雙語美文|在探索中成長

■ 在探索中成長

Growing in the Middle Ground

◎ Anne Phipps

I believe that my beliefs are changing. Nothing is positive. Perhaps I am in a stage of metamorphosis which will one day have me emerging complete, sure of everything. Perhaps I shall spend my life searching.

Until this winter, I believed in outward[10] things, in beauty as I found it in nature and art. Beauty passed, swift and sure, from the outside to the inside, bringing intense emotion. I felt a formless faith when I rode through summer woods, when I heard the counterpoint of breaking waves, when I held a flower in my hand. There was the same inspiration from art—here and there, in flashes—in seeing for the first time the delicacy of a white jade vase, or the rich beauty of a rug, in hearing a passage of music played almost perfectly, in watching Markova dance Giselle , most of all in reading. Other people’s consciousness, their sensitivity to emotion, color, sound, their feeling for form, instructed me. The necessity for beauty I found to be the highest good, the human soul’s greatest gift. It was not, I felt, all.

This winter I came to college. The questions put to me changed. Lists of facts and “who dragged whom how many times around the walls of what” lost importance. Instead I was asked eternal questions: What is Beauty? What is Truth? What is God? I talked about faith with other students. I read St. Augustine and Tolstoy. I wondered if I hadn’t been worshiping[11] around the edges. Nature and art were the edges, an inner faith was the center. I discovered, really discovered, that I had a soul. Just sitting in the sun one day, I realized the shattering meaning of St. Augustine’s statement that the sun and the moon, all the wonders of nature, are not God’s “first works”, but second to the spiritual works.

超多雙語美文 盡在聽力課堂

我堅信自己的信仰一直在改變。凡事無絕對?；蛟S，我還在發(fā)育階段，總有一天我會發(fā)育完全，從而堅信一切?；蛟S，我將要用一生的時間去探尋。

這個冬季以前，我信仰外界的事物，相信從大自然和藝術(shù)中發(fā)現(xiàn)的美?？擅揽偸寝D(zhuǎn)瞬即逝，留下的只是無盡感傷。當(dāng)我騎馬穿過夏日的叢林，當(dāng)我側(cè)耳傾聽浪花翻滾的聲音，當(dāng)我手持一朵鮮花時，我就能感覺到一種無形的信念。藝術(shù)也能帶來同樣的靈感，它無所不在，稍縱即逝——就像我第一次看見一個精美的白玉花瓶或一塊華麗的地毯，聽到一段演奏得近乎完美的音樂，看到馬爾科娃在《吉賽爾》中的優(yōu)美舞姿，我都能感覺到這種靈感。然而，這種靈感絕大部分源自閱讀。他人的思想，他們對于情感、顏色、聲音的敏感，以及對形式的感知，都能給我以啟迪。我發(fā)現(xiàn)，對美的需求是人類最崇高的舉動，是人類靈魂最偉大的天賦?？晌矣X得，它并非一切。

I had, up till then, perceived spiritual beauty, only through the outward; it had come into me. Now, I am groping[12] towards an inner spiritual consciousness that will be able to go out from me. I am lost in the middle ground; I am learning.

今年冬天，我上大學(xué)了。我所面臨的問題也改變了。很多事實和那些“多少次誰拉著誰圍繞著哪面墻徘徊”早已不再重要。相反，一些永恒的問題開始困擾著我：什么是美？什么是真理？什么是上帝？我曾和其他學(xué)生討論過信仰的問題。我讀過圣·奧古斯丁與托爾斯泰的著作。我想知道，自己是否一直徘徊在信仰的邊緣。自然和藝術(shù)都是邊緣，內(nèi)心的信仰才是核心。我發(fā)現(xiàn)了，真的發(fā)現(xiàn)了，自己擁有一個靈魂。有一天，當(dāng)我坐在陽光下時，我終于明白了圣·奧古斯丁說過的那句話：太陽和月亮，所有自然界的奇跡，都不是上帝的“初作”，而是精神上的二次創(chuàng)造 。

直到那一刻，我才能看透外界事物，欣賞到精神上的美。那種美已然住進(jìn)我心里?，F(xiàn)在，我正在通往內(nèi)心精神世界的道路上摸索前行著。我迷失在探索之中。我正在學(xué)習(xí)。