“他不是冷酷無情”：喬布斯女兒回憶錄中的愛與寬恕

When Steve Jobs told his daughter Lisa Brennan-Jobs that the Apple Lisa computer was not named after her, it was not a cruel lie to a little girl, she insists — he was teaching her “not to ride on his coattails.”

當(dāng)史蒂夫·喬布斯(Steve Jobs)告訴他的女兒麗莎·布倫南-喬布斯(Lisa Brennan-Jobs)，蘋果的“麗莎”電腦不是以她的名字命名的時(shí)，這并不是一個(gè)對小女孩撒的殘酷的謊言——麗莎堅(jiān)稱——而是喬布斯在教她不要“利用他的聲望”。

When Mr. Jobs refused to install heat in her bedroom, he was not being callous, she says — he was instilling in her a “value system.”

當(dāng)喬布斯拒絕在她的臥室里安裝暖氣時(shí)，他并不是冷酷無情，麗莎說，而是在向她灌輸一種“價(jià)值體系”。

When a dying Mr. Jobs told Ms. Brennan-Jobs that she smelled “like a toilet,” it was not a hateful snipe, she maintains — he was merely showing her “honesty.”

當(dāng)喬布斯臨終前告訴她，她身上的氣味聞起來“像馬桶”，這并不是一種惡意的攻擊，麗莎堅(jiān)持認(rèn)為，而只不過是他在對她展示“誠實(shí)”。

It’s a strange thing to write a devastating memoir with damning details but demand that these things are not, in fact, damning at all. Yet that’s exactly what Ms. Brennan-Jobs has done in a new memoir, “Small Fry,” and in a series of interviews conducted over the last few weeks.

寫一部充滿譴責(zé)性細(xì)節(jié)的令人震驚的回憶錄，但同時(shí)又堅(jiān)稱這些細(xì)節(jié)不是譴責(zé)，是一件奇怪的事情。但這正是布倫南-喬布斯在她的新回憶錄《小魚小蝦》(Small Fry)、以及她在過去幾周中接受的一系列采訪中所做的。

Thanks to a dozen other biographies and films, Apple obsessives already know the broad outlines of Ms. Brennan-Jobs’s early life: Mr. Jobs fathered her at 23, then denied paternity despite a DNA match, and gave little in financial or emotional support even as he became a god of the early computing era. “Small Fry,” which goes on sale Sept. 4, is Ms. Brennan-Jobs’s effort to reclaim her story for herself.

由于已經(jīng)有十幾部其他人寫的傳記和電影，蘋果迷們早已了解了布倫南-喬布斯早期生活的大致輪廓：喬布斯在23歲時(shí)成為麗莎的生父，但盡管有DNA親子鑒定，喬布斯仍拒絕承認(rèn)她是自己的女兒，而且就在計(jì)算機(jī)的早期時(shí)代開始把他奉為神的時(shí)候，他卻幾乎沒有為女兒提供經(jīng)濟(jì)上或感情上的支持?！缎◆~小蝦》一書將于9月4日開始發(fā)售，布倫南-喬布斯試圖在此書中重新講述這個(gè)屬于自己的故事。

The backdrop to her raw depictions of life with and without Mr. Jobs is 1980s Silicon Valley, where artists and hippies mixed with technologists, ideas of how to build the future flourished, and a cascade of trillions of dollars was just beginning to crash onto the landscape. Ms. Brennan-Jobs navigated a childhood on welfare with her mother, the artist Chrisann Brennan, and an adolescence ensconced in her father’s wealth.

她對跟喬布斯或不跟喬布斯一起生活的真實(shí)描述的大背景是20世紀(jì)80年代的硅谷。那時(shí)的硅谷，藝術(shù)家和嬉皮士與技術(shù)人員打成一片，關(guān)于如何建設(shè)未來的想法層出不窮，數(shù)萬億美元的資金開始源源不斷地涌入。布倫南-喬布斯在童年時(shí)期曾靠政府福利生活，與身為藝術(shù)家的母親克里斯安·布倫南(Chrisann Brennan)相依為命，后來在青春期靠父親的財(cái)富過上了更加安穩(wěn)的生活。

In passage after passage of “Small Fry,” Mr. Jobs is vicious to his daughter and those around her. Now, in the days before the book is released, Ms. Brennan-Jobs is fearful that it will be received as a tell-all exposé, and not the more nuanced portrait of a family she intended. She worries that the reaction will be about a famous man’s legacy rather than a young woman’s story — that she will be erased again, this time in her own memoir.

在《小魚小蝦》一段接一段的文字里，喬布斯對他的女兒和她周圍的人都很惡毒。現(xiàn)在，在回憶錄出版前的日子里，布倫南-喬布斯擔(dān)心，這本書會被當(dāng)作一部和盤托出的爆料，而不是她所預(yù)期的，捕捉到一個(gè)家庭的各種細(xì)微的描繪。她擔(dān)心人們的反應(yīng)將是關(guān)于一個(gè)著名男人留下的東西，而不是關(guān)于一個(gè)年輕女性的故事;她擔(dān)心她將再次被抹去，而這一次是在她自己的回憶錄里。

On the eve of publication, what Ms. Brennan-Jobs wants readers to know is this: Steve Jobs rejected his daughter for years, but that daughter has absolved him. Triumphantly, she loves him, and she wants the book’s scenes of their roller skating and laughing together to be as viral as the scenes of him telling her she will inherit nothing.

在即將出版之前，布倫南-喬布斯想讓讀者知道的是：史蒂夫·喬布斯曾好多年拒絕接受自己的女兒，但這個(gè)女兒已經(jīng)赦免了他的罪過。她以一種勝利的姿態(tài)愛父親，她希望，書中她和父親一起滑旱冰和大笑的場景，能和父親告訴女兒她什么都不會繼承的場景一樣，成為人們茶余飯后談?wù)摰臇|西。

Ms. Brennan-Jobs’s forgiveness is one thing. What’s tricky is that she wants the reader to forgive Mr. Jobs, too. And she knows that could be a problem.

布倫南-喬布斯的寬恕是一回事。問題在于，她希望讀者也能原諒喬布斯。她知道這可能會是個(gè)問題。

“Have I failed?” she asked, in one of our conversations. “Have I failed in fully representing the dearness and the pleasure? The dearness of my father, and the outrageous pleasure of being with him when he was in good form?”

“我失敗了嗎?”在我們的一次談話中，她問道。“我是不是沒能充分表達(dá)寶貴與快樂?(是不是沒能充分表達(dá))我父親的珍貴，以及當(dāng)他狀態(tài)好時(shí)，我和他在一起時(shí)的無比快樂?

‘The Bad Part of a Great Story’

“一個(gè)偉大故事的糟糕部分”

After college, Ms. Brennan-Jobs left the United States to work in finance in London and Italy; she later shifted into design, and then freelance writing for magazines and literary journals. Now 40, she has long avoided publicity. She has never been profiled, and she has carefully eluded most of her father’s chroniclers. (One exception: Aaron Sorkin, who called her “the heroine” of his 2015 Steve Jobs biopic.) Ms. Brennan-Jobs said she did not trust Walter Isaacson, who wrote the definitive, megaselling biography of her father in 2011.

大學(xué)畢業(yè)后，布倫南-喬布斯離開了美國，在倫敦和意大利從事金融業(yè);后來，她轉(zhuǎn)而從事設(shè)計(jì)工作，再后來為雜志和文學(xué)期刊自由撰稿。現(xiàn)年40歲的她一直避免拋頭露面。從未有媒體對她做過人物專訪，她也曾小心翼翼地避開大多數(shù)為她父親寫傳記的人。(有一個(gè)例外是亞倫·索爾金[Aaron Sorkin]，他稱布倫南-喬布斯是他2015年拍攝的史蒂夫·喬布斯傳記片的“女主角”。)布倫南-喬布斯說，她不信任沃爾特·艾薩克森(Walter Isaacson)，艾薩克森2011年為她父親寫的權(quán)威性傳記曾暢銷一時(shí)。

“I never spoke with Walter, and I never read the book, but I know I came off as cold to my father and not caring whether he felt bad,” Ms. Brennan-Jobs said in late July, sitting in Cantine, a small, vegan-friendly cafe in Brooklyn’s Carroll Gardens neighborhood. “I was devastated by it.”

“我從未與沃爾特談過話，也從未讀過那本書，但我知道(在這本書里)我給人的印象是，對父親冷漠，不在乎他是否感到難過，”布倫南-喬布斯說，“(那本書)讓我非常難過。”她是在7月份說這番話的，當(dāng)時(shí)我們正坐在布魯克林卡羅爾花園社區(qū)(Carroll Gardens)一家名為“餐廳”(Cantine)的、對素食者友好的小咖啡館里。

“I felt ashamed to be the bad part of a great story,” she continued. “And I felt unresolved.”

“我為自己是一個(gè)偉大故事里的一個(gè)糟糕部分而感到羞愧，”她接著說，“我曾有過問題沒有解決的感覺。”

And so in “Small Fry,” she seeks to resolve some of that shame by describing how her childhood unfolded, who key characters were, why it all happened. Ms. Brennan-Jobs went back to Silicon Valley and interviewed her family, her friends, her mother’s ex-boyfriends, and her father’s ex-girlfriend. In her childhood, the region had been green with eucalyptus and full of garage hackers. Now it is the greatest wealth-creation machine in the history of the world, and Mr. Jobs remains its towering hero.

所以她尋求在《小魚小蝦》中消除一部分羞愧，手法是通過描述自己的童年如何展開、關(guān)鍵人物是誰，以及這一切是為什么發(fā)生的。布倫南-喬布斯回到硅谷，采訪了她的家人、朋友、母親的前男友們，以及父親的前女友。在她的童年時(shí)代，這個(gè)地區(qū)長滿了桉樹，到處都是車庫里創(chuàng)業(yè)的人。如今，硅谷是世界歷史上最偉大的創(chuàng)造財(cái)富的機(jī)器，而喬布斯仍然是其最偉大的英雄。

Ms. Brennan-Jobs began work on what would become “Small Fry” not long after her father’s 2011 death. Years into writing, she felt rushed by her publisher, Penguin Press, and feared being “tarted up” and made to take advantage of her father’s legacy. She wanted to be with a smaller publisher who would work with her and give her more time, and switched to Grove, taking what she says was a 90 percent cut in her advance. (A spokesperson for Penguin declined to comment.)

布倫南-喬布斯在父親于2011年去世后不久就開始了寫作，這些文字后來變成了《小魚小蝦》。書寫了數(shù)年后，她覺得當(dāng)時(shí)的出版商企鵝出版社(Penguin Press)太急于求成了，她擔(dān)心她的書會被“搞得花里胡哨的”，讓她成了一個(gè)利用父親遺產(chǎn)的人。她希望找一家愿意與她合作的更小的出版商，讓她有更多的時(shí)間，于是她選擇了格羅夫出版社(Grove Press)，并稱預(yù)付稿酬因此減少了90%。(企鵝出版社的發(fā)言人拒絕置評。)

One result of the delay is that “Small Fry” is entering the public conversation at a time when, across industries, formerly disempowered or ignored women are having their say about powerful men. A memoir by Steve Jobs’s firstborn was always going to be a publishing sensation, but Ms. Brennan-Jobs has inadvertently timed hers to land when the public is even more attuned to marginalized voices — and when many are having darker thoughts about the world Mr. Jobs created with his attention-devouring devices.

這個(gè)推遲的一個(gè)結(jié)果是，《小魚小蝦》進(jìn)入公眾談話發(fā)生在一個(gè)特別的時(shí)機(jī)，在各個(gè)行業(yè)，曾經(jīng)不被賦予權(quán)力的、或被忽視的女性現(xiàn)在有了發(fā)言權(quán)，可以對有權(quán)有勢的男性發(fā)表意見了。史蒂夫·喬布斯的長女寫的回憶錄在任何時(shí)候都會在出版界引起轟動，但布倫南-喬布斯無意中選擇的出版時(shí)機(jī)正好是公眾對邊緣化的聲音更適應(yīng)的時(shí)候，同時(shí)也是許多人對喬布斯創(chuàng)造的世界產(chǎn)生了更多疑慮的時(shí)候，他創(chuàng)造的電子設(shè)備正在吞噬人們的全部注意力。

‘I Hope Thanksgiving’s OK’

“我希望還能好好過感恩節(jié)”

None of that, of course, was imaginable when Ms. Brennan-Jobs was born on May 17, 1978, on a commune farm in Oregon. Her parents, who had met in high school in Cupertino, Calif., were both 23. Mr. Jobs arrived days after the birth and helped name her, but refused to acknowledge that he was the father. To support her family, Ms. Brennan cleaned houses and used government assistance. Only after the government sued Mr. Jobs did he agree to pay child support.

當(dāng)然，當(dāng)布倫南-喬布斯于1978年5月17日出生在俄勒岡州的一個(gè)公社農(nóng)場時(shí)，這一切都無法想象。她的父母當(dāng)時(shí)都是23歲，他們在加州庫比蒂諾(Cupertino)的一所高中認(rèn)識。喬布斯在孩子出生幾天后到來，幫助給她取名，但拒絕承認(rèn)自己是孩子的父親。為了養(yǎng)家糊口，布倫南曾給人打掃房子，還拿過政府的補(bǔ)貼。只是在政府起訴了喬布斯之后，他才同意支付兒童撫養(yǎng)費(fèi)。

“Small Fry” describes how Mr. Jobs slowly took a greater interest in his daughter, taking her skating and coming over to her house for visits. Ms. Brennan-Jobs moved in with him for a time during high school, when her mother was struggling with money and her temper, but Mr. Jobs was cold and had extreme demands for what being a member of the family entailed. The neighbors next door worried about the teenage Lisa, and one night, when Mr. Jobs was out, they moved her from his house and into theirs. Against Mr. Jobs’s wishes, the neighbors paid for her to finish college. (He later paid them back.)

《小魚小蝦》描述了喬布斯怎樣慢慢地對女兒的成長產(chǎn)生了更大的興趣。他帶女兒去溜冰，還到她家去看她。高中時(shí)，布倫南-喬布斯搬到了喬布斯家住，當(dāng)時(shí)她母親正為錢發(fā)愁，脾氣很壞。但喬布斯很冷漠，對作為他家一員的所需條件有極端要求。喬布斯隔壁的鄰居很擔(dān)心十幾歲的麗莎，一天晚上，喬布斯不在家的時(shí)候，他們把她搬出了喬布斯家，搬進(jìn)了他們家。鄰居還不顧喬布斯的意愿，出錢讓她讀完了大學(xué)。(喬布斯后來還了他們錢。)

In an interview, Ms. Brennan-Jobs spoke of “not wanting to alienate people” she loves, but acknowledged that her memoir might do just that. Aside from Mr. Jobs, all the central characters are very much alive. “I hope Thanksgiving’s O.K.,” she said.

在一次采訪中，布倫南-喬布斯提到“不想疏遠(yuǎn)”自己所愛的人，但她承認(rèn)，她的回憶錄可能恰恰會產(chǎn)生這種效果。除了喬布斯，書中所有的主要人物都還百分之百地活著。“我希望還能好好過感恩節(jié)，”她說。

Her mother, Ms. Brennan, is portrayed as a free spirit who nurtured her daughter’s creativity — but could be mercurial, hot-tempered and sometimes neglectful. “It was horrendous for me to read,” Ms. Brennan said in an interview. “It was very, very hard. But she got it right.”

在布倫南-喬布斯的描述中，母親布倫南是一個(gè)獨(dú)立自主的人，她培養(yǎng)了女兒的創(chuàng)造力，但她也會情緒多變、脾氣暴躁，有時(shí)甚至?xí)ε畠郝唤?jīng)心。“這本書讀起來很令我震驚，”布倫南在接受采訪時(shí)說，“非常、非常難讀下去。但她(麗莎)都寫對了。”

Mr. Jobs’s infamous venom is on frequent display in “Small Fry.” Out one night at dinner, Mr. Jobs turns to his daughter’s cousin, Sarah, who has just unknowingly offended him by ordering meat. “‘Have you ever thought about how awful your voice is?” Mr. Jobs asks Sarah. “Please stop talking in that awful voice,” he says, adding, “You should really consider what’s wrong with yourself and try to fix it.”

喬布斯臭名昭著的惡毒一面在《小魚小蝦》中頻繁地被展現(xiàn)出來。一天晚上在外面吃飯的時(shí)候，喬布斯轉(zhuǎn)向女兒的表妹薩拉(Sarah)問到，“你有沒有想過你的聲音多令人討厭?”薩拉因?yàn)辄c(diǎn)了一道帶肉的菜，無意中得罪了喬布斯。“請不要用那種討厭的聲音說話，”他說，還說，“你應(yīng)該好好考慮自己到底出了什么問題，并試著改正過來。”

Ms. Brennan-Jobs describes her father’s frequent use of money to confuse or frighten her. “Sometimes he decided not to pay for things at the very last minute,” she writes, “walking out of restaurants without paying the bill.” When her mother found a beautiful house and asked Mr. Jobs to buy it for her and Lisa, he agreed it was nice — but bought it for himself and moved in with his wife, Laurene Powell Jobs.

布倫南-喬布斯在書中描述了她父親經(jīng)常用錢來迷惑或嚇唬她。“有時(shí)，他在最后一刻決定不付錢，”她寫道，“不付帳就走出餐館。”當(dāng)她的母親看上了一幢漂亮的房子，請喬布斯為她和麗莎把房子買下來時(shí)，他同意房子不錯(cuò)，但卻把房子給自己買了下來，和妻子勞倫·鮑威爾·喬布斯(Laurene Powell Jobs)一起搬了進(jìn)去。

Ms. Brennan said that her daughter has, if anything, underplayed the chaos of her childhood. “She didn’t go into how bad it really was, if you can believe that,” she said.

布倫南說，女兒低調(diào)處理了童年生活的混亂。“她并沒有詳細(xì)描述那真的有多糟糕，如果你能相信的話，”布倫南說。

But “Small Fry” also contains moments of joy that capture Mr. Jobs’s spontaneity and unparalleled mind. When Ms. Brennan-Jobs goes on a school trip to Japan, he arrives unannounced and pulls her out of the program for a day. Father and daughter sit, talking about God and how he sees consciousness. “I was afraid of him and, at the same time, I felt a quaking, electric love,” she writes.

不過，《小魚小蝦》中也包含了一些歡樂的時(shí)刻，這些時(shí)刻捕捉到了喬布斯心血來潮的性格和無與倫比的頭腦。當(dāng)布倫南-喬布斯參加學(xué)校組織的去日本旅行時(shí)，他沒打招呼就來了日本，讓她離開學(xué)校組織的活動，陪著她玩了一天。父親和女兒坐在一起，談?wù)撋系?，談?wù)撍J(rèn)為什么是意識。“我怕他，同時(shí)，我也感到了一種撼人的、電一般的愛，”她寫道。

“When I started writing,” Ms. Brennan-Jobs told me, “I didn’t think he’d be so interesting on the page, and I was almost frustrated that he pulled so much gravity.”

“當(dāng)我開始寫作時(shí)，”布倫南-喬布斯告訴我，“我不覺得紙面上的他會這么有趣，我對他有如此的吸引力幾乎感到沮喪。”

After Ms. Brennan-Jobs moved in with Mr. Jobs as a teenager, he forbade her from seeing her mother for six months, as a way to cement her connection to his new family. At the same time, Mr. Jobs shifted from neglectful to controlling. When Ms. Brennan-Jobs was getting increasingly involved at her high school, starting an opera club and running for freshman-class president, he got upset. “This isn’t working out. You’re not succeeding as a member of this family,” Mr. Jobs says in the memoir. “You’re never around. If you want to be a part of this family, you need to put in the time.”

布倫南-喬布斯十幾歲時(shí)搬到喬布斯家后，他曾禁止她在六個(gè)月的時(shí)間里與母親見面，以鞏固她與喬布斯新建的家庭的聯(lián)系。與此同時(shí)，喬布斯的態(tài)度從漫不經(jīng)心轉(zhuǎn)向了控制。當(dāng)布倫南-喬布斯越來越多地參與到她的高中生活中，創(chuàng)辦了一個(gè)歌劇俱樂部，并競選高一班學(xué)生會主席時(shí)，他很不高興。“這沒有解決問題。你沒有成功地成為這個(gè)家庭的一員，”回憶錄引用喬布斯的話寫道。“如果你想成為這個(gè)家庭的一員的話，你需要投入時(shí)間。”

To appease her father, Ms. Brennan-Jobs transferred to another school that was closer to her father’s house. She persisted in becoming editor in chief of the school newspaper. Her mentor there, a journalism teacher named Esther Wojcicki, says “Small Fry” is a faithful account.

為了安撫自己的父親，布倫南-喬布斯轉(zhuǎn)到了另一所離父親家更近的學(xué)校。她執(zhí)著地要當(dāng)校報(bào)的主編。她在學(xué)校時(shí)的指導(dǎo)老師、教授新聞的教師埃絲特·沃耶茨基(Esther Wojcicki)說，《小魚小蝦》的記述是忠實(shí)的。

“The dialogue that she had in there between her and Steve was just exactly right,” Ms. Wojcicki said. “The book is a gift to all of us.”

“書里，她和史蒂夫之間的對話完全是真實(shí)的，”沃耶茨基說，“這本書是給我們大家的一份禮物。”

Early copies of the memoir have circulated among family and friends. Ms. Powell Jobs, her children and Mr. Jobs’s sister, Mona Simpson, gave this statement to The Times: “Lisa is part of our family, so it was with sadness that we read her book, which differs dramatically from our memories of those times. The portrayal of Steve is not the husband and father we knew. Steve loved Lisa, and he regretted that he was not the father he should have been during her early childhood. It was a great comfort to Steve to have Lisa home with all of us during the last days of his life, and we are all grateful for the years we spent together as a family.”

這本回憶錄的早期版本曾在家人和朋友間傳閱。鮑威爾·喬布斯、她的孩子們，以及喬布斯的妹妹莫娜·辛普森(Mona Simpson)給時(shí)報(bào)發(fā)了一份這樣的聲明：“麗莎是我們家庭的一部分，所以我們懷著悲傷的心情讀了她的書。這本書里的描述與我們對過去的記憶有很大的不同。對史蒂夫的描寫不是我們所知道的那個(gè)丈夫和父親。史蒂夫愛麗莎，他對在她的童年時(shí)代沒有做一個(gè)他本該成為的父親感到后悔。讓史蒂夫感到非常欣慰的是，麗莎和我們一起在家陪他度過了他生命的最后幾天。我們都很感激我們作為一家人一起度過的歲月。”

Set Free

感到釋然

On a hot August day in Brooklyn, Ms. Brennan-Jobs and I walked to her studio, a small apartment with brick walls she painted white and a bamboo floor she painted black. While writing “Small Fry,” she told me, she covered the mirrors around her work space with paper. “I don’t like catching myself in the mirror,” she said, “because it’s like — ‘Oh, self.’”

在8月份炎熱的一天，我和布倫南-喬布斯走進(jìn)了她在布魯克林的工作室，這是一個(gè)有外露磚墻的小公寓，她給墻涂上白色，把竹子地板涂上黑色。她告訴我，在寫《小魚小蝦》期間，她用紙把工作空間周圍的鏡子擋了起來。“我不喜歡看到鏡子里的我自己，”她說，“因?yàn)槟牵趺凑f呢——‘哦，我自己。’”

Ms. Brennan-Jobs said she was nervous about how she would be described physically in a profile, and so I asked her to use her own words. “My face is uneven,” she said. “I have small eyes. I wish I had dimples, but I don’t. I think right now I look jowly.”

布倫南-喬布斯說，她對別人在專訪中會如何描述她的外貌有些焦慮，所以我讓她用自己的話來描述自己。“我的臉型不規(guī)則，”她說。“我的眼睛小。我希望有酒窩，但我沒有。我認(rèn)為此時(shí)此刻，我有點(diǎn)長著雙下巴的樣子。”

I interjected to say she had delicate features, and freckles, and was about 5 foot 2, with slightly reddish brown hair.

我插話說，她面目清秀，有雀斑，身高約5英尺2英寸(157公分)，頭發(fā)是略微有點(diǎn)棕紅色。

“My nose,” Ms. Brennan-Jobs replied, “is not particularly delicate.”

“我的鼻子并不特別清秀，”布倫南-喬布斯回答說。

She is deeply self-deprecating, saying she was horrified to be doing “a celebrity memoir.” She said she was sure The New Yorker would not review the book, and that years ago, her first meeting at Grove only occurred because Elisabeth Schmitz, the editorial director, was doing a favor for a mutual friend.

她高度自謙，稱自己對寫“名人回憶錄”感到驚恐。她說，她確信《紐約客》不會評論她的書。而且，幾年前，她得以與格魯夫首次會面只是因?yàn)榫庉嫴恐魅我聋惿?middot;施米茨(Elisabeth Schmitz)在幫一位共同朋友的忙。

“My first thought on being pitched the book was, ‘I don’t do this kind of thing. I don’t know how to publish a celebrity memoir,’” said Ms. Schmitz, who has acquired literary memoirs like the naturalist Helen Macdonald’s “H is for Hawk.” But something about Ms. Brennan-Jobs’s writing made her reconsider. “From the first page,” she said, “her language is fresh, surprising, unpredictable.”

“當(dāng)她向我提出寫這本書的想法時(shí)，我的第一個(gè)反應(yīng)是，‘我不做這種事情。我不知道怎樣出版一本名人回憶錄，’”施密茨說。她出版過幾本文學(xué)回憶錄，比如自然學(xué)家海倫·麥克唐納(Helen Macdonald)的《鷹的第一個(gè)字母是H》(H is for Hawk)。但是，布倫南·喬布斯的寫作中有些東西讓她重新考慮。施密茨說，“她的語言從第一頁開始就充滿清新，令人驚訝，讓人難以預(yù)測。”

I’ve read it, and her writing really is compelling. Ms. Brennan-Jobs takes the same linguistic knife to herself as she does to others. She writes with disgust about using anecdotes from her childhood to elicit sympathy from others, and she is ashamed to have dropped her father’s name during an interview to get into Harvard.

我讀過這本書，她的寫作確實(shí)有力。對人對己，布倫南-喬布斯都同樣使用她刀子般的語言。她厭惡地描寫自己利用童年軼事來獲取別人的同情，她為自己在面試時(shí)拋出父親的名字因而進(jìn)了哈佛大學(xué)而感到羞恥。

On Aug. 1, Vanity Fair published an excerpt from “Small Fry” under the digital headline “I Have a Secret. My Father Is Steve Jobs.” A few nights later, Ms. Brennan-Jobs called me, worried. She hated the title, and on social media, readers were feasting on the more savage details of her account — especially the “toilet” comment.

8月1日，《名利場》刊發(fā)了《小魚小蝦》節(jié)選，網(wǎng)絡(luò)版用的標(biāo)題是“我有個(gè)秘密，我父親是史蒂夫·喬布斯”。過了幾天，布倫南-喬布斯憂心忡忡地給我打電話。她討厭這個(gè)標(biāo)題，在社交媒體上，讀者們正津津樂道于她講述中比較兇殘的細(xì)節(jié)——尤其是“像馬桶”這樣的評語。

“He was telling me the truth,” Ms. Brennan-Jobs told me, adding that the rosewater perfume she wore had turned. “I wasn’t aware of it. Sometimes it’s nice of someone to tell you what you smell like.”

“他是在告訴我實(shí)話，”布倫南-喬布斯對我說，她又解釋那是她用的玫瑰純露的味道。“我之前沒察覺。有人告訴你你的氣味像什么，有時(shí)候是好事。”

It was another uncomfortable reminder that even though “Small Fry” is Ms. Brennan-Jobs’s story — one written in a precise, literary style — her father’s myth looms so large that she cannot control how her words are received. When choosing a narrator for the audio version, she nixed the ones who spoke his lines too harshly or without humor.

這又是一個(gè)令人不安的提醒，即使《小魚小蝦》是布倫南-喬布斯的故事，用精確的、文學(xué)化的風(fēng)格寫成的故事，她父親的神話還是太強(qiáng)大，以至于她無法控制別人怎么理解她的描述。在選擇有聲書版本的朗讀者時(shí)，她否掉了一些語調(diào)過于嚴(yán)厲或沒有幽默感的候選人。

So much of Ms. Brennan-Jobs’s effort with the memoir seems to be to show how brutal Steve Jobs could be — and, in doing so, to reclaim that brutality for herself. And how she wants to reclaim it is to love it.

布倫南-喬布斯在回憶錄里下的工夫，大多像是為了說明史蒂夫·喬布斯能有多無情——這樣做也是為了自己對這種無情進(jìn)行再利用。再利用的方式就是去愛它。

“You get your inheritance, delivered in a lump of coal or whatever in a sort of awful package,” she told me at one point. “And you have to take a lot of time to turn the awful package on its head, and it reveals something kind of glorious, and then you’re set free.”

“你得到了遺產(chǎn)，它裹在一大塊煤里邊，或是別的什么可怕的包裝里邊，”她有一次告訴我。“你必須花很多時(shí)間把這可怕的包裝打開，里面的東西光彩奪目，那時(shí)候你就釋然了。”

Inappropriate Scenes

不妥當(dāng)?shù)膱鼍?/p>

If Ms. Brennan-Jobs was alarmed by the reaction to the toilet-water excerpt, she may be unprepared for what happens when readers encounter more disturbing material. Several times in “Small Fry,” Mr. Jobs engages in what seems like inappropriate affection in front of his daughter.

如果讀者對馬桶水那段摘錄的反應(yīng)都令布倫南-喬布斯驚慌，那當(dāng)他們讀到那些更令人困擾的內(nèi)容時(shí)會作何感想，她恐怕還毫無防備?！缎◆~小蝦》里提到有好幾次，喬布斯在女兒面前表達(dá)情感時(shí)有失分寸。

Ms. Brennan-Jobs describes him embracing Ms. Powell Jobs one day, “pulling her in to a kiss, moving his hand closer to her breasts,” and up her thigh, “moaning theatrically.”

布倫南-喬布斯描述他有一天抱住妻子鮑威爾-喬布斯，“把她拉過去親吻，將手掌貼近她的乳房”，又移上她的大腿，“戲劇性地呻吟”。

When Ms. Brennan-Jobs tries to leave, her father stops her: “‘Hey Lis,’ he said. ‘Stay here. We’re having a family moment. It’s important that you try to be part of this family.’ I sat still, looking away as he moaned and undulated.”

布倫南-喬布斯想躲開，父親叫住了她：“‘嘿，麗莎，’他說。‘待在這。這是我們的一家親時(shí)刻。你要努力融入這個(gè)家，這很重要。’我坐著不動，他呻吟著扭來扭去，我裝看不見。”

Ms. Brennan-Jobs emphasized in an interview that she never felt threatened by her father, and that to her, these scenes show he was “just awkward.”

布倫南-喬布斯在一次采訪中強(qiáng)調(diào)，她從未覺得父親威脅到她，對她來說，這些情景只是表明他“很笨拙”。

This kind of display was not an isolated incident, said Ms. Brennan-Jobs’ mother, who described an upsetting, sexualized conversation between Mr. Jobs and their daughter in her 2013 memoir, “A Bite in the Apple.” One evening, Ms. Brennan writes, she let Mr. Jobs babysit 9-year-old Lisa. When Ms. Brennan came home early, she found Mr. Jobs with the girl, “teasing her nonstop about her sexual aspirations,” “ridiculing her with sexual innuendos,” and “joking about bedroom antics between Lisa and this or that guy.”

布倫南-喬布斯的母親說，這種表現(xiàn)不是孤例，在她2013年出版的回憶錄《咬一口蘋果》(A Bite in the Apple)中，她寫過喬布斯和他們的女兒有一次惱人的涉性對話。一天晚上，布倫南寫道，她讓喬布斯照看9歲的麗莎。布倫南提前回了家，她發(fā)現(xiàn)喬布斯和女兒在一起，“不停地拿她的性渴望取笑她”，“用性暗示嘲笑她”，“拿麗莎和這個(gè)或那個(gè)男孩的房事逗樂。”

Ms. Brennan, in her memoir, describes feeling scared for her daughter that night, and wanting to place her body between them and get out of there. “I will be clear,” Ms. Brennan writes. “Steve was not a sexual predator of children. There was something else going on.” Still, after that night, Ms. Brennan tried to make sure there was “a chaperone” when Mr. Jobs was with his young daughter for long hours, she told me recently.

布倫南在回憶錄里說，那天晚上她為女兒感到害怕，她想把他們倆隔開，想離開那里。“我想明確一點(diǎn)，”布倫南寫道。“史蒂夫并不是性侵兒童的人。這里面存在別的問題。”不過她最近告訴我，那天晚上之后，只要喬布斯和他的小女兒長時(shí)間待在一起，布倫南都盡量確保女兒有個(gè)“陪護(hù)”。

“He was so inappropriate because he didn’t know how to do better,” Ms. Brennan said. In her book, she characterizes Mr. Jobs as “on a slide whistle between human and inhuman.”

“他太沒分寸，因?yàn)樗恢涝鯓幼龈皿w，”布倫南說。在書里，她形容喬布斯“在有人味和沒人味之間無級變換”。

One afternoon in August, as Ms. Brennan-Jobs and I talked in her kitchen, she made a juice of dandelion greens, pineapple, turmeric and ginger roots. She eats an extremely healthy diet and knows it mirrors her father’s, which veered into esoteric California wellness trends, even as pancreatic cancer took over more of his body.

八月的一個(gè)下午，布倫南-喬布斯和我在她的廚房聊天，她用蒲公英嫩葉、菠蘿、姜黃和生姜做了果汁。她的飲食極為健康，她知道這是受父親影響，當(dāng)年即使是胰腺癌已擴(kuò)散到大部分身體，喬布斯仍緊跟神秘莫測的加州養(yǎng)生潮流。

Ms. Brennan-Jobs has a husband, Bill, a longtime Microsoft employee now launching a software start-up. He has two daughters, aged 10 and 12, and he and Ms. Brennan-Jobs have a 4-month-old son. As she drinks her juice, Bill is nearby with the children, and there’s an easygoing energy in the house.

布倫南-喬布斯有丈夫，叫比爾，在微軟工作多年，現(xiàn)在正在辦自己的軟件創(chuàng)業(yè)公司。他有兩個(gè)女兒，一個(gè)10歲、一個(gè)12歲，他和布倫南-喬布斯有個(gè)兒子，4個(gè)月大。她喝著果汁時(shí)，比爾和孩子們在一起，家里的氣氛十分隨和。

“I see my husband and the way he is with his daughters — responsive and alive and sensitive in ways my father would have liked to be,” Ms. Brennan-Jobs said. “My father would have loved to be a man like that, and he surrounded himself with men like that, but he couldn’t be.”

“我看到我丈夫和他與女兒相處的樣子——有求必應(yīng)、活潑、體貼入微，我的父親也很想這樣。”布倫南-喬布斯說。“父親很希望做一個(gè)這樣的男人，他周圍也盡是這樣的人，但他沒做到。”

Decades after his child-support lawsuit, Mr. Jobs erased his paternity again. “Small Fry” notes that on his corporate bio on the Apple website, the detail-obsessed chief executive was listed as having three children. But of course he had four.

那場子女贍養(yǎng)官司過去幾十年后，喬布斯又一次抹去了他的父親名分。《小魚小蝦》里提到，蘋果網(wǎng)站上喬布斯的公司簡歷中，列數(shù)了這位注重細(xì)節(jié)的首席執(zhí)行官的三個(gè)孩子。但他明明有四個(gè)。

‘We’re Just Cold People’

“我們就是那種冷淡的人”

The most public torchbearer for Mr. Jobs’s character and legacy is Ms. Powell Jobs. With an inherited fortune of some $21 billion, she has engaged in philanthropy and launched the Emerson Collective, an organization that pursues liberal political activism and for-profit investments, and owns a majority stake in the Atlantic magazine.

喬布斯的形象和遺產(chǎn)，最公開的接棒人是鮑威爾-喬布斯。她繼承了大約210億美元的財(cái)富，投身慈善事業(yè)，并成立了艾默生集團(tuán)(Emerson Collective)，該集團(tuán)從事自由主義政治活動和營利性投資，還擁有《大西洋月刊》的多數(shù)股權(quán)。

Ms. Powell Jobs plays a somewhat “tonic note” in “Small Fry,” Ms. Brennan-Jobs said. Her stepmother brings her into family photos, for example, but many of the descriptions of Ms. Powell Jobs are biting.

布倫南-喬布斯說，鮑威爾-喬布斯在《小魚小蝦》中擔(dān)當(dāng)了“主音音符”。比如是她的繼母把她拉進(jìn)了全家福照片，但書中對鮑威爾-喬布斯有許多尖刻描寫。

Ms. Brennan-Jobs told me that she gave Ms. Powell Jobs “the best line” in the book. It appears in a scene where Ms. Powell Jobs and Mr. Jobs go to a therapy session with a teenage Lisa. Ms. Brennan-Jobs cries and says she feels lonely and has wanted her parents to say good night to her.

布倫南-喬布斯告訴我，她把這本書里的“最佳臺詞”給了鮑威爾-喬布斯。那是有一次鮑威爾-喬布斯和喬布斯陪十多歲的麗莎去做心理治療。布倫南-喬布斯哭著說她感到孤獨(dú)，她希望父母能跟她說晚安。

Ms. Powell Jobs responds to the therapist: “We’re just cold people.”

鮑威爾-喬布斯對治療師說：“我們就是那種冷淡的人。”

Toward the end of Mr. Jobs’s life, he finally apologized to his daughter. Ms. Brennan-Jobs calls it her “movie ending.” In the book, she writes that Mr. Jobs said he was sorry he had not spent more time with her, and for disappearing during her adulthood, forgetting birthdays and not returning notes or calls.

臨近生命終點(diǎn)時(shí)，喬布斯終于向女兒道歉。布倫南-喬布斯稱之為她的“電影結(jié)局”。她在書里寫，喬布斯說自己沒有更多地陪她，在她成年后徹底不出現(xiàn)，忘記她的生日，不回信不回電話，他對這一切感到抱歉。

In reply, Ms. Brennan-Jobs says she knows he was busy. Mr. Jobs answers that he acted the way he did because she had offended him. “It wasn’t because I was busy. It was because I was mad you didn’t invite me to the Harvard weekend,” he says in the book, referring to a matriculation event.

布倫南-喬布斯說，她知道他很忙。喬布斯則回答，他之所以那樣做是因?yàn)樗撬鷼狻?ldquo;不是忙。是因?yàn)楣鹉莻€(gè)周末你沒邀請我去我生氣了，”在書里他這樣說，他指的是一場入學(xué)活動。

He also cries and tells her over and over again, “I owe you one” — a famously articulate communicator unable to summon the basic language of contrition.

他還哭著一遍又一遍地對她說，“我欠你個(gè)人情”——這個(gè)以條理清晰著稱的演講者，無法說出最基本的懺悔語言。

Ms. Brennan-Jobs may be experiencing a kind of author’s remorse as her book makes its way toward store shelves. But details as lethal as these — they sink into Mr. Jobs’s legend like daggers to the hilt — are more proof than any DNA test that she is her father’s daughter.

布倫南-喬布斯可能正在經(jīng)歷寫作者那種作品即將上架時(shí)的追悔莫及。但這些要命的細(xì)節(jié)——它們就像匕首刺入喬布斯的傳奇，直至刀柄——比任何DNA測試更能證明她的確是她父親的女兒。

Ultimately, Mr. Jobs left his daughter an inheritance in the millions — the same amount as his other children — and she is not involved in the allocation of his financial legacy. If she was in charge of his billions, she says, she would give it away to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation — a curious twist given her father’s epic rivalry with Apple’s archnemesis.

最終，喬布斯給他的女兒留下數(shù)以百萬計(jì)的遺產(chǎn)——數(shù)額與他另幾個(gè)子女一樣，但他的財(cái)務(wù)遺產(chǎn)分配工作與她無關(guān)。她說如果由她來負(fù)責(zé)那兩百多億美元，她就全捐給比爾及梅琳達(dá)·蓋茨基金會(Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation)——考慮到她父親與這個(gè)蘋果死對頭的史詩級的對抗，那真是個(gè)神轉(zhuǎn)折。

“Would it be too perverse?” she asked. “I feel like the Gates Foundation is really doing good stuff, and I think I would just hot potato it away.”

“這是不是太任性了?”她問。“我是覺得蓋茨基金會真的做得很好，而且我想我會趕緊把燙手山芋丟掉。”

Ms. Brennan-Jobs said she wrote “Small Fry” in part to figure out why he withheld money from her even as his wealth ballooned, and as he spent it more freely on the children he had with Ms. Powell Jobs. She said she now sees it was about teaching her that money can corrupt.

布倫南-喬布斯說她寫《小魚小蝦》，部分原因是想弄清楚為什么即使在父親財(cái)富激增時(shí)，他仍對她捂緊口袋，而給他和鮑威爾-喬布斯的那幾個(gè)孩子花錢就灑脫得多。她說她現(xiàn)在認(rèn)為，那是在教她金錢能使人墮落。

The ethos “felt true and kind of beautiful and kind of enlightened for somebody like that,” she said. Still, the question was “why he would have taken that value system and applied it so severely to me.”

她說這種作風(fēng)“對這樣一個(gè)人來說感覺挺真實(shí)，有某種美好，有某種啟迪。”不過，問題是“為什么他把這個(gè)價(jià)值觀如此嚴(yán)苛地用在我身上”。

“You can have a value system and be unable to totally live it,” she added. “And you can imagine being that rich and famous and how amazing it is if you can hold on to some of your value system. He didn’t do it right. He didn’t apply it evenly. But I feel grateful for it.”

“你可以擁有一個(gè)價(jià)值觀而并不能完全實(shí)現(xiàn)它，”她補(bǔ)充道。“你可以想象，在那樣有錢那樣有名的情況下，還能堅(jiān)持你的某些價(jià)值觀，有多了不起。他做得不對。他的價(jià)值觀用得不公平。但我還是感激的。”

Ms. Brennan-Jobs told me she likes toying with the strange power of being a memoirist writing about trauma because the reader knows she made it out O.K. She is here in the privileged position of writing this book, after all. And as a memoirist, even a reluctant one, she gets the final word.

布倫南-喬布斯告訴我，回憶錄作者寫自己的舊創(chuàng)傷有一種奇妙的力量，她喜歡把玩這種力量，因?yàn)樽x者知道她已經(jīng)走出來了。畢竟，寫這本書，她有得天獨(dú)厚的優(yōu)勢。作為寫回憶錄的人，哪怕不那么情愿，到底是她說了算。

One night toward the end of Mr. Jobs’s life — and the end of the book — he is watching “Law and Order” in bed.

在喬布斯生命盡頭的一個(gè)晚上——也是在這本書的尾聲——他在床上看劇集《法律與秩序》。

“‘Are you going to write about me?’” he asks her.

“你會寫我嗎?”他問她。

She tells him no.

她告訴他不會。

“‘Good,’ he says, and turns back to the television.”

“‘那就好，’他說，然后回頭接著看電視。”