 bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]

Hypnosis Tape: You are falling fast asleep. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. You are now completely asleep. You don抰 need to smoke. Cigarettes don抰 control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.

[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Monica is working, Rachel is having lunch.]

Monica: And y'know what, I just realised, in the last year I抳e only gone out with two guys, Richard and Julio. You gotta help me out here, you gotta set me up, you gotta get me back in the game.

Rachel: Well, that shouldn抰 be a problem. I mean I work in fashion and all I meet are eligible straight men.

Monica: (to a customer) Pete, can I get you something else?

Pete: Yeah, a slice of cheesecake and-and a date if you抮e given?慹m out.

Monica: Haven抰 you and I covered that topic?

Pete: Hmm, come on, you just said to her that you?

Monica: Aww, the only reason you want to go out with me because my blond wig, and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food.

Pete: Well, if that were true, I抎 dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward. (to Rachel) Come on, you think she should go out with me, don抰 you?

Rachel: (laughs) Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean that ain抰 a pretty picture in the morning, y択now what I mean. That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know.

Monica: I mean really, think about it.

Pete: Ho-ho, I will.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are being lectured by Phoebe.]

Phoebe: No, I know, I know, that this is Frank抯 life, (walks behind them, they turn around in the leather chairs to face her) y'know. Y'know, I don抰 want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, it抯 sick and wrong!

Ross: Pheebs, what, is it the age thing?

Phoebe: No-no, oh, I抦 fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking it抯 tongue down my little brother抯 throat!

Joey: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.

Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think he抯 gonna enjoy it when he抯 up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-it抯 not fair to the babies, and y'know what, it抯 not good home economics.

Joey: Well, have-have you told him how you feel?

Phoebe: Yes. Not out loud.

Ross: Pheebs, if you don抰 tell him, soon he抯 gonna be married, and then you抮e gonna hate yourself.

Phoebe: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then he抯 gonna hate myself. I mean look at him and his Mom, I can抰. (pause) But, you guys can, please you gotta talk him out of it.

Ross and Joey: No-no-no-no-no. (They start to turn away, but Phoebe stops them, and turns them back to face her.)

Phoebe: Come on, you guys, you have nothing to lose, I have everything to lose. Do you want me to lose everything? Everything?!

Ross and Joey: No.

Phoebe: Okay, I抦 gonna go get Frank. (exits)

Joey: So, we抮e walking down the street and I turn to you and I say, 揌ey, let抯 go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes,?remember? And then, and then, you turn to me and say, 揘ah, let抯 just hang out at your place.? Well, that was a nice move dumb ass.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are entering.]

Rachel: I think you should definitely go out with this guy.

Monica: Nah, he doesn抰 do anything for me.

Rachel: Monica, last Saturday night, what happened on Walker: Texas Ranger?

Monica: Well, umm, Walker was looking for this big bus load of kids? (realises) All right, I get your point.

Rachel: All right.

Chandler: (entering, carrying a briefcase) Hi.

Monica: Hey.

Chandler: Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick?

Monica: Uh, yeah.

Rachel: Hey, how are those tapes working out for ya?

Chandler: Y'know what, pretty good.

Rachel: Yeah?

Chandler: Good! I haven抰 smoked yet today, I feel great, and-and-and confident, that is a stunning blouse.

Rachel: Thank you.

Monica: Here you go.

Chandler: Thanks

Rachel: Hey Mon, let抯 give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable.

Chandler: What check thing?

Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so I抎 call him.

Chandler: (reading the check) Pete Becker. Pete?(quickly grabs a magazine and opens it up to show her a picture) (pointing to the picture) Is this him?

Monica: That抯 Bill Clinton.

Chandler: Who抯 he huggin?

Monica: Oh my God! That抯 Pete! But why is Bill huggin?Pete?

Chandler: This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program!

Rachel: We use it!!

Chandler: There you go!!

Rachel: Oh my God, Monica抯 gonna go out with a millionaire.

Monica: I抦 not gonna go out with him.

Rachel: Oh my God, I can抰 believe this is a real $20,000 check, oh this is just so exciting.

Monica: Or incredibly offensive.

Rachel: Oh yeah, sure, that too.

(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)

Chandler: (to the girls who are staring at him) What?

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are talking to Frank.]

Ross: All we抮e saying is don抰 rush into anything.

Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. You抮e 18, okay, she抯 44, when you抮e 36, she抯 gonna be 88.

Frank: What, you don抰 think I know that?

Joey: Look, the point is, there抯 a lot of women out there you haven抰 even had sex with yet!

Ross: Yeah, he-he抯 right, he抯 right. This is your time y'know, yeah, you抮e young, you抮e-you抮e weird, chicks dig that.

Frank: Okay, but isn抰 sex better when it抯 with one person that you really, really care about.

Joey: Yeah, in a poem maybe.

Ross: No the man抯 right, that抯 what I had with Rachel.

Frank: You don抰 have it anymore?

Ross: No, I ah, I slept with someone else.

Frank: Okay, so wait, all right, so how does that make things better?

Ross: It didn抰.

Frank: Okay, so what you used to have with Rachel, is what I抳e got with Alice.

Joey: Now, wh-what, what is that like?

Frank: It抯 so cool man, it抯 so, it抯 just 慶ause being with her is so much better than like not being with her.

Ross: Yeah, yeah.

Joey: (to Ross) Why can抰 I find that?

Ross: Don抰 ask me, I had it and I blew it!

Joey: Well, I want it!

Frank: You can have it!

Joey: I don抰 know, maybe I can抰. I mean, maybe there抯 something wrong with me.

Ross: Oh, no! No!

Frank: It抯 out there man! I抳e seen it! I got it!!

Joey: Then you hold on to it!!

Frank: All right, man!!

Joey: All right, congratulations you lucky bastard! (hugs him)

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it抯 after Ross and Joey抯 talk with Frank, and Phoebe抯 is finding out what happened.]

Phoebe: (to Joey) You抮e Frank抯 best man?!

Joey: I couldn抰 help it, there love is so pure.

Phoebe: Well then, (to Ross) what about you?! Huh?!

Ross: I抦 the ring bearer.

(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. He抯 just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell he抯 doing.)


COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Phoebe抯, Phoebe is opening the door.]

Phoebe: Hi! Oh, Alice, hi! Thanks. I抦 so glad you could come, 慶ause I抳e got a real umm, Home Ec emergency. (Points to the table cloth, which has a huge mustard stain on it.)

Alice: Oh my God, who died on this?!

Phoebe: Yeah, I know. It抯 a real mustard-tastrophe. Can you help me?

Alice: Absolutely. Okay, first we抣l start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesn抰 work we can go back to?br>
Phoebe: Y'know what, forget it. It抯 ruined.

Alice: Oh no-no, never say that. If we can抰 get it out then we can cut around the stain, add a little lace, you make a stylish throw.

Phoebe: Or instead, maybe you could just not marry my brother Frank.

[Scene: Pete抯 office, he is participating in a conference call with three other employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.]

Pete: Okay, that抯 great, but can we make it smaller? Can we make it fit on the head of a pin? I love when we make things fit on the head of a pin.

All: Got it. Yeah all right. Yeah, okay.

(The intercom buzzes.)

Secretary: You have a Miss Monica Geller here.

Pete: Uh, absolutely, yeah, send her in. (Monica enters) Hi.

Monica: What the hell is this? (holding up the check)

Pete: Hang on a second. (to the employees) I抣l-I抣l talk to you in the morning. (turns two of the three off) I抦 sorry what?

Monica: Seriously, what is this supposed to mean?

Pete: Well, y択now, I never know how much to tip.

Monica: You抮e supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, what抯-what抯 the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you?

Employee: Umm, I抦 still here.

Pete: (turns off the TV) You抮e taking this all wrong. Because, if I didn抰 leave you that tip, you wouldn抰 of come down here, we wouldn抰 be having this argument, and there wouldn抰 be this ah, heat between us.

Monica: What?!

Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. 慍ause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now we抮e like this-this couple that fights.

Monica: Okay, umm, you抮e a loon.

Pete: Look, forget the check, okay. (rips up the check) I like you. I think you抮e great. Come on, what do you say?

Monica: I don抰 know.

Pete: Why not?

Monica: 慍ause I don抰 want to encourage this kind of behaviour.

Pete: One meal! That抯 all I抦 asking for. Please? We go out, we eat, and if you don抰 have a good time, I give you ten grand, we call it even.

[Scene: Phoebe抯, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on the couch.]

Frank: (hiding under a pile of clothes) Hi. (She jumps up screaming.) Wait, no! Just put the mail down. It抯-it抯 me!

Phoebe: Okay. Whoa, sorry. Why were you just like all in the dark?

Frank: Oh well, um, your, your laundry just smelled so good, that I thought I抎 curl up in it. Is that all right?

Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sure. So, how was your day?

Frank: Oh, well just probably the worst one since I抳e been alive.

Phoebe: What umm, what happened?

Frank: Umm, Alice ah, she ah, called it off.

Phoebe: Oh no. Did umm, did she say why?

Frank: Uh, no, not really, just that I was too young, y'know, but I don抰 see how I could all of the sudden be too young, 慶ause I抦 older than I was when we first got together.

Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, no, I don抰, I don抰 know. But, y'know what, maybe it抯 just all for the best?

Frank: Yeah, if the best is like unbelievable pain!

Phoebe: Oh, sweetie, oh. (hugs him)

Frank: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, it抯 still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now it抯, and now it抯 gone and I don抰 know why!

Phoebe: Uh, well I can tell you why. It抯, it抯 because of me. But, y'know what, I only did it because I love you. Okay?

Frank: What?

Phoebe: Umm, well I, I kinda had a little chat with Alice, and I sort of made her see why you two shouldn抰 be together, y'know. And you抮e gonna see it to, one day, you really, really will.

Frank: Wait a minute, wait, this is because of you?

Phoebe: Okay.

Frank: Well, you, wait no, my Mother didn抰 want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch.

Phoebe: Okay, but.

Frank: Wait, y'know what, I-I came to you because I thought you抎 understand! Oh no!! Y'know, I would storm out of here right now if-if I had some money, or a place to go?br>
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Monica ready for her date. The guys are also there. The door buzzes.]

Rachel: Oh my God! The millionaire抯 here!

Chandler: (in a feminine way) Oh my God! (and he jumps all around)

Monica: Guys, please, I抦 just gonna have dinner with him. Okay?

Chandler: Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner, does not mean you owe him anything.

Monica: I know!!

Chandler: Okay, then get the lobster!

Monica: (opening the door) (to Pete) Hey!

Pete: Hi.

Rachel: Hi!!

Joey: Hey!

Ross: Hi!

(They抮e all staring at him, with big, huge smiles on their faces.)

Joey: Hey, how much cash do you got in your pocket right now?

Monica: And that抯 why, I抦 not inviting you in for a drink. (starts to leave) Bye.

All: Oh-no-no-no-no?

Rachel: Just one drink?!

Monica: (in the hallway) So, where do you want to go?

Pete: Hey, you like pizza?

Monica: Oh, that抯 sounds great.

Pete: I know a great little place.

[Cut to a shot of the coliseum in Rome, Italy.]

[Scene: A restaurant in Rome, Monica is paying for the pizza.]

Pete: You抮e, hey, you抮e not paying for the pizza!

Monica: Oh come on, it抯 only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?

Pete: Ahh, I抎 throw another thousand on that.

Monica: Why, how much is that?

Pete: That抯 about 60 cents.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it抯 the middle of the night. Joey is walking into the living room, and runs into the entertainment centre.]

Joey: Every night!!

(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandler抯 bedroom.)

Hypnosis Tape: You do not need to smoke. Cigarettes don抰 control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. (Joey walks out smiling to himself.)

[Scene: Phoebe抯, Frank is watching TV, and he抯 very depressed as Phoebe enters.]

Phoebe: Hey, Frank. Look, okay, I know that you think I did like this totally evil thing, but I so didn抰. There抯 someone here who can explain this better than I can.

Alice: Hi Frank.

Frank: Hi, Mrs. Knight.

Alice: Phoebe抯 right Frank. I know it抯 hard to hear, but it would抳e been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that what it is?

Phoebe: Yeah, but not just that.

Alice: Right, not just that. Umm, even though we love each other as much as we do, none the less?br>
Phoebe: None the less.

Alice: None the less. Umm, you抮e too young to, to really know what you want. (They embrace in a passionate kiss.)

Phoebe: That抯 right, exactly. (sees them) All right, it抯 a good bye kiss, that抯 good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what I抦 saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore her) Okay, I抳e decided I抦 gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves).


CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: Chandler抯 bedroom, he抯 listening to the hypnosis tape again.]

Hypnosis Tape: Cigarette抯 don抰 control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.

Joey: (He抯 recorded his voice on the tape) Joey抯 your best friend. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.

(Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)

END

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