蘋(píng)果新品來(lái)了,看看歪果仁是如何吐槽的

This week Apple unveiled three new iPhones and two new watches, which means its time for the tech conspiracy theorists to go off about their current phones glitching . Just like clockwork, each new product release comes with complaints and, of course, lots and lots of memes.

本周蘋(píng)果公司發(fā)布了三款蘋(píng)果手機(jī)新機(jī)型，還有兩款蘋(píng)果手表新機(jī)型。這意味著，那些持有陰謀論的技術(shù)宅們吐槽他們現(xiàn)有的手機(jī)的時(shí)候又到了。一環(huán)扣一環(huán)，每屆蘋(píng)果新品發(fā)布會(huì)都會(huì)引發(fā)一大撥的吐槽，當(dāng)然，還有許許多多的惡搞段子。

1. The only upgrade I care about

我唯一關(guān)心的升級(jí)

Apple's accessories can last only a year. my chargers and headphones are shedding it's skin as soon as it hits a year. Then i thought, APPLE's way of making money every year.

蘋(píng)果的手機(jī)配件都只有一年的使用壽命。時(shí)間一到，我的充電線和耳機(jī)都開(kāi)始脫皮了，然后我就會(huì)想，這不就是蘋(píng)果公司每年的生財(cái)之道嗎?

2. FaceTime with up to 32 people at once.

支持多人即時(shí)視頻聊天，最多人數(shù)32人。

Sorry but I don’t know 3 people who would want to talk to me at once.

不好意思，我認(rèn)識(shí)的人中，想要同時(shí)跟我聊天的人不超過(guò)3個(gè)。

Imagine hearing "Can you see me? I can't see you!" 32 times at once! Al right, I can see the necessity of speaking with 20-30 people at once, but I really don't see a reason to use the phone at that time. Such a teleconference usually involves stationary computers, where it makes a lot of sense, much like any teleconference software.

想象一下，同時(shí)聽(tīng)到32個(gè)人說(shuō)“你能看到我嗎?我看不到你啊!”好吧，我承認(rèn)我有時(shí)會(huì)需要同時(shí)跟20-30個(gè)人交談，但我找不出任何理由、在這種情況下用手機(jī)作為聊天工具。這樣的多人遠(yuǎn)程會(huì)議通常會(huì)用到臺(tái)式電腦，或者其他遠(yuǎn)程會(huì)議軟件，這樣合情合理的多。

3.With your current account balance, which apple product can you buy?

以你目前的財(cái)產(chǎn)收支情況，你買(mǎi)得起蘋(píng)果的什么產(chǎn)品?

Apple juice.

蘋(píng)果汁

Yeah with the price of the most expensive one I can easily get a new set of summer and winter tyres that I actually need. So it's new tyres, apple juice and sticking with my perfectly functioning IPhone 8.

是的，以售價(jià)最高的新機(jī)型的價(jià)格，我可以買(mǎi)下一套夏季輪胎和冬季輪胎，這才是我真正需要的。所以我得到的是新輪胎，蘋(píng)果汁，然后繼續(xù)使用我的蘋(píng)果8手機(jī)，性能完美喲。

4.New Apple Watch can detect if you’ve fallen down and will call emergency services if you are immobile for one minute.

新款蘋(píng)果手表能檢測(cè)到你是否摔倒，如果你一分鐘之內(nèi)保持靜止不動(dòng)，它就會(huì)為你呼叫救護(hù)車(chē)。

Drinking with an Apple Watch on just got interesting.

帶著蘋(píng)果手表去買(mǎi)醉，變成了很有趣的事情喲。

If you trip on a banana skin, brush your knee, and an ambulance comes, will you be ready to pay for the huge insane bill??

如果你不小心踩到香蕉皮滑了一跤，擦傷了膝蓋，你的蘋(píng)果手表就為你找來(lái)了救護(hù)車(chē)，你愿意支付高額的急救醫(yī)療費(fèi)嗎?

5.Yes, for many people it's all about the brand

沒(méi)錯(cuò)，對(duì)很多人來(lái)說(shuō)，他們只在乎那個(gè)商標(biāo)。

6.Me: Please make durable charging cables.

我：請(qǐng)生產(chǎn)些耐用的充電線。

Apple: Here take a phone similar to the last one.

蘋(píng)果公司：請(qǐng)收下這個(gè)跟舊機(jī)型差不多的新款手機(jī)!

Me: But cable

我:可是我想要充電線。

Apple: Okay take a new watch too

蘋(píng)果公司：好吧，請(qǐng)?jiān)偈障逻@個(gè)新手表。

Me: What about the cable though

我：可是充電線怎么辦……

Meanwhile, the cables get old after a month.

不僅如此，充電線用一個(gè)月就老化了。

7.Don’t buy the new iPhone. Impree your friends and save money by simply writing “Sent from my IPhone XS Max” at the end of each email.

無(wú)需買(mǎi)新款的蘋(píng)果手機(jī)，你只需要在每封電子郵件下面寫(xiě)上“來(lái)自我的新蘋(píng)果XS Max”就行，這樣既能省錢(qián)，還能在朋友面前炫耀一下。

How does owning an iphone impress people, i wonder...

擁有一只蘋(píng)果手機(jī)就能在朋友面前炫耀嗎?我表示懷疑……

8.Apple Watch series 4 detects fall, detects low heart rate, can do ECG.

蘋(píng)果手表4能監(jiān)測(cè)佩戴者是否異常摔倒或者心跳異常，還能做心電圖

So they were right“an Apple a day keeps doctor away.”

所以說(shuō)那句話(huà)是對(duì)的，“一天一個(gè)蘋(píng)果，醫(yī)生不來(lái)找我。”

That's actually very cool - and something like this would be VERY helpful for older people who live alone.

這個(gè)功能確實(shí)挺棒的——對(duì)于獨(dú)居的老人來(lái)說(shuō)，這個(gè)功能會(huì)非常有用。

9.No, just more expensive to buy and more difficult for the children in China to build.

不，只是賣(mài)價(jià)更貴，中國(guó)的工人做起來(lái)也更難了。

10.Method of payment for the new XS and XS Max

購(gòu)買(mǎi)新款 XS 和XS Max的支付方式

It literally sound like "excess" and "excess max". I think they're just mocking their customers now.

聽(tīng)起來(lái)很像 "excess"(過(guò)于昂貴的) and "excess max"(過(guò)于昂貴且最大的)。我猜蘋(píng)果公司已經(jīng)開(kāi)始嘲笑他們的買(mǎi)主了。

11.The new Apple Watch will detect low heart rate and make ECGS.

新款蘋(píng)果手表可以檢測(cè)心跳異常，可以做心電圖。

The next iPhone will also perform the surgery required to sell your kidney to pay for it.

下一款新型手機(jī)說(shuō)不定會(huì)有操作外科手術(shù)的功能，你買(mǎi)下手機(jī)后，它能幫你摘除腎臟拿去賣(mài)掉，以支付新手機(jī)所需的費(fèi)用。

Never fails to make me laugh

看一次笑一次。

12.Now that the new iPhone is out…I can now finally afford a second hand iPhone 4

現(xiàn)在蘋(píng)果推出新機(jī)型了……我終于可以買(mǎi)下一只二手蘋(píng)果4手機(jī)了。

As a fellow South African, I feel this on a spiritual level.

作為一個(gè)南非土豪，我只能在精神層面上理解你……

13.Once upon a time

很久很久以前。

Does Less. Costs More. It's That Stupid. -Apple

功能更少，價(jià)格更高。就是這么傻。——蘋(píng)果

14.My iPhone immediately after the Apple Event.

蘋(píng)果新品發(fā)布會(huì)之后，我的蘋(píng)果手機(jī)突然就這樣了。

OMG YES! They do it on purpose!

就是這樣，他們肯定是故意的!

15.This is how I see the new iPhone.

這是我眼中的蘋(píng)果新機(jī)型。

True

千真萬(wàn)確!

16.Do you remember the time?

你還記得這個(gè)時(shí)候嗎?

To be fair that was the on contract price Which I would gladly go back to doing.

公允的說(shuō)，這是協(xié)議價(jià)，不過(guò)，我還是非常樂(lè)意重返這個(gè)時(shí)候。

17.Difference between iPhone X and iPhone XS Max

蘋(píng)果X與蘋(píng)果XS Max兩者之間的區(qū)別

barely anything

幾乎沒(méi)有區(qū)別

18.Apple doesn’t always launch new products

蘋(píng)果公司不會(huì)經(jīng)常發(fā)布新品。

But when they do, they don’t.

萬(wàn)一他們發(fā)布了新品，他們發(fā)布的也不是新品。

Sigh. I miss him.

哎，我想他了。

19.This is how I see the new iPhone.

我眼中的蘋(píng)果新機(jī)型。

accurate

就是這樣!

20.The iPhone XXX be like

蘋(píng)果XXX會(huì)不會(huì)是這樣的

iPhone XXXL

加大號(hào)蘋(píng)果

21.How I feel eveytime I watch an Apple Event.

每次我看蘋(píng)果的新品發(fā)布會(huì)，我的感受都是這樣的。

Don’t be fooled. She’s just a regular Malibu Stacy with a stupid , cheap hat.

別被騙了，她就是一個(gè)普通的Malibu Stacy娃娃，加上一頂又傻氣又便宜的草帽!

But she’s got a new hat.

可是她有新草帽呀!

I want it. I want it. I want it.

我想要!我想要!我想要!

Barbie doll makers = phone makers. same same , diff year is all.

蘋(píng)果制造商和玩偶制造商一樣。年年歲歲機(jī)相似，僅此而已。