十種讓人作嘔朋友圈狀態(tài)，你有震驚到么

1. Declarations of love that don't ever need to declared: “I love my daughter sooo much.”

沒必要的愛的宣告：“我好愛我的女兒啊。”

Analysis: They feel the need to convince someone like themselves, or perhaps felt a pang of love and instead of telling the beloved, they felt the whole world should be in on it. Once, a friend of mine posted, “I hate my kid. Sorry to offend you, but he's a little bastard and I'm sick of him.” Obviously it was a joke, but 141 people felt the need to tell him what a bad parent he was.

分析：這些人是不是覺得非得讓別人知道自己有多喜歡誰，他們可能覺得堅守這份愛有些苦悶，你倒是告訴你愛的人啊，滿世界嚷嚷算什么意思啊?有一次我的朋友發(fā)了這樣一篇：“我討厭我孩子，如果讓你不爽我很抱歉，但他真的是個小混蛋，我太討厭他了。”很明顯他開個玩笑罷了，不過141個家伙在下面留言說他實在是個不稱職的父親……

2. Mundane details about their day appearing as milestones: “Going to dinner and a movie!!!”

普普通通的生活細節(jié)，非要當成里程碑一樣的大事：“去吃了晚飯，還看了電影!!!”

Analysis: A very boring life.

分析：這樣的日子真無聊。

3. Giving details about health along with emoticon to verify feelings about it: “Feeling sick today"
發(fā)身體情況的細節(jié)，還要加個表情符號證實自己說的沒錯：“今天感覺病怏怏的:(”

Analysis: Bored, and too stupid to just play Words with Friends.

分析：這人也被無聊逼的，和朋友玩文字游戲你都不夠格，你這個蠢貨。

4. Emotional rant directed at no one in particular, but so specific that everyone knows they've been screwed over: “Never trust people who tell you they will pick you up at 6 just to make you wait an hour. Some people will never be mature enough to be in a relationship, so maybe they should be dumped.”

情緒激動的怒罵，看似不針對某人，其實大家都知道他倆完了：“永遠別相信一個說6點鐘來接你，結(jié)果讓你苦等了1個小時的家伙。有些人永遠不知道戀愛里什么才叫成熟，也許他們活該被甩。”

Analysis: Well, they can't really give the person's name or address them directly. That would be too honest.

分析：咳，這人就是不指名道姓，也不當著對方的面直接說。那樣有點兒太過誠實了。

5. Pictures of mundane plates of food in front of them.

一盤擺在面前普普通通的菜

Analysis: "I'm eating. You have to see what I'm eating!" Well, maybe it looked better at the restaurant.

分析：“我在吃飯噠，你要看我在吃嬸Mua!”沒準餐館里的真貨要比你拍的還好看些。

6. Persuasive proclamations of life being good: “I’m loving life right now.”

生活很美好之類的感人宣告：“我愛當下的生活。”

Analysis: Life is not good.

分析：日子過得不好才會這么說。

7. Persuasive proclamations about God. “I feel blessed to be alive on this glorious day, and I owe it all to God. Make God your only Savior and you will never be sad.”

對神的感人告白：“能過得這么好都是有您的庇佑，我的一切都歸于上帝。若將上帝作為你唯一救星，你將永遠不會悲哀。”

Analysis: Religious people need to spend more time in church and less time on Facebook.

分析：如果你信宗教就多花點時間去教堂，花少點時間在Facebook上。

8. Updates of mundane activities written as though they are jokes: “I had to stop and get gas and then wait an hour for a prescription. Then I lost my keys and couldn't get back in my car. Hahaha.”

憋個段子寫些稀松平常的事情：“停車加油，又等了一個小時拿到處方。結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)我把車鑰匙丟了，現(xiàn)在車也進不去。哈哈哈。”

Analysis: “It's funny, right? Please say it's funny.”

分析：“好笑嗎，嗯?請你告訴我哪好笑。”

9. Political rants about random things: “Why should churches have to pay for abortions? Obama is a terrible president and a terrorist.”

不管什么都扯上政治：“為什么教會要為流產(chǎn)買單?奧巴馬作為總統(tǒng)爛透了，簡直是恐怖分子。”

Analysis: I don't know. I hate politics.

分析：其實我什么都不懂，我只是討厭政治。

10. Unusual excitement about seeing someone: “OMG I can’t wait to see Lesley and Jaime and Kelly!!”

見到人特別興奮：“OMG，我迫不及待要見到Lesley、還有Jaime還有Kelly!!”

Analysis: Superficiality is the drug of the overabundancy.

分析：膚淺是治療精力過剩的良藥。