The Best Kind of Love 比較好的愛情
The Best Kind of Love 最好的愛情
◎ Annette Paxman Bowen
I have a friend who is falling in love. She honestly claims the sky is bluer. Mozart moves her to tears. She has lost 15 pounds and looks like a cover girl.
我的一位朋友正處于熱戀期間。她聲稱天空比以前更藍(lán)了，莫扎特的音樂讓她流淚。她體重降了十五磅，看上去就像一個(gè)封面女郎。
“I’m young again!” she shouts exuberantly.
“我又年輕啦！”她激動(dòng)地大喊。
As my friend raves on about her new love, I’ve taken a good look at my old one. My husband of almost 20 years, Scott, has gained 15 pounds. Once a marathon runner, he now runs only down hospital halls. His hairline is receding and his body shows the signs of long working hours and too many candy bars. Yet he can still give me a certain look across a restaurant table and I want to ask for the check and head home.
當(dāng)我的朋友為她的新歡幸福地傾訴時(shí)，我對(duì)我的舊愛仔細(xì)審視了一遍。和我共度了將近二十年的丈夫斯科特，他的體重增了十五磅。從前的馬拉松運(yùn)動(dòng)員，如今只能在醫(yī)院的大廳里跑來跑去。他的發(fā)際越來越高，頭發(fā)越來越稀少，他的體形也表明了他在長時(shí)間工作，并且糖塊吃得太多。但他仍能隔著餐館的桌子，用眼神對(duì)我發(fā)出某種暗示，然后我會(huì)立即埋單回家。
When my friend asked me “What will make this love last?” I ran through all the obvious reasons: commitment, shared interests, unselfishness, physical attraction, communication. Yet there’s more. We still have fun. Spontaneous good times. Yesterday, after slipping the rubber band off the rolled up newspaper, Scott flipped it playfully at me: this led to an all-out war. Last Saturday at the grocery, we split the list and raced each other to see who could make it to the checkout first. Even washing dishes can be a blast. We enjoy simply being together.
當(dāng)朋友問我“是什么讓我們的愛情持續(xù)到最后”時(shí)，我的腦海里立刻浮現(xiàn)出所有那些顯而易見的答案：承諾、共同愛好、無私奉獻(xiàn)、身體吸引、有效溝通，還有很多。我們?nèi)匀粨碛袠啡?，那些隨意而來的美好時(shí)光。昨天，解開捆報(bào)紙的橡皮筋后，斯科特開玩笑地用它彈了我一下，隨即引發(fā)了一場(chǎng)全面“戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)”。上周六在商店里，我們分開購物，比賽看誰先買好東西到結(jié)賬處。即使是洗碗也能開心地鬧一下。我們只是享受這種簡(jiǎn)單的共處。
And there are surprises. One time I came home to find a note on the front door that led me to another note, then another, until I reached the walk-in closet. I opened the door to find Scott holding a “pot of gold” (my cooking kettle) and the “treasure” of a gift package. Sometimes I leave him notes on the mirror and little presents under his pillow.
還有其他的驚喜。有一次我回到家，發(fā)現(xiàn)前門上貼著一張便條，它把我引向另一張便條，然后是另外一個(gè)，一直把我引到家里的壁櫥。我打開壁櫥門，發(fā)現(xiàn)斯科特站在里面，一手拿著一個(gè)“金壺”（我的蒸煮鍋），一手拿著包裝精美的“寶物”。有時(shí)我也在鏡子上給他留便條，或把小禮物放在他的枕頭下。
There is understanding. I understand why he must play basketball with the guys. And he understands why, once a year, I must get away from the house, the kids——and even him——to meet my sisters for a few days of nonstop talking and laughing.
還有理解。我理解他為什么一定要和伙伴們打籃球。他也理解我為什么每年都要找個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)離開家，離開孩子——甚至離開他幾天，同我的那幫姐妹沒完沒了地聊個(gè)不停。
There is sharing. Not only do we share household worries and parental burdens——we also share ideas. Scott came home from a convention last month and presented me with a thick historical novel. Though he prefers thrillers and science fiction, he had read the novel on the plane. He touched my heart when he explained it was because he wanted to be able to exchange ideas about the book after I’d read it.
還有分享。我們不但分享家務(wù)瑣事和為人父母的責(zé)任，我們還分享彼此的想法。斯科特上月去開會(huì)，回到家后送給我一本厚厚的歷史小說。雖然他一向更喜歡恐怖和科幻小說，他還是在飛機(jī)上將這本小說讀完了。當(dāng)他解釋說是希望在我讀完后能與我交換心得時(shí)，我的心被觸動(dòng)了。
There is forgiveness. When I’m embarrassingly loud and crazy at parties, Scott forgives me. When he confessed losing some of our savings in the stock market, I gave him a hug and said, “It’s okay. It’s only money.”
還有寬恕。當(dāng)我在聚會(huì)上尷尬地喊叫和瘋狂時(shí)，他原諒了我。當(dāng)他承認(rèn)在股市賠進(jìn)去我們的一些積蓄時(shí)，我擁抱著他說：“沒關(guān)系，這只是些錢而已。”
There is sensitivity. Last week he walked through the door with the look that tells me it’s been a tough day. After he spent some time with the kids, I asked him what happened. He told me about a 60-year-old woman who’d had a stroke. He wept as he recalled the woman’s husband standing beside her bed, caressing her hand. How was he going to tell this husband of 40 years that his wife would probably never recover? I shed a few tears myself. Because of the medical crisis. Because there were still people who have been married 40 years. Because my husband is still moved and concerned after years of hospital rooms and dying patients.
還有敏感。上個(gè)星期他回來的時(shí)候，臉上的表情告訴了我他這天過得很不好。他陪孩子們玩了一會(huì)兒后，我問他發(fā)生了什么事。他對(duì)我講述了一個(gè)六十歲老太太的事情，這個(gè)老太太得了中風(fēng)。回想起這位婦人的丈夫站在她床邊、撫摸著她的手的情形，他情不自禁地流下了眼淚。他怎么忍心告訴這個(gè)與她相伴四十年的丈夫說，他的妻子可能永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)康復(fù)??！我也不禁落淚。因?yàn)槟俏粙D人不治的病情，因?yàn)槿杂薪Y(jié)婚四十年的夫妻，因?yàn)榻?jīng)過多年的病房工作，整天面對(duì)垂死的病人，我的丈夫仍會(huì)感動(dòng)，仍存憐憫。
There is faith. Last Tuesday a friend came over and confessed her fear that her husband is losing his courageous battle with cancer. On Wednesday I went to lunch with a friend who is struggling to reshape her life after divorce. On Thursday a neighbor called to talk about the frightening effects of Alzheimer’s disease on her father-in-law’s personality. On Friday a childhood friend called long-distance to tell me her father had died. I hung up the phone and thought, this is too much heartache for one week. Through my tears, as I went out to run some errands, I noticed the boisterous orange blossoms of the gladiolus outside my window. I heard the delighted laughter of my son and his friend as they played. I caught sight of a wedding party emerging from a neighbor’s house. The bride, dressed in satin and lace, tossed her bouquet to her cheering friends. That night, I told my husband about these events. We helped each other acknowledge the cycles of life and that the joys counter the sorrows. It was enough to keep us going.
還有信仰。上周二，一個(gè)朋友到家里來，向我傾訴了她的恐懼，她的丈夫正在漸漸失去與癌癥斗爭(zhēng)的勇氣。周三，我和一個(gè)朋友共進(jìn)午餐——她正煩惱著如何重塑離婚之后的生活。周四，一個(gè)鄰居與我談?wù)摾夏臧V呆癥在她公公身上有著多么可怕的影響。周五，一個(gè)兒時(shí)的朋友打長途電話告訴我她的父親去世了。在我掛了電話之后，想：這個(gè)星期真是一個(gè)傷心的星期?？捱^之后，我有事要出去一下。我注意到鮮艷奪目的橙色劍蘭正在我的窗外竟相開放。我聽到我的孩子和他的朋友們一起打球的嬉戲聲。我看見鄰居家正在舉行著婚禮。新娘穿著有蕾絲花邊的綢緞禮服，將捧花拋向歡呼的朋友。那晚，我告訴我的丈夫發(fā)生的這些事情。我們幫助對(duì)方找出生活中的快樂，否定那些悲傷。這足夠讓我們繼續(xù)前行了。
Finally, there is knowing. I know Scott will throw his laundry just shy of the hamper every night; he’ll be late to most appointments and eat the last chocolate in the box. He knows that I sleep with a pillow over my head; I’ll lock us out of the house at a regular basis, and I will also eat the last chocolate.
最后，還有相互了解。我知道斯科特會(huì)把衣服扔得滿地都是，然后晚上又面對(duì)滿地的東西臉紅；約會(huì)時(shí)他總是遲到，還會(huì)把盒子里最后一塊巧克力吃掉。他也知道我睡覺時(shí)總是喜歡把枕頭放在頭上；把我們鎖在屋外是我的家常便飯，還有我也會(huì)吃光盒子里最后一塊巧克力。
I guess our love lasts because it is comfortable. No, the sky is not bluer——it’s just a familiar hue. We don’t feel particularly young——we’ve experienced too much that has contributed to our growth and wisdom, taking its toll on our bodies, and created our memories.
我想，我們的愛之所以能延續(xù)是因?yàn)樗軠剀?。?dāng)然，我的天空并沒有變得格外的藍(lán)——它還是我所熟悉的色調(diào)。我們也不覺得自己變得特別年輕——我們一起經(jīng)歷了太多。這讓我們成熟起來，為我們帶來智慧，也在我們的身體上刻下印記，讓我們切身感受到日漸衰弱的痛苦，也創(chuàng)造了我們共同的回憶。
I hope we’ve got what it takes to make our love last. As a bride, I had Scott’s wedding band engraved with Robert Browning’s line “Grow old along with me!” We’re following those instructions.
但愿我們都知道是什么讓我們的愛保持到最后一刻。當(dāng)我還是新娘的時(shí)候，斯科特給我的結(jié)婚戒指上面刻著羅伯特·勃朗寧的名言：“和你一起慢慢變老！”我們一直遵循著這些指導(dǎo)。
“If anything is real, the heart will make it plain.”
“如果任何事情都是真的，心里都會(huì)明白的。”
