男孩們，別再向女生索要裸照了

Teenagers are drafted into a sexual culture that rests on a harmful premise: On the heterosexual field, boys typically play offense and girls play defense. This problematic framework underlies the findings of a new study that documents, in alarming detail, girls’ reports of the common coercive practices boys use to solicit nude digital photographs. An analysis of nearly 500 accounts from 12- to 18-year-old girls about their negative experiences with sexting found that over two-thirds had been asked for explicit images.

青少年被卷入一種基于有害前提的性文化，它認(rèn)為，在異性戀領(lǐng)域內(nèi)，男孩往往是進攻方，女孩則處于守勢。這個存在問題的文化體系突顯了一項新研究成果的根本問題。該研究記錄了女孩們的匯報，描述男孩索要數(shù)碼裸照的種種常見強迫做法，內(nèi)容極為詳盡。該項研究對近500名12至18歲女孩有關(guān)負(fù)面性短信經(jīng)歷的描述進行了分析，發(fā)現(xiàn)超過三分之二的人被索要過露骨照片。

The majority described facing intense pressure that often began with promises of affection and discretion in exchange for “nudes,” before accelerating to “persistent requests, anger displays, harassment and threats.” The study drew from comments posted between 2010 and 2016 on A Thin Line, MTV’s campaign against sexting, cyber bullying and digital dating abuse. As one research participant explained about being pressured by her boyfriend, with the shorthand and spelling errors of a texting teenager:

大部分人表示遇到了巨大的壓力。對方一開始通常是海誓山盟，并承諾謹(jǐn)慎保存，以便換取“裸照”，然后會加速演變成“無休止的要求、表現(xiàn)出憤怒、騷擾和威脅”。這項研究使用了2010到2016年間發(fā)表在MTV反對性短信、網(wǎng)絡(luò)霸凌和數(shù)字約會虐待的平臺A Thin Line上的評論。該研究的一名參與者解釋了男朋友強迫她的情況，她的這則留言包含十幾歲的年輕人常有的簡略表達和拼寫錯誤:

my bf preaused me for hours to send him pictures of me naked. Now he threarens to send them out if i dont send hin more really nasty pics. The stuff i have to do is unbelievable. im 14.

bf花好幾個小時說服我給他發(fā)我的裸照?，F(xiàn)在他威脅我，如果不給他多發(fā)點真正色情的照片，他就把手頭那些發(fā)出去。我不得不做的事情難以置信。我14歲。

Other research has found that while both boys and girls send naked images, boys are nearly four times as likely to pressure girls to send sexts as girls are to pressure boys to do so.

另一些研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，盡管男孩和女孩都會發(fā)裸照，但男孩逼迫女孩發(fā)性短信的可能性是女孩逼迫男孩這么做的四倍。

In the wider culture, it appears we have suddenly come to the limit of our tolerance for the sexualized abuse of power by adult men. A logical next step is to recalibrate some of the toxic norms that have taken hold among teenagers. Most schools and many parents already tell teenagers not to send sexualized selfies. But why don’t we also tell adolescents to stop asking for nude photos from one another?

在更廣泛的文化中，我們對成年男子濫用性權(quán)力的忍耐，似乎突然到達了極限。合理的下一步是重新調(diào)整一些已在青少年中變得根深蒂固的習(xí)慣。大部分學(xué)校和很多家長已經(jīng)告訴青少年，不要發(fā)送性感自拍照。但我們?yōu)槭裁床煌瑫r告訴青少年，不要相互索要裸照呢?

It is of course true that simply declaring a new behavioral code will not erase a problem. But rules can make a difference. For starters, they articulate norms. We advise adolescents not to share naked pictures because we worry that minors may not recognize the full scope of the potential personal, and possibly legal, consequences of creating and distributing sexually explicit content. But when we say next to nothing against the practice of soliciting sexts, we miss the opportunity to help teenagers see why that might also be a bad idea.

誠然，簡單地宣布新的行為規(guī)范并不能消除問題。但規(guī)則可以帶來改變。首先，它們確立了規(guī)范。我們建議青少年不要分享裸照，因為我們擔(dān)心未成年人可能沒有完全意識到，制造和傳播露骨內(nèi)容會有什么潛在的個人后果，甚至可能還有法律后果。但如果我們對索要裸照的行為幾乎絕口不提，這樣就錯過了幫助青少年認(rèn)識到為什么索要可能同樣愚蠢的機會。

Sara Thomas, the author of the new study and a doctoral student at the School of Education and Social Policy at Northwestern, noted that simply telling girls not to send photographs “ignores the complicated tensions they are negotiating on a regular basis.” If we really don’t want teenagers to send sexualized photos, we should set limits on the most likely trigger for sexting: requests.

這篇新研究論文的作者、西北大學(xué)教育和社會政策學(xué)院(School of Education and Social Policy at Northwestern)博士生薩拉·托馬斯(Sara Thomas)指出，只告訴女孩不要發(fā)裸照“忽略了她們經(jīng)常所處的復(fù)雜緊張局面”。如果真的不想讓青少年發(fā)送性感照片，我們就應(yīng)該限制最有可能觸發(fā)性短信的因素：索要。

In talking about sexting with both daughters and sons, parents might say, “We don’t want you to share nude photos of yourself — even with someone you really care about and trust — because doing so puts you in a terrible position. The relationship might change, or that person could simply lose track of their phone. It’s just not worth the risk.” To that we should add, “And it’s not O.K. to request naked pictures because then you are putting someone else in a terrible position. Don’t do that either.”

和子女談到性短信時，家長可以說，“我們不想讓你們分享自己的裸照，即便是和你真的在乎和信任的人，因為這么做會導(dǎo)致你處境糟糕。你們的關(guān)系可能會發(fā)生變化，或者那個人可能會把手機弄丟。不值得冒這種險。”然后，我們還應(yīng)該接著說，“索要裸照也不合適，因為你這么做會讓別人處境糟糕。兩樣都別做。”

We might also alert teenagers that, depending on where they live, they could face legal consequences for requesting nude selfies from minors. States without laws specifically addressing sexting fall back on established child pornography statutes which can, in some cases, deliver severe penalties for soliciting, enticing or encouraging the creation of explicit content.

我們還想提醒青少年，向未成年人索要自拍裸照，是有可能導(dǎo)致法律后果的，具體要看所在地的法規(guī)。對色情短信沒有具體法律規(guī)定的州，會依照已有的兒童色情法規(guī)，有時會對索取、誘導(dǎo)或鼓勵創(chuàng)作露骨性內(nèi)容的行為進行嚴(yán)懲。

Rules can also serve as useful behavioral speed bumps. Adolescents are impulsive by nature and gaps can readily emerge between what they know they ought to do and what they actually do. Teenagers who are asking, much less harassing, peers for sexts almost certainly realize that they are crossing a line. But if that line is never stressed or enforced by adults, they are far less likely to heed it. I’m also sure that plenty of boys would appreciate having a clearly articulated rule upon which they could blame their good behavior when they are pressed by peers to obtain illicit images.

規(guī)則還可以有效地成為一道行為減速帶。青少年生性沖動，在“知道該怎么做”和“實際做了什么”之間很容易出現(xiàn)斷裂。要求同齡人發(fā)色情短信——更別提進行騷擾——的青少年，基本上肯定能意識到自己越了界。但如果成年人從來不強調(diào)或維護這一界限，他們的警惕性就會下降許多。我也相信，有很多男孩在被同伴施壓要求弄來一張裸露照片時，會希望有一個清楚的明文規(guī)定供自己推脫。

Nearly a decade ago, the head of the school where I consult two days a week sternly warned our students to stay out of an ugly imbroglio involving kids at another school, which was playing out on Facebook. When it was clear that our students had totally complied, I asked one of our most levelheaded juniors how she accounted for her peers’ surprising restraint. She said, “Well, you want to involve yourself, and you almost do. Then you remember the rule. And then, a little bit later, you realize that jumping in probably would have been a bad idea anyway.”

大約在10年前，我在一所學(xué)校每周負(fù)責(zé)兩天咨詢，學(xué)校的負(fù)責(zé)人嚴(yán)厲警告學(xué)生，不要介入Facebook上有另一所學(xué)校學(xué)生參與的一場糟糕糾紛。等到事情結(jié)束，我們的學(xué)生都完全遵守了要求，我問了其中一個最冷靜的三年級學(xué)生她要如何解釋同學(xué)們的驚人自制力時，她說，“哦，你是想要參與的，的確也幾乎參與了。然后這時你想起了規(guī)矩。然后，過了一會，你就會意識到參與其中可能也不是什么好主意。”

In a far separate domain, the National Hockey League penalizes both acts of aggression, such as head-butting, and also “inciting an opponent into incurring a penalty.” Now, hockey arenas are among America’s temples of manliness and may not be the first place one would look for models of decorum. And certainly some players do not abide by those rules. But the fact that the rules address both sides could provide a useful starting point for a conversation, especially with boys who question whether provoking misbehavior constitutes misconduct.

在一個遠沒那么相關(guān)的領(lǐng)域，國家冰球聯(lián)盟(National Hockey League)既會懲罰用頭撞人等攻擊行為，也會懲罰“刺激對手違規(guī)受罰”的行為。好吧，冰球賽場是美國最有男子氣概的殿堂，也可能不是我們尋找規(guī)矩模范的首選之地，當(dāng)然了，一些隊員也不遵守規(guī)則。但一套考慮了雙方行為的規(guī)則，可以作為談話的良好開端，尤其是在與那些不確定挑釁行為是否屬于不當(dāng)行為的男孩談話時。

Finally, rules can be used to address power imbalances. The girls in Ms. Thomas’s study felt they had little recourse for dealing with the often hostile barrage of solicitations for pictures. One study participant wrote:

最后，規(guī)則可以用來解決權(quán)力的不平衡。在托馬斯的研究中，女孩們感覺自己在解決往往惡意的一系列照片索取要求時無能為力。一位研究對象寫道：

…they want me to send naked pics of me and I don’t want to send them….but like idk wat to do cuz they said if I don’t send them tht their goinq to spreads roumors and help me out plzzz :(( ……

他們想讓我給他們發(fā)我的裸照但我不想發(fā)……但就是我不知道怎么辦因為他們說如果我不發(fā)的話他們就會毀了我的名聲你幫幫我吧拜托了 :((

Shifting the norms about soliciting images could helpfully shift the balance of power. If parents and schools have made clear that the requests are a violation, girls would feel that they had the option of taking screen shots of them and seeking help from adults.

改變索取照片的這一常態(tài)有助于改變權(quán)力的平衡。如果家長和學(xué)校能明確這樣的要求是屬于違規(guī)，那么女孩就能意識到自己可以選擇截屏這些要求并向成人尋求幫助。

That our focus has been so preponderantly on the sending, not requesting, of sexts underscores the exact problem we need to address. We accept and perpetuate the boys-play-offense and girls-play-defense framework because it is so atmospheric as to be almost invisible. Indeed, as someone who cares for adolescents for a living I can say that it was painful for me to realize that many of my early career conversations with teenage girls boiled down to: “The adults are asking you to regulate adolescent sexuality. Because we’re not going to ask the boys.”

而我們?nèi)绱藗?cè)重地關(guān)注色情短信的發(fā)送而非索取，正好說明了我們需要解決的問題。我們接受并延續(xù)了男孩進攻、女孩防御的思想框架，因為它幾乎無形存在于大環(huán)境之中。事實上，作為一個以照料青少年為業(yè)的人，我可以說，我痛苦地意識到我早期職業(yè)生涯中與少女的大多數(shù)對話都可以歸結(jié)為：“成人在要求你約束你的青春期性征。因為我們不會去要求男孩。”

As we re-examine the sexual power dynamics between adults, we owe it to our teenagers to include them in the progress we are making. Laying out high and equitable expectations for young people as they begin their own romantic lives can only be a step in the right direction.

當(dāng)我們重新審視成人間的性權(quán)力互動時，我們也應(yīng)該讓青少年加入我們所取得的進展之中。在年輕人開始各自的感情生活之際，為他們設(shè)定一個高而公平的要求，絕對是正確的一步。