撒嬌的藝術

For all that has been written about cross cultural relationships I am really surprised no one has really mentioned sajiao. Of course there are a lot of cultural differences that influence any romantic relationship between a Chinese and a Westerner but in my opinion none as often, or as much, as sajiao.
描寫跨國戀情的文章很多，但令我驚訝的是居然沒有人談論“撒嬌”這個話題。誠然，由中國人和西方人所組成的跨國戀情會受到很多文化差異的影響，但我認為沒有一樣能像“撒嬌”這樣舉足輕重。

So what is sajiao? It's not as easy to answer as you might think. Chinese people know what it is because it's such a big part of their romantic and family relationships. Almost every young Chinese man wants his woman to sajiao to him. But if you ask them for a definition most have a hard time coming up with something precise.
什么是撒嬌？答案可能沒有你想象的那么簡單。中國人很清楚撒嬌的含義，那是因為這是他們婚戀生活的重要組成部分。幾乎所有中國男人都希望自己的另一半和自己撒嬌。但如果你要他們給“撒嬌”做個定義，大多數人都很難給出準確定義。

"Now that you asked me it's not so easy to explain," one of my Chinese friends told me.
我的一個中國朋友回答我：“既然你問了，（我本該回答你）但這個問題確實很難解釋。”
 
But from a conglomeration of sources that includes my friends and cultural bloggers I will attempt to give you some kind of definition of what sajiao is. So buckle you seatbelt and prepare to be schooled in the art of sajiao.
但在兼顧幾位朋友和文化博主的意見后，我想給撒嬌下幾點定義?，F在，系好你的安全帶，來學習一下“撒嬌”的藝術。
 
One way to describe sajiao is when Chinese women act like a cute but spoiled child in nough to melt the heart of any Chinese man, making them ready to do anything for such an innocent and helpless looking beauty. Which by the way brings me to another aspect of sajiao...the feminine performance of appearing weak to get what you want.
當中國女人為展現溫柔，變得像個可愛的、被寵壞的孩子時，這就是“撒嬌”。嘟嘴的表情加上天真的眼神足以融化任何一個中國男人的心，讓他們甘愿為這位天真無助的美女赴湯蹈火。綜上所述我們可以看到撒嬌的另一面——為達成己愿而表現出柔弱的女性行為。

 A perfect example would be when I am sitting at my computer surfing the Internet and my Chinese girlfriend is sitting across the room, right next to the water dispenser, watching TV. She will then turn to me with a sulky face and in a childish voice ask me, "baby can you get me some water?"
這里舉一個再恰當不過的例子，我在上網，我的中國女友就坐在我對面看電視，而她旁邊就是飲水機。通常這時，她都會撅起小嘴，孩子氣地和我說道：“親愛的，能遞給我一些水嗎？”

From my Western perspective my first thought is, "What the hell! You are the one right next to the water dispenser...get it yourself." But most Chinese men would jump to their feet and rush to the water dispenser to get a fresh glass of water to reward the sajiao of their girlfriend. While I might think it is acting spoiled, Chinese men love sajiao. It makes them feel wanted and gives them a chance to act as the stronger sex.
作為一個西方人，我的第一反應是：“搞什么！你緊挨著飲水機，自己拿。”但大多數中國男人卻很享受女友的撒嬌，他們會毫不遲疑地起身，沖到飲水機旁為女友接一杯水。雖然在我看來這是種寵溺，但中國男人卻對此情有獨鐘。撒嬌使他們覺得自己是不可或缺的，同時也給了他們一次展現男性魅力的機會。

In fact one of my Chinese friends often complains that his girlfriend doesn't sajiao enough. "You know, she is too harsh," he said, "I really feel like I can't please her."
事實上我的一位中國朋友經常抱怨自己的女友不常撒嬌，他說：“你知道的，她太嚴厲了。我真的覺得無法讓她開心。”

Which brings me to the main thrust of this article as to why sajiao is to blame for many of the problems in cross-cultural dating. While things like curiosity, loneliness, and practical benefits help create cross-cultural relationships, nothing destroys them faster than misunderstanding sajiao.
探討為何跨國戀情中的很多問題都歸咎于撒嬌正是我寫這篇文章的主要動力。在好奇、孤獨以及現實優(yōu)勢等因素成就了跨國戀情的同時，對于撒嬌的誤解也成為跨國戀情的頭號“終結者”。

I know a monster of a man from Canada. When he first came to China he looked like a shaved Paul Bunyan on steroids. He wasn't mean; in fact he was actually very nice and quite funny. Combine this with his handsome looks and Chinese girls quickly started lining up for just a chance to talk with him. But my Canadian friend couldn't stand most of them. "I hate it when they act so childish," he would fume. "It drives me nuts...it feels like they are playing some kind of game with me."
我認識一位如同怪獸般的加拿大男人。第一次來中國時，他看上去像極了刮了胡子、打了類固醇的保羅•班楊。當然他并不會暴跳如雷；事實上他人很友善，也十分有趣，再加上英俊的外表，很快便有很多中國女孩排隊搶著和他搭訕。但對于其中大多數女孩，我的這位加拿大朋友都無福消受。他生氣地說：“我討厭她們幼稚的樣子。我簡直要發(fā)狂了。就好像她們在和我玩游戲。

I have another American friend that simply walks out the door as soon as a Chinese girl starts to sajiao to him. "I don't mean to be cruel but I can't stand all that," he said.
當中國女孩開始撒嬌時，我的另一位美國朋友選擇立即閃人。他表示：“ 我并不想變得冷酷無情，但我實在沒辦法忍受這些。”

It might be easy for them to find a new girlfriend given the immense curiosity many young Chinese women have for foreign men, but a lot of these relationships don't work out. Blame it on sajiao.
就如同中國女人對外國男人充滿好奇一樣，他們很容易也出于好奇而結識新女友，但大部分戀情都無疾而終。而這些都要歸咎于撒嬌。

On the flip side, I know a lot of Chinese men that are interested in foreign women for the same reason, they are curious with something that is so different. Yet sadly most can't even get their foot in the door.
另一方面，我知道許多中國男人也是出于好奇而對外國女人情有獨鐘，他們對差異充滿好奇。但遺憾的是大多數人甚至無法成功邁出第一步。

I've heard many explanations as to why Chinese men largely fail to pick up a Western girl; everything from media stereotypes to the fact that Chinese men are somehow less aggressive and confident.
關于為何大多數中國男孩無法掠獲西方女孩芳心這一問題，我曾聽到過多種解釋：從媒體的老生常談到中國男人不夠積極、自信的事實。

But is this really the case, or do the above explanations miss a much more important reason why Chinese men have a problem with foreign women, I think it's because they ignore the fact that foreign women don't sajiao. They don't put on the cute whiny face and play the weaker sex. They want to be equal! For a man that is used to and expects sajiao this can be quite a rude awakening!
但這就是跨國戀情觸礁的真正原因嗎，抑或是上述理由缺少了一個更重要的支撐？我想，中國男人之所以無法獲取外國女性的芳心是因為他們忽略了后者不會撒嬌的事實。她們不會做出可愛且幽怨的表情，不會扮演弱勢的女性角色。她們希望男女平等！講到這里，那些已習慣撒嬌且欲罷不能的男人應該如夢初醒了吧！

In the end whether you are a Chinese or foreign guy and want to find a functioning and lasting relationship you are going to have to adapt. If not, well then at least you now have something to blame...sajiao.
最后，無論你來自哪個國家，只要你想擁有一段長期而穩(wěn)定的戀情你都要試著去適應這一切。如若不然，那現在你至少可以將所有的錯都歸咎于“撒嬌”。
 

相關詞匯：

　　buckle 用搭扣扣緊
　　
　　conglomeration 聚集,混合物
　　
　　water dispenser 飲水機
　　
　　fume 發(fā)怒
　　
　　harsh 嚴厲的, 嚴酷的
　　
　　innocent 天真的，無辜的
　　
　　mean 要發(fā)怒的，要發(fā)狂的
　　
　　pouty 撅嘴的,容易生氣的
　　
　　precise 準確的
　　
　　spoiled 被寵壞的
　　
　　steroid 類固醇
　　
　　surfing 網絡沖浪
　　
　　thrust 要旨，重點