The One Where Joey Moves Out
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the bar, in their bathrobes, eating cereal]
JOEY: Man this is weird. You ever realize Captain Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
[Joey finishes his cereal, licks his spoon, and puts it back in the silverware drawer.]
CHANDLER: Waaa-aaah.
JOEY: What?
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
JOEY: Yeah, so.
CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
JOEY: Well, that was only 'cause I used the red one to unclog the drain.
CHANDLER: Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open, worms everywhere.
JOEY: Hey, why can't we use the same toothbrush, but we can use the same soap?
CHANDLER: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
JOEY: Alright, well next time you take a shower, think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
MONICA and PHOEBE: Hey.
JOEY: Hey.
PHOEBE: Ooh, look at you fancy lads. What's the occasion?
JOEY: Well, you know that guy that's on my show that's in a coma? He's havin' a brunch.
PHOEBE: Ahh.
RACHEL: [enters from her room] OK, ready when you are.
PHOEBE: Okey-doke.
MONICA: I can't believe you guys are actually getting tattoos.
CHANDLER: Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos?
RACHEL: Yes, but you can not tell Ross 'cause I want to surprise him.
JOEY: Wow, this is wild. What're you gonna get?
PHOEBE: Um, I'm getting a lily for my Mom. 'Cause her name's Lily.
CHANDLER: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
JOEY: So where you gettin' it?
PHOEBE: I think on my shoulder. [Ross enters]
ROSS: What? What's on your shoulder?
PHOEBE: Um, a chip. A tattoo, I'm getting a tattoo.
ROSS: A tattoo? Why, why would you want to do that? [to Rachel] Hi.
RACHEL: Hi. Well hey, you don't - you don't think they're kind of cool?
ROSS: No, sorry I don't. Tell me why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesn't come out right Phoebe? Then it's like, I don't know, havin' a bad hair cut all the time. Why's everyone staring at me?
MONICA: Ross, come sign this birthday card for dad. Rich is gonna be here any minute.
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?
MONICA: Well, he's my parents' best friend, he has to be there.
JOEY: Oh, is today the day you're gonna tell them about you two?
MONICA: Yeah. It's my dad's birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.
PHOEBE: No, I think you should tell them.
MONICA: No, I don't even know how serious he is about me. Until I do, I'm not telling them anything.
ROSS: I don't know, I don't think mom and dad would mind. Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, how dad used to say, 'God I hope they get together.'
[Scene: The Gellers' house. Monica, Ross, and Richard are arriving to Mr. Gellers birthday party.]
ROSS: Alright, shall we?
MONICA: OK, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know what? Ross, let's - let's switch places. You get in the middle. No un-, ya know, unless this looks like we're trying to cover something up.
ROSS: Monica, Monica, you could come in straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it. [opens door] We're here.
MRS. GELLER: Oh hi kids. Hi darling.
MONICA: Happy birthday dad.
MR. GELLER: Oh thank you.
ROSS: Hi ma.
RICHARD: Happy birthday.
MRS. GELLER: Well, you kids thank Dr. Burke for the ride?
ROSS: Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
[Scene: The Gellers' kitchen. Monica, Mrs. Geller and one of Mrs. Geller's friends are preparing the cake.]
FRIEND: Well, you kids take the train in?
MRS. GELLER: No, Richard Burke gave them a ride.
FRIEND: Oh. Speaking of whom, I hear he's got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city. [Monica sprays whipped cream all over the place]
MONICA: Finger cramp. Oh God, sorry. Here, let me get that mom.
MRS. GELLER: Sooo, Richard's shopping in the junior section.
MONICA: Are we still on that?
MRS. GELLER: We just know she's got the IQ of a napkin.
FRIEND: She's probably not even very pretty, just young enough so that everything is still pointing up. [Monica folds her arms over her breasts]
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
JOEY: Can you believe this place?
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment.
JOEY: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peein' with the Rockettes.
CHANDLER: Wow, there's my fantasy come true. No, seriously.
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Hey.
JOEY: Hey! We were just sayin', great apartment man.
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Thanks. You want it?
JOEY: Huh?
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Yeah, I'm movin' to a bigger place. You should definitely take this one.
JOEY: Yeah, can you see me in a place like this?
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Why not? You hate park views and high ceilings? C'mon I'll show you the kitchen.
CHANDLER: [being left behind] Oh that's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's party. Mr. Geller and a friend are questioning Richard while Ross observes.]
MR. GELLER: C'mon, tell us.
FRIEND: Yeah, is she really 20.
RICHARD: I am not telling you guys anything.
MR. GELLER: C'mon Rich, it's my birthday, let me live vicariously.
ROSS: Dad, you really don't want to do that.
MR. GELLER: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
RICHARD: Jack, would you let it go?
MR. GELLER: Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got the Porsche. You... you got your own little speedster.
RICHARD: Guys. Seriously, it is not like that.
MR. GELLER: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I cou. . .
ROSS: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
MR. GELLER: What? I'm kidding. You know I'd never let him touch the Porsche.
[Scene: Tattoo parlor. Phoebe and Rachel are deciding on tattoos.]
PHOEBE: OK Rach, which, which lily? This lily or that lily?
RACHEL: Well I. . .
PHOEBE: I like this lily. It's more open, ya know, and that's like my mom. She had a more open, giving spirit. Ooh, Foghorn Leghorn, ooh.
TATTOO ARTIST: Alright, blonde girl, you're in room two, not so blonde girl, you're with me.
PHOEBE: Here we go.
RACHEL: [reluctantly] Uh-huh.
PHOEBE: You're not going?
RACHEL: Uh-huh.
PHOEBE: What? Is it - is this 'cause of what Ross said?
RACHEL: No. Well, yeah, maybe.
PHOEBE: I don't believe this. Is this how this relationship's gonna work? Ross equals boss. I mean, c'mon what is this, 1922?
RACHEL: What's 1922?
PHOEBE: Just, you know, long time ago. Well, when men used to tell women what to do - a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing but is sounds horrible. Do you want to get this tattoo?
RACHEL: Yes I do, it's just that Ross is. . .
PHOEBE: OK, hey, HEY. Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
RACHEL: No.
PHOEBE: OK, who is the boss of you?!!
RACHEL: You?
PHOEBE: No. You are the boss of you. Now you march your heinie in there and get that heart tattooed on your hip. GO!!
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica is in the bathroom and Richard comes in.]
RICHARD: How ya doin'?
MONICA: I'm a twinkie.
RICHARD: Really? I'm a hero.
MONICA: Oh, this is so hard.
RICHARD: Yeah, I know. I hate it too. Look, maybe we should just tell them.
MONICA: Maybe we should just tell your parents first.
RICHARD: My parents are dead.
MONICA: God, you are so lucky. I mean, I mean. . . you know what I mean.
RICHARD: I know, I know. Just hang in there, OK. OK, I'll go out first, alright.
MONICA: Alright.
RICHARD: [walks out of the bathroom and runs into Mrs. Geller who is going to the bathroom] Judy, going to the bathroom, good for you.
MRS. GELLER: Thank you Richard, I appreciate the support.
[Monica jumps in the shower. Right after Mrs. Geller enters the bathroom, Mr. Geller peeks his head in.]
MR. GELLER: Honey. Honey, have you seen my Harmon Kilerbrew bat? Bob doesn't believe I have one.
MRS. GELLER: I have no idea. Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
MR. GELLER: I know. He's like a new man. It's like a scene from Cocoon.
MRS. GELLER: I just never would have pictured Richard with a bimbo.
MR. GELLER: Apparently, he told Johnny Shapiro that she's quite a girl. In fact, he told Johnny that he thinks he's falling in love with her.
MRS. GELLER: Really.
MR. GELLER: I tell you, I've never seen him this happy.
MRS. GELLER: So Jack, you ever think about trading me in for a younger model?
MR. GELLER: Of course not. With you it's like I've got two 25-year-olds.
MRS. GELLER: [they start kissing] Oh Jack stop.
MR. GELLER: C'mon, it's my birthday.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are returning from their brunch.]
JOEY: Can we drop this? I am not interested in the guy's apartment.
CHANDLER: Oh please, I saw the way you were checking out his mouldings. You want it.
JOEY: Why would I want another apartment, huh? I've already got an apartment that I love.
CHANDLER: Well it wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.
JOEY: Alright, you want the truth? I'm thinkin' about it.
CHANDLER: What?
JOEY: I'm sorry. I'm 28 years old, I've never lived alone, and I'm finally at a place where I've got enough money that I don't need a roommate anymore.
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
JOEY: What're you gettin' so bent out of shape for, huh? It's not like we agreed to live together forever. We're not Bert and Ernie.
CHANDLER: Look, you know what? If this is the way you feel, then maybe you should take it.
JOEY: Well that's how I feel.
CHANDLER: Well then maybe you should take it.
JOEY: Well then maybe I will.
CHANDLER: Fine with me.
JOEY: Great. Then you'll be able to spend more quality time with your real friends, the spoons.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Mr. and Mrs. Geller enter looking particularly refreshed. Monica follows looking rather pale.]
MR. GELLER: Who's drink can I freshen?
MRS. GELLER: Almost time for cake.
ROSS: Mon, Mon, are you OK?
MONICA: You remember that video I found of mom and dad?
ROSS: Yeah.
MONICA: Well, I just caught the live show.
ROSS: Eww.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica and Richard are alone in the kitchen.]
MONICA: Hey there.
RICHARD: What?
MONICA: Nothing, I just heard something nice about you.
RICHARD: Humm, really?
[Mrs. Geller and Ross both enter]
MRS. GELLER: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't seeing anyone is he?
RICHARD: Uhh, not that I know of.
MRS. GELLER: Well, I was thinking, why doesn't he give Monica a call?
RICHARD: That - that's an idea.
MONICA: Well, actually, I'm already seeing someone.
MRS. GELLER: Oh?
RICHARD: Oh?
ROSS: Ohh.
MRS. GELLER: She never tells us anything. Ross, did you know Monica's seeing someone?
ROSS: Mom, there are so many people in my life. Some of them are seeing people and some of them aren't. Is that crystal?
MRS. GELLER: So, who's the mystery man?
MONICA: Well, uh, he's a doctor.
MRS. GELLER: A real doctor?
MONICA: No, a doctor of meat. Of course he's a real doctor. And he's handsome, and he's sweet, and know you'd like him. [she puts her arm around Richard]
MRS. GELLER: Well that's wonderful. . . I
MONICA: Mom, it's OK.
RICHARD: It is Judy.
MRS. GELLER: Jack. Could you come in here for a moment? NOW!
MR. GELLER: [enters with his bat] Found it.
ROSS: I'll take that dad. [grabs the bat]
MRS. GELLER: It seems your daughter and Richard are something of an item.
MR. GELLER: That's impossible, he's got a twinkie in the city.
MONICA: Dad, I'm the twinkie.
MR. GELLER: You're the twinkie?
RICHARD: She's not a twinkie.
MONICA: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship I've been in. . .
MRS. GELLER: Oh please, a relationship.
MONICA: Yes, a relationship. For your information I am crazy about this man.
RICHARD: Really?
MONICA: Yes.
MR. GELLER: Am I supposed to stand here and listen to this on my birthday?
MONICA: Dad, dad this is a good thing for me. Ya know, and you even said yourself, you've never seen Richard happier.
MR. GELLER: When did I say that?
MONICA: Upstairs in the bathroom right before you felt up mom.
[Everyone else enters and all start singing Happy Birthday.]
[Scene: Tattoo parlor. Rachel is showing Phoebe her tattoo.]
PHOEBE: Oh that looks so good, oh I love it.
RACHEL: I know, so do I. Oh Phoebe, I'm so glad you made me do this. OK, lemme se yours.
PHOEBE: Ahh. OK, let's see yours again.
RACHEL: Phoebe we just saw mine, let me see yours.
PHOEBE: Oh OK. [pulls over her shirt and shows a bare shoulder] Oh no, oh it's gone, that's so weird, I don't know how-where it went.
RACHEL: You didn't get it?
PHOEBE: No.
RACHEL: Why didn't you get it?
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
RACHEL: Phoebe, how would you do this to me? This was all your idea.
PHOEBE: I know, I know, and I was gonna get it but then he came in with this needle and uh, di-, did you know they do this with needles?
RACHEL: Really? You don't say, because mine was licked on by kittens.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is at the bar and Joey enters.]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey.
JOEY: Hey listen, I'm sorry about what happened. . .
CHANDLER: Yeah me too.
JOEY: I know. Yeah.
CHANDLER: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .
JOEY: No, we're alright.
CHANDLER: So I got ya something. [tosses Joey a bag of plastic spoons]
JOEY: Plastic spoons. Great.
CHANDLER: Lick away my man.
JOEY: These'll go great in my new place. You know, 'till I get real ones.
CHANDLER: What?
JOEY: Well, I can't use these forever. I mean, let's face it, they're no friend to the environment.
CHANDLER: No-no, I mean what, what's this about your new place?
JOEY: I'm movin' out like we talked about.
CHANDLER: Well I didn't think that was serious. [grabs the spoons back] Ya know I thought that was just a fight.
JOEY: Well, it was a fight. . . based on serious stuff, remember. About how I never lived alone or anything. I just think it would be good for me, ya know, help me to grow or. . . whatever.
CHANDLER: Well, there you go.
JOEY: Hey, are you cool with this. I mean, I don't want to leave you high and dry.
CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.
JOEY: Woah. Why do you get to keep the table?
CHANDLER: I did pay for half of it.
JOEY: Yeah. And uh, I paid for the other half.
CHANDLER: Alright I'll tell you what, I'll play you for it.
JOEY: Alright, you're on. I can take two minutes out of my day to kick your ass.
CHANDLER: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.
JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, woah. Which sister?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are setting the table.]
MONICA: So, are you sorry that I told them?
RICHARD: No, it's been a long time since your dad and I went running.
[Rachel and Phoebe enter]
RACHEL: Oh.
MONICA: Oh. Well did you get it? Let me see.
RACHEL: Is Ross here?
MONICA: No he went out to get pizza.
RACHEL: Oh really, OK. [shows Monica her tattoo]
MONICA: That's great.
RICHARD: Very tasteful.
PHOEBE: Wanna see mine, wanna see mine?
MONICA: Yes.
RACHEL: What? You didn't get one.
PHOEBE: OK, well then what is this? [shows her bare shoulder]
RICHARD: What're we looking at? That blue freckle?
PHOEBE: OK, that's my tattoo.
RACHEL: That is not a tattoo, that is a nothing. I finally got her back in the chair, bairly touched her with a needle, she jumped up screaming, and that was it.
PHOEBE: OK, hi. For your information this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great distance. It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
RACHEL: Oh, what a load of crap. That is a dot. Your mother is up in heaven going, 'Where the hell is my lily, you wuss?' OK, Phoebe, that is not a tattoo, this is a tattoo. [she bends over and bears her tattoo right when Ross returns]
ROSS: You got a tattoo?
RACHEL: Maybe. But just a little one. Phoebe got the whole world.
ROSS: Lemme see. [looks]
RACHEL: Well?
ROSS: Well it's really. . . sexy. I wouldn't have thought it would be but. . . wow.
RACHEL: Really?
ROSS: Yeah, so uh, is it sore or can you do stuff?
RACHEL: I guess.
ROSS: Hey, save us some pizza. [they go off to Rachel's room]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
JOEY: Get out of the corner. Pass it, pass it.
CHANDLER: Stop talkin' to your men. [Joey scores]
JOEY: Yes! And the table is mine.
CHANDLER: Congratulations. [Chandler leaves]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. The whole gang is helping Joey pack.]
JOEY: Hey, you guys are still gonna come visit me, right?
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
PHOEBE: I know you're just moving uptown but I'm really gonna miss you.
MONICA: I know, how can you not be accross the hall anymore.
RACHEL: Yeah, who's gonna eat all our food, and tie up our phone lines, and - is that my bra? What the hell you doin' with my bra?
JOEY: Oh no-no, it's uh, it's not what you think. We uh, we used it to, you know, fling water balloons off the roof. Remember that, those junior high kids couldn't even get theirs accross the street.
CHANDLER: [quietly] Yeah, I remember.
ROSS: Hey, let's bring the rest of these down to the truck.
[Everyone except Joey and Chandler leave.]
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
JOEY: Naa, you keep it, you need the practice.
CHANDLER: Thanks.
JOEY: So, I guess this is it.
CHANDLER: Yeah, right, yeah, I guess so.
[Joey walks to the door. He stops, turns around.]
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house.
JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care.
CHANDLER: Yeah.
[Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.]
CLOSING CREDITS
END
老兄,這好畸形哦
你知不知道脆脆上尉的眉毛長在帽子上?
那叫畸型?
喬伊,那家伙當了四十年早餐片的上尉
怎樣?
湯匙,你舔完放回去
你舔完放回去
所以呢?
你看不出那很嘔心嗎?那就像你用我的牙刷一樣
你用我的牙刷?
那是因為我用紅的那只去通排水孔嘛
紅色是我的
發(fā)就不可收拾了
為什么牙刷不能共用…
…肥皂就可以共用?
因為肥皂是肥皂,會自我清潔
好吧,下一次你洗澡的時候…
…想想我什么最后洗跟你什么最先洗
瞧你們打扮的
有什么大事?
知道我節(jié)目里那個演昏迷不醒的?
他要請我吃飯
就等你了,好的
真不敢相信你們真的要去刺青了
你們要去刺青?
對,不能告訴羅斯我要給他一個驚喜
好狂野哦,你們要刺什么?
我要刺一朵百合
因為我媽就叫百合
真幸運她要是叫大污點怎么辦?
那你們要刺哪里?我想在我眉上
什么?
什么在你眉上?
重擔
是刺青,我要去刺青啦刺青?
你為什么要那么做?
你不覺得那酷嗎?
不,抱歉,我不覺得
怎么會有人花錢去搞個一輩子的傷痕?
萬一要是刺得不好呢?
那不是變成永遠在”我頭發(fā)剪丑了”嗎?
大家為什么都瞪著我?
羅斯,過來簽給爸的生日卡理查隨時會到
理查也要去參加派對?
他是我父母最好的朋友他必須去
那你打算今天告訴他們你們的事嗎?
對,我爸的生日我決定送他中風
不,你應該告訴他們
我還不知道他對我有多認真在搞清楚之前,我什么也不說
我不知道,我想他們不會介意
記得你九歲理查三十歲的時,爸常說…
…”天啊真希望他們在一起”
好了,進去吧
雷
你知道嗎?
羅斯,我們換位置你來站中間
不,這看起來像我們想隱瞞什么
摩妮卡,就算你騎著他進去他們也不會相信的
我們來了
孩子們,是孩子們
生日快樂,爸爸謝謝
生日快樂
你們謝過柏大夫載你們來了嗎?
媽,事實上摩妮卡幫我們兩個謝過了
你們搭火車來嗎?
不,柏理查載他們來的
談到他呀...
…聽說他在城里有個二十歲的幼齒
手指抽筋,抱歉
來,讓我來,媽
理查在青少年部”購物”
還在講那個嗎?
想也知道她的智商一定超低
說不定連漂亮都談不上
只是夠年輕所以一切都還沒下垂
你相信這個地方嗎?
我知道,這個公寓很棒
我剛去過浴室兩邊墻上都有鏡子
尿尿的時候就好像有一排人在排排尿
我的夢想實現了
不,說真的
我們正在贊美你的公寓,老兄
謝了,你要嗎?
我要搬去一個更大的
你真的應該租下來
你看我會住這種地方嗎?
有何不可呢?你討厭公園景觀跟高天花板嗎?
來吧,我?guī)闳タ磸N房
不用了,兄弟我今早在電視上…
…看過一個廚房
不要再說了
來嘛,告訴我們對,她真只有二十?
你們休想這我說什么
來嘛,理查,今天是我生E讓我過一下干癮嘛
爸,你真的不會想那樣做
跟朋友分享一下你的中年危機嘛
杰克,你別說了,好嗎?
我了解你在做什么我五十時買了部保時捷
你有自己的小”加速器”
各位,說真的,不是像那樣這樣吧
或許找個周末我車子借你,你的小…
爸,我求你不要說完那個句子
怎么?我在逗他
我才不會讓他碰我的保時捷
阿秋
哪一朵百合?這一朵或那一朵?
我喜歡這朵
開得比較大,就像我媽
她有比較開放給子的精神
霧號麥桿
金發(fā)的,你去第二間
沒那么金的,你跟我來
走吧
你不進去?
怎么了?是因為羅斯的話嗎?
是啦,或許我真不敢相信
你們的關系這樣維持嗎?羅斯是老板?
少來了現在是1922年嗎?
1922年有什么?
只是很久以前嘛
當時是女人很多事得聽男人的時代
然后還有投票權那是件好事,佁
你到底要不要刺?
我要啊,只是羅斯他…
你男友是你的老板嗎?
那好,誰是你的老板?
你?
不,你是你的老板
你現在給我進去把那顆紅心刺上去
去
你怎么了?
我是個幼齒
真的?我是英雄
這好難哦
是呀,我知道,我也討厭這樣
聽著,或許我們應該說出來
或許我們應該先告訴你父母
我父母死了
你真幸運
不,我是說,你懂我意思
忍耐一下,好嗎?
我先出去,好嗎?
芙蒂,上洗手間呀,有你的
謝謝,理查,很感激你的支持
蜜糖
你有沒有看到我的奇哈蒙球棒老鮑不相信我有
我不知道
你知道理查在城里有個幼齒嗎?
我知道,他像個全新的男人好像進了”魔繭”一樣
我怎么也無法幻想理查和小笨妹在一起
顯然他告訴沙強尼那個女孩不錯
事實上,他告訴強尼他想他愛上她了
真的?告訴你,我沒見他這么快樂過
杰克...
…你有沒有想過拿我去換個年輕小妞兒?
當然沒有
你不就等于兩個二五佳人?
杰克,住手
來嘛
今天是我生日
別說了,好嗎?
我對那家伙的公寓沒興趣
拜托,我看到你檢查他房子裝飾的樣子
你想要
我干嘛要另外一個房子?
我已經有個我愛的房子了
是嘛,偶爾這樣說說又不會死
好吧,想聽實話嗎?我的確在考慮
什么?抱歉
我今年28了從沒自己住過…
…而我終于賺到足夠的錢…
…可以讓我不再需要室友
我也不需要室友啊
自己住這里我也負擔得起
我或許一個禮拜得請一次人來舔我的餐具
你老兄火氣干嘛那么大
我們又沒說要永遠住在一起
我們又不是連體嬰
知道嗎?
如果你這樣覺得…
…那或許你應該搬去
我是那樣覺得那或許你應該搬去
那或許我會
那好,很好
你就有多點時間跟你真正的朋友混…
…你的湯匙
誰還要加點飲料?
快要切蛋糕了
摩妮卡?你還好嗎?
記得我發(fā)現爸媽的那卷錄影帶嗎?
我剛看了現場秀
我剛看了現場秀
沒什么我剛聽到你的好話
真的?
你兒子現在沒女朋友吧?據我所知,沒有
我是在想…他何不打個電話給摩妮卡?
那…是個主意
事實上,我已經有男友了
是嗎?
這孩子什么事都不講
羅斯你知道摩妮卡有男友了嗎?
媽,我周遭有好多好多人
有些人有男朋友,有些人沒有
那是水晶的嗎?
那個神秘男子是誰?
他是個醫(yī)生
真正的醫(yī)生?
不,他是研究肉的
他當然是真的醫(yī)生
他很英俊
人很好我知道你會喜歡他
那太棒了
媽,沒關系
沒錯,芙蒂
杰克
請你進來一下,好嗎?
現在
現在
你女兒跟理查看來似乎是一對
那不可能,他在城里有個幼齒
爸,我是那個幼齒
你是那個幼齒?她不是個幼齒
好吧,聽著,各位這是我有過最棒的關系…
拜托,關系?
對,關系
你們請聽好我為這個男人瘋狂
真的?
我生日還要站在這里聽你說這些鬼話嗎?
這是件好事,你自己也說你沒見理查那么快樂過
我何時說的?
樓上的浴室啊,你摸媽之前
祝你生日快樂
祝你生日快樂
祝你生日快樂,杰克
祝你生日快樂
好漂亮哦,我好喜歡
我知道,我也是菲此,我好高興你這我刺
讓我看你的
再瞧瞧你的
菲此,我的才剛看過讓我看你的
不...
不見了,好古怪哦
不知道去哪里了
你沒刺?
你為什么沒刺?
對不起…
菲此,你怎么可以這樣對我?這全是你的主意
我知道…我本來是要刺的可是他拿著針走進來
你知道他們是用針刺的嗎?
真的?真的嗎?
因為我的是貓?zhí)蛏先サ?br />
聽著,今天的事我很抱歉…
我也是我知道
我們需要抱一下嗎?
不,沒關系
我有東西送你
塑膠湯匙
太棒了,舔吧,老兄
這在我的新家會很好用先應付應付
什么?
我不能永遠用塑膠湯匙這不環(huán)保
不…我是說…你說什么新家?
我要搬出去,像我們談過的
我不知道你是認真的
我以為我們只是在吵架
我們是在吵架
…有根有據的,記得嗎?
關于我從沒一個人住過
我只是想,這對我有好處幫我成長…
…之類的
那就是了
這你沒問題吧?
我不想讓你覺得被遺棄了
不,我也不會覺得更愉快的
我不要緊的我就把你的房間…
…改成游戲室之類的好了
把足球桌放在里面
那桌子為什么該歸你?
我付了一半的錢
對,我付了另一半
這樣吧,誰贏誰的
好呀,沒問題
我可以抽出時間來痛宰你一頓
我得的分會此你妹被上過的次數還多
哪一個妹妹?
你后悔我告訴他們嗎?
不,我跟你爸好久沒去跑步了
你們刺了嗎?給我看
羅斯在嗎?不在,他去買披薩
下就好
好漂亮
很有品味
要看我的嗎?…
什么?你又沒刺
那這是什么?
我們在看什么?
那顆藍雀斑?
那是我的刺青
那不是刺青,那什么也不是
我終于這她回去再刺…
…針根本都還沒碰到她她就跳起來尖叫逃走
嗨
這正是我想要聽到的
這是個從很遠的地方看到的地球
我媽從天堂看到我就是這樣的
真是狗屁一堆
那是一個點
你媽正在天堂上大叫”我的百合在哪里?狗熊”
菲此,那不是個刺青這才是個刺青
你去刺青了?
或許
只是個小的啦菲此刺了全世界
讓我看看
怎樣?
怎樣?
性感
我沒想到會這樣,但
...哇
真的?
對,所以會酸痛嗎?你可以活動嗎?
可以吧
留些披薩給我們
別窩在角落
傳球...
別跟你的人講話
帥,桌子是我的了
恭喜了
你們還是會來看我,對吧?
會呀,你有大熒幕電視
我們會常常去的
除了在這里時
我知道你只是往北搬我還是會很想你的
你怎會不再是我的對門芳鄰了?
是呀,誰來吃光我們的東西占用我們的電話…
那是我的胸罩嗎?
你拿我的胸罩去干嘛?不…你想歪了
我們用那個來在屋頂上彈水球
記得嗎?那些初中生連彈到對面都辦不到
是呀,我記得
口引門把剩下的搬上卡車
你要我…
…幫你搬這個足球桌下去嗎?
不了,你留著,你需要練習
謝了
所以...
…我猜就這樣了
是呀,對
大概吧
我不知道我們何時會再見?
我猜今晚在咖啡館?
對呀
保重了