幸福的夫妻就是這樣爭(zhēng)吵的

幸福的夫妻就是這樣爭(zhēng)吵的

In his seminal novel, "Anna Karenina," Tolstoy remarked that "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." His observation, that it takes the avoidance of flaws to have a successful family (or an experiment), has become adapted by statisticians and ecologists alike, even being deemed the "Anna Karenina principle."

托爾斯泰在其影響深遠(yuǎn)的小說(shuō)《安娜·卡列尼娜》中寫(xiě)道:“幸福的家庭都是相似的;不幸的家庭各有各的不幸。”他的觀點(diǎn)是，要想擁有一個(gè)成功的家庭(或一項(xiàng)實(shí)驗(yàn))，就必須避免缺陷，這一觀點(diǎn)已經(jīng)被統(tǒng)計(jì)學(xué)家和生態(tài)學(xué)家所接受，甚至被視為“安娜卡列尼娜原則”。

When it comes to choosing your battles, happily married couples know it's best to choose together. (Photo: Andreas Saldavs/Shutterstock)

When it comes to marriages, a study from the University of Tennessee found something similar: happy couples tend to argue the same way, or rather, they strategically choose to only argue about problems that have a concrete or easy solution.

田納西大學(xué)的一項(xiàng)研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，在婚姻問(wèn)題上也有類(lèi)似的發(fā)現(xiàn):幸福的夫妻傾向于用同樣的方式爭(zhēng)吵，或者更確切地說(shuō)，他們戰(zhàn)略性地選擇只就那些有具體或容易解決的問(wèn)題爭(zhēng)吵。

The multi-method, two-sample investigation published in the journal "Family Process" compared couples in their mid- to late- 30s to couples in their early 70s. All were self-described as happily married, and were asked to rank their least and most serious issues. Both samples ranked jealousy, religion and family as the least serious, while intimacy, leisure, household, communication and money were ranked as the most serious — including health for the older couples.

發(fā)表在《家庭過(guò)程》雜志上的一項(xiàng)多方法、雙樣本的調(diào)查將30多歲和70多歲的夫婦進(jìn)行了比較。所有人都自稱婚姻幸福，并被要求對(duì)他們最不重要和最嚴(yán)重的問(wèn)題進(jìn)行排名。這兩個(gè)樣本都將嫉妒、宗教和家庭列為最不嚴(yán)重的因素，而親密關(guān)系、閑暇時(shí)間、家庭生活、溝通和金錢(qián)被列為最嚴(yán)重的因素，其中包括老年夫婦的健康狀況。

As researchers observed the couples discussing marital problems, it became clear that both married groups chose their battles wisely. "Happy couples tend to take a solution-oriented approach to conflict, and this is clear even in the topics that they choose to discuss," said lead author and associate professor Amy Rauer.

研究人員觀察了討論婚姻問(wèn)題的夫妻，很明顯，雙方都明智地選擇了戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)。研究報(bào)告的主要撰寫(xiě)人、副教授艾米·勞爾說(shuō):“幸福的夫妻往往會(huì)采取一種以解決問(wèn)題為導(dǎo)向的方式來(lái)處理矛盾，這一點(diǎn)甚至在他們選擇討論的話題中也很明顯。”

For instance, the couples focused on issues with a resolvable solution, like how to spend leisure time or divvy up household chores. “Being able to successfully differentiate between issues that need to be resolved versus those that can be laid aside for now may be one of the keys to a long-lasting, happy relationship," concludes Rauer.

例如，夫妻們關(guān)注的問(wèn)題都是有解決方案的，比如如何打發(fā)閑暇時(shí)間或分擔(dān)家務(wù)。“能夠成功地區(qū)分需要解決的問(wèn)題和可以暫時(shí)擱置的問(wèn)題，可能是一段持久、幸福的關(guān)系的關(guān)鍵之一，”Rauer總結(jié)道。

Happy wife, happy life?

幸福的妻子，幸福的生活?

A marriage can help you live longer — as long as it's a happy, healthy one. (Photo: Pormezz/Shutterstock

It's been shown that being in a healthy relationship can help you live longer, too. From cardiovascular disease to depression to cancer, studies show that happy marriages play a valuable role in health issues, and encourage healthy behaviors like a healthy diet and staying socially active. But not just any marriage will do, and it changes depending on gender. Men benefit more from marriage, while women are especially vulnerable to a bad marriage. Psychiatrist Sudeepta Varma tells WebMD: "We now know that depression, obesity and hypertension can all result from women suffering in unhappy marriages."

研究表明，擁有一段健康的感情也能讓你活得更長(zhǎng)。從心血管疾病到抑郁癥再到癌癥，研究表明幸福的婚姻在健康問(wèn)題上扮演著重要的角色，并鼓勵(lì)健康的行為，比如健康的飲食和保持活躍的社交活動(dòng)。但并不是所有的婚姻都會(huì)這樣，它會(huì)隨著性別而改變。男人從婚姻中獲益更多，而女人尤其容易受到糟糕婚姻的傷害。精神病學(xué)家Sudeepta Varma告訴WebMD:“我們現(xiàn)在知道，抑郁、肥胖和高血壓都可能是女性婚姻不幸的結(jié)果。”

So how does one keep a happy marriage, well, happy? It could be in your genes. Research from the Yale School of Public Health suggests that happily married couples shared a common strand — specifically, a genetic variation known as the GG genotype within the oxytocin gene receptor. Couples who reported the most domestic bliss had more of the gene, aka OXTR rs53576, which is also linked to qualities found in good people, like empathy and emotional stability.

那么，一個(gè)人如何保持幸福的婚姻呢?可能是你的基因。耶魯大學(xué)公共衛(wèi)生學(xué)院的研究表明，幸福的夫妻擁有一條共同的基因鏈，具體來(lái)說(shuō)，就是催產(chǎn)素基因受體中的GG基因型。那些報(bào)告說(shuō)家庭生活最幸福的夫妻擁有更多的這種基因，又名OXTR rs53576，這也與好人身上的品質(zhì)有關(guān)，比如同情心和情緒穩(wěn)定。

Of course, not every study suggests that marriage leads to eternal happiness and endless fulfillment in life. Dr. Bella DePaulo believes that many scientists are biased when it comes to proving that marriage makes you happier.

當(dāng)然，并不是所有的研究都表明婚姻能帶來(lái)永恒的幸福和無(wú)盡的滿足感。貝拉·德保羅博士認(rèn)為，許多科學(xué)家在證明婚姻會(huì)讓人更幸福的問(wèn)題上存在偏見(jiàn)。

DePaulo declares that most of these marriage studies are too limited in their scope: only those who got married and stayed married were included in the studies she references, and that comparing stay-married people to stay-single people is simply unfair. They are different groups of people with different motivations in life — and let's not forget that American policymakers also treat married people better with goodies like tax breaks and health insurance benefits. Too many factors go into a married or unmarried person's state of happiness that make it difficult, if not impossible, to determine if marriage alone makes one live happily ever after.

德保羅宣稱，這些婚姻研究的范圍大多過(guò)于局限:只有那些結(jié)過(guò)婚并一直保持著婚姻的人才被包括在她所引用的研究中，而將已婚人士與單身人士進(jìn)行比較純粹是不公平的。他們是不同的群體，有著不同的生活動(dòng)機(jī)——我們不要忘記，美國(guó)的政策制定者也用減稅和醫(yī)療保險(xiǎn)福利等更好地對(duì)待已婚人士。已婚或未婚人士的幸福狀態(tài)受到太多因素的影響，因此很難(如果不是不可能的話)確定婚姻是否能讓一個(gè)人從此過(guò)上幸福的生活。

Whether you're married or not, all healthy relationships require upkeep and attention. Good marriages don't just happen out of nowhere, and neither do good friendships.

無(wú)論你是否結(jié)婚，所有健康的關(guān)系都需要維護(hù)和關(guān)注。好的婚姻不是憑空而來(lái)的，好的友誼也不是。